Chapter 12
Sydney
I drove us all the way to a town called Monterey, California. Emery woke up about halfway through the drive, and immediately she asked where Hawk was. My heart ached for her. I couldn’t imagine how she was possibly feeling. Being yanked around from place to place as I tried to outrun the stupid decisions I’d made over the course of my lifetime. All I’d ever wanted to do was provide for her the life I couldn’t have. A life that didn’t know the pains I’d experienced. I wanted her to go to a regular school and hang out with children from other neighborhoods. I wanted her to be able to go over to other people’s houses without adults having to case the property to make sure it was safe.
To make sure she wasn’t fraternizing with someone who wanted to hurt us through her.
All I’d wanted was for her to have a normal upbringing. For her to know the security, I never did. For her to have a house to grow up in and not have to worry about defending herself all the time. I didn’t want to teach her kickboxing at ten. I didn’t want her to learn how to shoot a gun by the time she was a teenager. I wanted her to worry about her makeup. I wanted her biggest worry as a child to be which boy she was going to fawn over next. I wanted to take her to the movies without having to sneak in a weapon just in case someone from a rival club tried to corner us.
I didn’t want her life to be filled with the bloodshed I’d seen.
But even with her asking about Hawk, it didn’t take long for her to start asking about food, which distracted her long enough for me to get us into Monterey.
I didn’t have any idea where we were going, but the moment I saw the state signs for California, a part of me breathed a sigh of relief. I’d spent a great deal of time in California growing up, though I’d never ventured through it in a van. I was always on the back of my father’s bike until Hawk got his. Then, I’d travel the state with Hawk, my arms wrapped around his waist tightly as my hair blew around my neck.
Yes, I had positive memories of my years growing up with The Road Rebels, but when it came down to it that lifestyle ripped my only parent away from me before his time.
I didn’t want to die without seeing Emery fulfill every single piece of happiness she wanted with her life.
I pulled over to the first hotel I saw. It was back off the road a bit, but seemed nice enough. I took Emery in with me and checked us in, then took her back out to the car. I drove the car around to the back of the building, trying to hide it from the main road as best as I could before I dragged all of our stuff inside. I set the hotel aside for one week, thinking that would give me time to formulate a plan to find myself a job and lay low until the DEA was done with their witch hunt.
“Mommy? Why isn’t Mr. Hawk with us?”
“Well, Mr. Hawk had some stuff he had to do for work, and I thought it would be nice for us to get away for a bit.”
“Did you guys fight or something?” she asked.
“No, sweetheart. We didn’t fight. But Mr. Hawk works long hours for the next few days, and I thought you and I could spend some time together while he worked and slept. Once he’s done with his odd work hours, we’re gonna go back and play some more. All right?”
“Promise?” she asked.
I looked into my daughter’s green eyes and saw her father swimming in all of her features. The hope that had dawned on her face forced me to choke back my tears. She wanted Hawk more than she was letting on. I knew she felt a pull to him like I did. A pull she didn’t quite understand. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into me just so I wouldn’t have to stare into her father’s eyes she’d so deeply inherited.
Then, I drew in a deep breath before I answered her question the way I hoped things would pan out.
“I promise, sweetheart. With all my soul.”
I kissed the top of her head, and she ran to jump on the bed. She started jumping up and down, giggling as her auburn hair flew around her body. I put our suitcases in the corner and took out my phone, the battery falling to the floor as I threw all the parts of it onto the table. I knew enough to know that I had to take out the battery in order to render it useless, and I knew enough about running from something to know that I hadn’t been followed. This time I had made sure of it.
We got dressed, and I took Emery swimming in the hotel pool. She jumped into the deep end and swam around, giggling with all her might as I sank deep into the hot tub. I closed my eyes, sighing as I finally felt my body relax. I thought about ordering us pizza for dinner. Just having a total junk food day while the two of us curled up on the massive king-sized bed and watched television until we fell asleep.
For a moment, I attempted to convince myself that everything was all right. That if I could lay low in this hotel, living off my savings until things died down, that Emery and I might be able to go back. That I could apologize to Hawk, or maybe get down on my knees and grovel. That I could set us up in the same city as Hawk and we could both tell her that the man she’d grown to love was her father.
I smiled at the idea of her having a relationship with him. A wonderful relationship as Hawk watched her grow into the beautiful young woman I saw emerging slowly from her body every single day.
My thoughts were interrupted as another woman entered the hot tub. I nodded towards her, secretly hoping she wouldn’t sit next to me. But of course, she was one of those women that was probably looking to socialize, and she sat down right next to me and sighed.
