Once Upon a Present
Her ass pressed against me and she moaned softly. I thought I was imagining the heat of her skin under my palm, I thought I was asleep… dreaming. She wiggled again, pressing herself into my body, and all the blood rushed to my cock as I hardened against her. I was awake, and my hand was resting on her stomach, my fingers below the waistband of her sweats. Every breath she took brushed her body against mine, and if this was three years ago I would have slipped my hand between her legs. She would’ve rolled onto her back, her bottom lip pinned under her teeth, and her eyes would’ve been on mine. I would’ve grinned at how wet I’d made her. When her eyes closed, and the flesh of her mouth released from her teeth, I would’ve devoured her.
The heat of her body, her scent, it was fucking with me.
I should’ve never let myself get in this damn bed, but for a minute I’d allowed myself to make the mistake. I couldn’t have walked away knowing she was breaking all over again, that in the morning there might be nothing left. Rock bottom wasn’t a place you should leave someone alone.
My eyes closed as I brought my nose to the pulse on her neck.
“Liam?” She shifted and I pulled away.
She sat up as I fell onto my back. I shut my eyes and rubbed my hand down my face. I could feel her watching me, waiting for an explanation.
“Say something,” she begged.
I sat up and pushed away the covers as I stood. My back still facing her as I said, “Good morning.”
I didn’t wait for her response as I walked out of the bedroom. Once I was in the hall, and her bedroom door was shut, I exhaled a rushed breath. Trying to expel any last bit of her that might remain.
I was fucked.
There was no way I could handle this. Why did I continue to punish myself? I owed her nothing.
A truth snaked its way into my gut and coiled heavy, and hard. It made me nauseous and reminded me I could only lie to myself for so long. Instead of running from that room, I should’ve owned all the feelings I had for her, this need to protect her meant I hadn’t really moved on.
The door to her bedroom opened and I swallowed, readying myself for a fight. She was holding my t-shirt in her right hand and it dangled alongside the crutch as she moved through the doorway. Her blue shirt was too thin and I could see the outline of her tits as she moved. The reminiscent scent of her skin warmed my stomach as she raised her eyes to mine.
The brown color was charged with the bravery I lacked as she leaned onto her left crutch and held out my shirt. Her stubborn jaw set, her eyes fixed, she fucking hated me. Her gaze slid down my chest when I didn’t immediately put on the shirt and, as she situated herself again, she blushed.
I couldn’t take pride in her reaction because there was no way I’d act on it.
“Want some coffee?” I asked as I slipped my shirt over my head.
“Sure.” Her smile was faint, but it relieved some of the tension between us. “I’m going to use the bathroom first.”
I nodded and headed into the kitchen, the air in the hallway was lemons and Kelly and, if I didn’t clear my goddamn head, I was going to say… or do something stupid. Every part of my life had been outlined by me. I worked, I fucked around, and I’d let her go, or so I’d thought. That anger I held onto so tightly ebbed its way through me as I grabbed the coffee from the cabinet. I might’ve been a miserable prick these past few years, but at least I had a plan, at least I knew what to do, because right now, I was way the hell off course. I didn’t want to love Kelly Kavanagh anymore. I was exhausted, and I either wanted to give up, or tell her to get the fuck out.
“Maybe… I shouldn’t stay here, Liam.” Kelly’s tone was reluctant.
My fingers fisted around the handle of the coffee pot, and I dropped my head. My hands shook as I set the glass pot onto the burner of the coffee maker, sucking down a deep breath, and attempted to calm down.
“I think this might’ve been a bad idea, I mean this morning—”
“That was my fault, I was half asleep, it won’t happen again,” I said, and the regret kicked in.
“I think…I think I could handle living at my mom’s.”
I faced her, leaning against the counter, my arms folded tightly across my chest, as I held back all the barbs I wanted to throw at her.
“You think?” I shook my head. “Kelly, just stay here, stay away from all that shit.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
I was confused and pissed at myself, but sending her back to her mom’s wasn’t happening. I had to reassure her. “This morning was nothing.”
I took a step forward, and she turned her head to the side and stared into the living room, avoiding my eyes.
“Do you think I could take a bath today?” she asked, abruptly changing the subject.
Those two dangerous minutes I’d given myself this morning, indulging in her fucking presence, it had pushed her away and pulled me back in to the point I wasn’t sure I wanted to let go anymore. I swallowed the sick taste of her denial and found strength in the fact she hadn’t said no to staying.
“Yeah, whatever you want.”
She worked her way past me to the barstool and took a seat as she leaned her crutches against the counter. We didn’t say much as I finally made the coffee and poured us both some cereal.
I’d grown used to the silence of my apartment, but the empty space between Kelly and I was grating on me.
“What are your plans this morning?” I asked as I took our empty bowls and set them in the sink.
She let out a cute as hell groan and said, “I should call my mom.”
The pleasure I’d taken in the sound evaporated. She still wanted to leave?
“Why?”
