Just Lunch
ICHI IS ONE OF MY favorite restaurants in Bernal. They have delicious sushi but they also make the best Japanese style hot dogs, I know, it’s a weird combo but it works. I order one with noodles and kimchi, and Betsy goes for a pineapple teriyaki beef one. We also order some rolls. I’ve noticed that Betsy loves food, I’m glad we have that in common. I love to try new things and San Francisco is a treasure trove of food exploration.
“Would you consider yourself a culinary adventurer?” I ask.
She gives me a look. “Does that mean I like to eat all kinds of food?”
I nod and then take a huge bite of my hot dog.
“Wow, your deep throating skills are stellar,” she comments. “I’d say I’m pretty open to all kinds of food and am willing to try anything at least once.”
I try not to choke on my giant bite and take an inordinate amount of time chewing. She stares at me until I finish and it’s not awkward, it’s funny. “It takes a flexible and well-controlled tongue to be able to bite off more than most would be able to handle.”
“Dude, you are the weirdest and I love it,” she says with a laugh. “Have you recovered from my nudity this morning?”
I haven’t, and now that she mentions it my mind takes me back to the picture of her lovely curves burned into my memory. “I’ll never recover. It was the highlight of my month,” I say and it’s true, might be the highlight of my year, or longer. “Why so free with your lady bits?”
“Well, it’s not a long story, really. My mom and dad were very religious and very modest. I’ve rebelled against that since I can remember. I used to come home from school and immediately take all of my clothes off. It drove them nuts, but eventually, they just got over it and asked that I stay in my room if I was practicing my nudity. By the time they let it go, I was used to it and actually enjoyed being clothes free. Honestly, I find the human form fascinating and I have zero hang-ups about showing mine or seeing others.” I like her. The way she talks, her lack of pretentiousness. She is genuine, fresh, and fun.
“That makes sense. I wish I was that free of hang-ups,” I say and she narrows her eyes. I hold my hands up. “Yes, that was a joke. My parents were the opposite. They let Jack and I run around in all various versions of undress. My parents felt we should have ownership of our bodies and be proud of them. Obviously, I got more of that, but I tried to emulate their parenting style as much as could when dealing with Jack. He was easy, though, it could have been a lot worse, and a lot more challenging for me.”
“I’m sure it wasn’t all easy,” she says, and I nod. “Don’t downplay your part in his life as a parent. I can tell he is well adjusted and healthy. He is also well loved. That’s all you Joe.”
“Thanks. I was lost in the beginning but I had help, and I think it forced me to grow up in certain ways. I’m still a kid in my mind, even at 33, but there were things that needed taking care of, and I just sucked it up and rose to the occasion.” She takes a giant bite of her hot dog and I adjust my pants. “So you’re an expert too?”
After she finishes chewing, she answers me. “It takes a flexible and well-controlled gag-reflex to be able to bite off more than most would be able to handle.”
I choke on the avocado roll I just popped into my mouth and laugh. “Woman, you and I were made to be best friends. Why are you fighting it so hard?”
“I guess I’m fighting it less and less,” she says.
“Hmm. Have you recovered from my nudity this morning?” I ask.
She puts her hot dog down and taps her lips with her pointer finger. “You got nude too? I totally forgot. Must have been underwhelming.”
“You can pretend you weren’t blown away by my six pack and sad that you didn’t get a glimpse of my sculpted ass, but you’re not fooling me.”
Her laugh is bubbly and light, and I wish I could capture it in a cup and drink it. “You got me, you are a beautifully crafted human. I look forward to ‘accidentally’ seeing your ass soon.” She makes air quotes around accidentally and I’m already planning on letting a towel slip or just dropping trough in front of her. “I feel like this is a weird conversation for besties to have. Do you talk with Frank about your tongue agility and other body parts?”
I shrug. “Frank and I have been friends for a long time, he knows everything about me. Just recently he got a full view of my glorious form.”
“I need to hear that story.”
