Chapter 39
Unresolved ~ Gray
Once I’d hung up from my dad, I had all the information I’d asked him for by messenger the night before. I rang Brody, who was less than impressed at being woken up at 8:40 am on a Wednesday morning after the full-on day of traveling and press intrusion we’d had the previous two days.
I padded down the hall and quietly opened the door to glance over at my bed to check that Hettie was still asleep. When I was satisfied she was I shut it slowly and I heard my call connect.
“This better be life and death,” he muttered as Dana groaned and asked what time it was in the background.
“Did you speak to Phoebe?” I asked once I’d made it as far as my living room.
“Fuck, you rang me for that?”
“Yeah, it’s important. I want to do this right. By the way, will you be my best man?”
“Jesus Christ, Gray, what the fuck’s going on with you?”
“I spoke to my dad this morning. I had messaged him last night asking him what I had to do to get a special license. He researched it for me and I had our PA help me. Hettie and I are getting married on Friday.”
I heard him shift and grunt as if he were sitting up in the bed. “No, we haven’t spoken to Phoebe yet, and I’m on it this morning. What’s the deal?”
“We’re getting married at Notting Hill Registry Office, at 9:45 am, Friday.”
“Congratulations. I’ll call Phoebe this morning,” he offered.
“No, go and see her. Tell her…tell her I care about her, but tell her my heart was Hettie’s long before I met her.”
“I think you should go and tell her yourself, Gray.” Spinning around, I saw Hettie standing in the doorway, a frown on her beautiful face. She looked at me like she understood how difficult it was for me just to ignore Phoebe’s feelings.
My heart lurched, not sure whether to agree or disagree. Telling Phoebe in person meant I’d have to look her in the eye. “It’s not easy for me. I’m not going to pretend that it is, but at the same time, your paths are bound to cross from time to time, she’s Dana’s best friend, right? The only way to face this awkward situation is for you to give yourself the closure you need.” Hettie wandered over and slipped her arms around my waist.
“I feel sorry for her, Gray. I’ve wanted to hate her for what she was to you, but I know what she’s losing, if that makes any sense. If I lost you now it would devastate me more than the first time…for all time.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to get so hung up about it. I just know if I walked in her shoes it would kill me for someone I loved to not feel the same and then if I saw them moving on without sparing a thought for me, you know?” I pleaded.
“I do, and the way you think has me falling in love a little more with you each day. It takes a special person to speak their mind and risk hurting the one they’re with to consider the feelings of others in the bigger picture. Go, talk to her…I don’t think it will make her feel any different toward you, but at least she’d know you didn’t dismiss her feelings out of hand. I know that unless you talk to Phoebe and reconcile things in your mind, it will always come between us.”
Brody was still on the line listening to everything we discussed. “I’m still here, Gray,” he reminded me.
“Yeah, sorry,” I replied, and sighed deeply.
“This is really troubling you, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, story of my life, more loose ends.”
“I’m sure Phoebe would hate to be thought of as that,” Dana replied. I didn’t realize Brody had put us on speakerphone.
“That’s not what I meant,” I said, defending myself. “I’m just trying to do the right thing.”
“That would have been to have left her alone after the first time. Anyway, she’s seeing someone. A businessman. Nothing to do with musicians and crappy guys that sleep around.”
“That’s not fair, Dana. Gray isn’t like that. All the time he saw Phoebe, he didn’t chase pussy.”
“I wasn’t talking about him, I was talking about the others she’s picked up over time.”
“Will you ask her, Brody?”
“To see you? Sure, but I don’t think that’ll do any good. She won’t even let us mention your name.” After a moment’s silence, he cleared his throat. “I’ll ask.”
“Thank you,” I calmly replied.
“Call me when you’ve spoken to her,” I requested.
“Yeah, sure.” He finished the call without saying goodbye and I stood there cuddling Hettie in the doorway.
“Right, come on, baby, at least I’m trying. Whatever will be will be. We’re not going to let it stop us getting on with our celebrations. By the way, your mom and sister are flying over tomorrow. Had my PA connect me with your mom and we had a short chat while I was waiting for you to get into New York.”
“You called my mom?”
