“Why haven’t you answered your phone?” I walked into the lobby of The Ink Well, with a tumbler of pure black coffee in my hand. I still hadn’t told Alexa or Erica what had happened in Vegas, and I’d been dodging their calls and texts all weekend. I had lied when I originally told them I was staying in Vegas a few extra days. I said I had lost my ID and needed to wait for a temporary to fly home and that Greg was staying with me to make sure I got back fine.
“We had a busy weekend.” I bypassed both Alexa and Erica in the lobby, heading straight for the stairs. I turned around to see if they were following me, but both girls were still standing by the elevator, with questioning looks on their faces. We. I had said “we.” Shit.
“Lilly?” The amused look on Alexa’s face made the heat rise to my cheeks. She knew me too well, and it didn’t help that I had all but told her before she moved here that I had a thing for Greg, so she knew I wouldn’t have gone out with anyone else.
“Not today, Alexa.” I waved my hand at both girls, opening the door to the stairs. “Not today.”
I knew I couldn’t avoid this conversation for long, because as habits would show, we always had lunch together. I just had to prepare myself for what I was going to tell the girls. What was I going to tell them? “Hey, I got married, not so accidentally the night you got married, and now I’m trying to get a divorce, but the judge won’t grant it. Also, I have marriage counseling set up every Wednesday and Friday for the next three weeks.”
Fuck.
When I finally made it to my desk, I flung my bag under the desk opened my emails.
Sixty.
This was why I didn’t fucking take vacations.
Even though Greg ran this floor, I was the one who called all the shots while he worked in his office.
I tried to get back into work mode, taking a sip of coffee after reading each email. I didn’t bother saying hello to anyone as they passed me, and if the irritation in the air was any indication of how today was going to go, I knew it was going to be the most Monday of Mondays. I didn’t notice when Erica took her spot in the cubicle next to me nor when Greg passed me and set a few papers that needed to be reviewed on the edge of my desk.
I looked them over. One of our new clients was in the finishing process for their royalties agreement. All I needed to do was double-check the numbers and sign off for Greg to send out. There was no avoiding Greg anymore today and that was the same with most days. It was inevitable having to face him since, when I worked with a client, he was there; if he worked with a client, he always got with me for a second opinion. I was just hoping that this whole situation wasn’t going to affect our work life, because I seriously loved my job.
I reluctantly got out of my chair and, for once, Greg’s door wasn’t closed. I never knocked since Greg always expected me to stop by his office at least four to five times a day, so when I stepped over the threshold, I knew I shouldn’t have.
“No, Mom.” He was standing over in the corner, trying to whisper into the phone he cradled on his shoulder. He was browsing through a stack of papers that were perched on his bookshelf. Greg wasn’t one for reading the books he worked on, so I was confused as to what he was holding. “I won’t be there for dinner on Wednesday.”
I stood there, frozen, next to his desk. Please don’t say anything.
It wasn’t that I didn’t like Greg’s parents. In fact, I loved them. But by the way his mother always tried to set him up with other women, I never knew what to expect with her. Even though it seemed to most onlookers that Greg and I were just work friends, that wasn’t the case. Well, it didn’t use to be the case.
When I started to look for big-girl jobs after college, I found The Ink Well when it was still a small publishing company. Max, the founder of it all, had recruited Chase, Jack, and Greg to start on this adventure of helping indie authors publish their works. Even though they graduated with English degrees from Georgia State in different years, somehow the four of them ended up taking the same classes. It branded them as the power team once Max finally graduated last of the four. They had been inseparable since.
Greg was the first person I met when I walked through the double doors of this office building over five years ago, with my not-so-impressive resume in hand. He took me in and interviewed me and then gave me a job on the spot. He soon realized I didn’t have anywhere in the city to stay, so he let me crash at his place almost every night. My relationship with my family was staggered back then. I had just graduated college and might have been living at home but almost never saw my parents since they were traveling every other month since I graduated high school. They were finally able to retire and didn’t have to care for a child. They took full advantage of it. Sometimes I would see my brother Eric, when it was convenient for him, but I hadn’t seen my sisters or my brother Jim in years and I had no desire to. I was just some child to them, having over thirty years difference between me and my oldest sister Mila. I had ended up living in our family home alone most of the time, out in the suburbs of Atlanta.
