Chapter Nine
“Estes, Byrne. Your mid-tour relief is flying in as we speak, gentlemen, so you be on that helo out. See you in about two weeks.”
Elation burned through Jesse, and it took every ounce of restraint he had not to yell out “fuck, yeah!” right in his lieutenant’s face. Instead he managed a fervent “yes, sir” as he and Riley rushed out of the command hooch to hurriedly pack their rucks for their chance to get out of Dodge.
It wasn’t long before they were climbing aboard an outbound Chinook, headed for the base at Jalalabad. Once there they were directed to a cargo plane, and when they finally landed at Bagram Air Field, they immediately went in search of their billet, at last finding it in a huge tent with a plywood floor and seemingly endless rows of Army cots. They chose two cots side by side, stashed their gear, and headed for the showers. Jesse luxuriated in the hot spray, watching ruefully as the water at his feet turned almost black with the grime streaming off his body. He washed his hair three times before wrapping a towel around his waist and joining Riley at the sinks to shave.
“So, wanna come home with me or not, Jess?” Riley asked, his voice muffled as he contorted his cheek to drag the razor over it. When Jesse hesitated, Riley flicked shaving cream at him. “My dad doesn’t hate you, dipshit. If he does, I’ll tell him to stop, okay?”
Jesse met his green eyes in the mirror, flushing when Riley winked at him encouragingly.
“Okay,” Jesse mumbled. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you, man. I’d hate to ruin your trip—” He yelped when Riley slapped his ass to shut him up.
At last squeaky clean, they made their way to the food court, standing uncertainly at the entrance to gaze in uncomfortable awe at the array of choices: burgers, pizza, Chinese, subs, ice cream. There were flat-screen TVs mounted on the walls, some conversation pits scattered around with cushy chairs and couches.
“People actually do their entire deployments on this base?” Riley asked in disbelief, and Jesse gave a derisive snort.
“Yep. Get the same hazard and combat pay as us, too. Such bullshit.”
They each bought a huge serving of burgers and fries, and Jesse felt queasy after, his body not used to such rich, greasy food anymore. Riley was a little subdued, too, and Jesse figured he was feeling as guilty as he did about their brothers back at the outpost who were gagging over cold MREs and washing them down with tepid water.
After dinner they went in search of computers, finding a small Internet café attached to the local coffee bar. Jesse surfed idly as Riley checked his email.
“Oh, shit.” Riley scrolled through something, his face falling. “Well, scratch all those plans.”
“Why? Is everything okay?”
“Oh, yeah. Yeah.” Riley scrolled back up. “An email from my dad. Apparently he and Carl are headed to Boston this week to meet with caterers, photographers, blah blah blah. He wants me to use his cell if I get a chance to call. Shit.” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “I don’t have time to let him know I’m on leave. They left yesterday, and they’ll be there for two weeks!”
“Well, fucking go to Boston and surprise him,” Jesse suggested. “They’ll fly us wherever we want, and even if they didn’t, you can afford a ticket, Riles. Your dad will love it, I’m sure.”
“I don’t know.” Riley tilted back in his chair and stared at the ceiling. “I’d feel weird interrupting them, you know? Carl’s great, but he’s not exactly a go-with-the-flow type of dude. Knowing him, he has every minute of their day scheduled. If I mess that up—”
Jesse gaped at him. “Fuck schedules, your dad will want to see you!” he exclaimed. “His boyfriend will understand that you got slated leave at the last minute and you didn’t have any control over it.”
Riley blew out a breath, grimacing in disgust. “God, this sucks. I wanted to go home, not go to Boston and do stupid shit with them, shit I’ll end up having to do anyway so Carl doesn’t get pissed. My dad will be stuck in the middle, and here I’d be FUBARing their trip and coming between them right before the fucking wedding.”
“Seeing you isn’t gonna FUBAR their trip,” Jesse said firmly.
“And you don’t know Carl,” Riley shot back. “Sometimes I think he’s jealous of me, man, having to share my dad. If it was us at home, no biggie, ’cause I could go out with my friends and drink, get with Tori.” He waggled his eyebrows. “What’s fun to do in fuckin’ Boston?”
“Umm, the Liberty Bell?”
“That’s in Philadelphia, dumbass.” Riley snorted. “But that proves my point exactly. Ain’t nothing fun about Boston, not with those two watching every move I make. Besides, I think it’ll be really hard on my dad to see me and then have to send me back. You know?”
Jesse didn’t agree with that rationalization, but he said, “It’s your dad, you gotta do what you think best.” He paused. “Let’s go somewhere else together, then. Unless you’re secretly sick of my ass, in which case, fuck you.”
