Chapter Twenty-Eight
“Okay. So tell us who the girl is, Byrney!”
“Girl?” Jesse glanced at Silvera, who waggled his eyebrows at him.
“‘I love you, baby,’” Silvera mimicked in a high-pitched voice to the guffaws of the other guys, who all made exaggerated kissing sounds at Jesse. “Who is she, some hottie from that bar where you work?”
“No.” Jesse shifted uncomfortably, in that moment heartily regretting the impulse that had led him to answer Trevor that way earlier. He considered making something up, and shame slithered through him almost immediately. Damn if he’d make the man he loved some sort of guilty secret, or something to be hidden away. “His name is Trevor.”
Dead silence followed that pronouncement, and then Watty croaked, “Come again?”
“I said his name is Trevor,” Jesse said evenly, staring down each of the other three men. Enriquez blinked and Silvera smirked, understanding dawning on his face.
“His name?” Watty still sounded bewildered. “What?” He took a nervous gulp of water.
Silvera smacked him on the back of the head. “He’s telling us he’s gay, fool. ‘Baby’ is a guy.”
The water spewed back out as Watty sputtered, “No fucking way.” His eyes were wide in his dirty, bearded face. “You’re a—”
“Watch it,” Enriquez warned him in a stern voice. “This is Byrney you’re talking to.”
Watty subsided, but he still looked shocked to his core. After a moment he said tentatively, “Really? You’re gay?”
“Yes.”
“Since when?”
The others made loud exclamations of disgust and Watty put his hands up defensively. “Well, he got with chicks, didn’t he?” He glared at Jesse. “You were always braggin’ about the pussy you scored, man. Used to make me jealous, that you got to eat out of the variety pack and I was stuck with one flavor.”
“Well, here’s the thing, Watty.” Jesse twirled his empty water bottle between his palms. “I lied.”
“Fuck you!” Watty pushed to his feet and strode off into the darkness. Jesse half-stood to follow and Silvera grabbed his forearm.
“Let him go,” he said quietly. “He’s not gonna go far and I guess he needs to have a fuckin’ sulk first before he gets over it.” He waited until Jesse sat down again before releasing him with a pat.
“It doesn’t...bother you?” Jesse asked carefully, and Silvera snorted.
“Nah. My favorite uncle is gay. It ain’t no big deal to me.”
Jesse looked over to see Enriquez eyeing him. “What about you, man?”
Enriquez shrugged. “Being honest, before the Valley it would’ve bothered the hell outta me, Byrney. Now? Still no one else I’d rather have at my back in a fight.” He toasted Jesse with his water bottle.
Relief made Jesse feel weak all over, and he grinned. “Ditto.”
“So who’s Trevor?” Silvera leaned back on his elbows, light from the dying campfire dancing across his face. “Some hottie from the bar where you work?” He gave a cheeky wink, clearly amusing himself by repeating what he’d asked earlier.
Oh, boy.
Jesse considered omitting a certain pertinent detail about his new boyfriend, but then Silvera went on, “You know we’re gonna want to meet him at some point, so spill.”
Jesse gulped. So much for the lie by omission, since Enriquez would most certainly recognize Trevor, having been at Riley’s party that night. Besides, if it somehow worked out for everyone to meet in the future, he didn’t want to blindside his buddies with the truth, or for Trevor to face any painful awkwardness because of Jesse’s cowardice tonight.
Drawing in a deep breath, Jesse said, “It’s Trevor Estes.” A beat of silence. “Riley Estes’s dad.”
This time it was Enriquez who spewed his water. “What?” he choked. “That dude from the party?”
“Yes.”
“Holy shit.” Enriquez drew the last word out so that it sounded like shee-it.
Silvera looked shocked, too. “Estes’s dad? I hope you know what you’re doing, Byrney. Jesus.”
Jesse gave them an abbreviated version of the last five months, including their trip to Hawaii. The other men listened solemnly, their faces unreadable. “It just happened,” he said at last, feeling awkward as hell. “Neither one of us planned this.”
“Hey, you really don’t gotta justify it to us, Byrne,” Enriquez interjected. “It ain’t none of our business, I guess, as long as you guys found some happiness in all this.”
“Yeah, but shit, Byrney.” Silvera scrubbed one hand over the lower half of his face. “I can’t believe you’re in love with Estes’s dad.”
“I can’t believe he’s in love with a dude, period,” Enriquez shot back. “What’s your point, fuckwad?”
The insults flew fast and thick, and Jesse tuned them out, sitting there in a haze of abject relief. He’d done it. He’d come out to his closest friends, and while maybe they didn’t completely understand it, they hadn’t rejected him over it either, in large part due to their shared experiences in Afghanistan and the fierce loyalty it had engendered.
That fucking Valley had been good for something.
Silvera broke into his thoughts when he held up his water bottle mockingly. “Safe to take a drink now, Byrney? Got any more fuckin’ revelations gonna make me spew? Like you’re working as a male stripper or something?”