Because of this, Greg had always made sure I was invited over for his family holidays and what started out as a work friendship soon became more than that, at least for me. I fell in love with Greg about five years ago, when he stood up to his mother that we weren’t dating. The passion that he held there was one that I wanted, needed, to have directed towards me.
Now everything had changed and I didn’t know how any of this would affect others around us, which was why I hadn’t said anything to the girls, and why I was silently praying Greg wouldn’t say anything to his mother. The second Greg’s parents found out about it, all hell would break loose.
I tried to tiptoe out of the room, but Greg spun around and locked eyes with me. He squinted them as a warning that, if I ran, he would come and get me. I didn’t want to have a chase scene in the office or to try to hide from him, so I stood still while he said his goodbyes to his mother.
“We’ll talk about this later.” I watched as Greg set his phone down on the papers that were still resting on the shelf beside him. He left it there and made his way towards me. I held my breath as he moved past me without a word, closed the door to his office and latched the dead bolt.
“And I’ll talk to you now.” Greg came up behind me, but didn’t touch me. The words he said were whispered against my skin, a promise that I wanted to beg for him to keep.
“What do you want to talk about, Greg?” I closed my eyes and waited for him to answer the question.
“I have no idea what to tell my mom.” My eyes snapped open to see Greg standing in front of me. His hands were in his pockets and he was hunched over. He looked defeated, almost like he was in pain.
“What do you mean?” Greg looked up at me, his eyes searching mine for an answer I didn’t have.
“I mean about us.” He moved away from me to sit at his desk. I followed and took the seat in front of him. To an observer it would look like we were just having a business conversation, rather than talking about our nonexistent relationship. “I can only skip so many family dinners before someone starts asking the harder questions, Lilly.”
I knew what he meant. Our relationship wasn’t the normal kind, but it had worked for years. Every Wednesday was family dinner and most of them I went to as well, but lately that wasn’t the case, so for me not to go was one thing, but for Greg not to go would cause people to start snooping in areas I didn’t want them to.
“I get that.” I leaned back in the chair and tried to make myself comfortable by propping my feet up on Greg’s desk. He mimicked my actions. This was a typical position for us to sit in when we were trying to work out big client issues. “But what do we say?”
There I went again, saying “we,” like we were in this together. I looked at Greg and then around the room. We kind of were in this together, though.
“I can’t tell my mom the truth. I know that.” Greg ran a hand over his face in frustration. “Maybe I could say I’m working on a project.”
I laughed at him.
“And when have you ever missed family dinner for work?” I raised my eyebrows at him in question. Greg leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Margaret Moran never stood for any of her children missing family dinner. “Maybe you could stop by for dessert when we finish the session?”
“That could work!” Greg straightened himself in his chair, the enthusiasm radiating from him. “I don’t know what I’ll tell her before then or when we’ll get there, but showing up at some point is better than not at all.”
“Well, the session is at six, we should get done by seven, and then you can head straight there and get in around nine if traffic isn’t too bad.” I stated my words as a matter of fact, because I knew what he was doing. He was trying to confuse me into going with him.
“Lilly.” I looked away from him, not wanting to see the puppy-dog look on his face. “I can’t do this alone. Please.”
Nope. Wasn’t going to look at him. Wasn’t going to fall for this. Not what I needed right now. I got out of my seat and headed towards the door.
“Lilly, please.” Greg’s voice wasn’t pained, but he was begging. I couldn’t even count on my hands anymore how many times Greg had begged me to go to family dinner with him, and this was the one time I wasn’t going to give in.
“Not happening, Greg. I’ll leave any forms for you on the edge of my desk. Just pick them up when you can.” I opened the door to go back to my desk and saw Alexa and Erica waiting there. I looked up at the clock on the far wall; it was already lunch time. Shit.