Riley dropped his chair flat on the floor, laughing. “Let’s go do something fun. You got any ideas?”
“As a matter of fact, I do.”
Jesse pulled his chair closer to Riley’s, and they huddled together around the computer, making their plans.
The next morning they mustered for roll call, and to their amazement were both on the flight manifest aboard a C-130 that very afternoon to Kuwait and on to Dallas. At DFW they waited on the tarmac while fire trucks came out to ceremoniously hose down the plane, a ritual done for all aircraft carrying soldiers home on mid-tour. As they disembarked and entered the terminal, the civilian passengers in the waiting area gave them a standing ovation, and there was a contingent of USO waiting to shake their hands, give hugs, offering to help with anything they needed.
Riley’s face was beet-red with embarrassment at the attention, but his smile was bright, his handshakes and hugs enthusiastic. They made their way to the Hawaiian Airlines counter and purchased tickets for the next flight to Oahu, the ticket agent bumping them up to first class, no extra charge.
At the gate they endured more clapping, more handshakes, more thanks for their service. It was heartwarming and amazing to feel the support of the public, but by the time they collapsed into their wide, comfy seats in first class, Jesse was worn out. Once the plane was in the air, he put his seat back, more than ready to relax.
“So awesome!” Riley exclaimed, bouncing in his seat as he perused the movie selection. “Now this is living, huh, Jess? I’ve never flown first class before.”
“Me either.”
“We’re gonna have so much fun these next two weeks, man.” Riley couldn’t sit still. “Beach, babes, booze. All the finer things in life.”
“Well, we deserve it.”
“Fuck yeah, we do. And by the time we get back, it won’t be long till we’re leaving that hellhole in our rearview mirror for good.”
Jesse closed his eyes. “God, that day can’t come soon enough,” he said fervently. “Not soon enough.”
“It’s all gonna be a piece of cake from here, Jess. A piece of cake.”
After reaching over to give Riley a weary knuckle bump, Jesse fell asleep to the sound of him trying to wheedle some champagne from the flight attendant.
* * *
“Oh, hello.”
Riley’s voice was drowsy, lazy, but with an undercurrent of interest that made Jesse lift his head up from his towel to see what was going on. A group of bikini-clad women were walking along the shore near the water, throwing them both sidelong glances.
“How about a swim, Jess?”
Without waiting for an answer, Riley got to his feet and strolled toward the water, his body tanned from the Hawaiian sun and toned from the hardships of Afghanistan. The women grinned at him as he approached, and before long he was wandering in the direction of a Waikiki beach bar with them.
Jesse rolled his eyes, about to lie back down when he walked by again—a tall, blond, deliciously muscled guy about Jesse’s age. For the past few hours Jesse had been watching him behind the safety of his mirrored sunglasses, enjoying the view of broad shoulders, long legs and a lightly furred chest. It was probably his sex-deprived, fevered imagination playing tricks on him, but a couple of times he thought maybe the guy was checking him out, too. He paused now, glancing in Jesse’s direction, and since Jesse didn’t feel right about approaching him with Riley anywhere around, he ignored him and lay back down on his towel, jamming his forearm across his eyes. When he peeked again a few minutes later, the guy was gone. Shit.
Jesse heaved a regretful sigh, jumping a mile at the sound of Riley’s quiet voice behind him. “Go for it, Jess.”
Jesse jackknifed to sitting. “Whoa, you startled me! And go for what?”
Riley dropped to the sand, passing Jesse a cold can of beer and cracking one open for himself. Jesse raised his eyebrow, and Riley grinned. “Marisol bought them. She thinks it’s fucked up I can die for my country but I can’t buy a beer.” He took a long slug, smacking his lips. “And I meant go for it with that guy.”
It was said in such an offhand, casual manner that it took a moment for his meaning to sink in. When it did, Jesse choked on his sip of beer as it went down the wrong pipe, and Riley enthusiastically pounded him on the back until he stopped coughing. Jesse set his can in the sand and wiped his streaming eyes with a nearby T-shirt, striving for calm.
“What guy?” he managed to say.
Riley nudged him with his shoulder. “The guy you’ve been trading looks with all day. The one who keeps walking by hoping you’ll give him a sign that you’re interested.”
Jesse clasped his arms around his knees to hide how his hands were suddenly shaking.
Were they really gonna do this here? Now?
“What the fuck? Why would I be looking at some dude?”
“You know why. I know why.” Riley’s voice was firm. “No reason to hide it here, Jess. No reason at all.”