“Of course, Lisa and I are like that now.” I crossed my fingers like we were close even though I’d never met her. She didn’t make it easy for me, and I respected her immediately for trying to protect her daughter from any hurt I could cause her. “I had to ask for your hand before we made it official. I knew from the way she spoke you hadn’t said I’d asked.”
“You are incredible,” she stated, her voice sounded a little disbelieving.
“I know. I’m a rock star you know,” I replied playfully.
My phone rang again and when I glanced at the screen I saw it was Phoebe. Hettie was looking at me and glanced from me to my phone. “It’s Phoebe,” I told her.
“Answer it, I’m okay, I’m headed to the shower,” she said, as she gave me the permission I must have sought with the look I gave her. I had wanted to answer.
“Hey,” I greeted, my voice soft.
“Hey,” she mirrored back and fell silent.
“I would have met you to talk.”
“I don’t want that, Gray.”
“Phoebe, I don’t want to do this over the phone.”
“It’s not all about what you want, Gray.”
“Okay, listen, sweetheart, I know this hurts you and God, it pains me to know that, but I have some news and I wanted to tell you before someone else does. I’m with Hettie…and we’re getting married.”
The delay between me saying the words and her response felt like it went on a lifetime, but I had held my breath so it couldn’t have been that long.
“Congratulations, Gray. She’s a lucky girl.”
“Thank you, Phoebe. And you? I hear you have someone new?”
“I do, Robbie. He’s a great guy. I may just fall in love with this one…he may heal me, you know? We’re having fun together and he takes care of me, checks up on me…he’s very attentive. I’ll live, Gray. You don’t have to worry about me. I knew from the moment you spoke about her the first time in that diner you loved her.”
“Then you knew more than me. I didn’t realize until a few months ago, but I knew there was something in the way of you and me. I love her so much, Phoebe, but I never want you to think I was just passing time with you.”
“I don’t.” The atmosphere between us felt unnatural.
“All right, hon, I’ve taken up enough of your day. I love you very much, Phoebe, just in a different way. You’re a very important person in my life.”
“Thanks. I better go. Robbie’s on his way over. He’ll be here in ten minutes, so I’d better get ready.”
“Okay. Well thank you for calling, Pheebs. Take care of yourself.”
“I will, and Gray…thanks for wanting me to know like this…it means a lot.”
“It would have gutted me for you to know any other way, sweetheart.”
I heard her swallow hard and figured she was tearing up so I wished her all the best for the future and told her I’d see her sometime. It wasn’t a lie; we were bound to meet again at some point.
After the call ended I took a minute for reflection because I had thought I’d feel better for talking to her but I didn’t. I guessed at that point it would take time. I went to find Hettie who was drying her hair. I was impressed she hadn’t hung around to listen to the call. It showed she trusted in me. “Everything okay?” she asked me, fluffing her hair as she switched off the drier.
Glancing at her hair I smiled until I saw the concern when I looked in her eyes. “It is now. Get dressed, you have a future in-law to meet.”
****
Dad was much warmer than I’d ever seen him when he met Hettie. Pulling her in for a hug, he chatted easily about Miami, citing a trip he’d taken there in his teens with his parents. I sat back in the chair and noticed there was a buzz in him that I’d never seen before.
I could see my dad was charmed by Hettie as he spoke, he was warm in his responses and he listened attentively to her. Question after question was put to her and it was clear he really wanted to know her. It gave me so much pleasure to know that he was accepting of my choice for my wife; his daughter-in-law.
After a couple of hours, Dad nervously checked his watch and it dawned on me he’d done the same thing twice in the previous five minutes. Headlights shone from outside and he jumped up to see who was out there.
“I have some news of my own since we’re sharing today,” he admitted. He looked a little coy as he walked out into the hallway and opened his front door.
“Hello, Georgia, come in before you get frostbite,” he fussed, sounding brighter than I’d heard him in years. A petite blonde woman with big brown eyes and an easy smile entered the living room. Hettie and I glanced at each other and smiled because not only was I bringing my girl to meet my dad, but my dad was bringing his girl to meet me.
“Georgia, meet Gray, my son; and his girlfriend, Hettie,” he said, looking proud.
