Chapter Twenty-Two
The next several hours were both pleasure and torture. Pleasure because sitting behind Jesse on the motorcycle, pressed up close to his back, his arms wound tightly around Jesse’s waist, made Trevor’s body thrum with arousal. And torture because he couldn’t do anything about it. Every time Jesse took his helmet off and grinned, all Trevor wanted to do was pull him close and kiss him senseless.
One brief taste wasn’t enough. Wasn’t nearly enough.
They stopped often—to watch the Hawaiian monk seals sunning themselves in a secluded cove, another time enjoying a shave ice at one of the many stands they encountered along the way.
They strolled the beach at Waimanalo, which Jesse said had been a favorite of his and Riley’s, and for lunch Jesse treated Trevor to a plate of loco moco. Trevor looked dubiously at the rice and hamburger patty, everything smothered in brown gravy and topped with an egg.
“I can feel my arteries hardening from here,” he said. “At my age that’s a concern, you know.”
Jesse laughed. “Eat up, O Ancient One, and if you finish every bite, I’ll let you have a nap.”
“A nap actually sounds pretty good,” Trevor admitted, then said with a leer, “How about you nap with me?”
He held his breath, waiting for Jesse’s response.
“Hmm.” Jesse looked at him through his eyelashes. “They do say sex is good cardio, right? Really good for those hardening arteries.”
“That they do. And I don’t think my ‘artery’ has ever been so hard in my entire life. Just saying.”
Groaning under his breath, Jesse muttered, “Damn, you’re killing me, Trev.”
The rest of the day flew by. They stopped at the Dole Pineapple Plantation to wander through the world’s largest maze, stealing brief kisses every now and then as they walked. Everything Jesse did seemed unbearably erotic, from running his hand through his hair to licking his lips clean of the pineapple juice that dripped off his chin when he bit into a sample.
They were browsing the gift shop when suddenly Jesse gave a muffled exclamation. “I just remembered! He bought you something here!”
Grabbing Trevor’s hand, he led him over to a rotating rack full of logo keychains. He twirled the rack, making the metal keychains clink wildly, until he found the one he was looking for. “This is it.” Pulling it off its hook, he handed it to Trevor. “The one he bought you is in that box of stuff I gave you.”
Trevor held the keychain in his palm, looking down at a pineapple with arms and legs, and a huge grinning face topped with tall, spiky green hair. The T-shirt it was wearing said “Dad” in big red letters.
“He liked its hair.” Jesse shook his head. “I teased him about it ’cause it’s so fucking cheesy.”
A warm nostalgia spread through Trevor. “It’s an inside joke. When he was fourteen or so, he insisted on dying his hair green, said ‘everyone’ was doing it for the summer camp they were going to. I told him I’d take him to a professional stylist to have it done, but instead he had a friend do it—a friend who left the pre-bleach on too long and ended up frying his hair. You could literally break pieces of his hair off in your hand, but by god, it was green!” He curled his fingers around the keychain, gripping it hard before hanging it back up. “I haven’t thought about that in years.”
He noticed Jesse was watching him closely, so he said reassuringly, “I’m okay. It’s a happy memory, and there really can’t be enough of those. It makes me feel good to know he was thinking of me.”
Jesse patted his shoulder, letting his thumb linger along Trevor’s collarbone for a moment. “We should get going if we’re gonna make that luau I wanted to take you to.”
As they sped along the highway, Trevor slipped his hand inside Jesse’s leather jacket, spreading his palm over his chest to feel his strong heartbeat, his other arm wrapped tightly around Jesse’s trim waist. Trevor pressed as close as he could to his warmth, and Jesse let go of the handlebar long enough to squeeze Trevor’s knee in response.
The luau was held along the edge of a breathtakingly beautiful lagoon, and Trevor and Jesse parked the motorcycle before joining the throngs lining up to go in. Bus after bus pulled up, disgorging revelers clutching cameras and sometimes small children, the whole thing a colorful cacophony punctuated by excited chatter.
“Wow, what a production,” Trevor said, and Jesse chuckled.
“Party buses from all the major resorts. That’s how we came out here, and Riley was so pissed he couldn’t drink.”