She took a sip of her coffee and then set the cup on the counter. “I need to set up an appointment with her lawyer. When she visited me in the hospital she said we could use the same lawyer that helped with Dad’s will, well, what little he had left.” She bit the corner of her lip and lowered her eyes to her hands. She was picking at her fingernails, a habit I used to hate, but watching her, all that nervous energy, I’d missed it.
“You’ve never even had a speeding ticket. They’ll lower the charges.” I took my empty coffee cup and placed it by the sink.
She smiled again as she said, “I hope so.”
“I was thinking I could come up for lunch, make you something?”
She stood from the stool and propped herself onto her crutches. “No, you don’t need to do that.”
“I know I don’t have to, I—”
“I’ll be fine.” She exhaled a sharp breath. “How about that bath?”
“I’m going to grab a shower first, if that’s okay, and then clean the tub. I mean it’s not ideal, but if you need help…”
She laughed hard and sudden, and the perfect sound of it almost knocked me on my ass. “I can bathe myself, thanks. I’ll just prop my leg out of the tub.”
My lips spread across my face as her brown eyes danced. Her cheeks flushed and the amber in her eyes sparked. That fucking fire burning in her, it burned in me, too.
“You don’t have to go out of your way for me… don’t be late for work on my account.” Her smile receded into a shy smirk.
“I own it, Kelly… everyone knows better than to talk shit to me.”
“I’ll grab a few things while you shower then.”
“I won’t be long.”
“Take as long as you want,” she said as she moved past me. “And, stop worrying about me.”
“Never going to happen.”
Kelly paused, her back facing me, and lowered her head. The hallway filled with a crushing silence as I waited for her to argue, to say something to piss me off, but she never did. She walked into her room and left me standing there, holding on to that same fragile rope that connected me to her.
“Hey,” I called out to Kieran from my station. He was sitting at the desk, his nose buried in a damn book. “I’m going to check on Kelly, be back in a few.”
“Alright.” He laid his book on the top of his desk as he stood. “Want me to order lunch, I’m dying for those damn spring rolls from Jade’s.”
“You’re addicted.” I chuckled
“Truest shit you have ever said, big brother.” His mouth turned into a sideways smirk. “How are things going?”
“She hates my ass.”
“Rightly so.”
“Fuck off.”
“Liam… her life… it’s all jacked up.”
“You don’t think I fucking realize that.” I brushed past him. “Stop hovering.”
His chuckle untied the knots building in my shoulders.
“Now you know how it feels,” he shouted with a smile in his voice as I stalked out the back door.
“Kelly?” The apartment was quiet as I walked in.
When she didn’t answer I figured she was in her room. I waited for a few minutes in the kitchen, cleaning the breakfast dishes that I’d left in the sink. I placed them in the dishwasher and rinsed my hands wondering if maybe she’d fallen asleep. I finished up in the kitchen and made my way to her bedroom door. I knocked lightly and called her name again, but this time in a whisper. I’d feel like a dick if I woke her up.
She didn’t answer.
The empty feeling in my stomach spread quickly as I eased open the door.
The bed was unmade, and her boxes were still stacked neatly in the corner.
I turned to check the bathroom but the door was open, lights out. I checked my room. She left. She actually fucking left. Was she in such a hurry to get away from me she’d left her stuff here? Did she actually think I’d bring her that shit?
I pulled my phone from my pocket, ignoring the slow-moving ache in my chest as it extended to my hands. My fingertips felt numb as I opened the lock screen and dialed her number. It didn’t even ring. Straight to voicemail.
I’d let her back into my head. I’d given her another opportunity, handed her the goddamn sledgehammer.
I was a fucking idiot.
I’d preached to Dex about being careful. How going back with Paige would destroy him. But it didn’t, and I’d enabled myself to think about second chances. I couldn’t believe I’d let myself buy into it again. I knew her track record. Kelly had left me three years ago without any goodbyes. I’d had way more to drink than usual that last night. We’d gotten into a fight about how she’d been flirting with some rich looking asshole. Some guy with everything I’d never have, never be able to give her, and I’d watched her take his damn number. She’d taken it, with a smile, a smile I’d thought had been reserved for only me.
She left, without any regard for all the years we’d been together. She hadn’t even given me a chance to fucking apologize. She cut me off. Packed her shit and was gone in twenty-four hours. All the money she’d saved for us, for our life, bought her a clean break.
I leaned against the wall of the hallway and stared into the empty room. Anger wasn’t a good hiding place anymore, and neither was denial.
“Is what I give you not good enough anymore?” Her scent smothered me as I leaned against her forehead. Rage fed my pulse, and I set my hands on the wall next to her head.
“You’re drunk,” she whispered, and I heard the terror in her voice.
My clouded brain focused on the fury.
She fucking smiled at him.
My fist hit the wall, and she flinched. “I know what I saw, Kelly!”
I’d lost my temper.
I’d scared her.
That night… it was my fault.
I’d let alcohol control me. I’d treated her just like her father had.
I tried to call her again.
Voicemail.
Again.
Voicemail.