Jesse swallowed hard. “Riley—”
“Have you forgotten I’ve lived with a gay man my entire life?” Riley asked, his tone both reasonable and reassuring. “When you got back to the barracks after you went up to Denver that time, I recognized those types of bruises. When my dad was single, that’s exactly how he used to come home from the club, too.”
Jesse stared straight ahead, not quite ready to admit anything out loud.
“Look,” Riley said gently. “I’m not trying to force you to come out to me. If you punch me in the face and tell me to shut the hell up, I will, and I’ll never mention it again.”
Jesse sucked in a deep breath through his nose and blew it out his mouth, clenching his shaking hands together. This was Riley, his best friend. His brother. One of the guys he trusted most in the world. “Does everybody—” He cleared his throat and tried again. “Does everybody think that—”
“Everybody? You mean the guys in the platoon?” Riley shook his head. “No, I doubt it. The thought wouldn’t even occur to them.” He cocked his head, seeming to make a decision. “When we were in Italy before going downrange, remember that girl I hooked up with? Carmen, Carlotta, something like that?”
“I think it’s Carlotta.” Heat rushed through Jesse at the sudden memory of her brother Pietro on his knees in that church courtyard, his lips swollen and wet.
“Yeah. While I was with her, her brother came home singing at the top of his lungs. Carlotta got out of bed and went to see what was going on, and when she came back, she was laughing. She said, ‘My brother is so happy because, just like me, he had a very handsome soldier make love to him tonight.’ I—Jess, I know it was you. I remember you talking to him, and walking off with him.”
“We were just going to get more wine,” Jesse said lamely, his voice trailing away when Riley squeezed his shoulder.
“Jesse. You’re safe with me. You hear me, brother? You’re safe. I’ll never out you to anyone, and I wouldn’t have brought it up except I want you to let go these last few days. Have fun. Be yourself.” He squeezed Jesse’s shoulder again. “Just be yourself here.”
Overwhelmed, Jesse blinked back sudden tears. “Riley, I—I don’t—”
“Hey, let’s not talk about it anymore. I’m gonna go hang with Marisol now, okay? We’ll go to her place, so don’t worry about me coming home tonight. I have my key, and I’ll just see you sometime tomorrow.” He got to his feet, snatching up his towel and shouldering his beach bag. “See ya, bud.”
With a small wave, Riley strolled off toward the bar, where Marisol and her friends were waiting. Jesse turned around and stared at the blue-green ocean, at the gentle waves undulating, listening to the soothing shushing of the water. This was paradise, a world away from Afghanistan with its craggy mountains and wily enemy...its desperate struggle for dominance and survival, its blood and death.
Jesse might have escaped the goddamned Valley’s clutches for the moment, but in a few days he’d be heading back into it and toward an uncertain future. What if he died without knowing what it was like to fuck a beautiful stranger he’d met on one of the most picturesque beaches in the world?
The gorgeous guy walked into Jesse’s line of sight again, and this time Jesse took off his sunglasses and met his gaze head-on, letting his eyes linger on the man’s face, then travel leisurely down his taut body to his feet and back up again.
The guy licked his lips, so Jesse stood, grabbed his beer from the sand and sauntered on trembling legs over to join him.
* * *
A knock on the door, a pause, and the gentle whirring of the key card in the lock woke Jesse from his doze. He rolled over with a groan as Riley poked his head cautiously into the room.
“You alone?” he asked, and Jesse nodded, stretching.
“Yeah,” he said, gathering his courage to say, “He, uh, he left about an hour ago.”
“Good.” Riley dropped his stuff to the floor and flopped on the bed next to Jesse, sprawling out on his stomach. “I’m beat. Need to crash for a while.” He put his head on his folded arms and closed his eyes. “You have a good time?”
Jesse scooted up against the pillows, making sure the sheet was pulled up to his chest, aware of his nakedness and marveling a little that Riley was so comfortable being so close to it. “I did.” He gave a soft snort. “He was kind of an arrogant prick, though. Kept talking about his workout routine and his fancy car, his condo. After a while I just wished he’d shut the hell up.”
Riley cracked his eyes open and smirked. “But his skill at conversation wasn’t what you were really after, was it?”
The hot memory of sweat and musk washed over Jesse, along with fingers tangled in damp hair, hoarse grunts—he crooked his knee to hide the burgeoning erection threatening to tent the sheet. “No,” he mumbled, and Riley laughed.
“Didn’t think so.” Riley’s green eyes were sparkling. “Have you ever had a boyfriend before?”
Jesse blinked, thinking how surreal it was to be having this conversation. “There was someone in high school. I wouldn’t really call us boyfriends, though.”
“Fuck buddies?” Riley stretched and yawned, grabbing one of Jesse’s pillows and pulling it to him.