“We’re getting married on Friday, Dad,” I reminded him because girlfriend didn’t seem enough for what Hettie meant to me.
“Well, I would have said fiancée, but you’re so backward you’re getting married before you’ve courted properly and she doesn’t even have a ring,” he admonished.
“He has a point,” Hettie giggled and waved her bare hand at me.
“Actually, I have a Hatton Garden jeweler lined up for later today. He wants us to choose from the photos of trays of rings he’s sent by email and he’ll make up a tray to bring over later.”
Watching Hettie’s jaw drop was fun. “How are you doing all these arrangements, Gray? I’m with you practically every minute of the day,” she asked, looking astonished.
“I’m relieved you haven’t noticed. I was beginning to think you’d worry I had a prostate problem with the amount of times I’ve had to take a leak over the past twenty-four hours.”
Dad laughed heartily and it was great to hear. He looked genuinely happy and that made my heart squeeze tight. I hadn’t thought about it until I saw Georgia but I was glad he wasn’t going to be alone after I married. It wasn’t as if I was around a lot; it was more a case that I wanted him to feel what I felt with Hettie. Almost thirty years before, he’d married my mom. That was almost a lifetime of pain he’d suffered. No one deserved a new start more than him.
After 7:00 pm we left making our way back to the apartment, and at 8:00 pm on the dot Franklin the jeweler arrived with his security guy and it was only then that I realized how much of a risk he’d taken to bring the gems to us. Hettie changed her mind several times, but eventually settled on a large square emerald surrounded by two carats of diamonds on a plain yellow gold band. The other ring she’d mulled over was a trilogy of three one carat diamonds on a plain yellow gold band.
After she’d chosen a wedding band to match, I had a plain gold band picked out for myself. As I saw Franklin out I asked for the ring she’d debated to be added as my wedding gift to her. Then Brody and Dana arrived unexpectedly with Italian takeout from one of our favorite restaurants.
“I come bearing gifts. Dana hazarded a guess you probably hadn’t eaten properly today. We remember what our wedding was like when we did everything last minute,” he said, pushing past me and dumping the large container on the kitchen counter. Hettie smiled at Dana, and without a word Dana stepped in toward her and hugged her.
“Sorry I was a bitch to you; I guess my loyalties got in the way of my rational thoughts. It’s not your fault or Gray’s, it’s just—”
“I get it, you were defending your friend. It’s completely natural, Dana. I just hope we can be as good friends as you and Phoebe are one day. Can’t have too many of those, can we?”
I looked at Hettie and smirked knowingly because she used the phrase I’d said to her. She smirked back, her eyes bright with a hint of humor. I moved across to her and slid my arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. My aim was to send a possessive message to Dana that no matter what she thought, we were together.
“Let me tell you something, Dana. We were friends to lovers a long time ago. I was too young and fucked up to know what happened when I met Hettie. On reflection it was the night I fell in love. She was sitting by this huge beach bonfire in the dark, and when I saw her I was instantly smitten. I remember thinking how beautiful she looked, and how totally unaware she was of that fact. All the other girls in the group behaved in loud attention-seeking ways in their effort to attract my attention, all apart from Hettie. Whether she already knew I was drawn to her or whether she just didn’t care, I have no idea to this day.”
Hettie looked up, eying me with a serious expression. “It was the same for me, Gray. When I first saw you, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from you.” I laced my fingers in hers and pulled her hand to my lips. Placing a soft kiss on her knuckles, I dropped my gaze and looked back to Dana.
“What I remember the most about that night was, I was trying so hard to impress her with my songs and some stupid leggy girl with a lot of moves kept dancing in front of me cheerleading style. I wanted to stop singing and tell her to move the fuck out of my way because she was blocking my view of the girl I’d set my heart on.”
Hettie giggled, it was so infectious I chuckled along with her.
“There must have been around thirty people there on the beach with us, but as far as I was concerned there was only the one. Hettie. She mesmerized me with one captivating smile, and in that moment, I felt breathless. As soon as she spoke her first words to me and I heard her voice I knew I had to know her better. It’s taken years for me to realize it was love at first sight. Once it happened…and whatever else happened after for that matter, nothing ever took that feeling and replaced it with something else.” Brody walked toward me with a big smile on his face.
