SHE STILL WEARS THAT cross on her neck, even in a tight one piece that makes my mouth water. Her natural juicy tits are fucking irresistible in that number. Climbing up onto the boat where JJ, Jason and Nick are already waiting with a group of girls, my stomach turns inside out with anxiety. Shit. Girls with barely even two pieces on and scowls meant for Sadie. They don’t like that I brought someone with me—I was fair game until she walked onto this boat.

Nick’s family owns this large Flybird, two story, fifty foot Flybridge Cruiser. It’s big enough with seating by the steering to fit us all, with more room under the boat and at the front deck.

I notice Sadie settling in without any awareness that these women are not a fan of her presence. It makes me angry to see them looking at her like she’s the problem all because they can’t fuck me. They all scream my type. The type I prefer riding my dick and fucking my face, but with Sadie I want to tame that side of me and take it slow, surprisingly.

The women are attractive, but they don’t excite me like Sadie does. They don’t even touch the surface. Maybe it’s her innocence or the way she plays hard to get, I can’t quite pin it, but it makes me want to try harder.

“Sadie, this is JJ and Jason.” I introduce the guys, pointing to each one as I run off their names.

“S’up, gorgeous? You’re certifiably insane to be hanging out with this fucker,” JJ says from his place at the wheel.

“You’re telling me. Nice to officially met you JJ. Sorry I ran out like a crazy person the other night,” she replies shyly, a blush smattering the apples of her cheeks. Fuck, she’s cute.

“It’s all right, he sends us running for the hills too,” Jason adds taking a sip of his Corona.

“He should be on his hands and knees thanking you for hanging around,” Nick chimes in and I shut them all up. Way to be good wingmen.

“Wow, thanks dicks. You’re just jealous.” I sit next to Sadie, putting my arm around her shoulders. I feel her lean into me, the natural connection pulling her to me.

“Oh yeah, why’s that?” Jason questions. I throw Sadie a wink and rolls her eyes, dropping her head.

“First, because you wish you were sitting next to this stunning woman.” I hear the girls snicker and mumble, gaining them a sneer from me. Sadie notices, but instead of saying anything, she just hangs on my words, focusing on me. I dig the fuck out of her for not being petty like the other girls I’ve always been around.

“Second, I plan on spending all my time with this dime piece, so your fuck faces will see me less, and that makes you sad.”

“Oh fuck off, dip shit.” Everyone laughs, but the only one I hear is the cute giggle next to me.

Leaning into Sadie as the boat leaves the dock, I bring my lips to her exposed neck. Leaving a light kiss there, I move my lips to her ear. “I love when you laugh.”

Turning to look up at me, she smirks. “I love when you make me laugh.” There is something refreshing about the genuineness in her words. She isn’t here to fuck me or climb some fame ladder. She’s here because something inside her that goes against everything she is, is calling out to her. She’s curious—as am I.

“You’re dangerous Ben. I should run, but I don’t want to.”

“Then don’t,” I challenge her, leaving an open mouth kiss in the crook of her neck.

“Don’t give me a reason to.” I think about what she’s asking, what that will mean. I have every trigger in the world to fuck this up, it’s in my blood. In the crossroads where Sadie and I meet, we are a head-on train wreck waiting to collide. Living a life with morals is not who I am or plan to ever be. Settling on a place where God is present isn’t going to happen.

But keeping Sadie is something that I want. It’s not even forty-eight hours after meeting her and I want to claim ownership over her. Write a thousand love songs about the way she smiles, the way she breaths, the way her curvy body capitalizes sin. Demons in me are fighting to steal the angel inside of her.

How will she ever be able to fall for a man like me and stick around when I think fucked up things like that?

“I don’t know who I am anymore or where this will go, but Sadie, this is just the beginning. Hold on tight, angel.” With those words, I see her physically take in what I’m saying. The boat is far enough out and I give her no time to speak. Standing, I pick her up and she squeals.

“Ben!” Without saying anything, I walk us to the edge of the boat. Throwing her in the water, I jump in right after her. Coming up for air seconds later, she splashes me with a cupped hand of water.

