Just News
BEING WITH MY FRIENDS RESETS me somehow. I’ve felt off since Betsy moved in. I liked her instantly when we met, but having her in my space and seeing her body move to music with such purpose and desire has kicked me off track. I’m super happy to be at practice with my band. They all get me, treat me like the idiot that I am, and love me unconditionally, especially Frank.
We all meet at the coffee shop next to our practice space where Lia, our lead singer and leader in general, drops a few life bombs on us. She tells us about the offer we’ve gotten from Postmodern Jukebox, a production company that makes jazzy old-fashioned covers of pop songs. Pretty much what we do, except they have a pretty decent international following. They want us to record a single, make a video and tour. My body tingles with excitement. This is my dream. If I could tour around the world and play music forever, I would.
Her second piece of news is even more life-altering as she tells us she’s all knocked up. My heart sinks. I’m over the moon happy for my friends, Lia and her husband Javier, but I know this means that there won’t be a tour. It was too good to be true. I suck it up, though, because, babies! Frank is having Mikey drama so we all offer some advice, mine is the best, naturally, but they all can’t admit it. Instead, they bring up hurtful stories they hang over my head. Secretly, I am not embarrassed by any of the stories, but I like that they use them to get me to do stuff I would have done anyway.
As we walk to the practice space next door, I give Lia a side squeeze. “I’m happy for you, Li-Li. You are going to be a great momma.”
Her eyes water and I really hope she doesn’t cry. “Aw, Joe, that means a lot coming from you.”
“Me?” I ask, confused.
She stops and turns to me. “Of course, you. You’re the most experienced parent of all of us and you did a bang-up job of raising Jack. I know good parenting when I see it.”
“You’ve met the kid, he practically raised himself, and probably half parented me too.”
“I hate that you don’t give yourself enough credit, Joseph,” she says and my mood gets even better.
“You know, it’s just Joe, right?” I ask, stupidly.
Her eyes roll, as they often do around me. “Joebro my main ‘ho, are you new here?”
“I don’t know what I was thinking. I feel off today. I am stoked about the tour though,” I say. “Thanks for being so badass and getting us that gig.”
“We all got it,” she says shrugging my comment off. We all know who is the star of the band though, and it’s not me, Frank or Andrew. “Now tell me—why are you off today? Is it lady related? Please say yes. I need you and Frank to be all coupled and happy soon. I worry about you being lonely once Jack is off on his own.”
I kiss her forehead. “You are a good friend, Lia, it’s sweet that you worry about me. Already promised Fucking Frank here that I’d at least try to settle down soon.”
“You’ve been on one date. I wouldn’t call that trying, but it’s your life,” Frank interjects.
“I’ll have you know I had a really nice evening last night. I went and saw a show and I even got a little lucky,” I say raising my hand, and they all know instantly I’m a big fat liar.
All three start laughing and slapping their knees and guffawing at each other. Assholes. “Joe, jacking yourself off is not getting a little lucky. You are a sure thing, I hope,” Andrew says and I flip him off.
“Yeah, what show was it?” Frank asks.
“It was my new best friend’s show, and I’m glad I’ve found her since you all are shitty friends.” They all start laughing again. “Maybe I did pleasure myself, but the fantasy was very vivid so I’m counting it as getting lucky.”
“You are ridiculous.” They all say this at once and then burst into laughter again. I ignore them like I usually do. They all think that and I’m okay with it because they know the real me too. Because they love me I take their ribbing. If I thought for a minute, they meant it, I’d be devastated. I’m more sensitive than people think. I’m a pretty laid-back guy and very rarely serious but when things happen, I feel them deeply. Like all the band news today. I’m overjoyed for my friend, and a bit disappointed that we won’t be doing a national tour, but happy about the abbreviated west coast tour.
We practice for a few hours, trying a few new songs that are possibilities for recording. After, Andrew and I head back to the Bitter Bean for some dinner. They have sandwiches and salads and sell beer and wine after five. We both order and take our beers and food to a table.
“I’m happy for Li and Javi. They’ll have pretty babies,” I say then take a sip of beer.
Andrew sighs. “Pretty babies are a pain in my ass lately.”
“Is my Mae-day giving you a hard time?” He and his wife, Jen, have the sweetest three-year-old, Mae. She and I are pretty tight. I’m the only one who gets on the ground with her and I throw her around a lot. Kids love to be thrown around.
“Not during the day,” he says wiping his hands over his face. He finally took his sunglasses off and he has major sleepy bags under his eyes. “She’s been waking up with pain in her legs. It’s just growing pains, but she wakes up with a blood-curdling scream. Jen and I take turns, but it takes a long time to get your heartbeat back to normal after that kind of wake up. It’s normal kid stuff, but I’m wiped.”
“Jack had those until he was 12. Hate to break it to you. He also had the occasional nightmare, I don’t miss those days.”
“I don’t know if I can handle nine more years of waking in the night. Any recommendations?” he asks and I feel a warmth that he’s asking me for parenting advice. It’s a new feeling.
“I gave Jack a heating pad and ibuprofen and that seemed to do the trick. If he had the pains one night, I’d give him the meds again the next night. I learned he’d get them a few nights in a row so I’d dose him preemptively.”
“We haven’t tried a heating pad—I’ll get one on the way home, thanks, Joe.” I nod and dig into my food.
We sit and eat in silence like we often do. Andrew is a quiet and serious type, although his sense of humor is better than all of ours. I always feel a little calmer around him, like I need to be on my best behavior. He doesn’t talk a lot so my endless rambling seems obscene when it’s just the two of us so I am pretty low key too. He’d probably disagree. I still talk a shit ton, but I hold a lot in. Like now, I want to tell him all about Betsy and last night and ask him to help me. I’m holding it in to a point where it’s almost painful.
Since he knows me and knows I’m dying to share, he quietly eats his salad, not talking. Fucker. He’s going to force me to just be out with it.
“I think I’m in trouble,” I say and he gives me a serious look. “Not actual trouble, but lady trouble.”
“Okay, lay it on me.”
“It’s my newest client, which I know is not smart, I see that judge-y look.” He is staring at me like I’m nuts, which, duh, obviously I’m nuts.
“You’d think someone giving you thousands of dollars to take care of their home would be off the dating list, but you’re Joe, so . . .” He’s not wrong. I’ve slept with a lot of people I shouldn’t have.
Oh, you want details? Here are a few: I fucked Jack’s fifth grade teacher after the promotion ceremony (so technically not his teacher anymore) in the supply closet in her classroom—I know I’m a disgusting person. We used to have back-up singers. Let’s just say I slept with enough of them that Lia gave up finding new ones when they left after being pissed at me for something. I mean, I’m a single parent and I took nookie where I could. I’m sorry a few hearts were broken but I never make any promises.
“She’s great, Andrew, like life changing great,” I say, not giving him any details, just the most important information.
“If she’s that great then just ask her out. Don’t dick around.”