“That your little one jumping around in the pool?” she asked.
“Yep,” I said.
“She looks happy.”
“She is,” I said.
If there was one thing I learned from the motorcycle lifestyle, it was to trust no one until you had a reason to. I knew this woman was probably harmless, but with us being on the run from one of the more ruthless government agencies, I couldn’t take any chances.
And my instincts were proven right when she opened her mouth to speak again.
“Then let’s not startle her, shall we?”
I slowly panned my gaze over to the woman as her face slowly came into view. I studied her haircut. The way she held her shoulders back. The muscles that weren’t always so common on women of her stature. I saw something lift out of the water as a black billfold came into view, and the moment I saw her credentials, I froze.
She was DEA.
“Agent Mahoney, DEA. I’ve got a few questions I’m sure you don’t want your daughter to hear,” she said.
“Mommy! Mommy! Watch me jump!”
“All right, sweetie,” I said as I ripped my gaze from the woman. “I’m watching!”
My daughter splashed into the pool with a massive cannonball, gigging as she came up to the surface. For a moment, I allowed myself to feel Emery’s joy before I turned my gaze back to the woman beside me.
The woman that had ambushed me.
I was petrified. I didn’t want to be questioned. I didn’t want to rat out the motorcycle club that had taken me in when I started missing the lifestyle. I didn’t want to be the snitch the Iron Souls came looking for after this was all said and done. The DEA was physically ripping that club to shreds and making it a public spectacle, and I knew they wouldn’t hesitate to haul me off in handcuffs right in front of my daughter.
But that meant if she was here, then she wasn’t back with Hawk.
Which was what I’d wanted the moment I sped out of his driveway.
“Mommy? Are you okay?”
“Everything’s all right, sweetheart. You just play, all right? Play really hard, and then we’re gonna go order some pizza.”
“I wouldn’t be too sure of that,” the agent said.
“I’d choose your next words very carefully,” I said.
“Is that a threat?”
“When it comes to my daughter, yes.”
I stared the agent down as I looked deep into her dark brown eyes. A small smirk crawled across her face as my daughter stared at us. I could see the fear in Emery’s eyes, even out of the corner of my own. Any person that came into our lives that made my daughter fearful was automatically the enemy. If she made a move towards her-- if she tried to harm my daughter in any way-- I’d be on the run for murder instead of being a running witness to some crimes.
“Let me start by saying we can’t prove anything yet,” the agent said.
“I’m sure.”
“But we know you’re connected to the Iron Souls. We know you’ve got the information we need, we just don’t have the evidence, yet. Which means we can’t subpoena you or drag you in for questioning. You did a very good job of staying away from the cameras, you know.”
I had no idea what the fuck she was talking about, but I kept my hardened stare on her as Emery slowly climbed back into the pool.
“Mommy? You gonna come swim with me soon?” she asked.
“In a minute, I promise,” I said.
“I wouldn’t make a promise you can’t keep,” the agent said.
“Trust me. I’ll be able to,” I said.
“We have footage of you riding with them. Tracing their routes. Joyriding in the middle of the night when you should’ve been at home taking care of your daughter.”
“My mother loved that time in the evenings with Emery. Don’t you dare attempt to paint me as a bad mom.”
“I wonder what the father of your child would think,” she said. “Knowing you just… left her to ride with another group. That you left your family just so you could have a little taste of freedom.”
I clenched my fists underneath the bubbling water as I heard Emery giggling in the pool again.
“Like I said, we can’t prove anything. We’ve got you riding with them, but we can’t prove you knew what those routes were. But once we can…”
I watched her slowly get out of the hot tub as Emery’s eyes were on her. I looked over at my daughter, and I could see the panic on her face. Tears fell from my eyes as I realized the type of lifestyle I’d subjected her to. Because of my selfish decisions and my inability to fully separate myself from the motorcycle realm, my daughter was paying for it.
At fucking six years old.
“Talk with you soon, Syd.”
My skin prickled at the nickname. She was cocky, and that was her downfall. She’d revealed too much, and I had a better picture of what was going on. I stayed put, eyeing Emery as my daughter watched the strange woman leave the pool area. The moment the door closed behind the agent, my daughter scurried over to the hot tub. She got in, hissing with the heat before she threw herself into my arms. I gathered her up and held her close, kissing away her tears of worry and fear as I told her about all the food we would eat and all the movies we would watch tonight.
But I had to call Hawk.
We had to have a serious conversation.
After I settled Emery and got her to bed first.