“You little turd! I didn’t even take my clothes off!” She’s still wearing her shorts and I find my hat floating next to me. Snatching it, I place it on and splash her back.

“You like it when I play? Come here sexy.” I reach for her. Her arms are crossed and her little pout is fucking adorable. “Oh come on, don’t be like that. You can’t stay mad at me, look at me. I’m wicked fucking cute.” I wiggle my brows and I see the slightest lift of her lips as she shakes her head in denial.

“Come gimme a kiss and let me make it up to you, sweet thing.” I wrap my arms around her waist, placing her round, thick ass in my hungry hands.

“No!” I squeeze her ass and bury my face in her neck, biting and dragging my scruff along the slim column. “Ah! Okay!” She forfeits, wrapping her legs and arms around me.

“You just got charmed the hell out of. Call it The Ben Cooper Effect.” Rolling her eyes, she looks back up to the boat for a split second, her face dripping with water droplets, her blue eyes are so damn large and round and innocent looking. I think about her getting off last night and how wet she was when she orgasmed against her yoga pants.

“You really think so highly of yourself. Maybe I don’t find you that attractive. Maybe I like other things.”

“What else do you like? You still like that other guy, Mike?” My jealousy side rears its ugly head.

“I never said that. I’m just trying to test you a bit, see what you do.” She peers up at me.

“You want to make me jealous?”

“Maybe? What happens when you get jealous?”

“You don’t want to know, baby,” I growl, my lip lifting in a snarl. I don’t know what’s gotten into her, but her testing the waters makes me want to rage, yet still turning me on all at once.

“Try me, Ben,” she moans on a shaky breath. She’s just as scared to know my answer, it’s written all over her face.

“Sadie, I will have you as mine. I’ve never said no to wanting someone, not a single person. But I know I want you. All of you. Exclusively. And know that you are now mine. If you ever let anyone touch you like this…” I reach my hand under the water and between her legs, cupping her pussy. Gasping, she peers at the boat making sure no one is paying attention. I don’t, however, take my attention off her. I watch her lips gape a little, enough to lick the seam and taste just the tip of her tongue.

“They can’t see us.” I assure her. “Can Mike or any other man make you come like I did last night? Huh baby?” I dip into her shorts and start to rub against her swimsuit covered slit.

“N…n…no,” she stutters looking back at me.

“Exactly and if he or anyone ever tries to do to you what I do, I’ll make each second of their lives one they’ll regret. I’m not kidding, Sadie. You’re mine now. Two days in and I plan to make each day another day where you become more and more mine. Not even God can save you now,” I warn, going in for her lips, stopping the words before they fall from her with a kiss to end all kisses. My tongue slides against hers, her taste feeding my taste buds and flooding my system.

I rub her clit faster as she begins to push down on me, her tongue messy against mine as the water from her hair falls between our lips.

“Mmmm, Ben. I wanna come again. Make me come,” she cries against my lips, her breath hot. Sadie is eager for more, chasing something she has never experienced and I want to gladly oblige and be her protege.

“You can’t make a sound. You fucking moan like you did last night and everyone will see you losing a piece of your innocence and that shit’s not gonna happen. That’s my innocence.” She nods, dropping her forehead against mine. We lock eyes and I rub faster. She bites her lip and I see a storm chasing in her eyes.

“What, baby?”

“Touch me, there.”

“Where?” I know where, but I want her to say it.

“You know.” I shake my head, daring her to say what’s waiting on the tip of her tongue.

“Say it out loud.”

“Touch my vagina.” She blushes and if this were anyone else, I would laugh. But instead my heart warms and the man inside me, the beast, awakens, loving that she’s so pure.

“Pussy, you want me to touch your pussy, baby? You can say it, it’s not a bad thing.” She blushes more and nods. Hesitating she looks around, her face flushed in arousal and her eyes dilated. I keep watching her, intrigued by the way she’s experiencing something so intimate in a setting this raw.

“Um…you can touch my...um, please touch my...” She’s flustered and it’s fucking cute—yeah I said cute. The way her cheeks rose and her breathing staggers with trepidation.

