Urgh, what the hell? I force my eyes open, ignoring the horrible, groggy sensation, and I push myself into a sitting position. What the fuck did I get up to last night? Why do I feel like I’m going to die?

“Oh, you’re awake.” As I hear a distinctly female voice, my first instinct is to panic. If I can’t remember anything, then maybe I did something really crazy, but it soon hits me that it’s Mom and I’m fine. “You do realize that you’ve crashed out on the couch, don’t you? But I couldn’t carry you up to bed, the state that you were in.” Through my foggy vision, I can see her shaking her head at me. “You thought that you were at a motel and you kept saying all of this weird stuff about not being with a woman. What woman? I don’t get it.”

“Urgh, yeah I don’t know what that’s about.” I rub my head hard trying to get rid of the throbbing sensation. “I don’t know what happened, Mom, it’s all a bit of a blur if I’m honest. Any chance of a coffee?”

“Coffee?” she practically screams back. “You storm out of here yesterday, potentially about to unravel the biggest secret that our family has ever faces, and then you don’t come back until after midnight, stinking of booze and making absolutely no sense whatsoever. I’m not happy with you at all!”

He hands fall onto her hips and she glares at me. In the cold light of day, with agony radiating through my body, I can see that maybe she is right. I did act like a massive idiot yesterday. One thing I can remember through all the brain mush is calling Lucie and somehow fucking it right up all over again.

“He is my son, Mom,” I tell her quietly. “That’s why I panicked and got drunk. And before you tell me, I know that I’m an utter idiot. What I don’t know is what to do about it, how to make it right…”

“So, Logan is my grandson.” Her face breaks out into the biggest smile that I’ve ever seen. “I have to say, that is the best news that I think I’ve ever had. I was a bit shocked at first, but then I spent all day thinking about it and I decided that I don’t care. I know that Lucie will have done what she thought was right. She didn’t tell me because she wanted to tell you first, and she waited to tell you, to protect her boy.”

Mom’s words make me groan. They only make me feel even worse for the way that I’ve acted. If my mother can be so rational about something so insane, then why can’t I? What is wrong with me?

“You know what you need to do?” She stands up and looms over me. “You need to get in the shower, get rid of that smell and make yourself look like a human being once more. Then you need to get your sorry ass to Lucie’s house and you need to repair whatever damage you’ve done. I don’t care what it is, just fix it.”

“Isn’t that easier said than done?” I ask desperately, still needing caffeine to help me. “How am I supposed to fix all the damage that I’ve made? I don’t know how bad you think it is, Mom. It’s bad. I’ve been a fool.”

She rolls her eyes and huffs at me. “Things can be fixed if you really put your mind to it. I think you know that as well as I do, and this boy needs to be your motivating factor. You are his father.”

“I love her as well,” I tell Mom quietly, needing her to know it all now. There’s no point in holding it in. “I love Lucie so much. I’ve loved her since college. I want her to be my motivating factor too.”

Mom’s face bursts into a bright, happy smile. “Well, that’s even better news. Now you and Lucie can have a proper family. If you play your cards right now, you really can absolutely have it all. I know that it won’t be easy, but you can. It’s going to be a little bit more than just saying I’m sorry, but you can do it.”

I don’t bother to argue with her logic, I simply do as she says and I force my sorry ass into the shower. As the hot water rushes over me, I do recall speaking to Lucie and her speaking about some woman who I think she thought that I was hooking up with. It wasn’t, of course, it was the bachelorette party which I guess I couldn’t explain. In my idiotic drunken state, I couldn’t make myself make any sense. For God sake I was a fool. Now I really need to sort myself out and apologize… again! It seems like all I do is say sorry to Lucie. That’s a pattern I really need to change. I want this to be the last stupid thing that I ever do. I know that might be realistic, but I’m going to make a concerted effort to be a better person. Lucie deserves that.

Once I’m out the shower, I feel a surge of determination. I shove my clothes on rapidly, forming a plan in my head. I need to go big, I need to make a serious gesture so that she knows I’m serious, and I think I might know what to do. I don’t head back to the kitchen to see Mom, I need to find my father first. For the next part of my plan, I need his help. It means I’ll have to reveal the truth about Logan to him as well, but that’s okay. He deserves to know and it’s much better that he does in case it affects my work for the moment. This might be the one and only excuse that I’ll be able to get away with…

With a trembling hand, I knock on Lucie’s door. I might have put in a lot of effort to make today the best that it can be, I can’t get rid of the intense nerves that are cascading through my body. I’m well aware that Lucie might slam the door in my face. I really hope that she doesn’t, but she would be well within her rights.

