“You are so lucky, mate,” my friend, Jack, says while slinging his arm over my shoulder. “I don’t think you have any idea how lucky you are, and I have to tell you it makes me sick to my stomach.”

“What do you mean?” I chuckle at his slightly manic expression. “Why am I lucky today?”

“Because, mate, Saskia, the hot exchange student from Poland, wants you. She wants you bad.”

I glance over to where Saskia is sitting with her friends. Sure enough, when she spots me she flicks her icy platinum colored hair over her shoulder and she wiggles her fingers in a wave. Then, as if I didn’t get the message already, she pouts her lips into a kissing shape and she pushes her breasts outwards.

“Do you know how long me and Lukey boy have been trying to get into her pants?” Jack continues as he witnesses the strange exchange. “We’ve had a competition for months, and you just stroll in and take first place. I heard her talking about you with her friends and she sure wants your cock in her mouth.”

I can’t stop the smile from spreading across my lips at the thought of being in first place. I’m not even in the competition and I’m winning, what does that tell you? Saskia is smoking hot too. I wouldn’t mind experiencing her in bed. I know she hasn’t been with many guys here, but the ones she has all say that she’s wild. I could use a bit of wildness, I feel like my mojo has slipped just a little bit. I know why too, not that I’m ready to face that just yet. Things haven’t quite been the same since that kiss with Lucie.

“You know what?” I say loudly, while shaking any thoughts of Lucie from my brain. “I think I might have to go and have a little chat with Saskia. There are all sorts of things I’ve been meaning to say.”

Jack groans. “Oh my God, you have to give me all the details once the deed is done. I need to know it all.”

My friends are good at sharing sex details, that’s the great thing about hanging out with these lads. They have the same attitude as me, that college is more for partying than having fun than studying, but some of them have to go to some classes because they can’t afford to get kicked out. I guess I’m the lucky one.

“Oh, I will.” I pat him reassuringly on the back. “You’ll get every single nasty detail.” I lean in closer to his ear as if I’m sharing a secret with him. “And I mean nasty, because it is going to get wild.”

He cheers, attracting all kind of attention as I walk towards Saskia. Once I reach her side someone starts wolf whistling like an idiot, but luckily, she doesn’t look put off. If anything, her smile spreads wider.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Mr. Roberts.” She bats her eyelashes at me. “In the flesh. How you doing?”

Almost as if they sense what’s happening between us, her friends peel away, leaving me and Saskia alone. I take the chair next to her, making sure to brush past her as I go. Lots of physical contact is essential when it comes to flirting as I’ve learned. Although I didn’t touch Lucie very much before the kiss…

No, I warn myself, I’m not thinking of Lucie. I’m getting her very much out of my system.

I never ‘just kiss’ with a girl, it always leads to more, but with Lucie it didn’t seem right to do so. That only confirms that she’s a good girl, possible one of the best, and that I need to keep away. She doesn’t deserve to be hurt by me, she deserves so much better than I can ever be. I need to keep away from her. I probably should stop messaging her all the time, that isn’t helpful, but I can’t seem to help myself. I keep getting stuck between being her friend and remembering the good times we shared, and knowing I should stay away because I liked kissing her and I think I might like her. I definitely cannot like her, I don’t like anyone!

“I’m doing good, baby, how are you doing?” I lean in close, inhaling her. Saskia has a musky smelling perfume on, which I suppose is okay, but it isn’t citrusy. It isn’t the way Lucie smelled… which is a good thing! “You look damn fine in that dress. It should be illegal for you to wear it in public.”

Luckily, because Saskia is Polish and English isn’t her first language, she doesn’t realize how cheesy this line is. She giggles as if I’ve said that she’s adorable and bats her eyes at me. Whatever Jack overheard, he was right, I can practically smell the pheromones pouring off of her. She stinks of lust.

“Oh well, thank you very much. You look good yourself.” She nods at my body, taking extra time to gaze at my crotch and also at me abs. “You look like you are ready to party all night long.”

“Oh, I’m always ready to party,” I reply with a chuckle. “You know this about me by now.”

I’m saying all the things I normally say, and I’m acting like I usually do when I’m flirting, especially when I’m out with the lads because the pressure is extra then, but I just can’t quite feel it. The more I stare at Saskia and her sexy body, the less turned on I feel. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me.

“I know lots of things about you… some are what you can do in the bedroom. You are a legend.”