Trevor laughed. “Oh my God, I bet. You should’ve seen him beg me for that keg for the party.” He shook his head at the memory. “I still can’t believe I agreed to that.”
“Everyone thought you were cool as hell. If you’ve ever craved the approval of a bunch of idiotic Army grunts, well, there you go. You had it.”
“Well, thank fuck for that.”
They joined the queue waiting for ID checks and entry into the luau. After a moment Trevor said, “For his twenty-first birthday, I flew up to Arlington and had a beer with him.”
“Yeah?” Jesse’s eyes were steady on his.
“Yeah. When I got there, this lady was laying holiday wreaths on all the graves, and I ran up to her and shouted, ‘No, not yet!’ I think I scared her.” Trevor grimaced as he remembered the lady’s startled face.
Jesse looked mystified for a split second before his expression cleared. “Oh, because of the birthday and Christmas thing?”
Nodding, Trevor went on, “Once I explained it to her, she was so nice, so understanding. She even loaned me her lawn chair so I didn’t—” A lump rose in his throat and his voice grew hoarse. “So I didn’t have to sit in the snow to have a beer with my son. I had two bottles of Amstel Light, and I opened them both and drank one while I sat with him.”
“Happy twenty-first, Riles.” Trevor traced his fingers over the bold, black letters etched in cold white marble. “Happy birthday, son.”
After he’d drunk his beer and poured Riley’s into the ground over where he rested, Trevor sought out the lady with the wreaths and then leaned the fragrant greenery gently against the stone.
“And merry Christmas. I love you.”
Trevor ran the back of his hand over his eyes. “It was nice. I kept thinking about the party we would’ve had.”
“He wanted to go to a strip club.”
Trevor gaped at him, not sure he’d heard right. “What?”
“He said he wanted to go to a strip club, get drunk and have everyone buy him lap dances.”
Trevor choked, words failing him. Jesse grinned, the sympathy in his eyes edged with mirth. “I’m serious.”
All Trevor could do was lean against him and laugh until his sides hurt. “Oh, I know you are,” he gasped. “And that’s perfect. I’m sure Carl and I would’ve made him wear a shirt and tie and suffer through a fancy dinner with a two-hundred-dollar bottle of wine or something. He would’ve hated it.”
“Nah.” Jesse nudged him with his shoulder. “He would’ve done anything for you.”
“I know.” Wiping his eyes again, Trevor straightened in determination as the line finally began to move. “Now let’s go have some cheesy, touristy fun.”
And they did. After getting their IDs checked and “Over 21” bracelets fastened around their wrists, they made their way inside, and for the next few hours, Trevor enjoyed himself immensely. There were games of skill, and he watched in admiration as Jesse hefted a spear at a target, appreciating the play of muscles under his T-shirt and the concentration that tightened his jaw.
The Hawaiian traditions they participated in were interesting, from the shower of flowers to the hukilau, a ceremonial pulling in of fish nets while shirtless men in sarongs blew into conch shells. Next was the ritual of the roasted pig being removed from its underground oven, and soon they were seated at long wooden tables with plates of steaming food in front of them.
Jesse stuck to non-alcoholic drinks, but Trevor had a couple of mai tais, making congenial small talk with his neighbors. At one point the elderly lady next to him asked, “Do you have any children, Trevor?”
A pang shot through him, but he returned her smile and said, “I do. Unfortunately my son isn’t able to be here tonight.” Which was the simple truth, and an answer that acknowledged Riley’s short life, the most important thing of all.
“I don’t know who I am if I’m not Riley’s dad anymore.”
Trevor winced as the memory of that emotional night with Carl washed over him. If there was anything the past few months had taught him, it was that Riley might not be here anymore, but Trevor would always—always—be his dad. Death couldn’t take that away from him. He sighed as another tiny knot inside his chest loosened its grip, jumping when Jesse rested his hand on his thigh, his eyes questioning.
“You okay?”
Trevor threaded his fingers with Jesse’s and gave them a gentle squeeze. “Yeah. I am.”
