Just Love You
BY THE END OF THE week, Betsy is feeling better but she is still unable to speak. This has been perfect for me because I’ve been bossing her around and pretending I don’t understand what she’s trying to gesture to me. At least she gave in to being in my room, in my bed. It’s been my pleasure to take care of her and I’ve gone overboard a few times, like trying to carry her everywhere. She did let me help her in the shower. I wore my boxer shorts but I’m sure they didn’t hide my giant erection.
She’s too sick to work so she got an understudy to fill in for the whole weekend. On Saturday she is fever free and up and cooking pancakes in the morning for me and Jack.
“Jack, can you bring Betsy to our show at the Boom Boom Room? We haven’t played there before and it’s our first stop on the tour,” I say.
Betsy waves her hands in the air wildly.
“Sure, I’ll drop her there around nine. You guys go on at ten?” he asks and I nod. It’s a 21 and over club so he can’t join in the fun.
Betsy’s head is shaking and her hand is waving in front of Jack.
“Thanks, bro,” I say and turn to Betsy. “I have a table reserved for you and have already ordered ice water with lemon to be in front of you at all times. Jack is going to take you for spicy noodles first and then you’ll be able to meet everyone and hear us play.”
Her hands are on her hips as I say all this and she lets out a big sigh when I’m done. “Fine,” she says just barely.
I put my hand over her mouth. “No talking, seriously, B. If you get tired or overwhelmed, you can text Jack and he will pick you up.”
Jack nods. “I’ll be at your beck and call all night.” He and I had a long talk last night where I told him how I feel about Betsy and how I want to try to convince her to stay with us for the next few months and date me. He is on board and said he thought we were already together, just keeping it from him. I asked him why he thought that and he said because we were always flirting and making fuck me eyes at each other and sleeping in the same bed. I was so happy he thought it was mutual. It gives me hope.
She holds her hands up and makes an okay sign, then points to the upstairs, puts her hands together and then to the side of her face and closes her eyes.
“I agree, a nap is in order,” I say and take her hand and walk her up to my room. When we are inside, she gets into the bed without argument. She hasn’t attempted to go to her room since I’ve brought her here on Wednesday. I don’t care what the reason is, as long as I can keep her close.
I tuck her in and sit in the reading chair. She is facing me with a smile on her face when I hold up The Cask of Amontillado. I’ve been reading to her all week, not just Poe, but from The Fledgling by Octavia Butler, one of Betsy’s favorite authors. It’s a vampire book but not like Twilight. The book is fucked up. So fucked up that I need to take breaks and switch to Poe. Also fucked up but more of a normal fucked up.
Betsy falls asleep after about ten minutes of reading and I get in with her and spoon up. I pet her hair back and over her shoulder so I have access there. I kiss her neck, under her ear and she shivers. “Sorry, I couldn’t resist,” I say softly, hoping she didn’t wake up.
She turns to me and smiles with a shrug. I pull her close and kiss the other side of her neck pushing my thigh to the apex of her legs. “I know you’ll be upset but I’m not going to kiss you until you are cleared from the doctor.” Her eyes roll and I kiss the tip of her nose. “No kisses on the lips, that is.” I kiss along her jawline while my hand slides up under her shirt over her bare back. As I do this she starts to lightly grind on my leg. Her skin is smooth and warm and she sighs as I lightly scratch along her spine. My hand moves to the front of her shirt and travels up to her tits, taking the shirt with it. I lean in and lightly kiss her navel and then up her stomach to right in between her perfect breasts. I back away and then pull her shirt back down, and I gaze at her. I hold her at her lower back and press her into me. Her gray eyes are hazy and I can tell she’s close to coming on my leg. I press my face into her neck again and we move together in lazy, slow grinds. Her low moan starts as she presses into me with full force. Her mouth is open in ecstasy and her eyes are closed. It’s a beautiful view.
“I find you impossible to resist,” I say and she snuggles into my chest breathing heavily and I hold her close. Her snoring starts up and I loosen my grip a little, easing her back on her pillow. Her hands curl to my chest and cling to my shirt. It’s so cute and I love it. I love her. I just stare while she sleeps. She is wearing one of my white tanks and some shorts so I can see her tattoos. I trace them with my finger and follow the path of the snake. She barely moves. “I find you impossible not to love,” I whisper and close my eyes and drift off.
