Just Apart
SATURDAY WAS THE LAST NIGHT Betsy slept in my bed. On Sunday, before lunch, she had Jack drive her back to her house. We both did our best to convince her to stay. Jack claimed he was more focused when she sat with him and worked, and that I was a shit video game player. I tried to use my knowledge that her house was going to be a mess and not relaxing.
Right before Jack is set to take her home I corner her in the laundry room where she’s grabbing some of her things she missed last week. “I hate that you feel like you have to distance yourself from me. I know you think you’ll hurt me, but how is this not hurting?”
“Joe,” she says just above a whisper. “I can’t give you what you need.”
I press her against the dryer and put my hands at the base of her throat, my head pressed to hers. Her lips part and I tilt my chin up and take her mouth. It’s not like the gentle, tentative kisses we’ve had this week. It’s similar to the one we shared before she moved out the last time. It occurs to me as she pulls away, that one didn’t work. I pull her back in and our kiss is languid and lazy and I sink in, trying to erase her doubt.
We part again this time I keep my hands resting at her collarbones. “Bye, Bets,” I say.
She pushes me so I take a step back. “Bye, Joe,” she says and then is gone.
* * *
I don’t see her over the next few days. I leave her notes around the house and they disappear, so I know she’s at least seeing them. It hurts that she’s ignoring me but I understand it. Wednesday night we head out on the first leg of our mini-coastal tour. First stop is San Diego, one of my favorite places, but I’m moping like a baby and driving Frank crazy. We are sitting in a coffee shop a few hours before our show and I can’t even enjoy the nice weather.
“Joe, Lia asked you if you wanted to go check out the venue early,” Frank says and punches me in the chest. “Dude, I punched and you didn’t flex? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
I shrug. “Sure, we can go early, Li Li,” I say with zero enthusiasm.
“Oh shit, who broke Joe?” Lia asks.
“I think it might have been Betsy,” Frank says under his breath. “She moved out of their house on Sunday.”
“Why is that bad?” Lia asks. “Doesn’t that mean you worked your magic on her money pit? Oh crap, that came out dirtier than I thought it would. You guys, this pregnancy is making me a total pervert.”
“Normal,” Andrew says nodding. “Jen cursed like a sailor and her dirty talk was off the charts when she was pregnant with Mae.”
“Are these really things we need to know about?” Frank asks. “Joe, did you not tell these losers how you feel about Betsy?”
“Of course, he did,” Lia pipes in. “I just haven’t heard any updates lately. Everyone was sick and I was trying to stay away from patient X.”
They all look at me expectantly. I sigh. “I’m in love with her and she wants nothing to do with it. She’s not ‘built that way.’” I use air quotes just to bother Frank.
“I thought we had a talk about using air quotes, Joe. I get you’re hurting and sad but there’s no excuse man. I lost the love of my life and wouldn’t dream of using air quotes.”
“Really, Frank? I think you’re focusing a little on the wrong things,” Lia says putting her hand on Frank’s arm. “Let’s hear him out and see if we can help his cause.”
I feel bad. Frank and Mikey have been apart for weeks and he is beside himself. Sometimes you forget that Frank feels stuff because he basically has one mood—grumpy ass.
“Give him a break, Lia, he’s missing his twin,” I say. “She’ll come to her senses, I’m not worried, Frank.”
“I’m so relieved!” Frank says sarcastically. “If Joe thinks my one and only meaningful relationship will right itself, then my mind is at ease.”
“You’re lashing out, Frank, and that’s okay, I feel you,” I say and pat his back. “I feel like smashing shit too right now. What Betsy and I have is special and I don’t want to give up on her but she’s pretty much told me she can’t give me what I want. I think she’s wrong.”
Lia claps. “Ooh, classic fear of commitment. What was her childhood like?”
“You might be reading too many romance books, Li Li. Although, she didn’t have an easy time growing up. Her parents were strict and they don’t approve of her 100% as an adult.” I think about all she’s told me about them and seeing how it would be hard to trust someone close to her. “She’s been disappointed by family and some friends. It’s had for her to get close to people. She told me that Jack and I are her first real friends she’s made in years. Which is a travesty for other people because they don’t get to know how special she is.”
“Wow, you are really gone for her,” Andrew muses. “I’ve never seen you like this about any woman.”
“So, are you sure she has feelings back or is this a Fucking Frank sitch?” Lia asks.
“She has feelings,” I answer. “She wouldn’t kiss me like that if she didn’t. She wouldn’t be as upset as I am if she had no feelings for me. I’m not sure if they’re as deep but they do exist.”
“Honestly, I think you should just freeze her out. Lay off texting, calling, leaving notes.” This advice from Andrew is borderline genius. “Let her experience life Joe-free and see how boring and unfulfilling it can be. Then, swoop in with the grand gesture and you’ll be golden.”
