Chapter 19
Leaving ~ Phoebe
“I should get dressed,” I said, dropping my fork slowly to the plate. Pushing back the chair, I stood and carried my plate over to the dishwasher. “Is my outfit dry?” I expected Gray to say something like there’s no hurry, finish your food and the coffee you haven’t touched, but Gray didn’t respond with any of that.
“Sure, I took it out of the drier this morning. I hope it isn’t something that shrinks, I only know one program on the washer/dryer,” he said with a smile. It felt like the first real smile that day, one that wasn’t loaded with anything but truth.
“Thank you,” I replied and gave him a small smile in return. Reaching his utility room where the washer was, I took a deep breath, swallowing past the lump that had formed in my throat, the one warning me my tears were close behind it. I was determined not to cry. I told myself to concentrate on dressing, and getting the fuck out of his apartment. I even tried to fool myself that once I was in a cab I’d be able to put the previous twenty-four hours behind me.
Grabbing my outfit from the drier, I put it on there and then, pushed his clothes I’d been wearing into the machine and started the cycle. When I went back into the kitchen, Gray looked up from the coffee cup he was nursing and pushed his chair back.
“Okay, looks like I’m all set,” I informed him, and tried to keep my voice light. I turned into the hall to pick up my oversized bag without waiting for him to respond. I pulled my sweater over the flimsy outfit I’d been wearing to the gig and I was ready.
“Where will you go?”
My eyes flicked from the zipper on my bag to look at his face. “Does it matter?”
Gray inhaled deeply and heaved out a frustrated breath. “Sure, it does.”
“I don’t know. I’ll figure it out. My sister’s place probably.” I looked at the ceiling, past his shoulder, and eventually at him. “Thanks for helping me yesterday, I appreciate it.” I faced away from him to turn the lock but I couldn’t open the door with one hand. Gray reached past me, his fingers landing over mine while his other hand reached out for the second lock which had to be turned with the one I was holding.
His warm, bare shoulder brushed against my cheek, our faces close because of what he was doing. A strained look passed between us as our bodies and eyes connected. It forced me to turn back and look at the lock again. When I heard a click as the lock became undone, I looked back to find his eyes were fixed on my face. I held my breath as he slowly glanced at my lips, noting his hesitation when he looked at my mouth, and a second later he met my gaze. His dark, serious expression looked pained.
“You should go, Pheebs,” he mumbled softly, his hoarse voice laced with regret. The sad tone in it made me stop. I had started to turn away but glanced back at him over my shoulder. Once again, I held his gaze longer than I would normally have. My heartbeat thumped as I thought this is it. The end. But even then, I willed him to take his next move. If I had thought with absolute certainty he wasn’t interested I’d have left at that very instant, but I had seen the evident longing in his eyes, and that made me wait it out.
Another uncomfortable pause made the air heavy between us. Inside I screamed silently for him to act, but when he moved I saw the turmoil as he struggled with his feelings; it was as if he was frustrated with what was going on inside his head. His hands balled into fists like it was his only defense not to touch me.
Strong muscles flexed and tensed and his jaw ticked as it set. Regret passed through his eyes and when he tried to fight his feelings harder he shoved his hands deep into his jeans pockets. My shoulders sagged automatically in response, defeated by the contradiction in the way his body reacted to me versus his cutting words of rejection.
When I finally got the door open, I couldn’t look back. “Thanks, Gray, take care,” I said as I stepped out into the corridor. I had only taken one step away from his door when he quickly grabbed my wrist. His hold was firm, demanding.
Tugging me back inside his apartment he spun me around to face him. My aching heart suddenly stalled in hope at his reluctance to let me walk away. A second later my mouth fell open in, shock when he continued to pull me closer until my body slammed forcefully against his chest. Gray had never shown aggression toward me, but the way he behaved on his doorstep wasn’t aggressive it was possessive.
Once he had my undivided attention he loosened his grip then slid his hand from my wrist to my lower back while his other free hand grabbed my hair. He wound it around my tresses until his hand held it tightly, stopping at the nape of my neck. All the while he was doing that, my heartbeat had fluttered erratically, unsure of his intention until it faltered when his lips brushed against my ear.