“I wondered for a while whether this back and forth thing between Hettie and Phoebe had been a dilemma for you, but now I know that was never the case. Personally, I’ve been guilty of trying to help you see what a great girl Phoebe is, but in hindsight that was more for myself than for you. You were always clear that she wasn’t the one and now that I’ve seen you with Hettie I know you did the right thing by pulling away from Phoebe rather than stringing her along. In the few days I’ve seen you around Hettie you look like a different man. I have no doubt you’ve found the real deal with her. Most of all I’m glad you’re not a weak person and weren’t too macho to seek the truth about yourself, Gray. I’m honored to be your friend.”
“Now we’ve got the admiration of me out of the way, can I get my woman something to eat? I don’t want her being weak on our honeymoon,” I asked, snickering. Hettie smirked and shook her head and I knew her acceptance meant more to her than she was showing.
It had taken us more than eight years to accept what I’d tried to deny we were. It was pure fluke that I met her that night. Our paths had crossed in what should have been a brief moment in time, yet the effect of the chemistry we felt was still present and I felt it would last us a lifetime. I’ve never been a fatalist, never been one for chance or anything that anecdotal. Hettie and I are both scientists, show us the facts, we’ll accept the theory. But, and it’s a big but, if my car hadn’t broken down, and I hadn’t gone to borrow that old truck from Saunders Rush that night, I may never have met her.
****
Hettie and I married on a wet Friday morning, at Notting Hill Registry Office. She looked a vision of beauty in a simple long-fitted ivory satin dress with long sleeves and what Lorna referred to as a sweetheart neckline. I didn’t know much about fashion, but her cleavage definitely looked sweet. In fact I had trouble dragging my eyes away as soon as I caught sight of it.
Our wedding was a very simple affair and so sudden we managed to keep it relatively private from the band’s fans. Hettie’s mum, Lisa; and sister, Lorna, made it over in plenty of time for the ceremony and I took to her mom immediately. She had a warm nature and a great sense of humor…and was the polar opposite of my mum.
Lorna and Brody were official witnesses to our civil union and the ceremony took less than ten minutes to tie us together for a lifetime. It felt fitting that it wasn’t a long drawn out affair, full of rituals and opulence, all we wanted was to be together. I would have made a bigger deal than we had, but Hettie was delighted with the plan and told me it was perfect because she hated being the center of attention.
When working in the public eye the element of surprise is important to grab a little privacy, especially for a personal family event, but I figured the management would be pissed because they didn’t get to milk the promotion for the band by tying us to a magazine deal. There was no way I was prancing around doing all that posing shit with twenty changes of clothing in a two-hour slot. Those magazine exclusives may have brought the money, but those false-looking smile shots fooled no one with an ounce of sense. Hettie and I were not the kind of people who could ever have pretended we were enjoying ourselves.
Instead, we booked out a little restaurant in Chelsea and headed down there, just the band, our manager, our few family and friends, and I have to say it was the best wedding we’d ever been to.
Eleven hours afterward, Hettie and I left our reception and headed to The Park Lane Hotel for the first night of our honeymoon. She stood in the doorway between the bathroom and bedroom, and looked incredible in her white lace lingerie. Her long, dark brown hair cascaded over one shoulder, and her perfect tan made her skin shine so appealingly I had a boner at the thought of touching it. Staring unashamedly at how beautiful she was I felt something move me deep in my soul reminding me how much I loved her.
Moving toward her, still in my suit, I wrapped my arms tightly around her waist and smiled down at her adoring eyes that connected with mine. “So…Mrs. Dennison. How often are you affected by this affliction?”
Hettie’s eyes narrowed but she could tell I was being playful. “Affliction?” she queried coyly.
“Yeah…the one where your clothes fall to the floor leaving your nipples partially exposed through the white lace of your bra,” I offered and smirked.
“Ah, what you’re witnessing is a once-in-a-lifetime event,” she said with a toying tone to her voice.
“Why is that?” I questioned.
“It only happens on my wedding day and as I’ll only ever marry you once, this is it,” she answered.