“Explain yourself.” Alexa had waited until we got into Bakers, ordered our food, and were seated at a small table in the back corner before she started grilling me. This was the best sandwich shop on the block and where we always had lunch, so I knew if I stuffed my face today and didn’t say anything, I would be asked the same thing tomorrow afternoon.
“Whatever do you mean?” I bit into my spicy Italian sub, the pepperoni and salami combo fueling a hunger I didn’t know I had.
“Don’t play coy with us,” Erica chimed in and I rolled my eyes. She always had a front-row view of me pining over Greg and I hadn’t even thought about her overhearing what had happened in Greg’s office today.
Erica wasn’t just my desk mate, she was also my trainer when I started at The Ink Well and one of my best friends. She was a few years older than Alexa and I, but it never showed when she was around us. She had grown up in the city and knew all the best places, unlike Alexa and I who knew all the holes-in-the-wall on the outskirts of town. The three of us were a tight-knit group, forming a bond that no one could penetrate when Alexa moved back to Atlanta a little over a year ago. No matter what happened, I had no idea what I would do without these two.
“Fuck.” I set down my sub, not ready to deal with the repercussions of what was about to come out of my mouth. “What did you hear?”
“Enough.” Erica’s response was clipped. I narrowed my eyes at her, not sure if she was bluffing or was too embarrassed to say what she thought she knew.
“Just tell us already!” Alexa was practically jumping out of the booth with excitement.
“I don’t even know where to start.” I slumped forward and planted my face in my hands. If I pressed my eyes hard enough, I could see stars and maybe, just maybe, I could leave this planet that wasn’t my own anymore.
“Start at the easiest part!” I could hear the excitement in Erica’s voice and it made me not want to look up even more. I pressed my fingers into my eyes harder until I started to get dizzy. I lifted my head to two blurry girls and a foggy mind.
“Greg and I are married.” I said the words as fast as I could. My vision became clear enough for me to see both Erica and Alexa sitting across from me with gaping mouths.
“That was the easy part?” Alexa broke the silence. She waved her hand at me as if to ask for more. Both she and Erica were leaning over the table, practically ready to jump me to get more answers.
“We’re getting a divorce.” I made sure to show no emotion on my face. I couldn’t let the girls know that I was affected by this. That even a whole week later my heart and mind were at a tug-of-war trying to fight over if I was going to let this relationship with Greg continue or not.
“Wait.” Alexa spoke up. She looked from me to Erica and then back to me. “I’m confused. Divorce?”
I picked up my iced tea and took a sip.
“It was a mistake.” I shrugged my shoulders at the comment, like it didn’t mean anything to me.
“How is getting married to the man you love a mistake?” I swatted at Erica for her comment and looked around the restaurant to make sure no one else from work was there.
“Will you shut up with the L word?” I zoned back in on Erica. She was never one to be this hot-lipped. I may have mentioned the word “love” about six months ago. It was a night full of drinks and too many romance movies. I had made an off comment on how I wished they were Greg and me, and then the girls started drilling my ass about it. But drunk nights weren’t supposed to be brought up at a later event. That was the rule, but clearly the rule didn’t matter right now.
“Well, it’s not like it’s a lie. You love him, so what’s the problem?”
“The problem is that we won’t last. As much as I want us to, we won’t.” I held up my hand before either of them could say anything. “We’ll implode, I just know it. We are too much alike and I don’t even know if he’ll stay with me.”
“What are you talking about crazy woman?!”
“Shhhh!” I slapped Alexa across the arm. “Don’t be so loud.”
I looked around one more time to make sure no one was looking our way.
“Look. We don’t know what the future holds. He could decide to leave. He could want to move back to where his parents are. We have no idea.”
“Not everyone leaves, babe.” Erica’s sympathetic look didn’t help me.
