SEDUCING COWBOY
Chapter 1
“I will not have any daughter of mine acting like this. You have embarrassed me for the last time and if you’re not careful, I might even consider sending you to live with your uncle in the backwaters of Alabama. Don’t think for a second that I’m kidding. As long as you live underneath my roof there will be rules that have to be followed. You may not be mine by blood, but you were given to me despite my misgivings. Your mother entrusted me to look after you, but it’s starting to feel like a burden.” A year had gone by since Lynn’s mother died mysteriously during a boating accident. From that moment on, Lynn had the penchant for getting into trouble with just about anybody that was willing to play on the other side of the legal fence.
“Just say what’s on your mind, Helen. You never wanted me in the first place and I do not see any reason why we have to continue playing this game. I’m 19 and I’m going to college in the fall. You may think that you have all the power, but all I need to do is get a job and then I can leave you in my rearview mirror. I hate you and you treat me like I’m a child who can’t live without you being under foot. I am my mother’s daughter and we both have the same temperament and stubborn streak.” I know that we’re going to say something that we’re going to regret. I’ve never wanted to be here. I can’t even dare to call her mother and I fight every instinct that I have to get close to her. One year and it has already felt like an eternity. I know that she’s trying, but the only thing that she’s doing is making it very clear that I can’t be here for very much longer.
“I don’t know how you can talk to me like this after everything that I’ve done for you. I wake up in the middle of the night to find you missing more often than not. I have no idea if you’re dying in a ditch or shacking up with some of your so-called friends. You may not be innocent, but at least you have kept your purity intact.” They both looked at each other in shock. It became readily known that Helen had been snooping into her diary. This was the last straw and the silence that followed that declaration was not for the faint of heart. The tension in the air was thick and you could see that they both had reached their breaking point.
“I can’t believe that you invaded my personal space by reading my private thoughts. I thought that I could at least trust you to stay out of my business. I don’t know how many times I’ve told you and made it abundantly clear that I don’t need you interfering. I can live my life with or without you.” They were in the car on the way to church and had just arrived when this big major blow out had occurred. Casting daggers at one another walking across the parking lot in their Sunday best did not go unnoticed by those that knew them very well.
There were mumbles of dissent amongst the congregation. Nobody dared stand up and say something, but everybody had their own opinion that they were keeping to themselves.
Deacon James took center stage and felt that there was something in the air. Everybody looked nervous and shifted in their seats like they didn’t want to be there. He looked around for the source and the animosity that was coming off of both Helen and Lynn wasn’t exactly hard to see. They were not hiding their emotions and being a man of the cloth, he decided that he would shine a light down upon them from where he stood at the front of the church.
“I see that we have something to deal with before I begin my sermon. I told all of you that I would not condone bringing your private life in beyond those doors. If you do, then you can expect me to involve the entire congregation. Lynn and Helen have some issues to deal with and we are going to help them find their way back into the light. Show them some encouragement. I’m sure that it’s not insurmountable like the boulder that was pushed up the hill.” Deacon James was bald and the light from above was shining on his head like his own personal halo. Being a good Texan, he understood that there were always squabbles, but all could be forgiven.
A couple of people started to clap and then the rest followed like the sheep that they were. Before long there was a chorus that had both Lynn and Helen looking around to find that they were now the center of attention.
“I am not going up there with you and there’s nothing and no one that is going to make me. You do whatever the hell you want, Helen but don’t expect me to play along with this charade. We will never be a happy household and I feel that you have violated my trust. I don’t know if that can ever be fixed. This has gone too far. It might be time that we cut ties and walk away. I don’t want to hate you and I try to get along for the sake of my mother. I really don’t know what she was thinking when she thought that you and I could work. I would be better off going my own way.” “I see the way that everybody is looking at me, but not even their influence is going to force me to stand up and be noticed. I don’t want this attention. If they don’t want me to scream, then they better stop looking at me like that. I can see in Helen’s eyes that she’s thinking about airing our dirty laundry for all the neighbors to hear. I’m sure that most of it has been spoken in hushed tones. Nothing goes on around here that the others don’t find out about eventually. I think it has a lot to do with Deacon James’s need to make everybody happy.
