CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
A Month Later…
KIRA
After our reconciliation, Blade had actually turned a new leaf. He was more romantic and caring, called me every day to check up on me, and he showered me with the most amazing gifts.
But soon after, he went back to his old self.
At first, I tried to ignore the taste of whiskey on his lips, the smell of pot on his clothes, but I was sitting inside his car with evidence, I didn’t know what to do.
Tears slipped from the corner of my eyes. I stared at the envelope I had found over his visor. It contained a white powder which I was a hundred percent sure was coke or some other stuff.
We had just left his house for a date in the park, but he had stopped to pick up a picnic dinner he had catered for us at an expensive restaurant. I got curious when I saw the white edge of the envelope peeking out, and that’s when I had found it. I guessed it was true what they say: curiosity killed the cat.
I couldn’t take this anymore. I had to confront him. I hated lies, but you lied too, my conscience screamed.
“Blade?” I jumped out of the car when I saw him walking back to the car.
“Baby, are you okay?” He rushed toward me with a look of concern on his face.
I had no doubt he would be my avenging angel had I been in real trouble. But with the evidence I’d found I felt he was more like a devious liar.
“Have you been lying to me?” I blurted out.
I was not naïve. I knew when a person was being shady and evasive. Though I had ignored the signs at first, I was giving him time to…change, I guessed, but that didn’t seem to be working.
“No, what’s the problem? Do you think I’m fucking around on you? I told you that you’re the only woman for me. Everyone else ceased to exist when you came into my life. I warned you: do not believe those rag tabloids,” he said and placed the large wicker picnic basket into the rear of the vehicle.
Wait, why did he bring up cheating? Was he seeing someone else behind my back and doing drugs, too? I thought to myself but responded by saying, “You made me a promise; you are not keeping to it. You need to come clean with me right now.”
“Look, Kira, I don’t know what you’re talking about. It would help if you were specific.” He was sounding defensive now.
“Okay, let’s forget we had this conversation.” I wiped my eyes and returned to the car.
Damn, Blade, he was such a terrible liar. What was I going to do? I had given my heart to this guy, hoping he would not be as dishonest as the men in my past, but he was a total asshole.
“For fuck’s sake, Kira, if you’re angry at me, it’s only fair for you to tell me what I did to anger you,” Blade muttered. He started the car and pulled into the roadway.
“What am I supposed to say, Blade?” I murmured.
Indignation coursed through me. I had to stand up for myself and not let his lies fly. I was one person who couldn’t tolerate lies and deceit. I love Blade, but I was not ready to put up with his nonsense.
“You know what? Pull the car over. Now.” I said to him.
I knew he had been drinking and taking drugs. I could tell the difference in our lovemaking when he was high versus when he wasn’t, but I had turned a blind eye to it. All because I didn’t want to lose what we had precariously built.
I had acted indifferent, and that was not cool. I didn’t want this to become an abusive relationship. I didn’t want to get stuck because of my low self-esteem in the past. I didn’t want my heart damaged beyond repair. There was only one way out.
“What? I won’t put you out on the busy highway. Where the hell are you gonna go, Kira?” Blade acted outraged and amazed at my request.
“You make me sick! I had a life before you and I will have one again,” I argued. “Pull the damn car over, Blade Benefield,” I snapped at him.
I had a feeling he knew what was coming but played it cool.
He finally rolled the car over to the emergency layby, and I made for the door. This was the last opportunity I had to leave, and I was never going to look back or regret anything.
‘What is it, Kira?’ He slammed the gear in Park and rushed to my side of the car.
“I don’t think we are good together. I don’t think our relationship can work either. Besides, I’m tired of being your secret. This kind of relationship won’t take us anywhere, so it’s best I save us both the misery and end it here and now,” I replied.
He swallowed and rushed to touch my face, but I quickly moved away.
“Please don’t say that I…I can’t be without you.” His voice was husky with emotion.
“Really, Blade? I knew you would say that. You’re such a terrible liar and a deceitful person. I feel bad for you,” I lashed out at him.
“Please… Don’t do this to us, Kira. I love you more than anything. Don’t leave me,” he begged. “You’re the light in my world. When you stepped in, everything changed for the better. I really care about you.” He dropped to his knees right there with the busy traffic rushing down the highway.
It pained me to see the love of my life in this state, but I had to stay sane and survive before he dragged me down this dangerous path with him.
“I can’t, I am sorry.” I sniffled and brushed my tears away with the back of my hand. I really wanted to be with him, but he was just too broken to be with anybody. He had to fix himself to be able to maintain a healthy relationship on his own.
Blade was still the same old egomaniac. He didn’t tell me the truth, he only cared for himself and his incessant partying, which he refused to stop.
“I told you to drop the drinking and the drugs. I can’t be with you and still be with that… You had a choice, Blade, you know what is important. You know what is of greater value and you made your choice.” I shrugged. Though I felt hurt, I knew deep down I was saving myself from future disaster.
I was doing the right thing, walking away from this toxic relationship.
“I…am sorry, Kira. I promise to be more truthful, I promise to change, to abide by your rules…”
“Hey, you’re going to work on yourself. You need to fix yourself or else you’ll always end up like the drugged-out, addicted rock stars of old. You’re never going to make anything good last if you keep heading down this path.” I sighed with relief, knowing I had let him go. I had forgiven him for wasting my time and my emotions.
Being with a man like Blade had taught me a lot of lessons.
“Goodbye, Blade.” I sprinted off into a run as fast as I could without looking back. I soon saw a cab and waved it down. When it stopped, I jumped in, and I cried all the way home.