“Well.” Tessa ushered us into her office. She seemed all too delighted to see Greg and me holding hands as we walked into the room together. We took a spot together on the couch, and I had to hold back from leaning into Greg.
Self-restraint was what I told myself I needed today, especially with Greg running around the office and stopping to call me into his office every few hours and stealing kisses behind the closed door. It felt like we were in a fairy tale, but I was slowly waiting for the villain to pop out of nowhere and break us apart.
“I’m assuming the date went well?”
I looked over to Greg and then back to Tessa.
“I think so.”
“I know so.” Greg nudged at me with mockery. “Did you have fun?”
He looked at me with raised eyebrows because he knew I had fun, so much fun, especially this morning with his head between my legs and me moaning out his name as he led me to my third orgasm within the first ten minutes of us being awake.
My cheeks heated and I turned my attention back to Tessa who was watching us closely with amusement.
“It was amazing.”
“That sounds more like it.” Greg leaned in and kissed my cheek.
“I’m glad to hear it went well, but I want you to tell me what went wrong since then, because from the look of you, Greg, I can see you moving into Lilly.” Tessa pointed at where we were sitting. “But you, Lilly, you keep leaning away. It isn’t much, but it is noticeable.”
“We did have some miscommunication yesterday.” Greg spoke up. “I didn’t text her and then she retaliated by not answering me. Then she went rogue with hanging out with her friends and none of us knew where she was and I was worried sick.”
“Did you two talk this out?” Tessa looked over to me and I realized we hadn’t. We had had sex and felt better after a night of sleep, but we hadn’t discussed what had happened last night.
“Yea—”
“No, we didn’t.” I cut Greg off because I knew in his head he thought we did talk. This was always how he was, he tried to distract so there wouldn’t be any more problems. We talked his way, which even at work and even being his friend for so long, I knew that meant very little to no talking at all to solve things. He normally just forgot about it and moved on.
“And why didn’t you?” Tessa was focused on me now.
“Because we had sex, instead. I mean, it was hot angry sex, but,” and I emphasized that but while looking over to Greg, “we’ve never really talked about the hard stuff when things were bad.”
“What do you mean? We always talk stuff out.” Greg looked appalled as he took his hand out of mine. He was creating space between us, and I knew my next statement was going to drive a wedge.
“You just think we talk.” I held up my hand to stop the argument that I knew was about to come. “We never talk. You get angry and then just shut down, simmer in it for a few hours and then brush it under the rug, forget about it, and go on with your life.”
“Is this true, Greg?” Tessa had her pen and pad out now, writing vigorously.
“I don’t like confrontation. It doesn’t help anyone if we argue and get mad at each other. I don’t see the point to it, so I don’t do it.” Greg shrugged his shoulder, like what he was saying wasn’t a big deal.
“But that’s the thing! You aren’t thinking about others!”
I moved away from Greg on the couch, making the space between us grow and I could see Tessa calculating just how many moves we were taking to be further apart.
“I think about you all the time, what are you talking about?!” Greg’s voice started to grow louder.
“But are you thinking about us?” I countered his question with one that rang true. At the beginning of all of this we had together about us, about being together in this, but the longer this has drawn out, the most it’s become about us as individuals. What we wanted out of this, not what we needed as a couple to make this work. I realized now that that was our downfall here. We had started strong, but I was pushing him away, and when I was finally coming around to thinking this could work, the whole dynamic of us changed.
We sat there with Greg’s arms crossed over his chest and me brooding in the corner. Last night and this morning I was his. I still was his, but was he mine? That was the question that kept poking at the front of my mind as I began reading the titles of the books along Tessa’s wall again.
“I want to ask something,” Tessa spoke up after filling two pages on her pad. God, I would kill to know what she thought of us and was writing down. We probably looked like a train wreck to the outside world, and it wasn’t like it wasn’t true, but if they knew just how good we were together, if we realized just how good we were together. I huffed and gave into her comment.
“Sure.” I looked over to Greg who was staring at the wall and lightly kicked him with my leg.
“What?” He scolded me, leaning down to rub his shin.
“Oh, it wasn’t that bad.” I waved him off. “Tessa wants us to ask us something.”
“Sure, why not? I mean, couldn’t make this moment any more awkward.”
Tessa looked between us and it was almost like she braced herself for what she was about to say, the way she sat up straight in her chair and re-crossed her legs and set her pen and pad on the table beside her.
“What is your biggest fear about this relationship?” Tessa asked. I looked over to Greg who had his full attention back into this conversation.
