Lilly
Looking into the mirror I had to say, I had probably listened to too many country songs, but in particular, too many breakup country songs—within the last twenty-four hours. Not the ones that make you cry. No, the ones that talk about slashing car tires, beating down doors, being done with a man, and it not being my mama’s broken heart.
I had made a few drastic decisions since leaving the courthouse yesterday morning. First stop, nail salon. I looked down at my perfectly sharpened kitten talons for nails that were a bright red that made me seem like a vixen.
Next was the hair salon. When Raven, the salon girl, took shears to my hair, I almost cried, but I held it back. This was a new me that I was going to give the world. A new Lilly who didn’t let her heart get broken by men who didn’t deserve to her in the first place. I didn’t take much off, but now my hair was about to my shoulders and she had put in enough amber highlights to basically change my entire hair color to a deep rich auburn. I couldn’t stop tossing my new hair around, so I finally pulled it into a loose bun.
After the hair salon I found myself walking past a tattoo parlor down in Little Five Points. I made it to the next shop door before I turned around and headed inside. The smell of industrial cleaner filled my nose and it smelled like something new I should try. I had had plenty of tattoos, but I’d never had any piercings, not even my ears. I glanced around the room before my eyes landed on a guy over in the corner with his feet propped up on the chair and a magazine in his lap.
I told the woman at the desk what I wanted and pointed over to the guy. Conner and I became quick friends as I told him the reason I wanted the nipple piercings, and how I wanted a fresh start. He even assured me that even in a few months if I no longer wanted that fresh start, if I took them out, they would heal just fine.
I reveled in the fact that Conner was the one doing my piercings. That I was having another man touch me instead of Greg. Yeah, the regret kind of got to me towards the end, but it was masked by the hatred that started to fill in the space around it.
I checked myself out in my bedroom mirror one more time, lifting up my white tank top carefully so as not to graze my nipples. They were still quite sensitive, but I loved the way the barbell looked and, when I put down my shirt, you could see right through it. I tossed on some makeup, not caring that I was headed to Stone Mountain with the girls. Max had apparently suggested it to Alexa, since he knew we all loved to go there and relax.
I slapped on some wing liner, ready to slay the day, and then slid on my sunglasses and headed out the door, making sure to grab for my jean jacket before leaving. The fall weather was gorgeous but it was still a little nippy.
Alexa and Erica were waiting outside of my building, sitting in Erica’s car. I hopped in and we made our way silently to the mountain. I wasn’t dressed in my normal workout clothes, but in jeans to match my jacket and a white ribbed tank top. Alexa reached forward to hand me an orange, knowing I probably hadn’t eaten anything today. Yesterday no matter how many times the girls asked me if I was hungry, the answer was always no.
I didn’t want to think about food, not just because I was upset, but because every single damn kind of food reminded me of Greg and I just couldn’t stand the thought of him.
“Thanks.” I started to peel off the sides of the orange.
“No problem.” Alexa placed her hand on my shoulder and left it there for the whole ride. I had only eaten half of my orange when we got to the parking lot at the bottom of the mountain. I got out of the car, thankful I had gone for my combat boots with my outfit today. I could leisurely climb up and take the cable car down.
“Erica!” Chase’s voice rang out and I spun around immediately looking for where Greg might be, but only saw Jack and Max with Chase. They made their way over to us, all in workout gear.
“You look good, Lilly.” Jack spoke up first, his eyes clearly not trained on my face but on the one boob that was poking out of my jacket since it had slipped down my shoulder. I used my free hand to adjust my jacket and continued to eat my orange.
“Thanks.” I was short and curt with him and turned away to start heading up the mountain. I left the group behind me, not wanting to think if Greg was going to be here or not, or how the office was running with half of the team gone. I had made sure to get with Max today and ask for the rest of the week off, but he made sure to let Alexa and Erica have it off too, understanding just how bad things were. It was like he was prepared for Greg and me to fail.
“You walk too fast.” Jack jogged up next to me and I looked behind to see everyone slowly following us. Alexa was talking to Erica, both girls clearly ignoring Max and Chase, and I couldn’t blame them in this moment. When they both tried to get ahold of anyone yesterday, the only person to answer the phone was Max and he wasn’t able to give Alexa any information, which pissed her off more.
“You should just go back with everyone else.” I quickened my pace.
