THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED? I thought for sure she was playing some drama queen chasing act on me but my South Carolina blonde left. She waltzed her sassy ass out of here like the damn floor caught fire.

“Way to go. Her friend was down to fuck. You owe me,” Eric says from the couch with a joint in his hand. I go to grab it, on edge, angry, and fucking pissed. I’ve never been turned down—I’ve never been more turned on. What the actual fuck?

Grabbing the joint, I take a hit. As I reply I release the smoke, “World’s shittiest wingman goes to me then, yeah?”

“Got that, she was fucking hot. Perky ass tits. What the fuck happened with you and Sister Christian?”

“Sister Christian?” I pass him the blunt. I need the weed to settle me, because on top of all my other shit, you can add the anger disorder to the long list of things that the man who donated sperm gave me.

“Yeah, her hot friend Kate said she was standing in the corner cause she’s super Christian and this shit ain’t her scene. Dude. she’s probably still a virgin.”

“Fuck me.” I could have shot my own self in the foot and it would have caused less damage, what the fuck? She wasn’t the type of girl I should have said that to. Not that I would care how most girls felt or if I offended them, but this girl, this woman, made me feel something. Blame it on the lust, but I truly have never seen a more beautiful woman in my life and now I’ll never get the chance with her, cause I’m a fucking dick.

“You asked her if she wanted to fuck, didn’t you?” The smoke fills the air and I nod my head as JJ, Nick and Jason enter the room with some takeout. I made a dick out of myself and probably traumatized Sadie, the sweet sass from South Carolina. Fuck.

“Damn it!” I throw my hands in the air. Turning, I punch the wall, almost plowing it straight through. Grabbing my shirt and jacket, I head out to fix my rage with my fist in someone’s face. I only make it to the door before Nick stops me.

“Calm down. We’re in town for three nights. I can’t have you doing this, Ben. You get arrested and we’ll have to cancel shows. Take another hit and have a drink.” I search his eyes, they stay laser focused on me. Nick hates me drinking, he hates me smoking and he for sure hates me fighting, but he would rather me be safely here and if that joint will do it, then he will offer it on a platter and turn his blind eye. Nick is my best friend, but he’s older so he comes off as the dad of the group, often having to clean up our messes, both literally and figuratively.

“Fine. Roll me another one, Eric.” Tonight, I’m gonna forget shit, then tomorrow I’m gonna find Sadie McCallister and I’m gonna get to know the girl hiding behind the false cross.

§

I wake up, my head pounding, my eyes bloodshot and heavy. I had so many drinks last night that I lost count after eight, and an entire joint was smoked by me alone. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Nick had to get my ass back to my apartment all on his own.

My cell rings on my bedside table, the culprit for waking me. I see JJ’s name and I groan. Rolling over, I squint with one eye open and answer the call.

“What man?”

“Hey pretty boy, you and Eric got pretty fucked last night, but it’s time to get up. We have to drive into Seattle today. We’re recording with Trey and Kingston.” I peer back to the bedside table and see it’s only nine a.m. Fuck me.

“Is Eric up?” That fucker can hang, but I can still go harder than any of my bandmates.

“Yeah, he’s in the shower. So get that bitch out of your place and get up and shower.”

“Bitch?” I look around me and that’s when I see a chick’s bra and panties on the floor beside my bed. I groan.

“Yeah, you took some bitch home last night, some groupie.” I squeeze my eyes closed, my face drawing in.

Slowly turning, I open my eyes and sure as fucking day there’s a woman, face down in my pillows, naked on top of my sheets.

“Shit.”

“What, this isn’t your first rodeo. Kick her out —we’ll be there in an hour.”

“Yeah, shit, okay.” I hang up, pissed at myself for letting this happen. I know this is normal for me, but for some reason unbeknownst to me, I feel like I fucked around on Sadie.

“Hey. Get up.” I nudge her lightly with my elbow against her arm, running my hand over my face, feeling the vomit getting ready to come. And I’m supposed to fucking record today.

The brunette with the fake tits and bony ass finally stirs and I turn off the Ben charm and head straight to dickhead. “You gotta go, call yourself an Uber.”

She grunts and mumbles under her breath as she climbs out of my bed. It’s then I see the used condoms around my bed. How many times did we fuck? I sit on the edge of my bed, my waist covered by my sheet as I keep my head in my hands, trying to stop myself from upchucking all while I think about Sadie.

Sadie.

South Carolina.

Sassy.

Someone I know nothing about and want everything from.

