Chapter 12
Trace
Nothing sounded right in my head, and yet this was such an important moment. We’d just had an incredible time together physically, and yet now the girl had me befuddled. Again.
“Hello?” Lila queried. “Trace, stop thinking and just spit it out. How do you feel about all of this? What are your thoughts?”
“I guess I’m sort of all over the place, too,” I admitted truthfully. “I think you’re a really awesome girl. I’m really glad that you’re the model I ended up shooting. And I really enjoy what we’ve been doing behind the scenes.”
The beautiful brunette smiled. “I’ve enjoyed it, too.”
“I had no intention of staying in Miami this long,” I told her. “I’m still here because for some reason, I can’t stand the thought of leaving you behind.”
This seemed to surprise her. Her eyes widened, and she twisted her curls around one finger.
“So,” I eventually mused. “I just said my part. How about you?”
Lila was confused too.
“Trace, I honestly don’t know what to say,” she said. “I think you’re a great guy, too. I really like spending time with you. I’ve loved our times together like this. Not the arguing. All the amazing things that happened before that.”
“If they’re amazing, why can’t you get a grip on your feelings?” I asked.
She laughed. “I’ve got a fine grip, thank you. I just don’t know what to tell you. I’m here in Miami. I like it here. I don’t want to move to L.A.”
I had no idea what was motivating me, but my answer was quick.
“Maybe I could move to Miami,” was my offhand offer. “I’m from here originally. I know this city all like the back of my hand. And finding steady work wouldn’t be a problem.”
The girl’s brown eyes darkened.
“I need time to think about the things that you’re saying right now,” the brunette replied seriously. “That’s really significant.”
“I wish you would say something now,” I said.
“Well, I don’t know what to say right now,” she reiterated. “Like I said, I don’t want to mislead you.”
“If you’re not into it, that’s okay,” was my defensive reply. “I just want to know so that we have no regrets.”
She took a moment to think.
“I am into you,” Lila said slowly. “I really am. But I’m happy when I’m single too. And there’s the… weirdness, I guess, about our history.”
“I don’t think it’s weird,” was my reply. “It just wasn’t our time back then. Come on, you can’t focus on something that happened years ago.”
“So our time is now?” she asked wryly.
“How would we know unless we gave it a shot?” I proposed.
The female sighed.
“Trace, anytime you come back to Miami, you hit me up, and I will meet you any day you’re here,” she said. “But I don’t know if I want something serious, you know? It just doesn’t seem like the right time for me, especially with our bizarre history.”
I didn’t believe a word she said, but people only see what they want to see.
“I think you know,” was my oddly gentle reply. “But it’s all good. I’ll get out of your hair. It’s fine.”
“Oh, don’t say that,” she spoke quickly, getting up on her knees on the mattress. “Don’t leave like that.” God, the girl was beautiful and it killed me to go. But there was no choice.
“It’s fine, we’re done,” I stated. “Thank you for your time, sweetheart. Take care, okay?”
And with that, I left the room, the door shutting softly behind me departing frame.
* * *
A good majority of my Saturday was spent seething. I was angry about Lila’s rejection. How the hell could she treat me like that? And yet something was keeping me there, and I felt pretty sure about what it was.
I hung out with Emerson all day at the house, moody and depressed. We played video games together, silent for the most part. He looked like he’d wanted to ask about things with me and Lila, but he was trying to keep a respectful distance.
Later that night, we went out to a bar downtown together, hoping to get wasted and have some no-strings fun. But I couldn’t cheer up, and finally broke down, telling him what all had gone down with Lila and me. He mostly just listened while nodding at all the right times.
“I don’t know, man,” I finished. “It’s all fucked up.”
Emerson sucked his drink.
“All I know is that before we landed in Miami, you wanted to just take the pictures and bounce. But now, we’ve been here for almost a week. That didn’t happen by accident.”
“No shit,” was my grunt. “I know why I’m still here. But I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how I feel because I’ve never really… I don’t know… felt this before?”
Emerson shot me a knowing grin even as my tangled words continued.
“I know how that sounds,” was my pathetic confession. “It makes me sound like such a loser, but it’s true. I know once I get on that plane, Lila will start dating some other guy. You’ve seen her. You know how hot she is.”
“That I do,” he concurred.
At this point, I was pretty drunk. “I want her so badly. She won’t let me in all the way. I mean, sexually, she takes it all, you know, but I’m talking about matters of the heart.”
“I get it.” He laughed.
“What do you think?” I asked morosely.
My buddy cleared his throat. “I think I’m too fucking drunk for this.”
“Thanks,” was my surly reply.
“Listen, I don’t know what to say,” he shrugged. “Sounds like you really like her. Given that, I can’t tell you what the best thing to do is. Some of the ideas I could propose could drastically change your life.”
“Just spit it out,” I said disgustedly. “Just tell me what you think I should do.”
Emerson shrugged again, downing another gulp.
“Follow your heart,” he said. “Cheesy, I know, but follow your heart.”
With that, my shoulders slumped. I drove my car back to the house and promptly fell onto the couch, lacking the energy to make it all the way into bed.
But sleep didn’t come despite my exhaustion. Instead, I lay awake staring at the ceiling, sulky and angry that I was sleeping alone. Without Lila.
Finally, I got up with a huff. Fuck this. Pulling my laptop over, I looked at flight prices, hoping to pick one and get out of Florida fast. Yet, I still couldn’t do it.
It was entirely her. She was what was keeping me away from the west coast.
Fuck!
My thoughts a messy daze, I pulled out my cell phone and started sending a series of alcohol-fueled text messages:
“Hey Lila.”
“I wanted to buy a ticket home tonight, but I still can’t go through with it.”
“I can’t leave you now that I’ve found you.”
“If I lived here and I asked you out, would you go out with me?”
“Never mind, don’t answer that. Fuck”
“Was looking over the photos we took earlier. They came out great. You’ll be a hit like always”
“I wish you were in bed here with me…”
“I want to properly manhandle you.”
“I’m leaving tomorrow night. Hope to see you before I go.”
“If not, it was nice seeing you again. I’m glad we talked this time.”
And then I shut off my phone, throwing it onto the coffee table. Fuck. I’d just humiliated myself again with these drunk dials. Fuck fuck fuck. And with that, I resolved to leave Florida stat.