CHAPTER 17
Teagan
As I laid there with my head on Cort’s chest, listening to him tell me about how difficult his life was right now, I felt so sorry for him. The internal pain and struggle that he was going through was something I could hardly begin to fathom, but I wanted to. I wanted to know what made him tick, who he really was.
But there was so much of himself that he kept hidden away. I supposed that was the way he’d been forced to live his whole life. He had to be two people all the time. There was the public face as part of the royal family, and then there was the private him. I felt like she was getting a small glimpse beneath the surface, but I wondered if I would ever know the real him.
Would he ever actually let me in?
“So, if you don’t get married by your birthday, then the crown goes to your uncle?” I asked. I’d done some research, and this was about all I’d been able to find out.
“Yeah. The man is a total moron, and I know he will set our nation back several decades if he becomes king.”
“That’s horrible,” I said. “And the council can’t see what a bad idea this is?”
“They do. They are smart men who realize exactly what a bad idea it is, but they are also shrewd. With a king like my father and a king like I would be, the council knows that I will change things for the better. Our nation will continue to progress, but they want things to remain the old way.”
“Why? Why are they so against change?”
“They are against it because they want to remain in control. Even though my father is king, he has to constantly fight with the council to get things accomplished. Along with the council he has to fight with parliament. They both fight him at every turn. The council wants to stick to their old ways because that is how they see they rule. While parliament sees it as a way to keep the monarchy in check.”
“What are you going to do?” I asked.
I held her breath waiting for the answer. That was a dumb question. I knew the options were limited, but a part of me wanted to know where I stood. Yet, I was also terrified of the answer. What if he actually asked me to marry him? Would I say yes?
“I don’t know,” Cort replied. His voice sounded full of strain and worry. It was the first time I’d ever actually heard him sound scared.
I felt relief at his answer. I knew I thought I was in love with Cort. But was it really love? Or was it just the excitement of the fling? I still had a life in San Diego while he had a very important life here.
If I did truly love him, was I ready for that life? Could I fathom becoming queen of a country I barely knew? Did I want that kind of responsibility? I would have to leave everything I knew and loved behind. My family, my friends, my job. All of that would stay in the States, and I would have to start a brand-new life here.
Of course, I would have the resources at my fingertips to do anything I wanted and have my family and friends visit me whenever they liked, but I would have duties and responsibilities that I could not begin to understand. Cort had lived his whole life as a member of the royal family; I would be a total outsider, an immigrant from another country, and I would be stepping into a whole new world.
I wanted to be with Cort more than anything, but I just wasn’t sure I could go through with it.
I was afraid.
I was afraid that I would fail in her duties, that I wasn’t strong enough to be that kind of a leader. It was all too much to think about, it was just too much to take in.
I needed more time. And time was something Cort did not have.
I tried to rest and breathe easy, enjoying the company of the man I loved, but there were now too many things weighing heavily on my mind. If he’d asked me right then to marry him, I knew that I would have to say no. Even if that did break both our hearts.
It was the right decision. If Cort decided that he wanted to be king badly enough to choose a bride and make that kind of a rush decision, I had to say no and step back, while he chose someone else. It was heartbreaking to think about him being married to someone else, but there was far more at stake.
“I just never knew that it would be so complicated,” Cort said. “I’ve known my whole life that one day when my father stepped down as king, the duty would fall to me. I heard about this rule before now, but I never knew how firmly etched in stone it really was. I always figured it was just an old tradition and tradition can be swiftly changed. I can’t believe how wrong I was,” Cort said with a laugh.
“If you’d known the whole time, would it have changed your situation? Have you ever been in love before? Was there anyone special enough in your life?” I asked.
Cort paused a moment. Was he trying to think of the right answer to not hurt my feelings? Or was he really thinking about the question?
Finally, he said, “No. There has been no one that I’ve ever loved like that. At least not until now.”
I felt like the air had just been sucked out of the room and I forgot how to take in a breath. What was he saying?
The silence in the room was deafening. My heartrate started to pick up. Was he talking about me? Was this all in my head? Am I reading too much into what Cort is saying?
I had to break the silence, so I kissed Cort softly on the lips. As I started to pull back, Cort grabbed me tightly and pulled me close again. I felt as though electricity coursed through our lips and spread throughout my body. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck. When the kiss ended, he rested his forehead against mine and held my body close to his.
“Wow, that felt amazing,” Cort said. “I’ve been looking forward to getting you back in my arms since the night we met.”
I smiled, feeling the warmth spreading over her body.
“Me too,” I whispered.
“I want to take you out to dinner tonight,” Cort said.
“Really? You aren’t afraid the paparazzi will be everywhere? Or maybe you enjoy that more than you let on?” I teased.
Cort laughed. “I sometimes do, but tonight I just want us to have some alone time. The paparazzi might be around, but the restaurant I’m taking you to won’t allow them to come in or bother us. My family and I dine there often, as well as a lot of other celebrities. It will be fun.”
“Ok,” I said. “That sounds awesome.”
“Great,” Cort replied.
“I guess I should leave now,” I said. “People are going to wonder why the yoga lesson is taking so long.”
I started to get up, and Cort pulled me back to him.
“Let them wonder,” he said with a naughty smile.
He quickly lifted me back on top of him and pushed inside me before I even realized what was happening.
It would be another forty-five minutes before I left.