“Not even that. I mean, we kissed a few times, did a couple of—other things.” He shook his head in disbelief. “Jesus, I can’t believe I’m talking about this with you.”
Riley stared at him through slitted eyes, the picture of unconcern. “You think that fazes me?” He wrinkled his nose. “I walked in on my dad and Carl having sex once. On the kitchen island.”
Jesse choked, slamming his pillow down over his face. The bed shook with their laughter, even as Jesse thought how hot that was...two men in love taking their pleasure with each other whenever and wherever the urge struck them.
He sighed, shoving the pillow off. “With me and Ben it never got beyond that fooling-around stage, but it was fun to dream we had a future.” He hesitated. “I was really jealous of your dad and Carl that night, for having all that so openly.”
Riley yawned again. “Well, you can have that future, too, Jess,” he said sleepily. “Maybe not while you’re in the Army, but afterward? Hell, yeah. Just let anyone tell you you can’t, and I’ll fuck ’em up for you.”
Nudging Riley’s leg with his foot, Jesse said, “You’re crazy. But thanks, Riles.”
They drifted for a moment in silence until Riley mumbled, “Oh, by the way, that Special Forces shit? Forget about it. After my contract’s up, I’m gettin’ the hell out.”
“I hear you.”
With that Riley got up and leaned down to give Jesse a smacking kiss on the top of his head before heading for the shower, scratching his taut belly and stripping off his clothes as he disappeared into the bathroom. Jesse slid down to pull the covers up over his shoulders, snuggling into the soft, warm bed, dimly aware of Riley padding naked into the room and climbing into his own bed. In a matter of minutes, they were both asleep.
They left Hawaii two days later, well-rested, well-fed, ready to rejoin their brothers and get back in the fight. As each leg of their journey brought them closer to their unit, Jesse’s tension spiked. Riley grew quiet, introspective, and they huddled in their airplane seats with their earbuds in, not speaking much.
At Bagram Jesse headed for the PX to load up on snacks and cigarettes to bring to the guys, while Riley disappeared in the direction of the MWR to call his dad before they caught their flight back to the outpost. He was still talking to him when Jesse rejoined him, and he sat nearby on a computer, surfing the ’Net, listening to Riley’s one-sided conversation.
“Once we get the official word on when we’re going home, I’ll call you.” He paused. “Yeah, there’s always the possibility they’ll extend us, but I think we would’ve heard rumors about that by now. Everything goes smoothly, we should be home in around two months.” He paused again, laughing. “Tell Carl to chill, Dad. If he wants me to wear my dress blues in the wedding, I will.” Riley rolled his eyes at Jesse. “I’m really glad you had a good time in Boston.”
They spoke for a few more minutes until Riley said, “Miss you, too. Hey, I love you, Dad. Okay, bye.”
They hung up, and Riley slumped for a moment, staring at the floor.
“Everything okay?”
“Oh, yeah. I was just thinking how nice it is to hear my dad sounding so happy, you know? He deserves it. I’m glad I didn’t interrupt their trip.” Riley glanced at Jesse. “He had me when he was only seventeen. Well, eighteen by the time I was actually born.”
Jesse nodded. “I thought he looked pretty young to have a son your age. It’s cool to see how close you guys are, too.” He burst out, “Riles, I’m really sorry about that night. I was such a prick.”
Riley leaned closer. “All’s forgiven, brother,” he said reassuringly. “I understand now where you were coming from, and I totally could’ve handled it better than I did.” He gnawed on his lower lip for a second. “It just took me by surprise, that’s all, considering what I thought I knew about you.”
“It’s okay,” Jesse mumbled. “Just do me a favor, and tell your dad I’m sorry when you see him. Maybe if I get a chance to meet him again someday I can tell him myself, but—”
“I promise,” Riley said, “but hell yeah, you’re gonna get to see him again! You’re my best friend, you know? It’s inevitable.”
They grinned at each other, and Riley punched him on the shoulder. “When we get home, I’m gonna buy the fastest, most badass fucking motorcycle there ever was. Girls won’t be able to resist me. I’ll get all the hot chicks.”
“Leaving all their hot brothers for me.” Jesse couldn’t believe his own daring, but Riley just reached out to high-five him.
“Fuck, yeah. Gonna be awesome, dude. Hey, did you get me some cigarettes?”
They bantered and bickered all the way to the flight line, and despite where they were headed off to, Jesse’s chest held a glow of warmth. Having a true friend like Riley, a friend he could be himself with, that he could be out to with no fear of judgment—well, it was freeing in a way Jesse had never experienced till now. Anticipation tingled through him at what the future held.
They just had to get through the next few months first.