Jamilla takes me downstairs to show me the studio. There’s some gorgeous nature photography, taken nearby I’d guess, and an eclectic mix of pottery and blown glass. But what really catches my attention is a series of portraits near the back. Each painting is a different person, and there is no obvious connection between them – male, female, old and young, various ethnicities. Except that each subject has a weight to them. I’m not sure how else to describe it. It isn’t sadness exactly, or pain, but a feeling that their world has gotten too heavy for them. The last one is the one I can’t take my eyes off, because the subject looks exactly like Craig. On closer inspection, it is Craig.

“He’s always beautiful, but this is my favorite painting of him. Victoria really captured the soul that he tries so desperately to keep hidden.” Jamilla’s voice startles me and a tear slips down my cheek. I was so mesmerized by the painting, I had forgotten she was here.

“Sorry,” I say and hastily wipe at my face.

“Don’t be. Art is supposed to evoke strong emotions. If it didn’t, we wouldn’t be doing it right. Craig always seems so confident, without a care in the world, but just like anyone, crack him open and all the fears and insecurities pour out.”

“He doesn’t really talk to me about it yet. I’m hoping he will, though. I can tell he has them, but I have no idea why, or what about.”

Jamilla gazes at the painting, and I wonder if she sees what I see in it. “Same as anybody, I’d imagine. The pain of being abandoned. The fear of never being enough to deserve love.”

“Do you have those fears?” I ask, thinking of her with Victoria. They seem perfect for each other, and I can’t imagine her feeling like she isn’t enough.

Jamilla quirks her head and studies me like I’m a painting hanging on her gallery wall.

“Don’t you?”

I turn back to the pictures, studying them with that question in mind. I wonder how universal fears really are. I’m afraid of looking like an idiot. Of saying the wrong thing. But do I feel like I don’t deserve love? My parents have their issues, especially my mom, although my dad never speaks up to contradict her so maybe that’s just as bad. They make me feel naïve, gullible, and trying, but I’ve never felt unloved. I can’t imagine how lonely and beaten down someone has to be to feel that way. It makes my heart hurt for Craig in ways I never have before.

As amazing as the painting is as a piece of art, I wish it didn’t exist.

Jamilla and I head back upstairs, and it takes a bit for my brain to follow. Craig’s portrait is a mental image I can’t shake, but I don’t want it to follow me to our after-dinner activities.

“You look entirely too serious,” Craig says when I sit beside him on the couch. We tried to assist with cleanup, but Jamilla and Victoria refused to let us help.

“I feel too serious.” I think I can feel the worry lines developing on my face.

“Hmm,” he says and scoots closer, running one hand along my inner thigh as the other rests on my neck. His fingers trail along the edge of my ear, making me shiver. “Maybe we should pull the plug on tonight. If you aren’t up for it. I know we have a whole lot planned, but if you’re on edge, maybe it would be best to come another time.”

“Oh my god, your puns are awful,” I say and can’t stop the laugh from spilling out. Leave it to this man to know how to pull me out of my funk.

“You like puns.”

“I like funny puns,” I say, but there’s no heat in it because Craig hasn’t stopped touching me, even as Victoria and Jamilla return.

I’m afraid my squirming is going to give me away. It certainly doesn’t escape Craig’s notice and he grins like he ate the fucking canary. Bastard. Now I’m blushing and squirming in front of his friends. I try my best to glower, but he’s way too pleased to care.

“I think we’d better head on out. I know Zach’s had a long day,” Craig says, standing from the couch and leaning down to give Jamilla a hug and Victoria a kiss. I nod and thank them once again for dinner. Once the door is closed behind us, I’m pretty sure I can still hear Victoria make a joke about Craig giving me a long night.

The evening with Jamilla and Victoria was smoother than I expected, and I actually had a pretty nice time. A little tense at times, and awkward, not only because of my social ineptness, but also because I spent the entire evening sitting on a butt plug.

When we’d arrived at our Boulder hotel, before heading to their place, Craig had instructions and a bag for me. He’d pulled off his shoes and sprawled out on the king-sized bed to watch Adventure Time. Meanwhile, I was supposed to get cleaned, lubed, and plugged. I wasn’t even able to jerk off, because we were on a time crunch.