“I told you before. Him not being able to love me as much as I love him, and of course, him leaving me.” I spoke up first to just get it out there, since I had already talked about this a little in our first session.
“That she’ll leave me for someone better.” Greg admitted as he adjusted himself beside me. He didn’t turn to face me, but was sitting up now, making sure that Tessa was paying attention to what he was saying. “That if this doesn’t work that one day I will have to see her with another man who will make her smile in ways that I wasn’t able to.”
The second the last word released from his mouth my heart sank. This man always knew how to surprise.
“I want to take these two fears and kind of work them together for a new homework assignment.” Tessa suggested. “I want you to be open minded about it, as I know it’s not conventional, but I think it would help with the fear that you two have and help open and build the communication between you two. Because that’s the one thing that’s hurting you both right now, communication.”
I looked over to Greg and tossed him a questioning look.
“What you got for us?” Greg answered for the both of us.
“I want you two to go on a date.”
I looked at Tessa, trying to figure out if I heard her right. We had already done that.
“Didn’t we already do that? I mean, I wouldn’t be opposed.” Greg laughed as he leaned forward, wanting to take on Tessa’s challenge of another date.
“No, I want you two to go on a date with someone else.” Now I was really confused with what Tessa was saying.
“What?” Greg stole the question right out of my mouth.
“I want you two to go on a date with someone else, but, I want you to tell the other person when you do so.” I looked over to Greg and, when our eyes met, we both smiled because— I knew for a fact that in that moment— we were both thinking Tessa was crazy.
“Doesn’t have to be tonight or tomorrow night, just has to be before our session on Wednesday.”
“Are there any rules?” I piped up.
“No, just that when you do decide to go on the date, you must tell the other person. You must tell them where you are going, with whom you are going with and when. We need to work on communication, and I think this is the best way for you two can. You both are sexually attracted to each other, but based on both of your fears of this relationship, it’s the thought of the other being with someone else that is causing you two to self destruct this relationship before it fully blossoms.”
“So we would just have to go on a date with someone else?” Greg asked, but didn’t look over towards me. I was starting to get the sinking feeling that he was going to go through with this date.
“Yes.” Tessa answered him with a smile on her face, like what she was asking of us was so simple. A smile spread across Greg’s face as he reached for his phone and shot off a text.
“What if we don’t?” I questioned her and peeled my eyes away from Greg.
“That’s not an option right now, Lilly. You two need an extra push into looking this relationship head on, and this is the only way I can get you two to focus is by giving you homework assignments that push you out of your boundaries.”
“Fine.” I sank back into the couch and noticed we had already spent our hour arguing and being told to date someone else. I got up and left without Tessa dismissing us because I knew that there wasn’t going to be any more conversation tonight. I just wanted to go over to Erica’s and drown myself in her liquor cabinet and run away from the look in Greg’s eyes when Tessa said yes all we needed to do was go on a date with someone else.
When I hit the curb outside, I texted her immediately and flagged down a cab that was headed straight towards me.
My phone buzzed in my hand with Erica’s name across the screen. I answered the call on the third ring as I entered the cab and rattled off Erica’s address.
“What’s wrong and who do I need to kill?” I had texted her “911” —our code that I needed her right now.
“Can you kill Greg and this counselor?” I heard Erica whispering away from the phone and the words “Greg” and “downtown” coming from someone else on the other end.
“Come over and we’ll have a girls’ night.”
“Who was that?” I questioned her with a smirk on my face that she couldn’t see.
“Who was what?” She tried to play dumb.
“I heard someone else on the other end.”
“Don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’ll see you soon and I’ll call Alexa over, too.”
When I finally got to Erica’s townhouse Alexa’s car was already in the driveway. They were closer to each other now that Alexa was living on the outskirts of town with her husband, Max. I felt a little pang in my heart as to not being able to get out here as much since I didn’t have a car, but the girls were always so great about coming into downtown to see me so we could hang out.
I didn’t have to knock on the door before both girls greeted me with much needed hugs and an already made drink.
“Do I want to know what’s in this?”
“Just drink it.” Alexa tipped the cup in my hand so that I took a long sip, and oh did the fruity concoction burn. I was definitely sleeping here tonight. I kicked off my shoes and made my way to the living room where there were movies, drinks, candy, and pizza all lined up. I was ready for a long night.
“Go change into some pjs and then we’ll get started.” I did as I was told and made my way back down stairs to already see one of my favorite Austen movies on the screen, Pride and Prejudice. Ugh, Mr. Darcy, such unrealistic expectations, but yet, still somehow reminding me of Greg. Or was he Mr. Bingley?