Laughing, Jesse reached over and punched his shoulder, hard. “Nah, fucker. Drink in peace.”
With a sigh, Jesse lay back on his sleeping bag and stared up at the brilliant starry sky, thinking over the last several days. They’d hiked into the Colorado forest with the intent of doing a straightforward three-day wilderness camping trip, but Watty had spotted what looked like a ratline leading up the side of a mountain, and they hadn’t been able to resist doing a little exploring. It turned out to be an access road for one of the railroads in the area, and they’d hiked along the tracks for a while, eventually getting run off by railroad employees who told them firmly, “Walking along a railroad spur is illegal, gentlemen.”
Well, in the face of that challenge, there was nothing else to do but see how far they could hike alongside the tracks again without getting caught. They’d gleefully undertaken the “mission,” going so far as to plan out recon sorties and evasive maneuvers. As the days went on, Jesse’d noticed all of them, and especially Watty, walking a little taller, speaking a little more confidently, as they fell back in to their individual combat roles and worked together to defeat a common enemy.
Jesse closed his eyes, the sound of his friends’ banter in his ears, hoping Watty was okay out there in the dark. He had a sneaking suspicion he wasn’t far away and was listening to their conversation. Jesse bit his lip. It wouldn’t just be Jesse’s sexual orientation bothering him now, but something else entirely.
His suspicion was confirmed the next morning when they struck camp and headed off down the trail.
“So, did you tell Estes’s dad I killed his son?” Watty’s voice was low and furious. Jesse could see Enriquez whip his head around, and Jesse gave him an unobtrusive stand down gesture.
He looked at Watty. “No,” he said as calmly as he could. “Because you didn’t.”
“If you told him what happened that day, what the fuck else is he gonna think?”
“I didn’t tell him what happened, because he doesn’t want to know.”
Watty’s eyes widened incredulously and he opened his mouth to say something. Jesse cut him off.
“You know why, what he said to me? He said, ‘It played out the way it played out, Jess. Knowing the details won’t change the outcome.’ It’s simple, but true, man. His fight is in learning to live with the fact he’s gone, Watty, same as ours. He’s not blaming anything except the war.”
His lips still set in a hard line, Watty started to stride on ahead, and Jesse called after him, “War is fuckin’ hell, man. It’s hell, and it took Estes, and Patsy, and Miller away. But it didn’t take us. For whatever reason, that fuckin’ Valley didn’t take us, and we owe it to those guys to live our lives in a way that honors theirs.”
Watty stopped walking, his fists clenched at his sides.
“It’s true.” Silvera came up to them, his voice quiet. “There’ve been many days where all I wanna do is suck-start my M4.” He waited until Watkins looked at him before going on. “The only thing that stops me is the thought of Patsy kicking my fuckin’ ass in the afterlife. ’Cause he would. ‘You lived through that shit, Sil, and this is what you do? Fuck you, man.’ So I tell myself I can get through one more day, because I have the life he doesn’t get to have.”
“Is it—” Watkins forced out, clearing his throat. “Is it any better for you, Sil? Does it fuckin’ get better?” His voice was hoarse, anguished.
“Yeah, it gets better, man. I promise you, it gets better. Don’t let that piece-of-shit Valley win.” Silvera slung his arm around Watty’s shoulders. “Come on, let’s go recon for railroad assholes.”
They walked on ahead, talking in low voices that Jesse couldn’t make out, and Jesse dashed the back of his hand impatiently across his eyes.
No way they’d let that fucking Valley win. No way.
* * *
“Take care, brother.”
After one last backslapping hug all around, Jesse got into his truck, sticking his arm out the window in a wave and holding it there as he drove away. He was tempted to head straight to Trevor’s, but when he stopped at a light, he pulled his visor mirror down and gaped in horror at his reflection.
His hair was so dirty and greasy it looked brown instead of blond, and it was matted to his head in several spots. His face sported a ten-day growth of beard, which looked straggly and unkempt, and was that a fucking twig caught in it? Body odor rose from him in a thick miasma, and he groaned, shaking his head in disgust. Nope, he wasn’t going anywhere near Trevor like this.
When the light turned green, he reluctantly took the turn-off for his apartment and spent half an hour luxuriating under the hot spray in his tiny shower, his anticipation over seeing Trevor again after so long making him achingly hard. He filled his palm with body wash and leisurely stroked himself to orgasm, picturing Trevor on his back in their bed, his eyes awash in desire as Jesse made love to him.
Soon.
The drive over seemed to take forever, and Jesse cursed the fucking traffic, at last pulling into Trevor’s driveway just as the sun was setting. He hurried up the walk and let himself into the house, calling Trevor’s name.
“Jess?” Trevor poked his head out of his office, the delighted smile that lit up his face warming Jesse’s heart. He took two giant steps forward and hauled him into his arms, threading the fingers of one hand through Trevor’s hair to anchor him as Jesse ravaged his mouth with his.
“That felt like ten years instead of ten days,” Trevor murmured when they broke apart, and he peppered fervent kisses all over Jesse’s cheeks. “I missed you so much. How was your trip?”