“They only want to help, Lynn. I don’t see any reason why we can’t let them in. In times of great trials we must always stand together. Life is about changes and nothing stays the same. I’ve done my best to guide you with a helping hand, but you have been resistant every step of the way. I can’t deal with this on my own anymore.” Helen had seen a premature graying of her hair in the last year and the stress of dealing with a woman that was still grieving after all this time was weighing heavily on her shoulders. “I need to do this for my own sanity and you can stay there and sit and listen, but you will not leave here for any reason whatsoever.” Helen could see that her arms were across defiantly and she was basically stewing in her own juices.
Smoothing down her black skirt, she got up and faced the judgment of those that thought that they could be of any help. She felt scrutinized and for a girl that stayed to herself she had learned an inexplicable lesson that teenagers were hard to live with at the best of times. Helen’s cheeks were a rosy hue from the embarrassment of being called out like this. Taking a deep breath, she realized that the only way to get through this was with one breath.
“I see that somebody is being stubborn. No matter, I’m sure that once Helen speaks that Lynn will feel compelled to make some kind statement. Let’s give Helen a warm welcome and hope that the words within the pages of the bible will help her to lay rest to whatever this issue might be.” Deacon James considered himself to be a confidant to many. He had heard his fair share of sin and confessions. Some of them were not suitable for those of an impressionable age. “The only way to get through this is to give it a voice. Forgiveness is an amazing tool and one that is vastly underutilized in my opinion. Helen, tell us what has caused this rift between you and Lynn. We all know the back story. I’m sure that Lynn is still feeling the loss of her mother. That woman was considered a saint amongst all of us.” There was a silent bow from those sitting on the benches and from Deacon James himself.
Lynn’s mother Kate had dedicated her time to those that needed her the most. She volunteered her services, even though she had a fulltime job running a small deli shop. That shop was destined to go to Lynn, but she found herself rebelling against it and in turn the shop was turned over to those with deep pockets. Kate was the exact opposite of her daughter. Kate was dark haired with a generous height of over 5’10 and 150 pounds. Lynn had taken the traits of her blonde blue eyed father Henry who died just after she was born. This was the type of loss that was crushing her very soul and keeping her from moving forward.
Helen wasn’t sure that this was the right decision, but she didn’t see any way other than to let others speak for her. “I don’t know where to begin. I guess it all started when I was surprised to learn that Kate had found me a suitable role model. I really don’t know what she was thinking. I work long hours as a lawyer. I hardly have any time for myself let alone a teenage daughter that is dealing with too many issues to count. I want to be there for her for that stability in her life, but she won’t listen. She thinks that she knows everything. All of you at one time thought the same thing growing up. We all did, but if we could go back to our young self, I’m sure that we would tell them to act their age and don’t do something stupid. I only wonder what either one of us would say in response if we had a chance to go back and do it all over again.” Helen could not have children and she was destined to live with that knowledge. It had ruined a few relationships and sent the guy packing after he learned the terrible truth.
“There’s no reason to pause. You’re saying what is in your heart and that’s all that we can hope for. We bottle all these things up and they fester inside until it’s inevitable that something gives. We’re here for you and we want you to take whatever strength you need from all of us. See this through to the end and don’t anything stop you even the look that you’re getting from Lynn. We know that you’ve struggled and fought the good fight. You may not have heard this enough, but we believe that you have that motherly instinct. Kate would never have selected you to raise her daughter in your absence had she not thought that you had some redeeming qualities. She told me in confidence that you were her life. She thought of you as a sister.” It was nice for Deacon James to get that off his chest and he had been carrying that from the moment that he gave Kate her final words to enter into god’s kingdom.
