GREG
I couldn’t stand to look at her or be around her. After all of those years of wanting to be with her, it was strange to not want to have anything to do with her. I felt betrayed and I felt like there was nothing else that could be done. I had loved a woman that had lied to me and kept our child from me. That was not something that could be forgiven easily, if ever.
Driving back to the hotel, I wanted to stop by and see Dawn, to tell her what happened, but I knew that it would be better if I didn’t. It was late and I was feeling some sort of way that I knew wasn’t going to help anything. I almost thought of calling Amber, but I knew that she would just complicate everything and still wasn’t what I wanted. What was this hold that Mandy had over me that made me forget everything else but her?
I got upstairs and took my clothes off. It was like I had to wash away the evening and after twenty minutes in the steaming water, I started to feel like the world was in fact not going to end as I had originally thought it would. It was news that was manageable and the next thought on my mind was seeing my son for the first time. I didn’t have any children because I was always so careful. Part of it was because I didn’t want the attachment that came with kids and then the pain when they would leave like Mandy did. The fact that I never loved again didn’t help me want children anymore, but with Mandy it seemed like the right thing, like we should have had a load of kids together by now.
My thoughts were confusing and it took everything in me to keep it together. I wanted to go back and do it all over again. I would have picked the route that had her moaning and screaming my name before I found out the truth. My body cursed me with every breath for not staying and getting what it was that my body craved and needed so bad. After everything that I had learned and the knowledge that she had lied to me all this time did nothing to stop the way I really felt. I still loved Mandy, but the fear of her taking off again was very real.
I lay down after I had paced the small floor some more. The idea that she was still just a few miles away was hard for me to ignore and so help me I wanted to see her so badly. I needed to see her and I called her phone several times. When she didn’t pick up, I remembered what she had said about our son being home in the morning. I had a feeling that a trip over there in the morning was going to do me more good than one right now. I didn’t want anything but her body that night and the way I was feeling, it was best that I stayed in and got some rest. It would look better in the morning.
***
The morning came while I was still awake. I was trying to figure out what it was that I was going to say and what it is I was going to do when I got there, but I still had no clue as I made my way to her house. It was almost nine in the morning and I knew that she was an early riser, so when she answered in a silk robe, I was a bit put off.
“Greg, what are you doing here? I thought I wouldn’t hear from you again.”
I almost said something smart, it was on my lips, but it wouldn’t have helped anything. I was mad still and I had to get it together before Alfie came home. Me and his mother would work things out soon enough. I wanted to meet my son and when I told her that, her eyes widened for a minute and she shook her head, “Of course Greg.”
She let me in only a little reluctantly, but after the news that she had given me, there was no way that I was going to let it slide. We were in fact going to have a very long talk about all of it, but first I wanted to secure her to me so that I didn’t lose her again. I was going to think of her as I did business and the number one rule was if you wanted something, just take it.
When I passed her, I caught a whiff of her shampoo and I felt blood rush to the rest of me. It was hard to think with her so close and I didn’t know if she knew what it was that she was doing to me or not. She was driving me crazy and all she was doing was looking up at me sleepy eyed with a smile on her face. I remembered that smile from before and I was practically gagging with need.
“When is he going to be here?”
“Alfie? He is going to be home in about fifteen minutes.”
It wasn’t enough time to do what I wanted, but I was tempted to see how far I could go before then. If it wasn’t such an important meeting, I would have done what I could to get her to agree to it, but at the moment, I was left uncomfortable in my pants, thinking about what it would be like to be with her after all this time.
“Well that will give us some time to talk. Would you like me to make some breakfast while we wait?”
Mandy was never a good cook and I had a feeling that it hadn’t changed. She would eat anything that came in a takeout box and I was sure that she hadn’t turned into a domestic goddess the years that she had been away.
“Um sure, if you want to. I guess you remember how good I can cook, huh?”
I nodded my head slowly and she smiled. “Yea, some things haven’t changed.”
“Well some things definitely have changed Mandy. I don’t think I will ever think the same way again. Everything has changed.”
Mandy was reminded of our conversation the night before and I had to wonder if she was really going to pretend that none of it had happened. I certainly couldn’t and I wasn’t going to let her forget just yet. I still had some unanswered questions of my own that I needed to know. After talking to Dawn a little bit ago, she had confirmed that she knew that Alfie was mine and that he looked just like me. I don’t know how I felt about having a mini me running around with my DNA that I had never met before.
“I’m sorry Greg, I really am. I never meant for any of this to happen, but it seems like I have made a big mess of things. But don’t take it out on Alfie. It isn’t his fault, so if you are going to hate someone, make sure that it is me.”
“Do you really think that I could ever hate you?”