Putting his hands on Trevor’s hips, Jesse walked him backwards in the direction of the bedroom. “Talk later? I feel like a total Neanderthal, but all I can think about right now is sex.”
“Mmm.” Trevor reached down to dig his fingers into Jesse’s ass cheeks. “Right there with you, darlin’.”
Clothes were shed haphazardly and they tumbled naked into bed, where time seemed to stand still as Jesse reacquainted himself with every inch of Trevor’s body until Trevor’s voice turned hoarse and he was glistening with sweat.
Suddenly he rolled over and pinned Jesse to the mattress, kneeing his legs apart and rocking up against him.
“Please, Jess,” he begged in a tone saturated with need. “Please.”
Their eyes locked before Jesse lifted his head to kiss him gently. “Yes.”
The room was silent except for the snick of a cap and the sound of a slick hand on skin, that silence then broken by Jesse’s whimper and Trevor’s guttural groan as he entered him slowly.
“So tight, baby,” Trevor forced out through clenched teeth. “So tight for me.”
Jesse pulled his knees to his chest and arched his back, his eyes squeezed shut, as Trevor opened him carefully, inch by inch, until his balls were pressed up against Jesse’s ass. Trevor let out a deep moan, the sound of his pleasure sending a thrill rocketing through Jesse.
He locked his ankles at Trevor’s back, relaxing into the long, slow thrusts. The pressure built, until Jesse found himself pleading incoherently, his head thrashing on the pillow.
Trevor’s face was tight with restraint, his jaw clenched, teeth bared. Jesse raked his fingernails down Trevor’s flexing back, planting his feet on the bed and lifting his hips into the strokes. Suddenly Trevor slowed, and he propped himself up on his elbows, looking down into Jesse’s eyes.
“I love you,” he said huskily. “So fucking much.”
The quiet words were Jesse’s undoing. He buried his face in Trevor’s neck and wrapped his arms and legs around him, aware of Trevor’s long, drawn-out groan as he shuddered against him, the feel of his cock throbbing deep inside him sending Jesse’s orgasm sweeping over him in a flaming rush. His warmth flooded the space between them as he fought for air, heart thundering. They wallowed together, awareness returning slowly, until at last Trevor rolled off of him, sliding from his body in a rush of wetness. He wrapped him up close.
Jesse pressed a kiss to Trevor’s sweaty temple. “Love you, too, by the way.”
“Mmm.” Trevor stretched luxuriously. “I’ll never get tired of hearing that.”
“I’ll never get tired of saying it.” Jesse paused. “As a matter of fact, I’m saying a lot of things these days.”
Trevor looked mystified, so Jesse told him about coming out to his Army buddies, glossing over their individual reactions but letting Trevor know it had gone well for the most part.
“That’s amazing,” Trevor said, his eyes warm with happiness and pride. “I know that can’t have been easy.”
“It wasn’t,” Jesse admitted, “but I’m not going to live my life in the closet anymore, not with anyone.” He took a deep breath. “So. I want you to meet them, and I want to meet your friends, too.”
Trevor’s lips parted soundlessly, and then he croaked, “I’d like that, Jess. A lot.”
They cuddled together, kissing, until Jesse couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore and slid helplessly into sleep, exhausted from his trip.
When he woke again the sunlight was streaming into the room, and Trevor’s side of the bed was empty. With a groan Jesse pushed to his feet and rooted on the floor for his discarded underwear, pulling them up his legs as he stumbled to the kitchen in search of coffee.
Trevor was in front of the stove, wearing nothing but a tight pair of boxer briefs that molded the luscious globes of his ass. Jesse stalked up behind him to wrap his arms around his waist, and he nuzzled the side of Trevor’s throat, biting down into the junction of neck and shoulder as he growled, “Who’s this? The sexy man of my dreams, looking oh so fuckable while he makes me breakfast? God, how did I get so lucky?”
Jesse tilted his chin up to give him a gentle kiss before moving away to sit at the island. He drank his coffee and ate his omelet, shooing Trevor firmly from the kitchen when they were done and making short work of the cleanup.
After that he took a hot shower and dressed in some loose jeans and a T-shirt, wandering in search of Trevor, intending to ask him how his week had gone. As he drew closer to Trevor’s office, he could see him on the phone, conducting what sounded like a business call. Stopping short of disturbing him, Jesse turned away, noticing idly that for some reason the hallway seemed more brightly lit than usual. He glanced again, shock rocketing through him at the sight of the door to Riley’s room standing wide-open, sunlight streaming from it.
He strode that direction. The room was empty, and had been completely redone. Instead of the carpet he remembered, the floor was now a gleaming hardwood, and the walls had been repainted from a uniform sage green to a light blue above the chair rail, chocolate brown below.
Jesse fell against the doorjamb in disbelief. Why the fuck would Trevor have put himself through this alone? He couldn’t even begin to fathom how hard it must have been for him, and tears sprang to his eyes. Jesus. Why hadn’t he waited?