“Hold up, Lilly.”
“No.” I put my hands in my jacket pockets, and slumped my shoulders forward and continued to walk.
“Fucking A, Lilly.” Jack’s hand grabbed for my arm.
“Can you not?!” I jerked my arm out of his grasp. “You can’t fix what he did Jack, so just fucking stop.”
I turned on my heels and continued to walk, leaving him behind. The rest of the group merged where Jack and I had been seconds before. They all left me alone for the remainder of the walk, and I wasn’t sure if it was because they were afraid I was going to bite someone’s head off again, or if they wanted to let me think. Being left alone to think was not something I needed.
The more I was left to my thoughts, the more I thought about every single kiss Greg had placed on me, every single time he said I love you, and said that he meant every word he spoke. It made me remember every damn lie, because that’s what all of it was, a lie. The dirtiest lies that had ever been told. I just wish his pants would catch on fire this time.
“Umph.” The sound was loud and I whipped my head around to see Jack flat on top of a boulder.
“Seriously?” I mumbled to myself and turned around to help him. He was a little in front of the others, so I got to him first. “Can you try not to die on this mountain today, please?”
I held out a hand and helped him up. Once I saw he was fine, I turned around to continue my ascent. We were almost to the top and I was excited to be able to sit down and just revel in the open air on top of the mountain.
When we finally reached the top, Jack spoke up again.
“Hey!” I thought he was calling for me to stop again, but I didn’t. I just made my way to a flat rock off to the side where I normally sat to get a good view and some peace and quiet.
“Hey!” The response to Jack wasn’t from Max or Chase. I didn’t have to turn around to know that Greg was on this mountain with us. My heart sped up and I walked further away from them, not turning around. The tears started to brim in my eyes that he could so nonchalantly say hey when I was standing so close to them. That he didn’t acknowledge me.
But, then again, what if he had said something? I’m not sure I could even look at Greg right now without breaking down.
“Lilly.” The way Greg said my name wasn’t pained as I hoped it would be. It had a lightness to it that made it seem like he was happy to see me. That he was hopeful in whatever was going to come out of his mouth next.
He was standing right behind me, but I didn’t turn around. I was frozen in place. He had made his way over to me, and I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t hear him. I was still standing, but I couldn’t sit down without being forced to see him.
“Turn around.” His voice was soft and coaxing.
“No.” It was the same kind of response I had to Jack when he tried to tell me what to do earlier. What was it with these Moran men trying to rule my life when they had no right to?
“Fine.” I heard him move behind me, but was thankful when he decided not to walk around me to stand in front of me.
“I wanted to tell you this to your face, but I guess I’ll have to do with your back.” I huffed in annoyance that Greg was still there, trying to get my attention. “Lilly, I’m sorry.”
“Excuse me?” I turned around slowly then, my words coming out slowly as I tried not to think of ways to kill the man who was standing in front of me. In a black suit and tie?! Why the hell he is was wearing that on this mountain, I had no idea.
The moment I was fully turned around, his eyes didn’t go to the change in my hair but to my right nipple, which had peeked out of my jacket again. I let it stay there this time. He should see what he did to me. I watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down as I continued my verbal assault on him.
“You don’t get to rip out my fucking heart and then come up here and say you’re sorry.” I poked my finger into his chest to try to get my point across.
“You’re right.” He made a grab for my hand, but I pulled it back immediately. “I should be saying a lot more, and I will. But first, I have something very important to ask you.”
It was then that my world stopped. Greg started to move and bend in a way that I wasn’t expecting. He kneeled down in front of me, and I heard the gasps from Alexa and Erica all the way over here from where the rest of the group was on the mountain.
“Lilly Alexander.” Greg pulled out a black box from his pant pocket and popped it open to show a simple ring. A solitary diamond highly mounted with five smaller diamonds imbedded into the band on each side. Not like the costume jewelry he had gotten me after we married in Vegas. This was simple. This was me.
No. No no no no no.
This wasn’t happening. This man had broken my heart.
“Will you marry me?” Greg’s question filled the whole mountain and I swear, for the first time up here, not even a kid was making any noise.
“No.” My answer was quick and meant with a purpose. “Stand up.”
I grabbed for him to get off his knees and stop making a spectacle.
“We are not doing this. Ever.”
“Lilly, let me explain.”
