Hazel’s eyes were squeezed so tight I could barely see them anymore. Her grip could put an arm wrestler to shame. She buried her head against my shoulder. I prayed she wouldn’t cry. I couldn’t take it.

“You’re being a trooper, Hazelnut. Almost finished now.”

The phlebotomist was starting the third and last vial. Just a routine blood draw but Hazel was deathly afraid, even after everything she’d already endured with her kidney disease. I suspected it wasn’t as much painful as it was the idea of having your blood sucked out with a needle.

“Just think of it as a really hungry momma mosquito,” I whispered, “and she has a whole bunch of hungry babies at home she needs to feed too.” I heard a soft giggle, so I kept going. “This is their family night, so she wanted to bring home something really special as a treat. That’s why she found the sweetest girl around. What kind of movies do you think mosquitoes watch?” Her giggles got harder. I loved that sound, and it was highly appropriate for her age. “Or how about board games? Do you think they play Mosquitopoly?”

“Oh, Jillian.” She was in full-out laughter mode now and probably didn’t even realize the wad of cotton already taped to her skin.

I glanced at Chase, who squeezed my other hand a couple times. He stood up, and Hazel darted her eyes to her right.

He smiled. “All done.”

“Yay. That wasn’t so bad.” She hopped out of the chair, bringing me up with her.

“No, you were very brave,” I said.

Chase kissed my cheek and whispered, “I love you,” and I leaned into him.

Hazel tugged on my hand. “Is Grandma here yet?”

“I think so,” Chase said. “Why don’t you go pick out something from the chest, and then we’ll go check.”

Hazel bounded off to pick out a toy. For all she’d been through, she should get a trip to Disneyland. She returned with a little plastic microphone. “I wanna sing like you someday, Jillian.”

“She does have a beautiful voice, doesn’t she?”

Hazel gave one giant nod.

Man, could my heart get any mushier right now?

The three of us went back out to the waiting room where Linda waited. Sometimes she couldn’t make it altogether, and we just took Hazel to her appointments at St. Mary’s. Then we’d take her out for ice cream or do something else fun until her grandmother got off work. Or other times, like this one, she’d get there in time to drive her home.

“Grandma!” She ran into Linda’s arms. “It wasn’t bad at all. Jillian said I was very brave.”

“That’s wonderful, Hazel.” Linda looked at us and mouthed, “Thank you.”

“Can we go to Freddy’s and get ice cream?”

“Oh, I think that can be arranged.”

We hugged her goodbye and left hand in hand down the hallway. “It’s still early yet,” I said.

“Take a walk to our rock?”

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

Every so often when we didn’t have Hazel after an appointment, we’d go sit on ‘our’ rock. I think if I ever saw someone using it, I’d freak out. Hand them an eviction notice. I’d claimed it long ago, even though Chase had practically lived there since he was a little boy due to his mom’s rheumatic heart and many relapses.

Exiting the front doors and rounding the corner, we set off on the path to go into the woods. I swung his arm with mine, feeling joyful to be stealing this extra time with him before we needed to show up for family dinner.

“You up for tomorrow night?”

“I’m definitely up for it, Jillian.”

Chase was getting together with Daniel and Stephen. He didn’t even seem nervous at all. Not that he should be, but… this was going to be the first time Chase would be around my son without me. Stephen invited them over per Perry’s suggestion, but that’s where her idea ended. Thankfully, neither of them was interested in anything else she’d hinted at. They’d probably just end up going back to the corner bar, anyway.

“It’s not going to seem weird to you?”

“Do you want it to seem weird to me?”

I stepped on top of stones and fallen branches, so I didn’t sink too far into the muddy ground. It wasn’t as nice walking through there after all the rain we’d been having.

“Of course not. I just…. I don’t know. I just want you guys to get along well, that’s all. You’re my favorite people.”

He squeezed my hand. “We will. We already do. There’s only good ahead, Jillian. I’m not going to believe anything else.”

We came to the clearing, and Chase grasped around my waist and lifted me onto the flat rock. Just like he always did. And just like he always did, he kissed me before he let go and went over to the other side.

I set my purse aside and lay back, rubbing my hands over my long-sleeved arms. It was colder there with all the tree coverage. Out in the sun, I would’ve been fine in a T-shirt.