“It’s not very exciting. He walked in on me enjoying nakey-time eating some cherries. We were living together in Sonoma but he was out of town. To be fair, he didn’t tell me he was going to be home, so he couldn’t be angry he saw my man junk.” He wasn’t angry about seeing my sizable package, but he was a bit disturbed by me free-balling on the couch. “I’ve seen his Italian sausage several times changing in and out of a wetsuit so it’s all good.”
“I feel like this convo has ridden its course. Let’s talk renovations,” she says.
“Ugh, you want me to talk about work?” I ask and she nods. “Just kidding, I love talking about my job. Want to talk about your place?”
She shakes her head. “Nah, I’m sure we will talk about it a lot. I want to know the most disgusting thing you’ve ever found in a home during demo.” My visible shudder makes her laugh. “Yes! There’s a story behind that.”
“To be clear, usually the most disgusting thing we find is mold or a dead mouse. There are rare times though that things get really gross. We worked on a house in the lower Haight where the woman who lived there died in the house she was born in. To say she was a hoarder is an understatement. I’ve never cleared out more junk in my life. In addition to junk, we found two corpses.” Betsy gasps. “Not human, thank goodness. One was a cat and the other was a bunny. They were flat and decomposed but you could say they added to the already lovely smell of the place. Her grandson said she thought the cat had run away about ten years earlier and that she told him she gave the bunny away. Her house was so full of crap, that she literally lost two pets.”
“That’s sad. How do people end up that way? The brain is such an interesting and disturbing place. I read a lot about mental disorders and am a big supporter of mental health awareness. I feel for these people. It’s a type of anxiety and only treated with therapy and the majority will not get the treatment they need because it’s costly, or they can’t leave their home.”
“It’s definitely a sickness and I’ve seen a lot of it in various degrees of severity. I mean, Jack and I deal with a good bit of clutter and I can see where it could get out of control. Especially when it comes to my parents’ items. When we started reno on the house, we had to let go of a lot of their things. It was hard, and we ended up keeping more than we should but I can relate when it comes to letting things go. Maybe not to the extreme, but I get it.” Jack and I did get rid of a lot but there’s a storage unit in South San Francisco that holds what we couldn’t bear to part with.
“I can’t imagine having to make those decisions,” she says and I decide to veer our conversation away from the depressing to the disgusting.
“So, the two pets were gross but even more disgusting was the pipe full of used condoms we found when working on the plumbing of a house out in the Sunset. I can’t describe the stench of over one hundred Trojans full of old jizz.” Betsy gags and I join her. “It was foul. I never flushed another condom in my life.”
“Aaaand, I’m done with my meal,” she says pushing her plate away.
I join her and laugh. “Guess that was the appetite killer. My apologies.”
“No worries. So, you said you’re looking to start dating seriously. Any takers yet?” she asks and I’m thrown off, this is definitely dangerous friend talk.
“I’ve gone on a few dates. I’ve been using a dating app and it’s been interesting,” I say. It has been interesting but not in a good way. Dating in a city like San Francisco is odd. There are a lot of dudes in the area, tech being such a boom. So, you’d think that it would be hard to find available women. This has not been the case for me. I know, I’m a special kind of hot and charming so it’s natural that ladies would be flocking to me. The conversations I’ve had with single women in this town are full of complaints that it’s hard to find a guy here. I’m no expert but maybe the guys working in tech aren’t the outgoing type, out every weekend looking for love. “How about you? What kind of guy do you usually date?”
“I don’t date too much. My life is busy and I’m very content. To add a guy to the mix might mess that up. I love sex as much as the next gal, but I don’t need a steady man to get my needs taken care of,” she says and shrugs like she’s a normal woman. She’s not. The women I spend time with are definitely open-minded and don’t need to be in a fully committed relationship to have a healthy sex life, but the majority want to meet someone to share their life with. Just because their life is a little different doesn’t mean they don’t want to get married or have a family. “I have a hard time seeing myself with one person, for the rest of my life. I’m not sure if I’m wired that way.”
“You’re wired for nudism, sex, and exotic dancing?” I ask.
“I sure am,” she answers.