I duck in a deep breath as the door swings open and try to make myself look as friendly as I can.

“Oh,” Lucie says, glowering when she sees that it’s me. “What are you doing here?”

I hold my hands up in a surrendering gesture. “I have just come to talk. I’m only asking for a chance.”

She pauses, resting her weary frame up against the door and she runs her eyes up and down my body. “Right, I see. And you’re sober today, are you?” I nod, taking it on the chin. “Okay fine, come in.”

I follow her inside, all the way up to her bedroom, and wrap my fingers around the small box in my pocket. Soon I’ll get to reveal my plan to her, and I simply cannot wait. Of course, I can’t just jump ahead. That never works. If this whole situation has taught me anything, then it’s to try and be calm.

Lucie shuts her bedroom door behind her and she folds her arms across her chest. “Well?” she demands.

“Okay, first off I want to apologize. I shouldn’t have freaked out yesterday and I definitely made a mistake heading to the bar, but the women behind me were a bachelorette party. They spoke to me a bit, about you mostly, but that was it. There honestly wasn’t anything in it. I promise you that I’m not like that anymore.”

“How do I know that?” she asks, quite reasonably if I’m honest.

“I suppose you don’t right now, but I hope that you’ll give me the time to prove myself.” Lucie doesn’t reply, but her expression relaxes enough for me to continue. “Look, now that I’m more used to everything I can understand everything that you did. It wasn’t ever about me, I know that now. I overreacted. I shouldn’t have, but I did. And now… well now, I want to forget about what I’ve missed and make up for lost time instead.” I breathe deep, steeling myself for what I’m about to say next. “And I want you to know that I love you too. I want to be in both your lives. If you don’t want me, I’ll still want to be around for Logan…”

“Of course I want you!” she exclaims, exasperated. “I’ve always wanted you.”

I laugh awkwardly. “What, even after I made an idiot of myself last night?”

“Yes… even after that.” She nods slowly. “It isn’t going to be easy, but I do.”

I grab the box out of my pocket and I show it to her. Her eyes widen in surprise, so I open it quickly. I don’t want her to get the wrong end of the stick. I show her the contents of it and I smile. “I have brought us a house at the end of this street.” Unsurprisingly, she gasps in shock. “Now I’m not saying that we all have to move into it right now, but it gives us our own space and also leaves us near enough to our parents so they don’t have to lose out on Logan’s life as well.” I pass the key over to her. “You can stay there yourself if you want, it isn’t a now plan, it’s a future thing…” I trail off, wondering if I’ve overstepped the mark again.

“You always do overstep the boundaries, don’t you? Sometimes you make me laugh.”

But then Lucie wraps her arms around my neck and she presses her lips against mine, showing me that I’m forgiven. At least somewhat, for now. I know that it isn’t going to be a simple process and that it’ll take time for me to really prove myself. But at least this this a step in the right direction. Finally! It’s taken me long enough to get here. I wrap my arms around her and love the sensation of her mouth against mine.

“It’s the little cottage,” I tell her once we pull away. “The one that you always loved when we were kids, do you remember? You used to say that you wanted to live there with a horse in the back garden?”

“I did,” she chuckles happily at the memory. “I remember thinking that but I don’t recall saying it aloud. I really did share everything with you, didn’t I? Maybe even too much.”

“I want you to share everything with me. I hope that doesn’t end. Honestly, I love it. Although I don’t know about the horse. At least not just yet. It might not be the wisest idea.”

“No, but getting stables out in the back garden might be,” she replies with a flirty wink. “So, I suppose before we even think about that, there’s something that we need to do first.”

“Oh yeah? And what’s that?” I glance playfully towards the bed, secretly hoping…

“I think it’s time that we tell Logan about who you are.” Her words make my heart flutter. “He’s always known that his father was away on business, which was the truth, and I always told him that there was a chance he would come back, so in a way he’s been waiting for the moment forever.”

So, he always knew about my existence. Lucie was always going to give me a chance. Now I feel even worse about my behavior. But at least now I have all the time in the world to make up for it. I take her hand and let Lucie lead me down the stairs towards the moment where everything will become that much more real. I truly cannot wait.