Chapter 10
Sydney
My hands were shaking again with panic. I’d laid Emery down for bed in the guest bedroom upstairs just in case anything were to happen. If anyone were to come busting into the house or knock on the door wanting to talk, I didn’t want Emery within earshot, but less to see what was going on.
Or be seen by whoever was at the door.
I kept cursing myself for not getting Hawk’s number. I had no idea when he was coming back, I had no idea if he was all right, and I had no way to inform him of the black sedan that had been outside of the house. It wasn’t there anymore, it had driven off in a hurry, but it was there nonetheless.
And it had been sitting there for quite some time.
I paced the kitchen, trying to occupy my thoughts. I could surprise Hawk with something. Hawk had left without eating anything. But what if he came back with dinner? What if he planned to bring back something from a fast food place or whatever? I didn’t have his number so I couldn’t call, and I quickly shut the fridge before I wasted any of the energy he was paying for in this house.
I started wiping down the counters and cleaning up the kitchen as a feeling of dread settled into my bones. What if that black sedan really was looking for me? What did they know about Emery? Would they try to use Hawk to get to me? What would that do to The Road Rebels? I had no only put myself and my daughter at risk by making these idiotic decisions and seeing all I did, but I’d now put the family that raised me at risk by bringing them around here.
I had to talk to Hawk when he got home.
I had to come clean and tell him the truth.
I sat down on the couch and tried my best to occupy my time. The minutes just seemed to bleed together in an infinite cycle of misery. Every time I thought another hour had passed, I’d look up, and it would’ve only been ten minutes. I tried to lay back and take a nap, sinking into the wonderful couch Hawk had in his living room, but I just couldn’t get my mind to stop swirling.
I couldn’t get it to shut off.
Suddenly, I heard Hawk’s bike roaring in the distance. I jumped off the couch and scurried to the door just as he burst through. I put my finger to my lips, trying to signal to him that Emery was sleeping and to keep it down.
But his eyes were on fire with something, and he took my hand and promptly dragged me to the other end of his house.
“Hawk? What’s wrong? What are you-?”
“Tell me everything,” he said.
The way he turned around and looked at me, I could’ve sworn he was angry. For a brief moment, I felt my panic recede into worry. Hawk was never this stirred up about anything, which meant that something had happened to The Road Rebels.
Or, at the very least, something was about to happen.
“Hawk, what’s wrong?” I asked.
“Tell. Me. Everything. About the Iron Souls. About what you’ve gotten yourself into. About why they’re tracking you down. Everything.”
“Wait a second… the black sedan out front-”
“There was a black sedan out front?” he asked.
“After you left,” I said. “You drove down the road until I couldn’t hear your bike anymore, then it crept up and planted itself in front of the house.”
“Why didn’t you call me!?”
“I don’t have your fucking number.”
He shoved his hand into my robe and pulled out my phone. I unlocked it for him, and he promptly put his cell number in. He closed out the screen and tossed it back to me before he raked his hands through his mohawk.
Something had happened, and I needed to know what.
“Hawk, what’s happened? What’s gone wrong?”
“You don’t get to ask questions anymore. Only I do,” he said.
“Excuse me?”
“Those black sedans. They’re not Iron Souls. They are DEA agents. Start from the beginning. What happened?”
“Hawk, you know I-”
“You’re putting my entire life at risk, Syd!” he roared. “Talk to me!”
“Shut up! Emery’s sleeping,” I said breathlessly.
“Then start talking. And tell me the truth.”
I looked at him. The fire brewing behind his eyes. I was scared. Hurt. Angry. Fearful. In all the years I’d grown up next to Hawk, never once had I seen him angry at me. Never once had he turned his fury onto me. Never once did his electric gaze get turned in my direction.
It was the first time I’d ever angered Hawk.
And it was because I put his family at risk.
His true family.
The one he would always be loyal to.
“Why did you come back here after all these years, Syd?” he asked. “And don’t give me some bullshit about my kid. If you weren’t in trouble, I would’ve never seen you, and you know it.”
“Hawk that’s not-”
“Cut the shit, Syd!”
“I saw too much, okay!?”
If Emery weren’t awake now, then she’d probably sleep through all of this.