“It’s okay angel,” I reassure her, wanting her to be who she wants with me—a different breed of woman, unhinged and at the mercy of her own pleasure.

“Touch my pussy, please Ben.” I snap and kiss her again, my hand leaving her shorts. She cries at the loss and I kiss her harder, the water around us beginning to still. After I get enough of her taste for a few seconds, I pull away.

“Not here, not in a lake surrounded by people. Tonight, when I take you home, I will touch your beautiful little untouched pussy, and I will make it damn good for you, angel mine.”

Her head drops and her face hangs with shame—embarrassed. Guilt quickly consumes me as I remember she’s new to this, a virgin, a Christian virgin. Maybe making her test limits and delaying her satisfaction wasn’t the best thing to do. Rev her up just to pull my foot off the pedal during full speed. Halting her to a stop before she had time to enjoy the ride may have been the worst thing to do to an unexperienced driver.

“Don’t be ashamed, this is part of who I am with you. I don’t respect everyone, not even most women, but I respect the fuck out of you and I won’t share you or any part of us with anyone. I want to get you home and make sure you are properly worshipped.”

“Okay.” She nods, her forehead rolling against mine, her body slowly becoming less tense.

“Okay. Now let’s get out of our clothes. We’re gonna lay out and enjoy my last day here.” I’m leaving for two weeks tomorrow and it’s going to be the first time I’ll miss being away from home. It will give me something to look forward to for the first time in a long time.

Within the next hour we’re sunbathing on the deck of the boat. I have a beer in my hand and a joint nudged behind my ear, ready to light up. Sadie watches me as I light it and take a drag. The first hit of Indica weed is thick tasting and pungent, just how I like it.

“You do weed?” she questions and I all but fucking snort when she asks. Her naivety casted in a glow of innocence is humorous.

“It’s not ‘do weed,’ it’s ‘smoke weed.’ I smoke weed.” She blushes, her chin dropping and a smile tugging at her.

“Sorry.” She chuckles softly. “I’m not really familiar with that kind of stuff. I sound like such an idiot.” She insults herself.

“You aren’t an idiot. I like that this lifestyle isn’t something you’re used to. I don’t want to see clear water turn tainted.”

“Is that all you do?” Sadie questions.

“I drink, and on occasion I dabble in some harder stuff.”

“Harder stuff?” Inquiring, she turns on her side and her feet make contact with mine, tangling themselves. Sadie may be curvy but next to my taller lean frame she looks incredibly delicate. Her hand finds my chest and her wide blue eyes draw me in like the view of a fallen sun.

“Sometimes, if the mood strikes.” I pause, not sure if she’s ready to know this part of me or if I’m ready to share this part of me. What if it pushes her away? What if her cross tangles my neck and suffocates me? Tangling myself into a web of what if’s I finally give into the bigger part of me that trust her.

“I do cocaine on rare occasions.” I gauge her, watching everything my eyes can see to find any sign of fear or rejection. I watch her lips stay in a firm line. Her nose doesn’t lift, but in her eyes I see it. Her brows draw in and I see the familiar look of pity. She doesn’t know anything about me, yet she feels pity for me. Wanting pity isn’t on my agenda, but wanting her is, and if she gets with me, she has to know the dangers of me. It’s only fair.

“I don’t know much, but I know that’s dangerous. I see many patients a day on that stuff and they always come in from injuries they sustained while on it.”

“Nose candy will do that to you. That’s why I rarely do it.” I don’t tell her about the fighting. We aren’t there yet and I’m sure as all hell that will send her packing. Whenever I’m on cocaine, it’s because I’m humiliated and filled with raging regret—needing more than anything to feel invincible and the white powder gives me that extra edge.

For a split second I start to see my father and his descending fist coming down on my face, hell I almost feel it, causing me to take another drag of my joint. But Sadie’s voice carries through the noise in my brain. “Nose candy?”

