Just Walls
THE REVELATION THAT NOT ONLY is Betsy not interested in any kind of relationship, but also doesn’t seem to want anything more than friendship with me is disheartening, to say the least. We return from lunch and she retreats to her room. I sit on the deck for a bit with my guitar and enjoy a beer and some solo time. I get a text from Lia that our show at Bix got moved to Friday and she wants to have a band meeting Monday at three. I’m a tiny bit bummed that Betsy won’t be able to come to our show now but we will have plenty of other opportunities for her to meet my other family.
The door slides open behind me and my brother plops down next to me in a huff. “Why is it so hard to date women?”
I laugh. “For you specifically or in general?”
“Probably the me specifically part.”
“Well, you are only 18 and barely know what to do with your dick,” I say and he flicks my ear. I continue, “which leads to the obvious conclusion you don’t know your way around a vagina.”
“Dude, I’m just trying to have coffee at this point.” He puts his head down in his folded arms and lets out a groan.
“Tell me the story, maybe I can help,” I say this as Betsy joins us, sitting across from us at the patio table.
“Ooh, am I seeing Joe’s parenting in action? This should be good,” she says folding her legs under her. She’s wearing a fluffy robe over some pj pants and a dark blue towel wrapped around her head. She is fresh and clean and I want to dirty her up.
I throw her a middle finger and turn to my brother. “Tell your story, but beware, this one is allergic to relationships.” I throw my thumb at her and she scoffs. “Did you forget the lunch we had like an hour ago?” She puts her hands up in surrender.
“Now I need the lunch story,” Jack says looking back and forth between us.
“The short version involves hot dogs, sashimi and confessions about how Betsy doesn’t need a man in her life,” I say, feeling Betsy’s eyes on me as I keep mine focused on Jack.
“Okay, that seems like a cop out, Bets, but you do you,” Jack says as he eyes her and she looks a tad uncomfortable which is a weird look on her. “We will talk about that later.”
“I’ll put it on my calendar. Can we get to your dilemma? I have a dinner date with my neighbor and then I have to get to work.” Betsy taps her wrist.
My brow furrows. “A date? You just told me you don’t date.” I’m confused.
“We went on a date this afternoon you ninny, and my date for tonight is Jeannette, my 72-year-old neighbor.” The sense of relief that floods through me is not good. I am way too attached to her already. It’s going to hurt, I can tell.
“Not to mention, she now has a date with me,” Jack chimes in. “Maybe I don’t need any help after all.”
The evil look I give him conveys all I want it to and he laughs.
“Jack, tell us your deal, time’s a-wasting,” Betsy says with a smile that lets me know she’s on to my jealousy.
“So, in my social justice class, there’s a woman who sits directly in front of me. She’s so smart, like her ideas and the way she sees the world, I can’t describe it because I’m not even close to her intellect. Instead of making small talk with her like a normal person, I ask to borrow her things and forget to return them so she can chastise me.” Betsy and I exchange a look that says, my brother is hopeless and also beautiful. “I know it sounds like I’m enjoying her berating me, but it’s not that. I have this need for her to feel like she has power over me. For her benefit. She shared a few weeks ago that she had cancer as a child and had part of her foot removed. She uses a crutch all the time for balance and she admitted that it makes her feel like she is powerless. So, I borrow her notes and then try to stuff her notebook into my bag. She yells and I play dumb. I’m almost 100% sure she knows my game and that’s why she hasn’t changed her seat or stopped lending me things. I feel like I’m in a weird rut though, I don’t want her to think I’m pitying her because that’s not it at all. She fascinates me and I want to get to know her better. How do I get out of this?”
I process his story and feel a sting in my eyes. I’m proud of my brother. He’s a thoughtful dude. I go to say something but Betsy gets there first.
“Next time ask to borrow her phone and put your number in,” Betsy says.
“Or, ask to borrow her for a meal. Make it a funny way to get a date,” I add. “Humor and the Davis charm usually hit it out of the park for me.”
“I like it, Joe. If you do ask to borrow her make it clear you’ll return her, or else it will be a creepy kidnapping scenario.” Ugh, why does she have to be fascinating too?
“I’ll try the phone one first and see how it goes. I just feel like an asshole for digging myself into this hole to begin with,” he chides himself.
“Sometimes you get off on the wrong foot. Like Bets and I. She thought I was some idiot worker and not the boss. Now we are forever doomed for awkward friendship.”
“It wasn’t the gratuitous nudity from this morning that doomed you two?” Jack asks, laughing.
I shake my head. “No, that’s the moment of redemption. She’s been upset about that first mistake so it’s kept her from really committing to being my best friend forever. Now that we’ve both seen the goods, it’s all good.”
In the peripheral of my vision, I can see Betsy get up. Jack and I both turn to her as she drops the towel from her hair. I gasp as her now lavender hair cascades around her shoulders. Her face is unreadable. She slings the towel over her shoulder, walks to Jack and puts her hand on his head. “I’m sure she knows what you’re doing, we always do. That she continues to play along is a good indication that she likes you too. Even though you infuriate her as well.” She gives me a pointed look and saunters back inside.
My brother punches me and I turn to him, rubbing the spot. “Why?”
“Please follow her and get a clue,” he says and turns to his phone.
I take his advice even though I’m not sure I comprehend anything that’s happening right now. Things I do know—I like Betsy more than a friend, she doesn’t do long-term, and my brother is awesome. So, I listen to him and follow Betsy to her room. She is blow drying her new hair and I lean on her open door frame, just watching her. She makes eye contact with me and her expression is blank. I watch her as she brushes her long hair and dries it into long loose tendrils down her back. When she finishes, she places the dryer down and swivels to face me.
She says nothing and I realize she’s waiting for me to start, I did follow her. “Hey,” I start, my voice cracking. “Can I borrow you? I promise to return you.”
I watch as she takes a deep breath. “Joe,” her voice barely a whisper but her tone is clear. “I—“
“Ugh,” I say rolling my eyes. “See? It doesn’t work. He was right to go with your idea,” I say covering my bumbling not very well. Betsy gives me a smile as I watch her walls build up around her. This is going to be hard. “Just wanted to tell you our Bix gig got moved to Friday. Sorry, you won’t be able to see us just yet.”
“That’s too bad. You play a lot though, so I’m sure I’ll get another chance,” she says, smile back in place on her lovely face. “Don’t wait too long to come see me dance, though. Just tell me when you want to come and I’ll get you guys on the list.” She turns back to the mirror and starts to braid her hair in an elaborate way. I take this as a dismissal and walk to my room. I know I’m down but I also feel possibilities I’ve never felt before. I’m determined to scale her walls, a brick at a time. I’m in construction for fuck’s sake, and they’re just walls—no match for my sledgehammer.