Sounding tortured, he murmured, “Stay. Please, I’m sorry.” When I heard his plea, excitement flooded my body. I had wished so hard for him to say that the day I left Miami. Of course, he didn’t. Gray flexed the hand he held low at my spine, squeezing me tighter until our bodies were flush against each other. We were so close I doubted whether tissue paper could have passed between us. I was totally sure in that moment that Gray wanted me, the only doubt I had was if I would be able to walk away again afterward.
Shivers of delight and arousal ran through me, igniting passion in every cell from the mere breath he exhaled as he whispered in my ear. Slowly, his mouth slid to my cheek, brushing it softly then ghosting slowly and tenderly down to my neck.
Goosebumps erupted over the whole surface of my skin, fueling my heightened desire for more. Gray never had to do much to make me wet. When I was with him, just being around him did that to me, even when I was sleeping with him every day. With Gray, the phrases that rang true to me were that you could never get too much of a good thing.
Pulling back, I saw a torn look pass over his eyes once more. It told me he wanted to kiss me, but something held him back. Unlike before, I couldn’t help him with that, deciding in that instant the move was his to take. Gray had created the situation that led to that moment and I wasn’t going to give him the easy way out.
“I need to kiss you, Pheebs. Is that all right with you?” My head was spinning - one minute I was leaving, feeling totally dejected, and the next I was in his arms.
Men like Gray who worked the music industry had women at their beck and call. Most took what they wanted. This was a man who had fucked my mouth so many times I couldn’t have even begun to count. It felt a little weird he asked for permission, sought my approval before he kissed me.
“I’d like that,” I said a little breathily, barely recognizing my own voice. The whole interlude felt like a fantasy. It even passed through my mind to pinch myself, it had felt so unreal. Tracing his hand up my back he cupped my cheek and stared intensely at me again. Swallowing, he licked his lips. His tongue poked out wetting them ready for mine to connect as he closed the space between us. Slamming the outside door closed, Gray leaned into me and kissed me like he’d never kissed me before.
Every emotion between us was poured into our kiss: a tender, slow, innocent touching of lips, agonizingly teasing. A soft moan fell from my mouth. Gray growled gruffly in response, as his tongue suddenly forced its way deep into my mouth, losing control, and it became more demanding, taking me completely by surprise.
My core pulsed tight, my juices immediately saturating the thong I had put on minutes before. My heart beat wildly with the sensation of his mouth on mine. Every single message running through my body screamed for Gray’s presence inside me.
Passion exploded between us as we grappled and groped in a messy, frantic attempt to undress each other. Gray released my hair, grabbed at the hem of my sweater with both hands, and dragged it roughly over my head. My hair crackled with tiny electrical charges from the static of my sweater as he pulled it free. Tugging roughly at the next layer left me bare. My hand caught my halter top he held and my other one covered his, stopping him dead in his tracks.
“If we do this, I won’t be shunned again, Gray. I’m not willingly giving you my body to play with after the way you shunned me this morning. Especially since you stopped me just now and you know what’s in my heart.”
“I can’t promise to love you like you want, Phoebe, but I know you’re in my heart. I don’t love easily, I’m not even sure I know what that feels like. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but I want to be truthful with you, sweetheart. I don’t really know what love is, but I do know that I want to give you something. Not just anything, something.”
Many women would have been disappointed about Gray’s admission, but I knew from talking to Brody, and even from Lizzie herself that Gray had never told her he loved her. I knew he’d grown up in a single parent family, and I’d only ever heard him mention his dad. I had wondered why he appeared less emotional at times and thought there may be something in his past that made him the way he was. However, after the way he spoke about Hettie, I didn’t fully believe or understand that.
Being away from him for all that time had helped me to see him in a different light. Gray had always been complex and guarded, never giving away many of his feelings, so I was stoked to be the girl who had gone from nothing to something. And as little as his words would have meant to most, to me they had meant everything.