I know the girls who I’ve been with talk about me in a positive way, I quickly learned that’s a great way to ensure more girls want to climb into my bed, so I always take extra time making sure they enjoy themselves, but for some reason hearing that Saskia knows about that doesn’t do it for me. Nor does her boldness.

What the hell is wrong with me? I ask myself desperately. I haven’t ever been the sort of guy who’s only happy when doing the chasing. I find that the most pointless part of it all, it’s an irritant that keeps me from what I actually want to do… so why is Saskia not in my bed naked already?

I open my mouth, ready to invite her back to my room, striking while the iron is burning hot, but for some reason I don’t actually want to ask her to come with me. I don’t want to do what I do best. Well, I think I know the reason, I just don’t want to admit it to myself. She isn’t the pretty good girl from my childhood.

“So, are you having fun tonight?” I ask her lamely instead. “It’s getting busier by the minute.”

“Erm, yes. I suppose so.” She furrows her eyebrows, looking confused. “It is busy.”

I nod slowly, before taking a giant swig of my drink. I need to get my head back in the game if I don’t want to lose my chance to screw Saskia. It’ll be worth it for the bragging rights alone! I need to get Lucie out of my head once and for all so I can be on top form. If I screw things up with Saskia, I might not get a chance with anyone again. She’s popular, she knows a lot of people, I’m sure her opinion will count for a lot.

“Are you having such a good time that you don’t want to get out of here?”

“Ooh.” She shivers with delight. I knew this is what she wanted, to just get down to business. I suppose she’s one of those girls who gets what she wants without even having to think about it. “Maybe. Not yet, but maybe soon. If you play your cards right, I might even end up leaving with you.”

Shockingly, I’m relieved that she doesn’t want to go right now. I suppose it isn’t surprising considering how I’m feeling tonight, but it is for my usual self. This would normally irritate me and maybe even seem like too much hard work. I would probably be scanning my eyes around to find my next victim.

“Of course.” I give her a genuine smile. “That sounds good to me. Would you like another drink?”

She nods and flashes her wine glass at me. I can see a dot of red in the bottom which gives me a hint to what she wants. As I stand up, I can already feel the oppressive weight of expectation falling off of me.

“She didn’t blow you off, did she?” Jack asks in shock as I near him. “I thought she was good to go.”

“Don’t you worry your pretty little head.” I ruffle his hair playfully. “She just wants a drink.”

“Ooh, making you work for it, I like her style.” He purses his lips thoughtfully while staring over at Saskia, “You know what? I might throw my hat back in the ring and see if I can win this competition after all.”

I chuckle, not annoyed by that at all. “You go for it, mate. It’ll be good to see you shot down.”

He leaves me rapidly and slides over to the table to take my seat. It’s probably still warm from when my butt cheeks were there, but I really don’t care. I honestly don’t think me and Saskia are going to end up doing the nasty after all. My heart isn’t in it and I just don’t see how I’m going to get over this hump.

What have you done to me, Lucie? I think while tugging my cell phone out of my pocket. My plan is to turn it off so I can’t be tempted to contact her later on when I’ve been drinking and I lose all sense of rationality, but I don’t quite manage it. Instead of tuning off the phone, I end up looking at the message stream between us. Each and every one makes me feel something and it’s absolutely terrifying. I’m not the person who feels something, Lucie. What am I supposed to do with all of these feelings?

I suppose I’m left with two options; either I delete all contact with her and I never think about her again, I forget all about our friendship and the nice kiss we shared, or I can see her again and try to work out if this is something even more than I’m prepared to admit.

“Hello?” the bar tender tries to get my attention. “Can I get you something? As long as it isn’t more champagne from somewhere else, I don’t mind. I can’t leave the bar alone until someone else comes in.”

I laugh as I realize it’s the same person I sent out… but the champagne and the partying aren’t what I remember from that day, reconnecting with Lucie is what sticks out in my mind. The rest of it pretty much pales into insignificance. If he hadn’t reminded me then, I might not have thought about it again… which really confirms things, I think. There’s something I need to do, however much it freaks me out.

“You know what?” I slide Saskia’s glass along the bar. Jack can get her a drink if he wants to. “No, thank you. I have to go. I have some stuff that I need to take care of.”

I swig the rest of my beer, then I bang the bottle down on the bar. Then I turn and I leave, not worrying what any of them might think of me. This is something that I actually do need to sort out, one way or another I need to know.