“I don’t want to lie to him.”

“I’m not asking you to,” Ben says as he stumbles with a shoe hanging off his foot. “Damn it, have you seen my other shoe?”

“But what if he asks how you’re doing? Or tries to bring you some chicken soup?”

“Zach, I really don’t think your boyfriend is the type to bring me soup.” He snarls the word “boyfriend” because even though I’ve forgiven Craig for freaking out on me two weeks ago, Ben still hasn’t.

I lean down from my seat at the kitchen table to look across the living room. “Over by the piano. Craig wouldn’t tell Ted. Although I don’t know why you won’t tell Ted, either. You have a degree and a teaching certificate. He can’t possibly expect that you’ll want to work at a video game store for the rest of your life.”

Ben sits on the piano bench to tie his shoes, and I’m surprised I don’t have to do it for him, he’s such a bundle of nerves.

“I know, but if I tell them about the interview, then they’ll ask how it went. There will be expectations. If I don’t get the job, then I’ll feel like shit when everyone finds out. I’d rather just keep it to myself for now, okay?”

“Okay,” I say, and stand up to help straighten his tie and smooth out his coat. “You look great. Very professional. And you’re an amazing teacher and musician and if the principal can’t see that, then it’s his loss.”

“Thanks, man.”

He starts to head out the door and I chase after him with my leather binder. “So you can take notes on their questions. It will make you look scholarly.”

I feel good to know that he’s laughing as he leaves. Is this how mama birds feel when their babies fly the nest? Given that he’s older than me, I doubt Ben would appreciate the analogy, but I think it’s appropriate.

I settle back into my spreadsheets, which I’ve moved from my room to the dining room table because I have too much paperwork that I need to spread out. I planned on fixing breakfast while I work, but the hours pass so quickly that by the time I get the text I was expecting from Craig at eleven, when he’s due in to work, I realize I could have easily skipped lunch too.

Craig: How’s Ben?

Zach: I’m worried he’s going to hurl at any minute.

At least that isn’t a lie.

Craig: I’m sure you’re taking good care of him. Will you be free to hang out tonight?

We’ve been hanging out almost every night since the fireworks. Every once in a while, Craig has a gaming party, or I have work, but we try to get together because I miss him when he isn’t around. And I feel really silly about that, given that it’s still early in the relationship, but what can you do.

We also spent a lot of that time talking about my fantasies, what it is that I like, and what it is that he’s willing to do. First and foremost, we agreed that if we are even considering this, we need to go to the doctor to get tested and also talk to them about PrEP. No fun unless it’s safe fun.

We also agreed to go slow, which makes complete sense to me, and I’m surprised Craig even thought it would be a sticking point. I’ve never expected any of my fantasies to play out in real life. Wanted, yes, but never expected. So it would be totally crazy for me to get all demanding and impatient now.

I guess Craig’s still extra sensitive, even though he assures me he’s as into the idea as I am. Maybe a threesome, or picking someone at the club, and then seeing how we feel after that. It’s kind of nerve-racking to be talking and planning for something like this, but we both learned the hard way that communication about this kind of stuff is crucial. I’m still reeling from that fact that he’s willing. It’s probably another reason I’m already as invested in our relationship as I am, but I’ve never felt this kind of connection before. With or without the crazy sex.

I’m about to text him back a yes for dinner when the front door slams shut, startling me from my gooey, loved-up haze. Ben’s pulling at his tie and already kicking at his shoes, grumbling as he goes down the hall.

“How’d it go?” I yell after him.

He’s not exactly quiet as he tosses his things around in his room and emerges a minute later in soccer shorts and a tank top.

“I need a run.”

Uh-oh. “That bad? But you were so prepared.”

He sinks into the chair beside me and dramatically flops across my work papers. I feel so bad for him that I don’t even try to stop him. Or pull them out from under him and sort them into neat piles, which is totally not what my hands are itching to do right now. Instead I run my fingers through his hair, combing around his ears in a gentle repetition, the kind my mother used to do when I had a headache.

He whimpers and leans so I can pet at a better angle. “I froze. They asked me why I wanted to be a teacher, and instead of my canned answer, my brain short-circuited and I ended up telling them the story of how I flooded the bathrooms in the fifth grade.”

I’ve heard the story, and if he told it like he usually does, I’m sure they would rather hire Pennywise than Ben at this point. I grind down on my tongue to keep from laughing. If it was just to keep him from killing me, I wouldn’t care, but he looks so seriously defeated right now, I think it would just make him sadder. And I can handle murderous Ben, but not pathetic Ben.

“Do you need some cinema therapy? I’ll make popcorn with chocolate pieces.”

“Don’t you have to work?” He looks up at me with puppy dog eyes and then to my computer.

“I can take a break. Just give me a sec.”

Zach: Rain check for tonight. I think I’m going to be tending to Ben. Tomorrow at your place?

“Texting lover boy?” Ben teases. “Tell him to bring Mal over with him. That would make me feel better.”

I smack the back of his head on my way to the kitchen. “Oh my god, I should have known you couldn’t stay in a funk for more than five minutes. Craig isn’t coming over because that would give away that you aren’t really sick. And I’d rather not see Mal, thank you very much.”

“It wasn’t their fault your boyfriend is a dick who used them to make you jealous while he was figuring his shit out.”

“Honestly, I should leave you to your misery for that comment. But alas, I’ve already promised you movies, and I’d really hate to break my promise. It has absolutely nothing to do with needing a work break.”

Ben grins and settles himself on the couch, clapping his hands and bouncing in place. At least I know he’s feeling better.