Chapter Eight

Sacha

"Three pregnancy tests can't all be wrong, Sacha. Congratulations."

Melanie was the only person I dared to tell about my situation. We were having lunch at a café near our apartment building. My stomach had changed from queasy to insatiable, and I was chomping on my second sandwich. I set it aside long enough to answer her.

"I know. What I don't know is how this happened in the first place." Melanie didn't answer, but made a rude gesture with her hands, forming a hole with two fingers and sliding another finger in and out of it, complete with what was supposed to be creaking bed noises. I gave her the evil eye. "That's not funny. Not in the least. And you know what I mean. It was the first time in my life I took a chance and did something crazy and look what happened."

"C'mon, does it really matter how it happened? It's what you wanted, right?"

I bit into my turkey panini to avoid answering, if only for a moment. I didn't really want to talk about this, but knew I had to tell someone or go crazy inside my own head. As it was, my imagination was working overtime with doomsday scenarios.

"Yes, of course, I'm thrilled. But this isn't exactly how I thought it would happen. I was prepared to raise my child my way. I had accepted the fact I would never give birth. I was ready to love a child who had no one, who needed a good home. If I'd thought I could have the baby myself, I'd have gone to the sperm bank or done in vitro. But now this complicates things because there's someone else involved."

"Mountain man? Do you even know how to get ahold of him?"

"Not really. We didn't part on the best of terms. But I'm sure I could find him in Tilly, somehow."

My appetite suddenly flagged at the thought of seeing Gibson. My feelings about him were mixed before, and now they were downright confusing.

Melanie was silent so I looked up. Her dark eyes were narrowed as she assessed me.

"But you really don't want to find him, do you?"

I sat back in my chair, pushing my plate away. I took a sip of water, wishing it was something stronger. "No, I don't. Is that horrible?"

"Not exactly. But I understand why you don't want to find him."

It was all I'd thought of from the moment I accepted being undeniably pregnant. Didn't the father have a right to know?

I sighed, unable to avoid the topic any longer. I had to face facts.

"It's not only that he was a bit of a jerk after we'd spent the night together. He was nice before that and sexy as hell. Good-looking and fit. But he's a handyman, working odd jobs. He's living in a remote cabin. He's got some kind of baggage, maybe because his wife died. I don't know. But if I'm being honest, he's not exactly the man of my dreams."

She was still giving me that look, like she was waiting for the rest of the story. Then she prompted me with "And?"

My stomach had settled with the food, but now it clenched as tension spiraled through me. "And my father left when I was a kid, and my husband dumped me for a baby-making machine. So no, I don't have much faith in men these days. There, I said it. Are you happy?"

Melanie sipped her wine, and I envied her for a moment. Wine was off my menu for the foreseeable future. Then she spoke, her voice firm. "It's about you being happy, not me. If you think you'll be happier doing this alone, then own it. And you don't have to marry him, you know. He lives far away, probably has no money, so what can he do? If he really is a jerk, he may not even want to be involved."

"Maybe."

"You don't have to do anything about him yet, so don't drive yourself crazy about it."

"You're right."

Melanie reached across the table to squeeze my arm. The tension was ebbing now, relief surfacing once again. Until she asked me the next question.

"Have you told your mom yet?"

"No, and please don't tell anyone about this until I figure out what I need to do."

"I won't. But be careful. I'm here if you need me, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am. I don't know what I'd do without you. And I'm paying for lunch, so don't even think about grabbing the check."

Later as we walked back to our apartment building, a sense of calm came over me. No matter what happened, this was my child. Part of me was growing into a whole other person. No one could ever take that away.

~*~