Dinner over, the extravaganza started up onstage, complete with hula and fire dancers, storytelling and music. It was an interactive show, and at one point the male and female performers ran out into the audience to find “volunteers” to join them. A beautiful smiling girl beckoned to Jesse, taking his hand and pulling him to his feet.
“Not again,” he groaned under his breath, letting her tow him up onstage. The emcee spoke to each volunteer before introducing them to the audience.
“This is Jesse from Colorado,” she called out. “And ladies, he’s single.” Her voice trailed off in a coy singsong, and there were quite a few feminine cheers raised, which caused Jesse to scuff his toe with an ‘aww geez’ expression on his face.
Trevor laughed out loud, watching in delight as the volunteers were coached through the motions of a hula dance, a story of fishermen bringing their catch to shore. More laughter as Jesse swiveled his hips awkwardly, or turned left instead of right, or raised his arms when he was supposed to lower them.
He looked beautiful, all tousled and flushed, and Trevor felt a rush of affection for him so strong it stole his breath.
Holy shit, I could fall in love with him.
The thought came out of nowhere, accompanied by a paralyzing jolt of fear. No. He wouldn’t let himself love anyone again, especially not this young, vibrant, incredible man who had so much to offer the world, so much to give the right person.
That person could never be him, a broken-down wreck who sometimes felt like he was clinging to sanity by his very fingertips. Trevor shook his head, clenching his hands together in his lap. What he should do was end this now, shouldn’t indulge himself anymore at the expense of Jesse’s precious heart.
A burst of laughter from the audience, and Trevor glanced up onstage to see the luau dancers had fastened grass skirts around the volunteers’ waists in preparation for the grand finale. Jesse adjusted his and looked directly into Trevor’s eyes. He winked before striking a ridiculous pose, one hand on his hip and the other behind his head.
The woman helping him giggled, but Jesse never took his gaze off Trevor. The flames from the tiki torches surrounding the stage lit up his face, and Trevor could see him clearly when he mouthed, “You like?”
Trevor couldn’t help grinning back, which turned into a guffaw when Jesse swiveled his hips, making the grass skirt twirl. Soon it was time for the volunteers to line up, and the drummers launched into the rhythm of the hula as the dancers went to work.
Jesse threw himself into it with enthusiasm, trying his best, and Trevor joined in with the audience, clapping and hooting encouragement. Jesse’d done this before, he said, at the luau with Riley. Riley had sat where Trevor sat now, laughing as he watched his best friend make a fool of himself with as much dignity and grace as he could muster.
Suddenly Trevor sensed a presence, a warmth that surrounded him, an almost tangible glow of love and approval that made every hair on his body stand on end. He froze, catching his breath, in that moment utterly convinced that if he turned around, he’d see Riley standing behind him.
He didn’t turn. Trevor sat as still as possible, hoping to prolong the feeling, afraid if he moved a muscle it would disappear. There was no ghostly voice in his head, or hand on his shoulder, just a bone-deep certainty that Riley was here revisiting a time and place where he’d been happy, where two of his favorite people were now together enjoying themselves like he once had.
“Hey, bud,” Trevor whispered under cover of all the noise that surrounded him. “I miss you.”
The very air seemed to shimmer, a sense of serenity and peace washing over him. Trevor stayed motionless until the presence faded, his lips trembling.
“Trev?”
Trevor looked up to see Jesse standing next to him, concern in his eyes. He pushed to his feet and grabbed Jesse’s hand. “Let’s just get out of here, okay?”
Without a word, Jesse nodded and they hurried out of the venue, waving distractedly at the “Aloha” the gift shop attendant called after them. When they got to the motorcycle, Trevor reached out and snagged the front of Jesse’s T-shirt, yanking him close.
Jesse staggered against him, and Trevor wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling his head down to kiss him passionately. After a moment’s surprise, Jesse threaded his fingers through Trevor’s hair to hold him still, slanting his mouth across his, tongue plunging deep.
They strained together, Jesse sliding the palm of his free hand down over the curve of Trevor’s ass and gripping him tightly. At last he tore free, panting, his lips swollen. “Trevor?” he croaked, and Trevor could feel his erection digging into his abdomen. He rocked against it, reveling in Jesse’s hoarse gasp.