When I reached for the button on his jeans, Gray knew I had accepted his admission, and without waiting for me to undo his zipper he lifted me off the ground, wrapped my legs around his waist, and turned on his heels. His stiff, straining cock pressed deliciously hard against my pubic bone as he strode down the hallway with me in his arms, back into his bedroom.
Seconds later he threw me playfully on the bed, crawled onto the mattress with one knee between my legs and leaned over. Nestling his face in my neck his mouth found my skin and he sucked hard. A thrill of pleasure shot through me, drawing a yelp of delight as his mouth teased my body in a way I thought I’d never experience again.
He pulled away, suddenly, stood up and undid the zipper on his jeans, shoving them forcefully down his legs. He grabbed his stiff cock in his hand and stroked it several times. When he caught sight of me watching, the small smile on his face grew wider. “You love watching this,” he stated. He was right, I did.
Gray’s beautiful eyes shone, their deeper amber color clouded with lust as he leaned forward before he took a hard nipple in his mouth. Squeezing the other between his thumb and forefinger he groaned around my breast and sucked like a man possessed. “Fuck, I’ve missed you,” he admitted, his hand kneading my flesh like he couldn’t get enough of me. My heart raced with excitement when I felt the desperation in his touch.
“I’ve missed you too,” I mumbled, even though I was a little scared at my own admission. The last thing I wanted was for us to fall back to the way we were before.
“Come here,” he coaxed. His hand swept under my neck as he sat me up on the edge of the bed. Fisting his cock again he dragged the smooth, mushroomed tip of his cock across my lips. I couldn’t resist stealing a taste of him; my tongue darted out to lick the dewy pre-cum from his slit. Another pained groan tore from his throat. “Take me in your mouth, babe. I want to feel your lips around me,” he muttered in a hoarse, low voice.
My lips parted, his large cock sliding into my mouth while I adjusted to breathing through my nose. I sucked him gently, teasingly, and he exhaled sharply, swallowed hard, and allowed his head to roll back onto his neck as he faced the ceiling. Seconds later, he looked down at me and as his eyes closed I worked his long shaft with my mouth and my hands. After a couple of minutes, he pushed my head away and grabbed me under my knees, flipped me onto my back and dropped to his knees on the floor.
With a quick glance to check I was okay, a wicked smirk played on his lips before he dipped his head, and he began a pleasurable assault of tiny kisses around my upper legs. Gradually, he traced up one thigh then the other before he sucked the lips of my pussy, thong, and all, into his mouth.
My breath hitched in shock at the sudden pang of ecstasy that sent a jolt of electricity to every fiber my erogenous zones possessed. Pleasure cascaded down from my head wreaking havoc with my senses. Gray’s touch had always had an incredible effect on me, but in that moment, I felt even more.
A small slap on my thigh brought me back into focus as he emerged from between my legs. Reaching back behind him, he gathered a fistful of T-shirt into his hand and dragged it over his head. Tossing it carelessly behind him, he looked stunning.
I had never seen Gray with the level of desire for me he had that morning, and seeing that made the recklessness of the whole episode much more enticing. Packed with sensation and seduction, the way he was controlling my pleasure had me gasping for breath.
Every bone in my body felt as if it was melting under the seductive gaze he gave me when he eventually rolled on a condom and settled himself over me. Placing his hands on my inner thighs he spread them wide, licked his fingers and stroked them down the length of my slit.
Positioning himself over my entrance, he circled my clit with his fingertips before he suddenly dipped his forehead to mine as he pushed his long, thick cock steadily inside me. Both of us moaned loudly, a dirty cuss falling from Gray’s lips as he filled me to his root and settled inside me. “Fuck, babe, I’ve missed this tight little hole.” His eyes connected with mine in a deep stare as he moved slowly and tenderly inside me. He then did something that was very different from what it was like with me before.
Cradling my head in his arms, he reverently kissed both of my eyes, and checked my reaction before kissing the tip of my nose. His lips gently brushed across mine. “I really have missed you, Pheebs,” he whispered. His voice and admission carried his apology straight to my heart. I’d missed him, everything about him.