“There is nothing to explain.” I yelled at him. I knew I was being dramatic, but I wasn’t going to put up with this show of embarrassment.
“But there is.” He held my left hand, with the ring box still open in his right hand. “Marry me and I’ll explain everything.”
“You can’t tell me to marry you again.”
“I tried asking the first time and you said no.”
“It’s what I should have said a month ago in Vegas!” I snatched my hand out of his. The kind understanding demeanor he had almost chipped away. He took a visible deep breath and then tried again.
“Divorce was never an option for me, Lilly, and when you said you wanted one, stupidly I agreed, hoping that, if I gave into you, I would still be able to convince you just how perfect we are together.”
“I know this, you made it clear you never wanted one a month ago, but clearly now you feel differently.”
“Just listen to me, woman.” He snapped the box shut and I jumped at the sound. “I’ve been planning this damn moment for a fucking month, so let me have it, okay?”
I cocked my head to the side, confused about what he meant.
“What?”
“I knew, the moment the judge wouldn’t grant the divorce I was going to have my chance to convince you.” He opened the ring box again and held it between us. “There were a few hiccups, such as the first date and my parents’ house last week, but I thought the turn of events worked out perfectly for my plan.”
“Plan?” I interrupted him again.
Greg reached out to take my left hand again.
“Each day I was gone from work, it wasn’t because I didn’t want to be with you, each time I left you in bed wasn’t because I didn’t want your warmth, each time I made you mad wasn’t because I wanted to see those lines between your eyes, it was because I love you.” Greg leaned forward to kiss between my eyes, smoothing out the wrinkles I didn’t know were there. “Each day was planned, each date was planned, each conversation, everything to get us to this day, because of two reasons.”
I waited this time for him to continue.
“First, I needed to know that you loved me just as much as I love you. And by the way you reacted to everything, I would say that we’ve loved each other the same amount of time. It’s a shame we wasted away five years but, hey, we’ve got forever now.” He laughed at himself and I couldn’t help but join him. Somehow his words were thawing out the cold heart I had tried to create overnight.
“Second, I wanted you to have the fairy tale you always wanted.” I tried to open my mouth to object, but he just stopped me with more words. “And don’t deny it. You’ve said it before, you want the rainbows and butterflies. You want the Prince Charming coming to your rescue, and I want to be the one to give that all to you, no one else.”
“Greg.” I finally managed to get a word out to him. “I’m so confused.”
“I promise by the end of tonight, you won’t be.” He stood there hopeful, my hand still in his and the ring still there. “Say you’ll marry me and you’ll find out the rest of what I’m talking about.”
I looked behind him to see where Alexa and Erica were standing to try to see what they thought, but everyone was gone. I turned my attention back to Greg.
“They aren’t here anymore. They’ll meet us at our final destination tonight.”
“What does that even mean, Greg?” I knew my voice sounded strained, almost pained, but I had no idea what was going on and I knew if I said yes to marrying Greg again, I wasn’t going to come back from this one alive.
“Just trust me.”
I looked down at the ring and where our hands met and it occurred to me that, even though he had broken my trust and hurt me in the worst way possible, I knew that if Greg ever asked for anything from me, I would give in to him. He owned me no matter what.
“Ok.” I looked him in the eyes, feeling a tear slip down my cheek. He leaned in to kiss the tear away.
“Say it, please.”
I took a deep breath. This was it. I was sealing my fate in heartbreak.
“Yes, I’ll marry you.”
When we finally made our way down the mountain and to Greg’s car, I had no idea where we were going, but there was a ring on my finger and I was blindly leading my heart to an unknown destination.
We drove silently and got on the highway leading us north. It wasn’t until Greg got off at the Helen exit that my interest peaked. Were we going to his parents’ house? Oh, how I wanted to give David a hug so bad.
When we pulled into town and wound around one of the back roads towards the church, my stomach dropped. We rolled up to see at least a dozen cars outside, but no one in sight.
“Greg?” I looked over to see him smiling out the window. He parked around the back entrance, where Alexa and Erica were waiting for us. I tried to pull at the door handle to get out to see them, hoping they would be able to tell me what was going on, but it was locked. “Let me out.”
“Before you leave this car, I need to tell you everything else, Lilly.” I felt the walls go up around me again, worried about what else he was going to say. “I told you I left you every time for a reason. This is that reason.”
