GREG
“You know that it wasn’t like that. It was complicated and I thought it would be better to just leave as it was. Everything was perfect and I didn’t want to ruin it. I wanted you to remember me the way I was and the way we were.”
“Well it worked. I haven’t forgotten about you and I have thought about you every day since you left.”
“That was a long time ago. It was what, fourteen years ago?”
“Almost 15 years and though it dragged on without you, it has gone by quick as well. Time used to stand still when we were together.”
I was moving towards her again. I could still taste her sweetness on my lips and I wanted more. I had waited too long for her and I wasn’t going to stop now. The only thing that was going to stop me was words from her lips and I was under the impression that if I didn’t actually let her speak, than she wouldn’t be able to tell me to stop again. I had already given away more than I was supposed to and I knew that it had a lot to do with what was going on. I felt like this was my last shot and I didn’t want to leave anything left unsaid. If she left again, at least it was going to be knowing full well how I had felt about her all of these years. Never one to use words very well, I was more interested in telling her with my lips and hips.
My hands went to her and I pulled her to me. It wasn’t hard, but she was already off balance and she kind of fell into me before I could stop her. I caught her in my arms and for a moment everything was right with the world again and she was back where she belonged.
I kissed her again, this time with more passion and more feeling than I had before. There was a big part of me that wanted to take her right there. Her body was soft and giving and I knew that she was ready for me. But I wanted more than just one night together. I wanted her to really know how I felt about her and for her to finally tell me that she felt the same way. I didn’t want to make her, even though I knew I could. What I really wanted was for her to see how right we were for each other and how much better it would be together, the way it always should have been.
Moving away so that I could see the look on her face, I could tell that there was a part of her that was holding back. She wanted me, but there was still something in her dark eyes that told me that she wasn’t quite ready to let it all go yet.
So I gave her some air to breathe and I took a drink of the whiskey that she had poured for me. I would be the first to admit that I was rather surprised that she remembered. I didn’t even know if I ever saw her again if she would even remember my name. It had been so long ago and all of this time, I had tried to tell myself that I was most likely nothing to her. Now I was starting to wonder if I was more than just a lay to her. Was I more to her back then as well?
“Why did you leave me Mandy? Why did you leave without saying good bye? You just disappeared and I was left missing you.”
I had to know and though I hated the way I sounded and the whine in my voice, I pushed forward and waited for the answer that I had been dying to know all of the time she had been gone.
“I figured that you would move on pretty quick Greg. We were young and I knew that there was a lot going on back then. I didn’t want to hurt you. I just didn’t want to fight with you either.”
“I would have rather you yelled at me and called me anything that you wanted. At least then I would have known. You still really haven’t told me why you left.”
She bit her bottom lip and I remembered that it was one of her nervous ticks. I would have given anything to know what was on her mind to make her look that way. She wouldn’t meet my eyes and the wait was becoming too much to bare. I was tired of waiting, but I didn’t want to stop her if she was going to finally tell me. I had waited almost fifteen years to know, but the last five minutes was the worst.
“I don’t know what to say Greg. There was a lot going on.”
“Like what?”
I wasn’t going to let her cop out like that and I knew that there was more to it. We had something great and I know that she felt it too. She wouldn’t have thrown it away for nothing. There was something going on and I wanted to know what it was that had made her leave me. It was most likely not something that I wanted to hear, but it had to be better to finally have a settled mind. All I had thought about for years was what had gone wrong. It had given me a complex in a way and that was harder to live with than living without her. The doubt was almost mind numbing.
“I just couldn’t be with you and I knew that if I told you that and you asked me to stay, I wouldn’t be able to say no. I was never able to deny you anything Greg. That was the problem. I was the one that was in love and you were just, I don’t know, playing with me or something. I just had to go before it got worse. You weren’t ready for a relationship and all of that.”
I didn’t understand her really. She was talking kind of sketchy and it sounded like nonsense. I wasn’t sure why she couldn’t just tell me what it was that made her leave. I didn’t want the watered down version. I wanted the real version of her reasons. I wanted the truth and getting it from her was not an easy task.
“That isn’t good enough Mandy. You called me here, so tell me why you wanted me here. Why now?” I don’t know why, but I could feel my body tensing up and the last thing that I wanted to do was have the conversation that I was asking for. I debated going back to the style that had me kissing her and using my body to make her succumb to me. It could be enough if I knew that her mind would come next, but I didn’t know that. In truth, the likely hood was that she would just leave me again and that was not a feeling that I wanted to welcome back into my life. Having her back in my arms, I knew that there was nowhere else that she was supposed to be.
She fidgeted some more and I waited her out, sipping on the whiskey that brought the welcomed fire to my throat. It was almost enough to cover up the feelings that were in my heart. I knew that I wanted her to finally give me the closure that I so desperately needed to go on. Others saw me one way, but with Mandy I was just a man that was in love with a woman that obviously didn’t feel the same way. As hard as it was to handle, I kept telling myself that it was going to be easier when I knew the real reason and I could just go from there.
“I was about to leave and I just didn’t want to have this conversation with you.”
“Then why did you call me here? What was it that you wanted that would have made you finally call me after all this time?”