Her short nails draw infinity symbols on my chest and I bring my eyes back down to her. “That’s what they call cocaine.” Determined to not have her press me for more information in fear I may tell her all about my dad, my anger disorder and the side effects of my drug use, I take one last drag, exhale it and then holler up to Nick to come take the rest of it from me. I want to be coherent while I’m with my girl. I had enough to calm me down and settle me. Now I want my newest drug—Sadie.

When Nick takes it, he walks away and gives the rest of it to my bandmates. Taking the opportunity, I roll Sadie on to her back and dig my face into the crease of her neck, where her neck and shoulder touch. I bite then growl, running my scruff over the sensitive skin, because the reaction I get every time gets me hard. Squealing, she brings her hands out from under me, up over my back and on ends on top of my shoulders.

“Ben! Stop, that tickles. Seriously I’m the most ticklish person alive!” I keep going, enjoying the melody of her laugh and in that small laugh, lyrics come to mind.

Bringing my lips just an inch or two higher, I whisper singsong in her ear. “She’s the girl with eyes the purest blue and a laugh like a melody, she makes me want to get lost and never come back to my lonely reality.” Her laughing dies down and her breath hitches in my ear, her hands gripping my shoulders harder with the sudden change of mood.

“Sing it again.” The breathy sound of her voice in my ear makes me more than willing to oblige.

“She’s the girl with eyes the purest blue and a laugh like a melody, she’s makes me want to get lost and never come back to my lonely reality.”

“You’re changing something in me, Ben.” She repeats what we have said multiple times already.

“You’re changing something in me too, which means it’s only fair.” Sadie turns her head and lays a soft kiss on my cheek. I have a feeling that this is just the fucking beginning of something neither of us will ever understand. This is something greater than Sadie and I, a force between us by a greater power. I turn my head and find her lips. Instantly they fuse with mine and I think for a second that I don’t believe in God, but I do believe in my mother. Maybe this is the start of her forgiving me for not being there the night she died, Sadie is her forgiveness.

§

All day we laid out, played in the water when we got too warm, then lazed away. The sun sets and we’re filled with enough vitamin D that we could sleep like the dead. The boat nears the dock and Sadie is beginning to fall asleep on my shoulder, her curvy form snuggled into my side.

“Sadie, angel. Wake up, we’re back.” Her long lashes flutter open and her glassy tired eyes shine up at me. I kiss the side of her temple, letting my lips linger for just a moment, taking in her scent.

Our intimate moment is interrupted when her phone rings. She reaches into her purse and pulls it free. Seeing her mom is FaceTiming her, she answers it quickly. My face isn’t in sight and I try and keep it that way as she keeps it close to her face. If Sadie is as religious as she is, I can only imagine what her parents are like.

“Mama, hey!” Sadie’s a spitting image of her mother, beautiful and all smiles and at first sight you can see the resemblance.

“Where are you? Are you at the lake?” her mother questions as a man enters the room behind her, leaving me to assume it’s her father.

“Yeah, Kate and I came with my new friends. Mama, this is Ben.” I panic and before I can move or tell her no, she turns the camera on me, putting me on the spot. Fuck me.

“Well hi! I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned a Ben before sweetie. Nice to meet you Ben!” Her mom’s face lights up as does her dad’s, throwing me off a bit. I can see in the little box that my tattoos are showing as is the cigarette—where my joint was hours ago—behind my ear. They can’t think anything good of this. Let’s not forget to mention the fact that my arm is comfortably draped around her shoulder intimately.

“Hi, I’m Ben Cooper. Nice to meet you guys.” I put my best foot forward and bite my tongue making sure I keep my language clean and my manners as close to southern hospitality as I can.

“Hello, Ben. I’m Raydeen and this is my husband Stanley McCallister. It’s nice to meet you, son.”

“Nice to meet you.” I nod my head, cursing myself for being stumped and unable to find the right words. I’m only digging my hole deeper at this point.

“Absolutely, well we were just gonna call and chat, but I see y’all are busy, baby. We’ll be home later this week!”

“Okay, mama. I’ll call you later. I can’t wait to see you guys.”

“We love you, sweetie, and Ben, it’s nice to meet you. Hopefully we can meet you in person soon, son.” Her father speaks and surprisingly it’s not as aggressive as I assumed it was going to be.