“Move over.” I sandwiched between Erica and Alexa and grabbed for the nearest blanket while placing three slices of pizza onto a plate and grabbing for my drink, which I had left on the coffee table.
“Don’t be so pushy.” Alexa shoved at my arm.
“I’ll be pushy if I wanna.” I gave her a full view of my very full mouth— pizza, crust, sauce, and all of it just mush in my mouth.
“No wonder you have problems with Greg.” She laughed at the comment, but my heart took a hit. I sank down into the couch, just like I had in the counseling session, admitting defeat. Maybe this was why Greg and I were having problems. Maybe it wasn’t him, but was me.
“She didn’t mean that!” Erica shushed Alexa from talking and grabbed for my shoulder, bringing me closer to her. “Tell us what happened.”
Alexa moved the plate from my lap and moved to my side, bringing us all into a clump on the couch. I leaned my head on Erica’s shoulder and let a tear slip out. More were building up to escape me, but I needed to get this out first.
“Thursday night when I got home,” I felt another tear drop, “we had amazing hot sex that was something out of a romance novel.”
I sat up between the girls.
“Like I never knew things like that could be done with my body, that I could feel things like that, or have that many orgasms.” Both girls joined into my giggle fit, but another tear rolled down my face because, even though I was joking, I was still hurting. “But today when we went to our session, he wouldn’t admit that we didn’t actually talk about what happened on Thursday. He was all butt hurt that I called him out on it. We went from walking into the office holding hands to being on opposite sides of the couch and me walking out without him by my side.”
“That’s it, babe?” Alexa looked at me wearily and I knew that what I said didn’t seem to be something that was too bad, but it felt bad to me.
“Not just that, now we have to go on a date before our next session.”
“That’s not bad.” Erica turned me towards her to try to light up the conversation. “From what you’ve told us, you two do great on dates.”
“We have to go on a date with another person.” I dropped the news on the girls and they were silent. I thought back to when Greg and I had looked at each other in Tessa’s office and how I thought that we weren’t going to be doing this, but how Greg seemed almost excited by asking Tessa more about the date now had me worried. Would he be texting me tonight to tell me all the details of what he was going to do? Or would it be tomorrow night?
“Why would your counselor suggest that?” Alexa tried to sooth me by rubbing my arm up and down.
“It wasn’t a suggestion; we have to do it. Anything we do, and don’t do, goes to the judge.” I straightened myself up.
“I still have no idea why she would suggest it.” Alexa said..
“She asked us about our fears for the relationship. Greg basically said he didn’t want to see me with another man and I said I was afraid of him leaving me. To her that equated us going on a date with someone else so we could make our fears come true and then work it out from there. Don’t ask me how it’s supposed to work because I have no fucking idea.”
“I get it.” Erica chimed in.
“You do?” Alexa leaned over me to ask Erica.
“You and Greg have always just been able to do what ever it is you want without any real consequences. For example, this marriage, well this time it isn’t like that. You two need to look at if you want this to be a permanent thing or if you want it to end. You can’t just live in the middle and I think that’s what Tessa is trying to get out of this. To show you both exactly what it is you are looking for, and that’s each other.”
I stared at Erica once she was finished, baffled that all of those words had came out of her. I swore it was like any time she talked the heavens opened up and the best knowledge was spoken into existence. I wished for a moment that she was my counselor rather than Tessa.
“All I know is that I don’t want this process to go on longer than the end of the month. Yeah, Greg and I do dates well, but do we do long term? Yeah, we’ve been friends for years, but we haven’t been around each other all day every day like a couple does. We get to go home to our separate apartments and leave each other behind at the end of the work day. I just don’t know how we are going to get there by the end of this time frame, but damn it, I’m determined to make it happen.”
I reached over to grab for my cup of alcohol. I was sure Alexa had made this drink since it was all liquor with a splash of juice.
“What are you going to do?” Erica questioned.
“I have no idea, but I don’t plan on going on a date with another man.” I looked between Erica and Alexa, taking in their sympathetic eyes.
“But is he going to go on a date with another woman?” Alexa’s question bothered me because I didn’t know. The more I thought about that look I saw on his face in Tessa’s office, the more I had no clue as to what plan Greg had for this weekend.
All I knew at that moment was that I wanted to shove this pizza in my mouth and set my phone on silent, because I knew for sure that, if I got a text from Greg saying he was going on a date with some other woman, my heart would be shattered.