Now that it’s time to leave Victoria and Jamilla’s place for our fun time, my nerves are at war with excitement. I know what Craig has planned. We’d discussed it, probably too much, and now that the time has come, I’m scared. Excited as fuck – I may not have been able to jerk off at the hotel, but I’ve made up for it in the days leading up to this. But also really nervous.

“You look like you’re about to throw up,” Craig says and laughs as we head to the car.

“Sorry.” I stare at my twisting hands. “I’m just, you know. Gah!”

Craig stills my hands with one hand, and lifts my chin with the other so that I’m looking at him. “Listen to me. I know we talked about this and you liked the idea, but you can change your mind. If at any time you decide you don’t want to do it, all you have to do is say so. You stay stop and we’ll go to a movie and make out like teenagers in the back row. I promise.”

The goosebumps remain, because hell, I can’t not be nervous, but his words soothe the churning in my belly. His eyes, dark and warm and honest, remind me that we’re in this together. So I nod, close my eyes, and lean back in the passenger seat.

“Mmmmm, you might be nervous, but part of you isn’t.”

I nod because his reassurance took me from semi to full mast, and besides, I’ve been hard and aching all day, knowing this was coming.

“Yeah,” I say, keeping my eyes closed as I can feel the heat growing in my cheeks. “I’m nervous and embarrassed, which my dick really likes for some reason.”

I feel the car move as Craig starts toward our destination, but I’m not expecting the hand that slides over the tent in my jeans. My dick jumps in response, and he hums. “I like an eager boy. Or should I say, my eager slut.”

I whimper. “Don’t. I’m so on edge, I’ll blow before I get there.”

His chuckle is deep and almost scary. “Oh, you’re definitely going to blow once we get there, too.”

Still, he pulls his hand back from my crotch, but every once in a while, I feel his finger drag across my jaw, or along my lower lip. I keep my eyes closed because I find it’s helping calm my nerves. I’m focused on his random touches and the throbbing in my cock.

The drive is shorter than I expected. Not five minutes in, and Craig kills the car. Wet lips touch mine and I finally open my eyes to see him smiling at me. Behind him glows a neon sign for an adult store.

“This is the place? A porn store?”

“Yep.” He comes around to open my door, which makes me a little giddy at the weirdness of Craig acting like a gentleman at the porno store. He twines our fingers together and leads the way. I trail him with tiny footsteps, almost like I can’t walk normally because I’m afraid of drawing attention to myself. Well, that and the plug in my ass. We don’t stop at the toys and move right past the racks of videos, which, does anyone even rent these anymore? There’s a black curtain at the back, and Craig pulls it aside.

“I don’t think we’re supposed to go back there,” I whisper.

Craig turns and pulls me to him, and his breath tickles my ear. “Oh, we’re definitely supposed to go back here.”

Once my eyes adjust, I can see why. What I thought was a storage or employee space is a series of mini rooms, no bigger than closets, all in a row. I knew what we were doing, but seeing it like this makes it so much more real. And so much more hot. I didn’t think it was possible to get harder. My ass clenches around the plug, and I whimper.

“That’s my good slut.,” Craig licks a ring around my ear and I shiver. “Now, I think it’s this last door that we need.”

He pulls my hand and I follow him into the last room. There are no locks, but a dim light comes on when the door closes, like a reverse refrigerator. I start giggling. I probably seem like I’ve lost it. Fucking nerves.

Craig huffs a tiny laugh, like he has a clue how weird my brain has gone, and pulls me in for a kiss. It’s sloppy and dirty, and I know he’s trying to rev me up and make me comfortable. One hand reaches back and presses at my crack from outside my jeans. It jars the plug inside me, and I can’t help the moan that escapes.

“Fuck, Zach, the fact that you prepared yourself like that. Makes me so hard.” His other hand grabs mine and presses it to the front of his pants. I can’t tell who’s harder, but hands aren’t enough. I grab his hips and grind against him as hard as I can.

“Zach, look.” Craig taps me and puts space between us. He turns me until my back rests against his front and directs my attention to the hole in the wall shared by the adjoining room. A hand taps the hole. “I think they’re looking for a slut,” he says low against the back of my neck. “A slutty mouth to use.”

His hands rub up and down my sides, and he’s so hard against my ass, I’m sure I’ll have a bruise. Fuck. He wants me to suck this guy. I want to suck him. I can feel my boxer briefs getting wet just thinking about it. I can’t find my voice, but I nod.

