SECRET ADMIRER
BOOK - 4
Chapter 1
“I know that you have been up all night long pacing back and forth with worry. I was going to join you, but I believed that you needed time to reflect and to think about what all of this will mean. We will have everything that we want, but in the end five years is only a spit in the bucket compared to the rest of our lives. I think that we love for life and that nothing that Caleb is going to do is going to prevent that. The only thing that I ask is that you don’t break my heart. I don’t think that I could take that.” “I wanted to tell him of my curiosity for why he was talking on the phone, so early in the morning. I didn’t want him to ever let me go, but I had this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that he was thinking about doing something foolish. The look on his face told me that he had come to some sort of decision.”
“You’ve always had the key and you just didn’t know it. You’re that light that shines down on my life. That’s something that I never thought was possible. I really did believe that money would make me happy. It was nice to sleep in the finest places and to be with girls that were young enough to be my daughter. I liked those 20 year old fresh faces, but they don’t compare to what we have together. I’ve been trying to deny my feelings for some time and I can’t do it anymore. This is the kind of crazy love that grabs you and never wants to let go. I’ve been up all night thinking about Caleb and how wrong it is for him to play with people’s lives like this.” Randal had gone back and forth, but finally he had bitten the bullet and had called an old friend that would remain nameless.
“I don’t like how you’re talking. You can’t possibly think that we can get the upper hand on Caleb. He has been doing this a long time. He probably has all of his bases covered. I don’t want my secret admirer to leave me this soon in the relationship. You gave me a reason to think that a man can be more than I could ever hope for. I can’t even compare the sex that we have with any other time that I’ve been with a man. It’s the kind that leaves you breathless and wanting more. It’s the kind of makes you want to reach out in the middle of the night and take advantage of your partner.” “I don’t want him to do anything that will ruin what we have together. I have to get through to his thick skull. The best way to handle this is to bow down and surrender. It may not taste good going down, but it’s far better than the alternative. I just don’t know if either one of us can do it.”
“I look up at the sky full of stars and I know that what I do down here on earth is nothing compared to the vastness of the universe. I need to do this and I hope that I have your support.” The doorbell rang on their destiny. He retrieved a plain brown wrapper out of the hands of someone that looked a little unsavory. There was money exchanged and then he returned to where Nicole was waiting patiently. “I know that the authorities will never be able to capture him, so it’s going to be up to me to make sure that he never gets his hooks into somebody like that again.”
Randal would miss being Royce, but if he had Nicole, then he had everything that he would need. By taking this insanity this far, he was putting his own life in danger. He couldn’t in good conscience allow this playboy with too much money than brains to work this kind of deal on somebody else.
“You know that I will stand by you, but I really want you to consider the consequences.” Nicole saw the revolver coming out of the bag and it didn’t look real. It was made of plastic and only the bullets would send up any kind of red flag. “I’m guessing that you think that he’s going to take some precautions to make sure that his life is not in danger. Caleb has probably had several threats on his life and I doubt seriously that he holds any malice. He knows how the human mind works. He probably knows that you’re going to come after him?” “This was not what I wanted for our lives, but I understand how he could feel like we are painted into a corner. I would rather run and never look back, but that would only be feeding into his hand. Caleb is destructive and has the money to make people dance like puppets on a string. We have to be the ones to cut those strings permanently.”
“I don’t want you to think that you need to follow me. I would rather do this alone, but I doubt seriously that you’re going to allow me to do that. You should go put on something warm. We’re going to have to meet him in less than ½ hour.” He lay the gun down on the counter and then he walked over to the closet to retrieve her coat. He barely had his hand on it, when he felt something strike him in the back. He stumbled forward and then the door closed behind him, so abruptly that he didn’t get a chance to react.
Nicole grabbed a chair and put it up underneath the handle to the door leading to the closet. “I’m sorry, but I can’t let you have his death on your conscience. I will meet him myself and I will do what is necessary. I hope to you can forgive me and that you don’t feel guilty after I’m gone.” “I’m hoping that this is not my last stand, but I would be foolish to think otherwise. I’m not much for violence, but in this instance it seems prudent to take that risk on my own.”
Randal got back up on his feet and heard every word that Nicole was saying to him. He slammed into the wood of the door with everything that his muscular frame could muster. He pushed and pounded and screamed for her to not do this. “Nicole, I don’t want this for you. This has never been your fight and you need to open up this door. Do you hear me? Tell me that you are listening to me and that you understand what I’m trying to tell you.” Randal pounded on that door, until his knuckles were raw. The only thing that he could do was not give up. Eventually, the door would give and that would be when he would know that it was time to act and not stand on the sidelines.