He lay beside me, taking my hand, and I curled into him. It wasn’t the same as being there on a hot summer night watching the stars through the treetops, but it was our own private spot, and I’d go there with him no matter what time of year.

“We should come here more often, even when Hazel doesn’t need to be.” His fingers trailed up and down my back. “I think this is where I first fell in love with you.” Even if I’d refused to acknowledge it at the time.

“I fell in love with you long before that, Jillian.” He brought my hand to his lips.

“I didn’t make it easy for you.”

“Nothing worth it ever is.”

I listened to his heartbeat, lulling me into a peaceful trance. There was nothing about him that wasn’t strong. Or if there was, I hadn’t discovered it yet.

“Thank you for believing in us.”

If he hadn’t been so sure of our relationship from the very beginning, I wouldn’t be sharing this moment with the love of my life. I wanted to give him everything, yet wasn’t sure if I could.

“I’ll always believe in us.”

I wanted that so badly. A breeze picked up and I shivered. He held me tighter, and I pictured us always being like that. Forever was still a hard concept to grasp, but he’d given me no reason to doubt him. He’d always give me what I needed, but what I doubted was my ability to give him what he needed.

“I need to talk to you about something, Jillian. Since we have some time—”

Oh shit. “Now?”

He laughed. “Yes, why wouldn’t it be now?”

My chest pounded, and I was sure he could feel it against his. He was going to bring up children again; I was sure of it. He’d given it some time to marinate without putting any pressure on me, and now he’d try to find out where I stood. I was scared shitless. Perry said I should be willing to discuss it with him, and she was absolutely right. He deserved at least that from me. Perry….

“We’ve never tried anal sex yet.”

“What?”

I bit down on my bottom lip. Why the hell did I say that? I mean, I was thinking it because of what Perry said, but I’m pretty sure she was joking. But then again, maybe not.

“What, Jillian?” he asked again, a chuckle in his voice.

“You sound a little amused.”

“That’s because I am. Where’d that come from?”

Did I really want this conversation? Yes, more than the other one, I decided. At least at that very moment. And just because Mike turned me off to it didn’t mean Chase couldn’t turn me back on. It could happen. Maybe.

“Well, we’ve been together for a while now and have done so many things together sexually, but not that.” I could probably stretch this out until we had to leave. “Didn’t you ever want to?”

“I always got the feeling you weren’t into that.”

“I wasn’t because I had a bad experience, but now, why not?”

“Why not?” He repeated it slowly, like I was having trouble figuring out my own mind.

God, this was stupid. I glanced downward and saw the bulge in his pants. I slapped his chest. “Chase! You’re hard.”

“Why wouldn’t I be? You’re talking about sex with me.”

“But… anal sex.”

“Yes, you mentioned that.”

I had no clue how he could be both amused and aroused at the same time.

“So, this is something you want. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have gotten an erection in the first five seconds of talking about it.”

“Aren’t you the one who brought it up? I thought you wanted it.”

“I don’t know. I’m confused.”

“You’re confused?”

Okay, this is definitely stupid. I took a deep breath. I needed to woman up. “All right, never mind all this right now. You said you had something to talk to me about?”

I wasn’t looking at his face, but I could guarantee that there was a whacked-out expression on it, and I was the one who put it there.

“There’s a mandatory teaching seminar I’m required to go to at the end of May.”

A teaching seminar? That’s what I used my anal conversation for?

“Oh, is that all? I thought….”

“Thought what?”

“Nothing. Now, about the seminar. You do that stuff all the time. You made it sound like a big deal.”

“It’s in upstate New York.”

“Oh.”

“For a week.”

“Oh.”

“The school tries to send us every year. We didn’t know each other last May, so you had no idea. And this year with the scheduling conflicts, it looked like it wasn’t going to happen at all. Until I received word yesterday.”

“Is this for only certain teachers or…?” Please don’t say it, please don’t say it.

“It’s for all the teachers at the school. We go right after the term ends.”

Fuck. My insides were having an origami contest. I wanted to go back to the butt sex. Take it dry. Whatever. Just not think about him going away for a week. With Cassie.

“Wow, a week.” That’s all I could say.

“I know. It sucks, but I’ll be back in plenty of time for the wedding. I just want to make sure you’re okay with it.”