“You may be an ass but you were great last night. Call me when you’re in town and we can do this again.” Her raspy smoker’s voice grabs my attention and when I look up I about lose that restraint I built to not vomit. She’s a fucking valley bitch if there ever was one. Her fake lashes are falling off, her hair is coming out and her make up is running down her face. Damn. I sure know how to pick them.

“Yeah sure. See ya.” She leaves and I all but crawl to the fucking bathroom and grab the bottle of tequila to hit the hair of the dog. Taking a shot, I let it burn its way down, looking up to the ceiling, my eyes watering and my stomach turning.

“Man up, Cooper.” The day has just started.

§

“You could have stopped me from going home with Jabba the slut last night, fuckers,” I say from the passenger seat. I’m nursing my water and my sunglasses aren’t dark enough to save my life. I wore a black leather jacket, black skinny jeans with ripped knees and some chucks today. My hair is a wild mess on top of my head and I look like every indicator saying ‘I’m hungover.’

“You were into her. Shit dude, she almost sucked your dick in the dressing room. You had Nick take you both home and he said you two about went at it at the bottom of the stairs leading to your apartment,” Jason tells the story.

“Shit, are you serious, man?” I look over at Nick driving and he just nods. He’s in a mood, pissed at me like always. He hates when I get so fucked up that I can’t recall who I am or what the hell I’m doing. The messed up part though, is he doesn’t stop me because he knows I will do what I want regardless.

“Kings and Trey are gonna flip their shit when they see my happy ass.” Kings and Trey own the studio we record at. They also helped us write and produce our first legit album. But during that time, I had moments where I was either hungover or too fucked up that I was still chasing my high and I wasn’t able to record. I don’t want to disappoint them again so during this three-hour car ride, I have drunk three water bottles and pissed every half hour. I’m sober enough to know what I’m doing, but I still feel like I’ve been hit by the weight of a Mack truck.

“Drink up. They won’t hesitate to kick us out for the day, buddy boy.” JJ pats my shoulders.

“Yeah. Can’t wait.”

§

“Welcome back, boys.” We take a seat on the couch and chairs in the room as Trey and Kings walk in. They look different and it all makes sense.

“Hey, you two fuckers are glowing,” I tease.

“Oh, Ben, we’ve missed your smart ass the most.” Kingston throws his stress ball at my face. I catch it just in time before it makes contact with my nose.

“Who doesn’t miss me?” I throw it back.

“Sister Christian sure doesn’t.” I look at Eric. If he could see the death glare I’m giving him under my shades, he’d take that shit back.

“Sister Christian? What the fuck?” Trey questions while he messes with some nobs on the studio mixer .

“Nothing, don’t worry about it. How’s daddy-hood? You two are starting to grey a bit. Do the wives need some young loving from The Ben? Shay and Lana always did like me.” I wink and they both audibly growl, Trey glaring at me and Kings curling his lip in annoyance.

“Calm down wolf pack, this alpha don’t want someone else’s goods.”

“No, he just wants the goody good who didn’t want him back, aww poor Benny.” Jason sits next to me and I punch him. I got a little angry last night after Eric told me about Sadie, but I haven’t said anything to them about all the weird shit happening up in my brain over her. Or maybe I did in my state of intoxication, who fucking knows.

“Alright, spit it out. Who is this chick?” Kingston questions.

“Someone that turned down Mr. Cocky over here. One of the ones who was lucky enough not to fall in his trap,” Nick says. I remove my glasses and blink a couple times to adjust to the dim lighting. He stands next to the door, looking me dead in the eye, challenging me to say something back. I debate it, too prideful to let him say the last word, but when he doesn’t back down, I do. Nick may be a bit overprotective, but it’s more than I can say for a lot of people in my life.

The drugs, the drinking, the fighting and the anger issues, all of those are a concoction of a person no one likes to be around. Nick stays with me through the rise and the fall. Every. Single. Time. There are not many people out there I can say that about.

“Shit, The Ben Cooper, fuck boy extraordinaire, tripped and caught himself feelings. Whatever happened to the whole “fuck no, love is for mental people,” shit you dropped on me when I invited you to my wedding?” Spinning in his chair Trey looks at me, as does everyone else.

“Shit, guys, drop it. I think she’s hot and I want to get to know her a little. That doesn’t mean I’m in love and shit. I only said maybe five things to her. You know what? Can we just fucking record. I have plans tonight.” Eric and I talked last night before I got too far gone and he convinced Kate over the phone to give me Sadie’s address. I ain’t done with her, not even close. I don’t know what this pull is, but I’m a curious man and I want to know why that young, sexy, virgin won’t stay off my mind.

“Let’s get to it, boys.” Kings leads us in and we make some damn good music. A certain blue eyed muse can be thanked for that.

§