CHAPTER 9
Teagan
“You are holding onto too many thoughts, too much negativity. You must let go of all the things in this world that bring you down. Embrace the light that surrounds your life force.”
I held my stretch, relaxing deeper into the movement. I felt my body start to shake slightly and cry out, resisting the change. But I was the master of her body, not the other way around. I would tell it what I required, and I would allow my inner strength to take over. I held on to Siri’s words, hoping that they would guide me through.
I was vaguely aware that Siri was right beside me now, watching my every move. Siri placed his hands on my lower back and glided my body forward and deeper into the movement. My muscles were screaming out for in a mixture of pain and relief.
After about thirty seconds, I was grateful for the help. My body began to shift and move much more freely as I leaned down farther to the ground, still keeping my feet planted firmly to root myself, to anchor her body and soul.
“That’s it…” Siri’s voice was almost right beside my ear now. “Use the pain. That is just the outpouring of negativity from the world around you as it is replaced with all of the light from the universe filtering in.”
From the moment that I met Siri, I have to admit I was a bit star struck. I had dreamt of the opportunity to work with him for so long that when it was actually happening, I was almost frozen stiff with awe. But now that I’d been working with him, I had been able to concentrate on his teachings. I was already learning so much from him.
But I would have been lying if I told myself or anyone else that I was not distracted. I knew I was capable of doing hard poses that were not making my knees shake, but my mind was somewhere else.
As hard as I tried, I could not stop thinking about Cort. Every movement I made with my body reminded me of the way his hands grabbed my hips. Sex had never felt that way for me before. It was like my body came alive underneath him.
And I ached for his hands to touch me again.
As Siri’s hands glided over my body to gently correct my positioning, I thought about Cort and the way he would touch me. He was the kind of man that I had dreamt of meeting my entire life.
And I let him go.
It was the stupidest thing I’d ever done, and I hoped that I didn’t have to pay for it too long. Hopefully he would call me, and leave a message. Then once I got back, I could call him and we could get together again.
But what would even be the point? My logical side started to kick in. Sure, we would probably have mind blowing sex, but I would be leaving. I planned to stay in Ronovia only one two days after the retreat. I had only known Cort for a night. For all I knew he probably just thought that I was a one-time thing. It’s not like we would somehow start a relationship when I lived in San Diego and he lived here.
“OK, that is all for today everybody,” Siri’s voice pulled me from my trail of thoughts. “Please gather around the campfire in twenty minutes. We will have dinner, and then we will have a group meditation.”
I moved my body slowly back to mu normal standing position and breathed deeply. I went back to my tent and sat down for a moment, just trying to get a few quiet moments of reflection to myself. My body felt amazing. It was relaxed and free of all tension. As if my muscles had been stretched and pulled to the point where my body felt like jelly. Even though my thoughts were still racing, I felt that I had started to reach a sense of calm. When my thoughts ran, I was able to work to control my breathing and slow my thoughts bringing my mind back to the present. It was a tough thing to accomplish, but it was what I always strived to teach my students. To see their worries and stress, and then let them melt off of them on the yoga matt. It was time to start following my own advice.
I took a deep calming breath and tried to push the thoughts of Cort out of my mind.
But he refused to leave.
I closed my eyes and imagined Cort there with me right then, just the two of them alone in the middle of nature. The sounds of the birds, the gentle breeze brushing over their naked bodies, and him taking me right here in my tent.
I could just see him hovering over me, his rock-hard length only inches from my core. He would grab my legs as he pushed deep inside me. My back would arch as I pushed my hips up to meet his.
Cort would start thrusting and my hands would race to his back as I hung on for dear life. His hands would move to my hips to guide me faster down on top of him.
Fuck, I wanted him.
I could feel my whole body heat, and instead of the calm feeling it had before, it was now tingling with need. Even though I knew he wasn’t there with me, I felt like I was about to come.
“Teagan are you coming?”
“Oh yes…”
“Hey, Teagan?”
My eyes flew open. That wasn’t Cort’s voice. It was a woman’s voice. I looked around to see one of women in my group, Angela Watson, was standing over me.
“What?” Teagan asked confused.
“Are you coming? The group is getting together. And dinner smells amazing!”
I looked out of my tent slightly and over at the fire that had been started and the sausages that were being roasted. I felt the blood rush quickly to my face. I hoped that I just looked like I was meditating, not having a hot daydream.
“Oh, yeah. I’m on my way,” I replied.
I stood up, my legs shaking slightly, and I walked over to join the group. I felt a bit embarrassed, but Angela did not seem to know what I had been thinking about. It should have been obvious based on the look on my face, but apparently, Angela was pretty clueless.
I took a few deep breaths and tried to settle myself down. I did not know if I could take two more days of not knowing if Cort had called or not.
I desperately wanted to be here; I was having the time of my life.
But I also desperately wanted Cort.