Before I could ask anything else, Hettie slid her hands up my shirt front and pushed my jacket off my shoulders. “Oh no, it would appear you are going to suffer the same problem,” she said and smiled naughtily.
“Not me,” I smirked, “No white, lacy bra.” I shrugged and laughed as she grabbed me by the hand and pulled me toward the massive bed. Turning me around she pushed me back onto it. Seconds later she stripped me out of my tie and my shirt. All the while her eyes were flitting back and forth between my body and my face, until she unzipped the fly of my pants.
“Gray! You came to our wedding commando?” she asked sounding shocked.
“Of course! I couldn’t get a thong to fit me,” I joked.
“I married a guy with no underwear?”
“No, baby, you married a guy whose underwear would have been soaked by the time we got here.”
“So just soaked pants instead?” she offered. Grinning, Hettie laid her hand flat against my belly and slid it inside my pants. Her fingers grappled with my hard cock and she pulled it free of my flies. Her eyes darkened on sight and she licked her lips. If I’d been a selfish man, the old Gray, I may well have let her have at it, but I wasn’t that guy anymore, and she was my wife. And on our wedding night, I wanted to master her, take control…make her feel protected, desired, and I wanted to worship her body. It wasn’t a case of domination; it was a case of finally cementing the deal on what I knew was finally mine.
That night when I moved inside her, it was painfully slow, every thrust a deliberate stroke of love from me to her until neither of us could cope any longer with the tease. I finally collapsed in a breathless heap on top of her after I set a punishing pace which had her begging me to stop. Having come several times, Hettie groaned in satisfaction and stretched her limbs in her sated state. “I think I’ll keep you,” she teased. I rolled her on her side, smacked her ass and pulled her hard into my body. “Anyone tell you, you’re a wicked woman?”
“No, Gray, I’m your wicked woman,” she said correcting me. I smiled and kissed her hair, “Can we go to sleep now? I’m exhausted. Getting married is fucking hard work,” she stated. I smiled into her neck and kissed her hair. “Sure. Set the alarm, you can have a two-hour break then I’ll expect my cardinal rights,” I told her.
“No more until we arrive where we’re going tomorrow, then I promise you a honeymoon most men would dream about.” Somehow, I believed her.
****
Breaking with tradition, Hettie booked the honeymoon; it was my concession for such a quick wedding. I was in awe with the result of handing her the reins. She took me to a luxury ski chalet in Verbier, in the snow- covered mountains of the alps in Austria. At first I thought it a weird choice, but when Hettie’s eyes lit up like fireworks had exploded behind them when we arrived at the resort, I knew it was exactly what she wanted.
The cabin she’d chosen had no expense spared, but it wasn’t her being lavish with my cash. She had thought of my safety and privacy, and I had to agree with her superb taste. The chalet had a view right on the pristine white powdered piste, two outdoor hot tubs, a wraparound deck on the second floor, and a view of the alps I thought was perfection.
We spent cozy nights naked by the glow of the burning hot, log fire which reminded us of the night we first met, and were a flawless contrast to our days of fun in the snow. The mountain air made us tired and led us to spend more time in bed than we would otherwise have, which was more appealing than a trip to a crowded hot beach. Then I remembered Hettie had lived her whole life in Miami, so her choice was adventurous and faultless.
Knowing Hettie was willing to take charge, face new challenges, and take chances meant everything to me. From my observations of Brody and Dana, I knew being the wife of a rock star brought many trials and tests of trust, and that would happen with some degree of regularity.
Lying next to her, watching her sleep, my heart squeezed, reminding me how deeply rooted she was in there. I thanked my lucky stars for her and was relieved to think I didn’t quit Mike’s advice when he made me keep those notes on love.
Realizing Hettie was the only woman I’d ever been in love with was a revelation. She had known me before I was famous, knew all my flaws, and we had no secrets from each other. She would probably never know how hard I had worked to get to where I was emotionally, to know what love felt like, but it was worth every second to have such a precious woman in my life. From the moment I recognized what it felt like to be in love, it was Hettie’s image that came to mind. My heart was hers. It had been since the day I met her.