Sacha
After checking into my motel, I kicked off my shoes and collapsed on the bed. I'd managed to pick up more orders than I expected, and the largest one was from the dive bar the girl at the diner had told me about. I'd have to stop by and thank her tomorrow.
Between the drive and all the meetings, I figured I deserved a break. I lay back on the pillows and flipped on the television. Then I picked up my phone. Ignoring a tinge of guilt, I opened up the social media app Mom used to keep tabs on Kevin.
Why am I torturing myself like this? Lord knows I've got better things to do.
Yet I kept clicking through his posts, and sure enough, there was one formally announcing they were expecting. It was obviously a joyous occasion for them, with tons of people offering their congratulations in the thread.
It made me want to throw the phone across the room.
Guess his sperm count wasn't the problem after all.
I shut the app and tossed the phone onto the bed, but it responded with a buzz. I picked it up to see Melanie's smiling face on the screen.
"Hey Mel."
"Hey yourself. Are you there yet? You said you'd call the minute you got there."
"I just checked in. I was about to call but got distracted."
"By what? Or should I say, who?"
I hesitated. I didn't want to admit to what I had been doing. "Well… You're on the money, as usual. By Kevin's new wife's baby bump."
"Ew."
"Yeah. Apparently, they're both really fertile."
"Apparently. Why are you doing this to yourself?"
She was right. Why did I torture myself like this? "My mother called and got me going. She stalks them online regularly. All it does is piss me off."
"I don't blame you. The less you see of them, the better. Focus on what's ahead."
"Right."
Melanie was the only person I trusted with my plans for the future because she wouldn't judge, or tell me what I should do. She was also the only one except my mom who knew the sordid details of Kevin's betrayal.
Triggered, no doubt, by the images of Kevin's page, the scene played out in my mind. When I had returned from my two-week stay at my mother's, I had no reason to believe anything was wrong. The recollection of what happened next was pissing me off all over again.
I was known for my quick temper, which I normally tried to control, except with the people who were close to me. It never seemed to bother Melanie. She understood my need to vent, so I did. "Was I really so blind, Mel? There must have been signs. You don't throw away a marriage on a whim."
She sighed. She'd talked me off the ledge of my anger many times before. "There may have been signs, but your focus was elsewhere. You had no reason to suspect anything from what you told me. He took advantage of the fact you were preoccupied with having a baby."
"Yeah. I was clueless, I guess. When I'd returned from my trip, I was ready to start all over and work on getting back the spark that had brought us together. Instead, I came home to find him waiting for me with that stern look on his face, like someone had died or something."
Images of that awful moment still made my stomach clench.
"Kevin, what's wrong?"
His next words were a punch to the gut, one I never saw coming.
"I'm moving out."
"What? Why on earth… What happened?"
He didn't look at me then but through me. As if he couldn't bear to look me in the eyes and tell me the truth.
"I'm with someone else. We're in love."
Not that it even mattered, but all I could stutter was, "Who is it?"
His new love was someone I didn't even know, someone he'd met online. The fact he would go behind my back and start a relationship was devastating enough, but it was his last words that sliced my heart into shreds.
"She's pregnant."
My stunned response seemed funny now, but at the time it was a wonder I could even get the words out. His manner was so cold, not at all the man I'd married. He'd already detached himself and was expecting me to accept it without warning. Once I got over my momentary shock, we had a huge argument about the situation. But it was useless. The bottom line was, he was leaving me for another woman who was having his baby.
The baby that should have been mine.
I heard Melanie's voice, bringing me back to the present. "Sacha? You okay?"
I'd been silent for too long, reliving a day I was trying to forget. "Yes, I'm good now. Let them live their lives, and I'll live mine."
"Amen, sister. That's the right attitude."
I sat up a little straighter against the pillows. I was determined to handle life my way from now on. My history was simply that-history. My heart may have been broken, but I wasn't.
"You're right, I need to focus on my goal. I don't need a man in my life to accomplish that. My mom raised me alone, and I turned out fine."
Melanie's throaty chuckle made me laugh too. "You'll be more than fine, you're going to kick ass."
"Damn straight. That's why I'm in Tilly. If I can drum up a few good accounts, I'll be that much closer to a promotion and more money. If today is any indication, I have an excellent chance."
"You got this, girl. I believe in you."
"Thanks Mel, you're the best. I gotta run now."
I hung up and pulled out my tablet to review the orders. If I hit my sales numbers this month, the monetary goal I set for my savings account might be within reach. Then I'd have enough money to finally realize my dream. I'd already set the wheels in motion, and nothing could stop me.
I was going to adopt a baby and raise it on my own.
~*~
I must have dozed off while reviewing the orders. I woke around six p.m. with a growling stomach and decided a night out was in order. I'd go stir-crazy sitting in this tiny room thinking about the past.
I took a quick shower and dried my hair. I looked at my reflection in the wide hotel mirror. Not bad. I'd lost a few pounds since the divorce. A new, longer hairstyle showed off my chestnut waves, and contacts made my green eyes pop, instead of being hidden behind glasses. Not bad for thirty-seven. And counting…
My stomach nudged me for food again reminding me I hadn't had much of a lunch. A quick salad at one of the bars was all I'd had time for. The evening stretched ahead with nothing much to do, so dinner and a stroll through the shops in town sounded like a plan.
Ten minutes later, I was dressed in a summery skirt and blouse, my feet clad in wedged sandals. Who knew? Maybe later I'd even stop at that bar and listen to some music. Once I became a mother, these kinds of excursions would happen less often, as would dating. If I even dated at all. At Melanie's insistence, I'd signed up for one of those online dating sites months ago, but so far, I wasn't impressed. I'd met a few guys, went on some dates, but it was a waste of time and energy, to be truthful.
The adoption was all I really thought about these days. Becoming a mother, having a little one to love, was all I needed. I'd thought of in vitro, but with my history, there was the risk it still wouldn't work. Giving a good life to a child in need seemed to me the best possible outcome.
Though I had to admit, the idea of having one last fling before taking on the responsibilities of parenthood was tempting. It wasn't likely to happen, but perhaps if I met a nice guy, I might. But that was just another dream.
Shaking off the silly speculations, I grabbed my purse and walked out the door, into the night and an unknown future.