“Are you sure?”

I nod more urgently this time, and a half-cry, half-whimper escapes with my heavy exhale.

Craig walks me closer and touches the hand with his own, then makes a “come here” motion with his finger. I can hear the rasp of a zipper in the other room. Seconds later, a cock appears in the hole, fringed by dark curls. It’s long, but not too thick. Craig takes my hand, and together we run our hands along it.

“Yeah,” says a deep voice from the other room. It makes me feel bold, and I take a firmer hold of his dick, and stroke it until it’s fully hard in my hand. I rub my palm around the tip so that it gets wet with the stranger’s precum, then spread it down and around.

Behind me, Craig bites and licks around my ear and neck. We’re both still fully clothed, but he’s rubbing me through my jeans. I can’t focus on him anymore, though, or I’ll come.

“Can I?” I ask Craig, giving him one final out if he isn’t comfortable with this.

“I want you to. I want some stranger to know what that mouth can do.”

Fuck. I’m trembling as I bend over and take my first lick. Just the tip, and then underneath, I tease the frenulum. Groans fill the room, and I honestly can’t tell which of the three of us they are coming from. I lick my lips to get them good and wet and slippery, then take the whole head in my mouth. I have to bend at a weird angle to keep from hitting my forehead on the wall, but after a few shifts, I’ve figured out the best position and suck him all the way down.

I don’t even notice that Craig has my pants down until I feel the slight tug and burn when he pulls out the plug. Wet fingers circle my rim, and I’m overwhelmed with sensations. Spit drips down my mouth as I suck and twirl my tongue and try to get as deep as I can without scraping my chin on the hole.

Craig doesn’t wait, assuming the plug did its job, and fills me. I’m stuffed on both ends, something sliding out of both wet and slick holes, my mouth and my ass being used for someone else’s pleasure. It’s all I’ve ever wanted and it’s too much. I haven’t even touched myself when I suddenly shoot my cum all over the concrete floor.

“Fuck, you came, you little slut. You love this, don’t you? Some stranger using you. Sucking him because I told you to,” Craig moans and I can tell by his stuttering hips that he’s coming too. I refocus my energy on the cock dripping in my mouth. I don’t know if he heard Craig or not, but he groans, “Fuck yeah, slut. Take it,” and pours his load down my throat.

The stranger in the next room says a quick, “Thanks man,” and leaves.

As my senses return, I have to drop to my knees, no matter how much I don’t want to touch the floor. Sweat is pouring from me and I’m dizzy with heat and exertion. I can hear the sounds of Craig pulling himself together, and then a rough drag of paper towels cover my chest and back. He gently pets my hair as he cleans me as best he can.

“Sorry, I didn’t think this far ahead. These crappy paper towels are all they have. Are you okay?”

“Hot, thirsty,” is about all I can get out. My voice is a little croaky, probably from the harsh use.

“Let’s get you out of here, then, and we’ll get you something to eat and drink. Otherwise, are you okay?”

I hum what I think conveys happiness, and he kisses my temple. “You were beautiful.” I lean into him with a sigh.

Craig has me straightened up and out the door before anyone can even blink in our direction. The night isn’t cold, but after the heat and the sweat, I’m racked with sudden chills as my body tries to cool down. “Come on, baby. Let’s get you rehydrated. And food. I bet you need some protein.”

“I think I already got my protein for the evening,” I say with a still-scratchy voice.

“My little cum dumpster,” he says as he gets me in my seat and even hooks my seat belt for me. I can’t decide whether I’m about to laugh or fall asleep or pop a boner again. Another shiver reminds me I need more than a few minutes of rest before going again.

“Did you like it?” I ask once Craig’s in the car too.

“Wasn’t it obvious?” he smirks.

“Yes, but you can come even when it’s bad sex. So did it bother you? Or did you like it?”

He squeezes my hand briefly before having to return his hand to the steering wheel so he can pull into the drive-through. My eyes drift closed as he answers. “It was amazing. I loved watching you do that. I only wish I had a video for those nights we aren’t together.”

I stick out my tongue, but it quickly dissolves into a giddy smile. “Mmm. It was good. Soooooo goooood.” I’m asleep before we even get to the window.