“I don’t know if it’s right for me to be up here, but I feel I have no choice. Lynn has been making some very bad mistakes. She’s been drinking, smoking, staying out late and even doing a little bit of weed. I found a baggie and I don’t think that I have to tell you what was in it. She thinks that she’s hiding all of this from me, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I don’t want to walk around on eggshells around her, but she doesn’t make it very easy for me to reach out.” Helen was on a roll and she saw that she had everybody’s undivided attention. It made her feel good to let it out, but you could see that Lynn was not very happy by this public forum.
“I’m sure that there are many issues, but let’s get down to the reason why there’s a rift between you today. Tell us what has made this silence almost deafening. You both brought this into my church. Do us the honor of helping you when you’re at your lowest. There are words in the bible for any circumstance and let’s not forget that god made us in his image.” Deacon James was finding that sharing the spotlight was only making him seem bigger than life.
Lynn was shaking her head and staring intently at Helen. She was doing everything she could not to scream that she better not say another word or there would be hell to pay. “I can’t believe that this thing had come this far that she would feel that it was necessary to say what was on her mind. I can’t possibly believe that she would say anything regarding my purity, but I’ve learned not to underestimate anyone these days. I can’t let her get the final word. If she knows what’s good for her she better not say what I think that she’s going to say.” She looked to Helen and waited for those words to spill from her lips.
“I wish that there was another way, but I see that I’ve gone as far as I can on my own. Lynn has been playing with fire with boys that are older than she is. I would have thought by now that she would be pregnant, but thankfully that hasn’t happened yet. She doesn’t talk to me and I have to resort to reading her private diary.” Helen heard the shocked exclamations coming from those in the parish. “I know that it’s not right and that I would probably hate my mother if she had ever done anything like that when I was growing up. I knew that she was hurting, but I never knew that she felt that she needed to abuse her body like that. I’ve tried to stress abstinence and to find the man that is going to put those butterflies in her stomach. I can’t be sure how long it’s going to be before she takes things too far. I want her to have a future and not to worry about having her life ruined by one moment of stupidity. Don’t say that any one of you wouldn’t want to go back and change things. I know that all of you hide your own secrets. There are even a few of you that have confessed to me in private that you didn’t want kids. You made a mistake of letting your body do the talking for you. I’m just trying to give her a life. I put my foot down and if need be, I’ll lock her up someplace so that she can’t even begin to think about doing something physical with a man.” Helen didn’t lose her virginity until she was 25. It was after she had already been in college a few years getting her legal degree. It was a moment that was fast and not exactly pleasant. It only lasted a few minutes, but it did leave an indelible mark on your psyche.
“Young people are under the impression that they need to experience it all. They don’t realize that they have all the time in the world. Love should never be taken for granted and sex should never enter into the equation without the feeling of ever lasting devotion. I know that kids are going to have sex, but sometimes I feel that I need to step in and say something. It might be considered a sin by the words in the good book that stress sex after marriage. I’m a man of the people and I know that these things happen regardless of what each and every one of us could say to the contrary.” Deacon James felt that today was going better than usual. He had found a sermon within the very problem that came forward courtesy of Lynn and Helen. If he could get Lynn to open up, then this would be considered a success.
Lynn was fuming and felt like she was being put on the spot for something that she didn’t even do. The issue was privacy and the lack of it. She found that she was lacking that inside Helens home. Standing up she placed her hands on the bench in front of her and curled her fingers to indicate that she was not very happy.
“That is more than enough. The main issue is that she doesn’t trust me to make my own decisions. I’m a big girl and whatever mistakes I make are mine to make. In fact, I’m going to do you one better. If my virginity is so important to all of you, then you may as well be a part of it. I want to get out of this town and I see that the only way to do that is to give my virginity to any man that’s willing to pay the price. This tight little body can be all yours and all you have to do is to be the highest bidder.” She saw the stunned expressions on their faces. “I have to say that this was not exactly what I was expecting. I didn’t mean to say the words, but they came across my lips. Maybe it’s the right thing to do and I could kill two birds with one stone.