“Yeah, but almost everyone I know has left at some point.” I hooked a thumb at Alexa. “She went off to college and I stayed here. Don’t even get me started on my family. My parents left the moment I walked across my graduation stage, leaving before the candles were blown out on my eighteenth birthday cake, and even before that I never saw them. I wasn’t a priority to any of them, just some kid who came around at the wrong time. My sisters moved away and never kept in contact, and then one time they tried to it was to persuade me to watch their kids while they went on a spa retreat. My brothers, well, I hear from Eric sometimes, more when Alexa was with Adam, but I mean, it wasn’t consistent. Jim is god only knows where and no one seems to care to find out. So, how can I expect Greg to stay when all of that has happened?”
“Lilly.” Alexa’s eyes pleaded with me to stop battering myself.
“It’s the truth, though. The only person from my family I still talk to is Eric and even then it’s only when he isn’t busy with work, with that she-devil of a wife, or the kids.” I sank back down into the booth, admitting defeat.
“None of that is your fault.” Alexa got out of the booth and pushed me further in my side so she could sit next to me. “I left for Adam, not your fault. Your parents had you at an older age, again, not your fault. Your whole family not contacting you, not your fault, either.”
“She’s right, you know.” Erica nodded her head towards Alexa. “And just for the record, I’ve never left you.”
“True, but what happens when you find the right man and fall in love and want to have kids and then want to move away or get a different job or even―” Erica reached across the table and held her hand over my mouth to shut me up.
“Clearly someone let out the insane Lilly today.”
“Oh, shut up.” I shoved Erica’s hand away, scooted into the farthest corner of the booth and continued to devour my sandwich. Food. Food always helped.
“But seriously, Lilly, what’s going on?” Alexa’s face went from bright to dim as she saw how I was retreating. “You got married and now you’re getting a divorce, but I feel like there is more to it than that…”
“Well, aren’t you insightful.” I cringed at my sarcasm, knowing it wasn’t the time for it. I hadn’t meant to sound so harsh, but this just wasn’t the conversation I wanted to have today. I huffed out an exasperated breath and began the quick tale of what exactly had happened to Greg and me.
“We got married on your wedding night.” I pointed towards a surprised Alexa and then continued. “The next day I tried to get it annulled but the chapel had been too quick in their paperwork process and they couldn’t file the divorce for us since we weren’t residents.”
I took another sip of my tea as the girls waited to hear more.
“When we got back to Atlanta, I set up an appointment to meet with a judge to grant the divorce and that backfired. Now we have to go to couples counseling twice a week until the end of the month and at the end of that, if one of us still wants a divorce, then she will grant it.”
“That’s not bad at all!” Alexa looked hopeful.
“I also kissed Greg.” Both girls looked at each other like they weren’t surprised. “And we slept together.”
I let the last part hang in the air, because I hadn’t even admitted to myself that we had been together on our wedding night. That’s why this made it so much harder. We had consummated this relationship and I wanted it over with already.
“I didn’t know we were telling people yet, Lilly.” The stern voice came from behind the booth and I spun around to see Greg looming over me.
“Greg.” Now it was my turn to plead with him. The hurt in his eyes told me I had fucked up. We couldn’t figure out a way to even tell his mother what had happened, and here I was spilling the beans in a public sandwich shop.
“Don’t.” He snapped his eyes away from me and looked towards the girls. “It was nice to see you ladies.”
He focused his attention back to me, but only briefly.
“I’ll see you Wednesday.” Greg walked out the door and didn’t look back. He left us sitting in the busy restaurant alone.
I turned back towards the girls and waited for someone to say something, but when neither of them did, I knew it was bad. I put my head in my hands again and ran my fingers through my hair.
It was going to be a stressful 48 hours before this first counseling session, and I was going to have to see Greg each day leading up to it. Now that the girls knew, it was just a matter of time before Max, Chase, and Jack knew about it, too. It wasn’t just because they were co-owners of The Ink Well with Greg, but because they were also his best friends, and Jack was Greg’s brother. But not just his brother, his twin. Clearly, there was no running away from this now.
“Fuck.”