“You did something stupid, but I don’t think that you should pay for it with your life. I would take it, as a compliment that I want to do this for you. I’m not trying to punish you or give you any reason to doubt the kind of love that I feel for you. You are the sweetest man that I have ever met, but you also the biggest pain in my ass. I want to promise you that I’ll be back, but I don’t know if I can. I don’t even know if I’m going to be able to pull the trigger. He might actually laugh in my face and snatch it out of my grip and use it on me himself. So many things can go wrong. I can’t believe think that I’m going to do something like this.” “It was a beautiful sunny day, but the only thing that I could feel was desperation clawing to get out. Each pound on that door makes me jump back in the hopes that he won’t find that necessary escape from the prison of my own making.”
“I won’t be able to live without you.” He hoped that this would be the one thing that would draw her back from doing god knows want. The recoil of the weapon would be hard enough for him. It would be even harder on a woman that never handled a gun before. She was remarkable and she had a way of looking at things that was different than others. “I never wanted to domesticate you. I wanted to liberate you from an existence that was just going to swallow you whole. I can’t let you do this.” His conviction was evident, but acting upon it was another thing. He was trapped like an animal and if he could have, he would’ve sawed off his own arm to get away.
“I feel, so lucky that I have found you, Randal. It still takes me a bit of time to wrap my mind around the fact that you’re not who you said you were. You can never hide your true face. It doesn’t matter how you dress it up or how you act in public. Who you really are is always there regardless of what you do to the contrary. I’m leaving now before you change my mind. You’re the only person that would be able to do that. I can only hope that I will be able to do you proud.” “I couldn’t breathe and for that one moment I was having what can only be considered, as a panic attack. I was breathing heavy and I grabbed for the nearest bag, which of course turned out to be the brown paper version of what the gun came in.”
“I know that you think that you are doing the right thing, but it’s not. You have to allow me to do this for the both of us. It’s the only way. I will never forgive you or myself for allowing you to take up arms for me. What can I do to get you to see reason? I wanna hear your voice through the static and noise of the beating of my own heart. You know what they say about revenge being best served cold. You’re taking my right for vengeance out of my hands. This isn’t you and I’ve never wanted to make you a killer.” If he could keep her talking long enough, he might be able to break free and take that choice out of her hands. He reeled back with his foot. He heard the splintering of the wood. He also felt the pain of that jarring impact go up his leg like a knife twisting all the way up his inner thighs.
“We both know that this will never end. He needs to be taken to task for what he has done. I was hoping that we could take his deal, but that would’ve been the coward’s way out. We would’ve given him exactly what he wanted. You do know that he forced you into this position. He wanted to talk to me in front of you to dig it in a little bit deeper. He wanted you to react and you played right into his hands. We both played into his hands without even realizing that we were doing it. We should be ashamed of ourselves for letting him get to us like that.” “He is the man of my dreams and the compassion that he has shown me and the fire in his eyes is something that I will never forget. I don’t want to do this, but if I don’t, then he will. He doesn’t want me to be a killer, but I don’t want him to be a killer either. One of us is going to have to take it upon ourselves. For him to think that he can roll over me like a steamroller was foolish.”
“I’m realizing that love can hurt sometimes, but this is the only thing that I know. It’s hard, but it’s the only thing that makes it worthwhile living. We can’t give him that power to hold over us. I know that I can’t stop you and you have made it almost impossible for me to see you face to face. My eyes would have told you how much I would miss you and I would make you break down.” He kicked two more times and there were tears rolling down his cheeks from the intense pain that he was feeling.
“I understand why people go above and beyond for the people that they care for the most. I hope you know that you will never be alone. Even if I’m not there, you will feel me standing beside you and holding your hand to a higher standard. I will never let you go in life or in death and that is a promise that I’m going to keep by hell or high water. I don’t know what the next life holds, but I won’t be able to move on without you. You can’t fit the kind of love that we have in a box. It will stifle it and suffocate it, until there’s nothing left. That is exactly what would happen if you were to place that final nail in his coffin.” “I will always remember the way that he kissed me and the feel of his body next to my own. I have to believe that things will work out the way that they are supposed to. If I’m to die on this day, I’m damned and determined to take a piece of Caleb with me. If I can kill him then that will be the icing on the cake, but will I be whole or splintered into a million pieces by having that weigh down on my conscience? I don’t think I will be alive long enough to find out.”
“I’m warning you that he can’t be trusted. He will know what is going on in your heart and he will be ready for you. That’s the one thing that I love about you more than anything else. You look for the good in every one and you can’t even fathom that real evil exists. You probably think that you can change him, but trust me he’s beyond redemption. The things that he has done are unforgivable and he will have to pay for them in the afterlife.” He saw the sliver of light and that gave him that extra bit of strength that he needed. He kicked out with his foot one more time, but it wasn’t just the door that he heard crack this time. His ankle broke in two places. He rolled around in agony.
That probably would have stopped Nicole from doing this, but she was already out the door and in the car by the time that he had done himself irreparable harm.