“Absolutely.” Thank fuck I’m leaving town tomorrow. I’m not ready to meet the parents and I sure as hell know they aren’t ready to meet me. I like Sadie—a lot—more than I like anyone I know, but that’s exactly why meeting her parents isn’t something I want to do. If they have any sense of care over their daughter, then when they meet me they’ll make sure she runs far away from me.

She ends the call and I release a calming breath. I feel her eyes on me as I busy myself with watching the boat roll into the dock.

“Ben, you don’t need to be afraid of my parents. They’re great people,” she assures, reading me like an open book.

“That’s the exact reason. You’re too good for me and they’ll see it.”

“Don’t do that.” Her head drops and I become the one to watch her.

“Do what?” I massage her shoulder, kneading the soft warm skin from the afterglow of the sun.

“Don’t assume that I don’t know what’s good for me, and that they’ll make me see you differently than I already see you.”

“And how do you see me?” I implore, intrigued to know her perception of the man I am.

“I see hope. I see a man lost but looking. You hide behind the rock star, but underneath it all, when you think no one is looking—underneath that facade—you’re real, you’re human.”

“We’re all human, Sadie,” I tease, pointing out the obvious, a poor attempt to steer this conversation somewhere else. This is too intimate, too soul baring and my wounds are scarcely close to being reopened and laid out for her.

“We’re all human, yes, but Ben you’re a different kind of human. You’re the best of the best. The kind of man that makes you want to be in his world. How many humans truly have that gift?” I hear her faith in each and every one of her words, her belief in me isnt something I deserve. After my mother passed, I lost all faith—it completely dissipated with the rest of my heart, and yet Sadie is making that all sound so fucking tangible, something I desire to have again.

“You should write fucking poetry or music baby, you make words sound good.” I shift the conversation, because it’s all I can do. Sadie has no idea what she has the power to set free if she digs her hands deep enough into my chest and around my heart. Shit is black inside, like blood—dark as night and her clean hands would take every fucking drop of it if I let her.

“I do love music, I just haven’t had much time to spend on playing the piano or going to concerts. Shoot your show was the first one I’ve seen in over a year.”

“Gorgeous, sexy, smart and talented. What else are you gonna throw at me, woman?” She giggles, brushing me off, the heavy in our conversation slowly fading into the background with the setting sun.

“Oh stop, I’m not that talented. Mama and papa say I can sing, but I don’t know.” Everyone starts to pile off the boat, even the bikini dressed bimbos who gave Sadie the stare down the entire day.

“I guess you’ll have to sing for me in the car.” I stand, grabbing her hand.

“No, no—no way.”

“Come on. If not in the car, then I’ll just play the gorgeous white piano I saw at your house when I get you home and then you can sing there,” I challenge. I’ll make sure I hear her voice tonight.

“Deal,” she forfeits and accepts the latter.

“Good.” Furrowing my brows, I wait a moment to watch her turn and saunter away sassily, catching up to Kate. I watch her hips sway, the sultry walk having a way about it. When they get to the end of the short pier she peaks her eyes over her shoulder to look back at me and gives me a flirtatious wink.

“Close your mouth or catch your drool, son,” Nick remarks, coming to stand next to me.

“What?” I glance at him, still in a haze.

“Listen, I know your lifestyle and the things that come around your stage every night,” he insults me and refers to the groupies and copious amounts of drugs. “Try not to let them get too much of you. Sadie seems like a nice girl and you don’t break hearts, Benny boy, you fucking destroy them. Don’t do that to one of the few good ones left.” Usually I would deck any other man in the face if he questioned my character, true or not, but I don’t on the bases that he’s my family. Nick has a point, though, I destroy hearts, break them in half and scatter the ashes over them as they beg on their knees for mercy.

The difference between them and Sadie—is Sadie. Her innocence is intoxicating and I’m addicted to all things intoxicating. She poisons my blood and in this game, even so shortly in, she holds the cards and I will be the only one on my knees with her holding the ashes of my weakened heart.

I chase after her like a fool at her feet blowing off Nick for now.

§