I place my hand on my heart and smile at Andrew. “Aw, you think life without me is boring and unfulfilling?”
“We all feel that way,” Lia chimes in. “You are our good time Charlie. You make everything more fun.”
“Speak for yourselves,” Frank mumbles.
“Thanks, guys. I love you too,” I say. “I’ll try to keep my pouting to a minimum and will start brainstorming grand gesture ideas.”
“Remember, no texts, no calls,” Andrew says. “If she has feelings for you and just afraid to commit, it will work.”
“What if she’s just Joe-averse?” Frank asks.
Lia gasps and covers my ears. “Who the Frampton would be against my Joe here? He’s the bee’s knees, haven’t you felt his arms?”
Frank gives her a death stare and she pats his knee. “Stop projecting, Franklepuss, we all know Mikey loves you. Now, let’s get this show on the road. Our first mini-tour!”
My mood improves because I am excited for what’s to come with our tour. From here, we will travel up to Laguna Beach and then to LA. We got a van to rent here and will take it with us up the coast and then fly home from LA on Sunday morning early. It’s a good opportunity to test out Andrew’s theory. I’ve been texting with Betsy off and on and I’m now officially cutting her off. That doesn’t mean I can’t check up on her through Don or Jeannette. I got Jeannette’s number when Betsy was sick and she sends me funny memes all the time. She asked me point blank if I was in love with Betsy and I told her the truth. Her response was to have patience. So now I’m making like Axl Rose and trying not to be miserable.
The San Diego shows are packed with people and an overall fun time. We head up to Orange County on Friday and play at a Holiday Inn that is the coolest version of a Holiday Inn that’s ever existed. The show is a success and I sit with Lia at the bar after. She has a giant virgin daiquiri and I have a giant fully leaded daiquiri.
“How’s the belly, Li Li?” I ask. She’s not showing yet but she holds her lower abdomen a lot in habit.
“Belly baby is good. I’ve got the morning sickness under control so that’s been better. I’m just excited for this step. So is Javi.”
“It’s going to be great. Uncle Joe is ready to babysit whenever you need,” I say.
“You would be my first choice,” she says patting my cheek. “Javi’s mom is already asking when I’m going to quit my job. She told me that children who go to daycare end up going to state schools.”
“Oh shit, didn’t you and her son go to a state school?”
“Yes, and of course she blames his father divorcing her for that.” Lia makes a face and then speak in a shrill voice with an accent. “Children from broken homes usually go to community college, my son is exceptional so I no worry.”
“That is a creepily accurate imitation of her. I’m sorry she gives you such a hard time.” I’ve met Javier’s mom a few times and she is not a kind person. Sometimes it seems like she saves all her kindness just for her son. She is not a fan of Lia’s despite her general awesomeness. “I’m proud of you for putting up with that.”
“My Javi is worth the two times a year we have to be in her presence. I know she’s a miserable person and the majority of her misery has nothing to do with me. I try to be empathetic.” She sips her drink and turns to me, leaning on her hand. “Tell me about Betsy.”
“Well, first of all, you are a better man than I am, I’d not be able to deal with her with the grace that you do,” I say because it’s true. Lia is one of a kind and everyone who meets her falls a little in love with her.
She shrugs like it’s nothing. “If I let her get to me then she’d win. She is trying to get a rise out of me. The only time it worked was when we got engaged and I puked on her because of my appendix.”
“I bet your water breaks all over her or something,” I joke and she gives me a horrified look.
“Okay, let’s change the subject. The subject you are avoiding,” she says flicking her straw at me.
“It’s going to sound weird but when I first met Betsy, I knew something big was happening.” I pause. I know Lia had a similar moment with Javier so she gets it. “When I saw her dance, I knew I was done for. I can’t wait for you to meet her, she’s like you, she has that magic when she’s performing. You can’t take your eyes off her.”
“That’s sweet, Joe. You know half of those people come to see you hot boys behind me.” I laugh because it’s not even remotely true. We’d be just a trio of chumps without Lia. “You don’t believe me?” she asks and holds up her finger. “Hold on.”
She takes out her phone and pushes a few times to get what she wants. It’s our video. She scrolls down and finds a comment and shows it to me.
“I wouldn’t say no to being the meat in a Joe and Frank sandwich.” She finds another. “I’m miserable now because my vibrator is broken and I have to use my hand to get myself off to the sexy ass guitarist.”
“Wow, that’s graphic,” I say and she shows me a few more that objectify Frank, Andrew and me.
“I’m thinking of changing our name to Lia and her Man Candy, what do you think?”
“Has a nice ring to it,” I say. “I’m sure Frank will love it.”
We laugh together and I’m suddenly so grateful for my friends. I know how lucky I am, I just have to show Betsy how wonderful choosing your friend family feels. I’m starting to get an idea.