Once Upon a Present
There were moments between dreams and reality when the dark morning hours weren’t enough to keep you asleep. A soft tapping sound woke me and, when I checked the clock on my dresser, it told me it was way too early to be awake. It was just a few minutes past three and as I groaned and snuggled down into my comforter I heard it again. A light knock-knock-knock. I sat up, my heart beating a little faster, and listened. My neighbors were pretty quiet, and it was too late even for the night owls who lived right above me. I crawled slowly out of bed, leaving my lights off as I moved from my bedroom and down the short hall to the living room, hugging the wall as I went.
Nothing.
I shook my head and brought my hands to my chest and laughed quietly at my fear. It seemed I had gotten used to having another person around. I scanned all the open boxes scattered throughout my apartment and debated if I should just stay awake and get some unpacking done. I didn’t work in the morning so after about a second’s worth of thought on the matter I chose sleep instead. The cold air chilled my bare legs as I turned to head back to my warm bed. I wasn’t two steps down the hall when I heard it again, this time unmistakably coming from my front door. Who the hell…
I tiptoed to the front door and listened for a moment, checking the locks as I said, “Who’s there?”
“Kelly, it’s me.” Liam’s voice removed my heart from my throat but did nothing to stop its fast pace as I unlatched the three locks and opened the door.
Liam’s head was down, and my mind was racing. “Liam?”
He lifted his chin and my heart tore into millions of tiny pieces. His red-rimmed eyes shimmered, and his cheeks were wet with tears. Liam’s face was white and terrified.
Panic seized my lungs. “What’s wrong?”
He ran his hand along his jaw, his fingers shaking as he said, “My mother died tonight.”
Tears welled and spilled over my lashes as his shoulders shook. I’d never seen him so vulnerable, his strength gone. Liam’s usual formidable demeanor had been broken and spent as he hesitated in my doorway.
I took his hand, hoping he’d take it, hoping I could hold him together somehow. My shaky lips stilled as his fingers laced through mine, and I spoke softly past the searing ache in my throat, “Come inside.”
He moved without a word over the threshold and I shut the door and leaned against it, staring at his back, at a loss for words.
His heat saturated the small space between us, but his sadness made the empty hole in my stomach feel unfathomably deep. This wasn’t the time for me to hide behind the wall I’d built, and without another thought, I wrapped my arms around his waist and placed my palms on his chest, resting my cheek against his back as I said, “I’m so sorry.”
“She’s gone.” He turned and before I could lower my arms he fell into me. Liam’s face was buried in the crook of my neck. His tears collected on my skin as my own fell down my cheeks, and his hands fisted the fabric of my oversized t-shirt at the small of my back. My fingers trailed up and down his spine as I repeated the same thing over and over again, “I’m right here.”
He raised his gaze to mine, and the man I’d known for so long was gone. His dark eyes were cinnamon, his tight features gentle and worn. His eyes fell to my mouth and my unsteady heartbeat failed me, once, twice, each beat making me light headed as he dipped his head and whispered, “Take it away.”
I framed his face with my hands, my brows knitted with confusion. “Tell me what you need?”
His scent was everywhere. The leather smell heady as he closed the gap, his mouth brushing mine as he spoke, “Take away the pain, I’m fucking tired of all this pain.”
I lowered my hands to his neck, and my pale fingers stood out against his ink, the image a reminder of how much I missed being this close to him. I leaned against the wood of the door as he dropped his mouth to my neck, and I closed my eyes as his hands fell to the hem of my t-shirt, his fingertips grazing my thighs as he lifted it to my waist. “Make me feel something other than loss, take away this night, take it all away.” His deep voice vibrated against the sensitive skin of my jaw as his lips pressed and placed kisses along the line until his mouth hovered above mine. A shiver covered my limbs. He was asking for the impossible, but I’d never wanted to give him something so badly before, so I gave in and let my lips find his—let his mouth cover me. I took his hurt and suffering, bitter on my tongue, as I opened myself for his kiss.
His fingers pushed into the flesh of my hips as he pressed me into the door. His lips were tender, and the ache in my chest grew as he took his time, as he fought himself, fought his body. Liam broke away and his brown eyes stirred all the forgotten feeling, everything that I knew he was capable of puckered my skin into goose bumps as he fell to his knees in front of me. He raised my shirt high enough that my entire bottom half was exposed. His eyes hooded as they wandered down past my belly to my hip and paused on my tattoo, his ink.
His left hand gripped my hip and held up the white cotton of my shirt as his right thumb trailed along the thick black lines of my tattoo. I threaded my fingers through his hair, my breath getting caught in my throat as he brought his wet lips to the mark and kissed the crown. I shuddered as his forehead rested against me, his hot breath against my core, his nose drifting down along the fabric of my underwear. All the years we had between us were dust, and the anger shed away as we both plunged into the deep end.
