Chapter 19

Mayhem

 

Regret. That’s something I feel a lot of. Today more than any other. I look at her standing there watching me. Her torn shirt hanging from her perfect frame. What the hell was my drunk ass thinking?

“What’s goin’ on?” Declan asks when he steps up next to us.

His eyes move past me to Taylor. “What the fuck is this, Mayhem?”

“I want to go home, Declan. Can you take me home?” she cries. It hurts. It rips my chest apart hearing her like this.

“You can’t fuckin’ leave! Don’t you get it? You fuckin’ asked for this shit! You wanted me, this is what you fuckin’ get.” I stand with my hands out to my sides to make my point.

“You ok?” Declan steps past me, ignoring what I’ve just said, and going straight to Tay. I drop my hands and huff.

“Come on, let’s get you inside.” Declan puts his arms around a crying Taylor and leads her away from me.

My nerves fire off. That blackening fog encompassing my brain. My chest tightens. Spots fill my eyes. I stagger slightly when Nuts grabs my arm.

“You ok?” he asks. I nod before grabbing my chest. It hurts like hell. I feel like all the air is being sucked from my lungs.

“Mayhem?” I can hear him calling to me, but I can’t see shit. It’s like all the internal fight I had is slowly slipping away. My world is slipping away. I close my eyes and let it suck me under.

“Mayhem! Wake up, Son!” I can hear my dad calling me now. I can’t wake up, though. I can’t pull myself out of this shit. I feel like I’m slowly losing all my sanity, and Tay is taking what’s left.

“Tay.” Her name falls from my lips faintly.

“She’s ok, brother. Let’s get you inside. Doc’s on his way.” Tic’s voice pulls at me. I can feel myself being lifted from the ground.

Time seems to stand still here in the darkness. Nothing hurts anymore. Nothing bothers me. I don’t see anything. I don’t see her. Becca. She isn’t here in the darkness because she was better than that. She was better than this, and so is Taylor. I can’t let her get sucked into this life.

She could have been shot. She could have been killed on the back of my bike tonight. Then I would have had two women’s deaths on my hands. Their blood coating my soul. The pain begins to come back. My chest constricts. I’ve never felt my heart beat the way that it is now. It slams roughly inside of me.

“What the hell?” I hear Brooke yell. My head feels like it’s about to explode. My body’s on fire. Heat explodes inside of me.

“Doc’s on his way!” Monster calls out from somewhere.

“This is my fault!” I hear Tay yell.

No, it’s mine. It’s all my fault, Tay. I try to open my mouth but all that comes out are grunts and groans.

“Don’t try to talk, Son. Wait till Doc gets here,” my dad says softly. I’m lowered onto what I assume is my bed. The bed shifts next to me. Heat scorches my arm. She’s here. Even after what I did to her. She’s here with me.

“It’s ok, Mayhem. I’m so sorry,” she whispers. Her voice is close to me. I want to reach for her. I want to grab her and tell her that it was my fault. But I can’t. I’m lost in the fog swarming me. The darkness that wants to pull me further into its depths. And I want it.

I want it to swallow me whole. I want it to take me away from all the guilt and pain that I’ve felt for years.

I want to let go and let it pull me wherever it wants, but it’s her that’s holding me.

It’s Tay.