“Fuck!” I yelled as I pushed off the wall.
I paced the kitchen, letting all my wrongs infiltrate my heart… my head. Instead of being angry at her, at the false ideology I harbored for three damn years, I let it all bear down on me. I wanted it to break me, like I’d broken her. Every part of this place had a memory of her, and I’d twisted them into something I could hate so I wouldn’t hate myself.
I was a selfish asshole.
My phone vibrated, but it was just Kieran texting me, letting me know my appointment had arrived.
After work, if she still hadn’t answered, I was going to her mom’s. She wasn’t going to run, not this time.
Tana was waiting for me downstairs, and had already made herself at home. I found her lying across my work table, shirt off, earbuds in. At least she had the decency to drape her shirt across her tits.
I nudged her shoulder and her eyes opened. She removed one earbud, and asked, “Just the outline today?”
I nodded. I hadn’t seen much of her since Kemper’s birthday. But, she’d booked this appointment a while ago. She’d asked me to do a large geometric lace triangle between her breasts. I’d worked on the pattern for the last few days. It helped keep my mind off of everything.
“Let me set up,” I said, and she popped the earbud back in as I readied my work station.
Kieran walked by as I was wrapping a metal tray in plastic wrap. “I got you your usual, it’s in the fridge.”
“Thanks.”
“Want me to bring some up to Kelly?” he asked.
I raised my gaze to his and his face fell.
“She left.”
“What the hell happened?”
“Not now,” I snapped and tried to avoid the hurt that flashed across his eyes.
The back door jingled and he turned his gaze. Kieran’s mouth slid into an easy grin as he said, “Well, speak of the devil.”
Kelly made her way to my station, and her smile matched his as he pulled her into an awkward hug. When he pulled away, she swayed and he gripped her shoulders. “I’m a walking disaster.”
Kieran chuckled, “Disaster or not, it’s nice as hell to see you.” He held his smile as his eyes scanned over the cuts and bruises.
“You, too… it’s been…” Her voice faded away as she looked down at my table. Her humor gone and her face pale, she said in a hurried whisper, “Excuse me.”
She twisted and wobbled on those damn crutches, determined and reckless.
I tapped Tana on the shoulder and she opened her eyes with an exaggerated huff, “What’s the hold up?”
“Give me a second.”
She rolled her eyes and went right back to her happy place with music blaring in her ears. Lucky for me Kelly couldn’t move very fast.
“Hey.”
She ignored me.
“Kelly.” I stepped in front of her. “Give me a goddamn second.”
Her stubborn sass was evident in the hard line of her shoulders as she pursed her lips. I motioned to the break room, and she stared at me for a long, irritating-as-fuck second, but then finally went in.
“Where the hell have you been?”
“My mom picked me up. We met with her lawyer.”
“Why didn’t you answer when I called?” I asked, disregarding how bright her eyes were as she murdered me with her gaze.
“I had my phone off while I was in the appointment.” She stood as tall as she could on a broken leg. “Are you still with her?” She was indignant.
“Who?”
“That girl?” she asked.
“Tana?”
She nodded and pulled her bottom lip through her teeth, her anger bloomed pink across her cheeks and down her chest.
“No, she doesn’t fucking matter to me, not like…”
She dropped her head, and all the fight left her as she stared at the floor, her hair obscuring her face.
“I always hated that part of your job,” she said so softly I almost missed it.
“What part?”
“The naked girls.”
I stepped forward, not giving a shit about the consequences, and moved the curtain of hair with my hand. I held the back of her head, my thumb resting on her cheek alongside one of her deeper cuts. My eyes traveled across the new plane of her face and down the curve of her top lip. I inched closer to her, her scent, her heat, the same lure I’d succumbed to the day she walked into Avenues for the first time.
She tilted her head back and finally gave me those big brown eyes. They were framed with wet lashes, full and fucking vulnerable. I clenched my jaw as three years’ worth of loss trickled down her cheek.
“Remember what I used to say, Princess?”
She closed her eyes, letting a few more tears escape as she shook her head.
“No one will ever compare to you.”
Her eyes popped open, and she lifted her fingertips to one of her smaller gashes. “That’s a lie.”
“It was true then and it’s true now.” I dusted my thumb gently along the line of her stitches as I drifted closer to her.
Her eyes closed again, and my eyes fell to her parted lips. It was suicide, but I’d give anything to kiss her again, to give in. I licked my lips, desperate for the taste that I’d been missing for too fucking long. Her breath was citrus and sweet, and I paused just a few inches away, giving myself more time to just… look at her.
Kelly’s eyes opened as her lips started to tremble. I’d taken too long, and the bright color of her irises dulled as I lowered my hand. I tried to tell myself I hesitated because I would’ve taken too much. That kissing her would’ve drowned me. She was still clinging to something, holding on to who she thought she was supposed to be, and I wanted to be more than just her life boat.
I wasn’t a fucking last chance.
I gave her some space, turning away, avoiding her and the new tears on her cheeks as I said, “Come on, I’ll help you upstairs.”