I turned around to see him pointing to the church.
“I came up here with Max, Chase, or Jack any chance I could because we had so many orders coming in and I never wanted you to find them outside of my apartment. We ordered flowers, decorations, your wedding dress…” I gasped at his confession. “Everything that you would have ever wanted for your dream wedding. I made sure that it was here. I even had to rush order a few things, but, doll, it was worth it.”
Greg turned towards me, letting go of the steering wheel finally and taking my hands in his. I let him as he lifted them to his lips and kissed the ring that was on my finger.
“This right here took the longest, because I needed my parents to know before I got it, and they couldn’t know too soon.” He held my hand between us and played with the ring on my finger. “I asked my mother for her wedding ring.”
“What?” I asked him in confusion, sure that Margaret wouldn’t let him have her actual wedding ring.
“It’s not what you think. The ring she wears now is a newer model of this one here. You see, this ring is the original and the first time I saw it, when I was fifteen, I knew I wanted to have my wife wear it.” He held it up higher for me to see the loving wear that was surrounding the band, and one of the stones looked discolored. “This was the ring on which my dad spent every single penny he had so he could ask my mother to marry him. It’s only silver-plated and it’s cubic zirconia. But to be honest, I know you aren’t about all that kind of stuff, so I knew it didn’t matter. What mattered was the sentiment behind it.”
He leaned down to kiss my knuckles again, and I let the tears spill out that had been pooling in my eyes.
“Greg.” I tried to plead with him, to make the push and pull of my heart stop.
“We aren’t divorced.”
“Excuse me?” That changed everything immediately. I snatched my hand back and wiped away the tears. “What do you mean we aren’t divorced? I saw the papers, every single damn one you signed and I had to sign, too.”
“All part of the plan.” He sat up tall, looking pretty smug with himself.
“Fuck your plan.” I shoved at him, but he caught my wrist and used it to pull me closer to him.
“Do you really think I would have let you be legally bound to me and then get rid of you so quickly?”
I nodded my head at his question, afraid to say the hurtful words. No matter if Greg had hurt me, right now I wasn’t playing any more games. He had just poured his heart out to me, but I had no idea what he wanted me to do with it all.
“Lilly.” His voice was soft and soothing. I tried to find my calm in that. “I never intended to hurt you, but I know that I did. I just needed you to see how much you meant to me and for you to have everything you wanted. I didn’t know another way to do it.”
“I get it, I do.” I bit my lip and then continued. “But what’s to say you won’t leave me again. I can’t do this kind of pain again, Greg.”
My voice cracked at the end, and I was being unbuckled out of my seat and drawn across the center console and into Greg’s lap.
“I will do everything in my power to make it so you never feel pain like this again.” He pressed his forehead against mine. “I’m still trying to figure out, though, if your broken heart hurt more or those piercings.”
I let a smile tug at my lips, even though I was still upset with him. I looked down to my chest and then up to Greg.
“You can’t play with them for a month.”
Greg cocked an eyebrow.
“You asked?”
“I was told, by Conner, my piercer.”
Greg turned to cold stone underneath me and his hands gripped tighter around my waist. If this had been a cartoon, I’m pretty sure there would be steam rolling out of his ears.
“Another man saw you naked?” He made his words very clear.
“Just my breasts.” I said it so nonchalantly.
Greg breathed in and out a few times, looking like he was trying to settle himself and then finally spoke.
“After we are done tonight I’ll show you just how angry I am right now.”
“Oh, I know how angry you are.” I wiggled my ass around on his growing erection and the moan that escaped had me wanting to take Greg right here, right now, no matter if Alexa and Erica were still standing by the back entrance waiting for us.
“Get out of this damn car now.” Greg opened the door and then placed me on the ground just outside of it and spanked me on the ass as I ran off to the girls. He stayed in the car as I approached them.
“What’s going on?” Both of them wore matching lilac dresses, that matched with their hair pulled back gracefully and a full face of makeup.
“Come on.” Erica grabbed for my hand and pulled me inside.
“Welcome to your wedding day, Lilly.”
I almost didn’t hear what Alexa said as I looked around the room to see my sisters and mother sitting down getting their makeup done. I turned to the corner to see a black dress hanging up on the wall, just waiting there, like it was calling my name.
I looked back to Alexa, who just nodded her head.
This was it.
I was going to get married today.