I picked up my head, resting my chin on his chest. “I kinda don’t have a choice, do I?”

He smiled, brushing away the hair that had fallen into my eyes. “I wish it weren't required, and you’re welcome to come with me. Although, the school doesn’t allow guests since they’re footing the bill. We all stay at a conference center because of the long days. It’s pretty intensive. I could find you a place to stay nearby, and we could meet whenever I had a break.”

“No, Chase. That’s silly. This is your job, and you need to be focused on it, not worrying about me.” I trusted him, even if I didn’t trust Cassie. I had to put on my big girl panties and prove that to him. “I’ll miss you like crazy, but you know what they say about absence.”

“Yes, I experience it every time I leave you for the night.”

“Hmm… maybe that’s a good thing, then? You love me more when you can’t be around me.”

“I love you more regardless, Jillian.”

“You know, I want you to start staying over again. It’s been long enough with Daniel, right?”

I nibbled on my lips. Part of me didn’t want to care at all. I was an adult, and it was my house. Daniel was an adult temporarily living back home. I was the one with the authority to call the shots. But in the end, it did matter what he thought because I didn’t want to screw anything up. And I didn’t want it to seem like one big free-for-all under my roof with me endorsing sleepovers between consenting adults.

“You don’t look very sure,” he said. “We’re already taking a forward step by getting together tomorrow night. Let’s just take it one day at a time and go from there, okay?”

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“So, are you going to tell me why you brought sex into our conversation before?”

“See, you are interested in that. First you got hard, and now you’re mentioning it again.”

“I’m mentioning it because I want to know what you were so afraid of me talking about. But let me be clear with you first, and then you can be clear with me. If you offer me your ass, not as a diversion tactic but because you want me to take it, I will fuck it, Jillian. And I can promise you that I’ll make it feel really good.”

“Um….” I squirmed a bit. How could he make something like that sound so sexy?

“Your turn.”

I gathered my thoughts. “Chase, I… I just want to be as confident as you, that’s all. I want to believe that we’ll get through anything no matter what is thrown our way.”

“Then believe it. That’s all you have to do.” I remained quiet. “What specifically are you worried about?”

“Nothing I want to get into because right now is perfect. Right now I believe in forever, and it feels wonderful.”

He looked into my eyes. “Okay, Jillian.”

My phone sounded from my purse, and I rolled over and pulled it out. A text from Perry lit up the screen.

I think you’d better get here ASAP. Daniel has some huge news, and he’s waiting for you. I’ll give you one guess who he brought with him to share it.

Shit.

We’re on our way.

I was steaming by the time we arrived, having plenty of time to percolate in the car. This was family dinner; it wasn’t family dinner plus Cassie. She did not belong there, but she seemed to be making a habit of inserting herself where she didn’t belong, so why should it surprise me? I wondered if he’d cleared it with my mom first or if he’d just shown up with her. The fact that she was there at all gave me the foulest taste in my mouth. What kind of news could they possibly have to share together? Even Frank’s food sounded as appetizing as a plate of mealworms.

We stepped up to the porch, and upon opening the front door, I noticed Perry and Daniel huddled off together in the side alcove. I thought that was a little odd. I glanced at Chase, and he gave my arm a squeeze before heading to the kitchen.

I walked over to them. “Hi, guys. What’re you doing in here?”

“Hi, Mom.” I gave him a hug, seeing Perry’s face over his shoulder. Her look spoke volumes, and I knew it couldn’t be good.

“Hey, Jills. Daniel was just asking me something.”

“Oh yeah. What’s that?”

“Uncle Stephen invited me to the bachelor party next month, and I heard it was going to be on the same night as Aunt Perry’s.”

“Yep, that’s how I understand it.” Nothing made me want to run screaming for the hills so far.

“I was just asking her to invite Cassie, as a favor to me. I know it’d mean a lot to her to be included. I’m bringing her to the wedding, so it’s not like she’d be out of place showing up at the party.”

Perry smacked her lips, buying herself some time to think. “My sister is completely in charge of the party, so I really have no control over this part.”

“But you’re the bride-to-be. Stephen was able to invite me even though he’s not in charge of it either.”

“You’re planning on bringing Cassie to the wedding?” I asked.

He nodded, looking at Perry. “I assumed that was fine, right? Usually the invites have a plus one.”

