MANDY
“I can’t believe you are here. What are you doing here Mandy?”
I didn’t know what to say, passed the fact that he was standing right there and I missed him. God, I had to stop the words from coming out of my mouth. What was wrong with me when all it was I could think about was the last time the two of us were together in such a way? I was shocked to say nothing and it was only when a tall blonde woman walked up behind him and asked him when he was going to be able to leave that I pulled it together.
“I’ll be ready to leave soon Amber.”
Amber could tell that she was being ignored and I stood up a little straighter in the woman’s presence. I don’t know why, but I wanted to know who she was and though I think I had a good idea of who she was, I wanted confirmation.
“No, don’t let me hold you up Greg. Maybe we can catch up another time. Nice to see you again. It has been a long time.”
I started to walk away and though I was happy to see him, filling my eyes with Greg, I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to talk to him and explain myself. There was a part of me that wanted to, but more than that I knew that it wasn’t going to end well. If I told him the truth, Greg wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me. That much I knew for sure.
The breath in me was starting to come easy again and my eyes looked for my friend Alise. I wanted to get out of there before I ran into someone else, though there weren’t any more Greg’s running around. He was the only man that I had ever loved and there was a part of me that was sure that it wasn’t possible to love someone more than I had loved Greg.
“Mandy?”
I felt his hand on my shoulder before I heard him calling my name. There was something in his green eyes that I didn’t understand, but I didn’t want to. Looking behind him, I asked where his friend was.
“Why did you take off? You’re really bad about that, you know that right?”
“Bad about what?”
“Taking off on me.”
I was silent for a moment. He was talking about the fact that I had just left. I had left Watertown in the dust, along with my boyfriend at the time. I’d never say goodbye and that was one of the reasons that I knew it was going to be hard to talk to Greg again. I wasn’t proud of what I had done and how I had acted, but there had been no other choice for me. I had to do, what I had to do, no matter how hard it had been or how hard it was then with the past staring me in the face.
“Sorry, I don’t think your wife or girlfriend wanted you talking to me, so I didn’t want to get you in trouble with her.”
Greg looked at me as if he didn’t understand what I was saying. “Who? Amber?”
He waved her off like she wasn’t important. “Yes.”
“She is just a friend.”
I smiled and remembered that we had been ‘friends’ a long time ago too.
“So you never got married?”
He shook his head. “Never found a woman that made me want to. Not in a long time anyways.”
I didn’t know what the last bit was about. We had dated our senior year. He had tried to date me several times, but I had been focused on my studies. When I finally gave into his boyish good looks and piercing green eyes, I knew that I had made a mistake. I loved him not long after that and I wasn’t sure if I had ever loved someone the same again or if I ever would. Greg had been a special kind of love and almost fifteen years later, he still made me feel the same.
“What about you, are you married?”
“God, no.” My answer was paired with a strong shake of my head. The last thing I wanted to think about was getting married. I had never even come close. I had been asked, but never once had I thought to actually say yes to one of those kinds of questions. I was more likely to never get married, especially when it was figured that I was already in my thirties.
“I can’t imagine some guy not snatching you up a long time ago.”
Shrugging, I looked around again for Alise. Maybe she could pull me from his grips that he had on me so that I could get out of there. Every minute I spent with Greg was not good. I knew that I wanted to talk to him more, see how he was, but I was afraid of what would happen after that. I knew that part of me would always love him, but I had left him for a reason and that reason was still just as valid as it once was. It was actually more so now because I wasn’t prepared for him this time. I had had years to know the difference between what we had had and what I would have with others. At the time I was with Greg, I didn’t understand how special it really was and how special it was going to be as time went on. That was the hardest part of all of it. I knew what I had lost now and though I couldn’t go back, there was a large part of me that wanted to. I wanted to go back to the way things were when I was permanently in his arms.
“I never really thought about it. Life got busy and I haven’t really had any time for things like that.”
It was a lame excuse. I knew that. I could hear it in my voice. There was no conviction and I was sure that Greg could hear it too. He had to understand that I was dying inside to talk to him and to be so close to him. I knew that I wanted him, badly, but I don’t think he ever really knew how much I liked him and loved him. I was always quiet with my feelings, but for some reason I was finding it hard to hold it all in. I felt like I was going to burst and again all I could think about was getting away from him so that I could breathe again.
“Come have a drink with me. It has been fourteen years and I think that there is much for us to catch up on.”
I told him that I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I had to get home and get up early. I didn’t mention that my son had to be picked up and brought his clothes because he always forgot something. I didn’t want him to know about Alfie. I wasn’t ready for that, if I ever was. There was a part of me that didn’t think I would ever be able to go down that route.
“Come on Mandy, you can’t give me the time for just one drink? Not for old time’s sake at least?”
I couldn’t tell him no. That was a big problem and had always been that way for as long as I could remember. I wanted to do everything and anything to please him and there was a part of me that still felt that way, whether I wanted to or not.
“Yes, but just one. You have your friend waiting for you.”
“And who do you have waiting for you Mandy?”
I didn’t really give him an answer, just walked to the bar and waited for the bartender to get around to serving us. The sooner I got the drink, the quicker I would be able to get it down and then find Alise to get out of there. I was suffocating again and I knew that it was Greg that was taking up all of the oxygen in the room. He looked good, like always and I couldn’t help the way my body reacted to him. Greg still looked like he had then and it was hard not to relive some of the better parts of our six month relationship.