His thumbs slid under the thin straps of my underwear and he eased them down my legs. My thighs trembled as he lifted my left foot, and then my right, removing them completely. He looked up at me, his face full of color, his eyes the way I’d always loved them, warm and stoked with a bit of amber. The bright embers held me captive as his lips kissed the inside of my thigh and, when his mouth moved between my legs, he closed his eyes and inhaled. My fingers tangled in his hair as he hooked my right leg over his shoulder. His tongue assaulted me, and his name was just a whimper from my lips as he savored me. His grip on my hip held me in place, demanding, as he nipped at the sensitive pulse. Heat shot through my belly, and the muscles in my limbs contracted as I drew closer to climax.
“Liam,” I gasped and lowered my leg. I kneeled down, too, meeting him eye to eye. I needed his mouth on mine, our bodies together. I needed to be a part of him again. His hungry eyes lit the skin of my cheeks on fire as he stared at me. His silence made everything more acute, sharp, and the throbbing between my legs thrummed, begging for him, knowing, and waiting for him to relieve me. I held his face between my hands, his lashes still wet with tears and said, “It’s you and me, Liam. You can let go, let me give you what you need, let me take it all away.”
He grasped my waist, supporting me as I lay back onto the floor. The carpet was coarse against the bare skin of my legs and ass, and I watched him unbuckle his jeans. His hands were no longer unsure, his jaw tight as he stood and took them off. He stood above me only for a few brief seconds before he kneeled down onto the ground parting my legs, and settled himself between them. The muscles in his neck flexed as our skin met. The lids of his eyes at half-mast as he said, his voice low, “I need your fingers in my hair, your nails peeling the skin from my neck like you used to, until I bleed for you, fuck you until I can’t breathe anything other than you, until all I’m able to feel is something other than this goddamn pressure… this sadness.”
Liam reached between us and aligned our bodies. My thighs shivered with anticipation, and when he finally opened me up, pushing himself hard and all at once, the feeling of being so full again, it ripped me apart and put me back together again. Patched me up and healed all our old wounds. He groaned, and I dug my nails into his neck, drawing blood as his left hand supported his weight and his right held my throat, his thumb at my pulse point. Liam’s eyes were fixed on mine, and I saw the moment he finally let go. The shadows receded and his pupils dilated. I moaned at the power of each thrust, strong and fast, his grip on my neck a bit firmer than before. He was finally free despite the veil of sadness, and, as our mouths collided, I took his pain and devoured it.
The sting of his stubble spread across my chin, the soft pinch of his teeth on my jaw, my bottom lip, I wanted it all. The carpet burned my back as we moved together. Liam released his hand from my throat and palmed my breast above my shirt, his mouth following suit on the other side. My nipple peaked and brushed against the stiff cloth. I lifted my hips and he swore under his breath, a growl parting his lips, and his forehead fell to my brow. My fingers gripped his shoulders as he angled himself up, reaching a depth he’d never found before. Liam wasn’t fucking me, he was crawling inside me, all the way past flesh and bone, this was permanent, and I cried out as he pushed me beyond my limit. My body clenched, holding him tight, keeping him still as he came, his heat spilling all around me as his body collapsed onto mine.
Our chests moved with harmonized breaths as his nose trailed down my left cheek and into the hollow below my ear. He leaned onto his left forearm and raised his right thumb to the four-inch long scar on my cheek. My tears gathered and brimmed as he traced a reverent line with the pads of his fingertips.
Liam mapped out every delicate inch, his eyes searching mine as the salty water trickled past my lashes. “I don’t think you’ve ever looked more fucking beautiful than you do right now.”
A broken sob shook my chest and my heart spun as he placed a kiss just below my bottom lashes at the top of the scar. I gulped down a desperate breath as Liam toyed with a piece of my twisted hair. His fingers brushed my neck, his words filled me with the hope that maybe this could be a beginning and not just a man losing himself for a night.
“I’ve missed you so much.” My voice wavered as the lump in my throat choked me.
I held my hand to his cheek and he turned his face, kissing my palm. When he looked at me again he said, “I don’t want to be alone.”
The tightness in my chest returned as the sadness seeped back into the creases around his eyes. His brow was heavy, the weight of his loss pulled his eyes shut as he caught his breath.
“You don’t have to be.” I ran my fingers down the back of his head and rested them at his hairline. “Stay until the morning or whatever you need.”
His eyes opened, and a small flash of fear darkened his irises as he nodded, lifting himself to his knees. Liam held out his hand and I took it as he pulled me up, our chests meeting, our knees sinking into the carpet. His palms found my face, and his thumbs wiped away my remaining tears as he leaned in and said, “I just need you.”
He’d lost his mother, and I knew Liam, he was blaming himself. He was punishing himself with what ifs. I didn’t know what happened, and I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to ask. At least not right now. He’d come to me, when he was at his weakest moment… lost in physical need, his eyes asking me for the world. I wanted to give it to him, give him everything I should’ve given him three years ago.
I kissed his top lip, and he exhaled as if I’d lifted the weight of all the stars from his heart, and I said, “Then come to bed.”