“Daniel, that’s over two months away.”

“So?”

So? Where did I even start?

Perry put her hands on his shoulders. “I’ll tell you what. I can’t promise anything because she already made the reservations, but I’ll talk to Sam about it and see if she can squeeze another one in.”

Daniel looked like he’d just unwrapped the train set we’d given him for his sixth birthday. “Thanks, Aunt Perry.”

“You’re welcome, sweetie.”

He hugged her before leaving the room, and Perry and I just stared at each other. “What the…?”

“I didn’t know what to say, Jills. I couldn’t just stomp all over him by telling him no right away. Did you see his face? Fuck, he was like a puppy begging for a steak dinner.”

“And what about the wedding? He already assumes they’re still going to be together then. What the hell’s up with that, Perry?”

“Shit, I don’t know. This is really fucked up. All I can do is tell him later that Sam couldn’t add another person, although… maybe we could incorporate her into the murder mystery somehow. She’d be dead long before anyone figured out it was real.”

“You two coming?” Stephen yelled. “Daniel’s been waiting to tell his news before we eat.”

We passed a look between us before joining everyone in the dining room. The smell of bolognese sauce wafted around me like it had hundreds of times before, but I was too keyed up to enjoy it.

Daniel was standing in the middle of the room with his arm hooked around Cassie, but she was the one reeling him in. I could see it in her dopey-ass expression as she gazed up at him. That wasn’t affection; it was deception. Luckily I hadn’t eaten yet, or Frank’s good food would’ve been wasted all over the floor.

Chase left my mom to come and stand by me. I gave him a weak smile, and he took my hand. I inched in closer and tilted my head, resting it on the top of his arm. Cassie’s gaze flicked towards us, and I detected a flash of green in her brown eyes before she quickly resumed her role as adoring girlfriend.

I fucking knew it. I don’t care what she told my son—she was not over Chase.

“Go ahead, Daniel,” she squealed. “Everyone’s here.”

Daniel opened his mouth, and I squeezed Chase’s hand. If he was going to announce their engagement, or God forbid, an unplanned half-demon baby on the way, I was going to—

“… and I’ll be starting on Monday.”

Cassie’s screech snapped me out of it further and I blinked hard, feeling horrible for zoning out into my own world for the first part of his sentence.

“You got a job, Daniel?” I asked.

He laughed. “Yes, Mom. Weren’t you listening?”

“I’m sorry. Tell me again.”

“I was hired on with Lydell & Barnes, and I’ll be starting Monday.”

“The firm in Chicago?”

“Yes, but you’ll be happy to hear they also have a branch in Milwaukee. I’ll be commuting to Chicago two days a week, and the rest of the time I’ll be here. Unless I’m traveling, which I’ll be doing a few times a year.”

“Oooh… my boyfriend is an international business man. How exciting.”

I mentally shoved her head in the sauce pot to shut her up and just focused on Daniel. “That’s wonderful. And this is the big news?”

He laughed again. “Yes, were you looking for something bigger?”

“Oh my God, no. This is fantastic, Daniel. I’m beyond thrilled for you.” I plucked him from the leech and hugged him hard, smacking my lips on his cheek. “God, I’m so proud of you. You knew exactly what you wanted, and you went out and got it. And only two days in Chicago? I think I can handle that.”

“I thought you’d like that part.”

I pulled back to see his beautiful grin. “I do. I love all of it. Congratulations. After all your hard work, no one deserves this more.”

I returned to Chase while everyone else took their turns with congrats and pats on the back. He kissed my forehead. “Great news, Jillian,” he whispered.

I nodded. Yes, it was. In so many ways. I was even ready to scarf down a plate of pasta and make Frank recoil when I doused his bread in butter instead of olive oil.

“Hopefully you’ll be rid of me in no time, Mom. I’m going to start looking for my own place soon.”

I loved having him home again, but he’d be close by, and we could still visit often. And once Daniel did move out, I could speak to Chase about my idea to have him stay with me. Permanently. He’d been there most nights anyway before Daniel, so why not live there officially?

“And don’t forget, Daniel,” Cassie said, face so close it looked like she was suctioned to his neck. “If you need somewhere to go in between, you can always stay with me.”

The churning came back with a vengeance. Maybe I’d take that food to go instead.