Cupping Jesse’s cheeks in his hands, Trevor smoothed his thumbs over the corners of his mouth. “Take me home. Make love to me.”
Jesse’s eyes widened. “Really?”
“Oh fuck yes.”
With a growl Jesse hauled him close again, nipping at Trevor’s lips and soothing the sting with his tongue. Trevor clutched onto his shoulders, arching against him, and when he broke the kiss again, dragged his open mouth along his throat, loving Jesse’s breathless moan. He murmured a protest when Jesse pulled away and tossed Trevor his helmet and jacket.
“Get on the bike.”
The motorcycle engine roared in the night, and soon Trevor and Jesse were speeding along the road toward Kaneohe. They were quiet, Jesse concentrating on driving and Trevor doing his utmost to keep his hands to himself. The last thing he wanted to do was distract him, but Trevor ached to feel him come apart under his touch.
It seemed like hours until they screeched to a stop in front of their cabin, Jesse cutting the motor. They sat for a moment, both of them breathing hard, until Jesse climbed off the bike and held his hand out for Trevor. He took it, feeling Jesse’s rough, callused palm, the faint tremble in his fingers. Helmets and leathers were dropped to the ground before Jesse took Trevor’s face in his hands and leaned down to kiss him, slowly, deeply, his mouth hot and eager. Every inch of Trevor’s body was throbbing with need, and he clung to him, unwilling to let go, as Jesse moved them up the stairs to the front door.
“I need the key, Trev,” Jesse groaned, trying to reach into his front pocket, Trevor not allowing an inch of space between them. “C’mon, inside is where the bed is.” His voice was rough with yearning.
Trevor cupped him through his pants. “Fuck me right here,” he breathed, giving him a squeeze. “Bend me over the railing.”
Giving up the struggle for the key, Jesse pushed him against the door. “Not tonight,” he growled. “Tonight I want you in a nice, soft bed.”
Finally Trevor let Jesse get the door key out of his front pocket, and before he knew it they were standing in the middle of Trevor’s bedroom, no lights on except for the moonlight streaming in through the open windows. Trevor suffered an unexpected pang of self-consciousness as he shed his clothes, unable to help comparing himself to Jesse. Average height, average looks, teetering on the edge of middle age—shit, he’d be forty in a few months.
Before his doubts could overwhelm him, Jesse came and stood in front of him, letting his eyes sweep from Trevor’s head to his toes and back again. “So beautiful,” he said, sliding his hands onto Trevor’s bare hips. “You have no idea how I’ve dreamed of this, of watching you undress for me, your body showing me how much you want me.” He wrapped one hand around Trevor’s straining cock and gave him a few slow strokes.
Trevor tipped his head back with a groan of pleasure, in the next instant yelping in shock as Jesse grabbed him around the waist, lifted him up and tossed him unceremoniously onto the bed. Laughing at him, Jesse put one knee on the mattress in preparation for climbing on, letting out a gasp of his own when Trevor took his hand and yanked him down on top of him.
They rolled around in a tangle of limbs, kissing, touching, until Jesse at last settled between Trevor’s widespread legs. Trevor raked his blunt nails along Jesse’s back, encouraging him, as Jesse circled his hips against him, his breathing fast and ragged.
“Mmm,” Trevor moaned in his ear, planting his feet on the bed and lifting into the strokes, chasing the delicious friction. Their cocks dragged against each other, hard and slick with excitement. Jesse pushed up on his palms, his thrusts growing increasingly frantic, little grunts of pleasure spilling from his lips. Wrapping his arms and legs around him, Trevor hung on for the ride, smiling in satisfaction when Jesse convulsed with a loud cry, liquid warmth flooding the space between them.
He rubbed the nape of Jesse’s neck soothingly as he buried his face in Trevor’s shoulder, his heart thundering in his chest. At last he lifted his head. “I’m sorry,” he said sheepishly. “I couldn’t hold back—”
With a sinuous stretch, Trevor linked his arms around his neck. “That was hot as hell,” he said, meaning it. “And now that we’ve taken the edge off...” He parted his lips invitingly. “Kiss me.”