* * *
After a day of rest, food, and binge-watching Battlestar Galactica, we get ready for the show. I leave before they do so I step into the bathroom where Betsy is showering to tell her goodbye. When I enter the bathroom, I hear her whimpering and am immediately worried. Except she then moans long and loud and I know where those whimpers are coming from. My high-powered shower head. I stand just inside the bathroom and can barely make out her naked form, undulating against the pulsing spray. Her eyes must be closed because she doesn’t notice me as she comes as loudly as she can with her sore throat. I slip out and then knock on the door.
“Hey, Bets, I’m out of here,” I call from the half-open door, not stepping in. “See you in an hour, beautiful.”
“Okay,” she rasps out.
The sounds of Betsy making herself come again stay with me the whole cab ride to the show, all of set up and sound check and most certainly when she shows up and plants her ass at her reserved table. Our set goes well and she is smiling ear to ear clapping when we are finished. I introduce her to Lia and Andrew and she gives Frank a big high five, knowing he’s not a hugger. Obviously, there’s not a lot of conversation since it’s loud and Betsy can’t use her voice. We make it work though for a bit until Betsy yawns and I take her home.
We go to my room and I shower while she changes for bed. I return only wearing boxers, and although we are both exhibitionists, I’ve been trying to be respectful by wearing a shirt to bed. Plus, it’s not fair to her to have this chest and these abs in her face when she’s clearly ill and can’t take advantage. Today shifted things though. She is watching me as I walk toward the bed and I think I’m going with no shirt tonight.
“Try not to drool on my sheets,” I tease her.
“How do you look like that? You eat whatever you want and I’ve seen you go to the gym, like once.” Her voice is still scratchy and soft but she’s not straining.
“I go to the gym every day, and if I skip, I usually try to do something strenuous at work that day, or run at lunch. I just wake up super early so you’ve never noticed,” I explain. “I don’t know what to tell you about my eating habits. I try not to overdo it but I guess I have good genes.”
My hand runs over my bare torso and she blinks and then raises her gaze to me and then to the bed. I know exactly what she’s saying so I slide in and pull her to me. I’m on my back and she is laying on her side against me. Her hand hovers over me and I grab and rest it on my abdomen and flex. She giggles.
“Why do you do that? The flexing,” she asks. “You know me well enough to know that I don’t care about that stuff.”
I shrug. “It’s manly instinct I guess, a holdover from my Neanderthal ancestors. Every time a beautiful woman or Frank touches me, I flex.”
“Oh my god, you flex for Frank?”
“Sometimes he will ask me about my workouts and for advice about what he can do to make his abs more cut.” I’m about to tell her something no one knows but I feel totally safe trusting her. “There are few people I admire more than him. So, when he asks me for help or advice, it’s the best feeling. He gives me shit most of the time so if I have to flex when he shoves me or punches me in the pec in order to get some positive attention, I will. I realize how pathetic this sounds, but he and I have been friends a long time and I want his approval, his unconditional love.”
She bites down on her lips, trying not to smile. “That’s the sweetest, most messed up thing ever and it’s perfect.”
I pinch her arm. “If you ever tell him any of that I’ll deny it.”
“To the grave,” she says making an x over her chest. “You are impressive, Joe.”
My chest tightens and I get a warm feeling all over. “Thanks, that means a lot to me.”
“It’s true. You have raised Jack on your own, built a kick-ass business and feed your creative side. It’s an impressive feat to build such a great life.”
I hold her face in my hand and stare into her eyes. “Not as impressive when you don’t have someone to share it with,” I say and her eyes dart down and then back up. “I want to share it with you. Just you.” I stop short of telling her I love her.
She has tears in her eyes and my heart sinks. “I’ll always share it with you, we are best friends forever, remember?” I nod. “That’s all I can do right now, Joe.”
“I remember,” I say and I’m disappointed to be shot down again. “You’re wrong, but I’m an optimist so I believe you’ll realize how great we can be together.”
Her soft lips touch mine and she retreats. “I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t know how to be together without hurting you.” Her meaning is clear like she’s being careful not to bruise me too much, yet I’m all black and blue.