With a groan Jesse bent his head, and for long minutes the only sound in the room was the lush sound of lips and tongues sliding together. Breaking the kiss, Jesse nuzzled Trevor’s neck, and Trevor purred, arching his back in encouragement.
Dragging his open mouth down Trevor’s chest, Jesse stopped to give his nipple a shy lick. Trevor tightened his fingers in Jesse’s hair. “Yes,” he hissed. “I love that.” He moaned as his nipple was promptly surrounded by intense suction and heat, and he writhed, his hips moving restlessly. Jesse treated both sensitive nubs to his thorough attention before moving on, leaving them hard and throbbing.
“Jess,” Trevor gasped. “Please.”
Jesse knelt between Trevor’s spread legs and ran his fingertips up and down his inner thighs. “You’re so beautiful.” He traced his thumbs along the crease of Trevor’s groin. “Can I—”
“Do whatever you want, gorgeous.”
Jesse bit his lip, stroking Trevor’s cock a few times before leaning down to swipe his tongue over the slick head. “You taste good,” he mumbled, licking him again.
Trevor twisted his fists into the bedsheets as Jesse explored and played, experimenting with grip and pressure, discovering what made Trevor buck and cry out. He buried his face in Trevor’s balls, and Trevor lifted his head to watch, his chest heaving with his ragged breaths. At last Jesse mouthed his way slowly up the shaft to the tip. He took him halfway, bobbing his head, trying to find a rhythm, closing his eyes as he concentrated. Trevor felt a surge of tenderness move through him at Jesse’s obvious desire to please him, and he reached down to stroke his hair. “Mmm.” Giving the thick strands a gentle tug, Trevor whispered, “Swing around here so I can taste you, too.”
Jesse hesitated, and at Trevor’s encouragement, moved his body around until his knees were on either side of Trevor’s head in a reverse straddle. Trevor kissed the inside of one thigh, trailing his tongue up to Jesse’s heavy balls and sucking one, then the other, into his mouth. Jesse’s cock jerked, thickening, and a bead of precome welled up in the head.
“God, you’re sexy.” Trevor licked him clean before taking Jesse deep, pressing his hands into his lower back and encouraging him to thrust. He relaxed his throat, feeling Jesse’s buttocks flex as he gave him shallow strokes, and he pulled off, growling, “More, Jess. I want more.”
This time when Jesse slid back in, he hilted himself with a groan. Trevor hummed in approval, swallowing against the head each time it hit the back of his throat. Panting, Jesse went back to work on Trevor’s tip, and soon Trevor’s hips were shoving upward as he chased the slick, wet heat of Jesse’s mouth.
The bed creaked, their grunts and moans filling the room. The feel of Jesse, the taste of him, eroded Trevor’s control down to a razor’s edge, and when Jesse exploded with a cry, jetting into his throat, Trevor was right behind him.
Jesse’s body shook with the force of his spasms, and thick salty fluid flooded Trevor’s mouth in seemingly endless spurts. Trevor swallowed it all, his eyes watering as he milked him of every drop. His own orgasm thundered through him, and he thrust upward with a muffled groan, digging his fingers into the hard muscles of Jesse’s back.
“Trev,” Jesse muttered brokenly. “Oh, Trev.”
Relaxing back into the bed, Trevor gave one last kiss to the tip of Jesse’s softening cock, urging him to move off of him and into his arms. Jesse buried his sweaty face in the crook of Trevor’s neck, an arm around his chest and one leg thrown over both of Trevor’s. They clutched each other until their breathing slowed, Jesse sitting up briefly to pull the sheet over them before snuggling back down against him.
Trevor brushed his lips over his forehead, rubbing his palm in slow circles over Jesse’s bare hip. “Mmm. You taste as sweet as you look.”
Jesse traced absent patterns across Trevor’s chest with his fingertips. “So do you,” he grunted. “Fuckin’ delicious.” With that he fell silent, his eyes eventually drifting shut.
The windows were open, sheer curtains fluttering in the breeze, the sound of the ocean a soothing backdrop. Soft rhythmic breaths lifted Jesse’s chest, his face relaxed. Trevor stroked his hair, and it wasn’t long until he followed him into sleep.