“I saw them hurt. And ravage. And pillage. And steal. I saw their operations, how they trafficked their drugs. The leisurely bike rides I went on with them, they were actually their routes. I had no idea they were casing their routes, they would always just tell me we were going on a joyride.”
“They would tell you that?” Hawk asked.
“Yeah. I saw trucks with names on them and faces of the drivers. I saw crates they would haul into different establishments they owned around the city. People they scared. Streets they owned. I didn’t even realize what I’d seen until the DEA came reigning down on their family compound.”
“Compound?” Hawk asked.
“Yeah. All the Iron Souls members live in this trailer park they call ‘the compound.’ All permanent members live there, that’s just how it rolls with them.”
“And the DEA found the compound.”
“Yeah. I was there when they busted it up.”
“Fuck me, Syd,” he said.
“There were gunshots from all around. I-... I crawled behind trailers and just ran. I ran until I couldn’t breathe, then one of the members came around the corner and gave me a lift home. I went back to my Mom’s, threw all Emery and I’s shit into bags, went to pick her up from school, and I just drove. I drove and raced and weaved in and out of cars, trying my best to get us the fuck out of town before…”
Tears were streaming down my face as Hawk reached out to me, but I stumbled back from his touch. I didn’t want to feel his skin against mine. I didn’t want to drink up his warmth.
I wanted to get out.
I needed to get out.
“I couldn’t snitch on the club that took me in. Pregnant. Alone. Running and confused. They took me in without a second thought, especially with my ties to The Road Rebels.”
“They know about your fucking history with us?” Hawk asked.
“We just ran, and I couldn’t think of anywhere else to come but here,” I said breathlessly. “They’re coming after me to build a case, aren’t they? They know I was there. I bet they know I know shit. Fuck. Holy shit. Emery. What’s this going to do to Emery?”
I felt my blood pressure skyrocketing. I felt my hands shaking. My vision was blurred with tears, and I felt like I was going to be sick. I rushed out of the room and slammed into the downstairs bathroom, with Hawk following me close. The stomach bile and coffee rising up in my throat as I vomited into the sink.
Hawk tried to hold my hair back, but all I did was push him away.
“The DEA’s followed you here,” he said.
I could hear the anger in his voice.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t think-”
“That’s your problem, Syd. You don’t think. You don’t think about your actions and the consequences they could have. You just bounce around with your freeform lifestyle, and you leave behind anyone in your path that might give a shit about you.”
“The fuck are you talking about?” I asked.
“It was a knee-jerk reaction to leave us in the first fucking place,” he said as his face reddened. “Then it was a knee-jerk reaction to not tell me about Emery.”
“You know what would’ve happened if-”
“Shut up!” he roared.
My eyes widened, and I stumbled back against the toilet.
“It was a knee-jerk reaction to hang out with the Iron Souls. It was a knee-jerk reaction to run, and it was a knee-jerk reaction to run here. And now, you’ve put the only fucking family you ever had in danger with your bullshit because you claim you had nowhere else to go. You wouldn’t have even had this problem had you just fucking stayed, Syd!”
Tears were pouring down my face as I finally felt my strength rush back to my legs. I pushed past Hawk, almost knocking him off his feet as I ran out to the guesthouse.
Good thing I hadn’t unpacked our bags yet.
“The Road Rebels don’t need the DEA hanging around here, especially with the shipments we’ve got coming in,” he said.
“Read you loud and clear,” I said as I gathered up Emery and I’s laundry.
“We’ve worked too fucking hard to keep this shit under wraps for someone running from their past to just show the fuck up after six years.”
“Got it, Hawk!” I exclaimed.
I shoved our shit into bags, and that got his attention.
“What’re you doing?” he asked.
“Another one of my knee-jerk reactions, I suppose.”
“No, no, no. You can’t just leave. You’re not taking my daughter away from me again. Syd, do you hear me!?”
He grabbed down onto my arm so hard I knew it’d leave a mark later. He whipped me around in the backyard, almost taking me to my knees as I shrieked. My heel came down onto his foot before my knee came up into his stomach. I was in survival mode. Whatever I had to do to protect my daughter is what I would do now.
And I sure as hell wasn’t leaving her here.
I ran into the house and grabbed my keys. I ripped open the door to the garage and tossed our shit in. I ran upstairs as Hawk finally peeled himself from the ground, stumbling towards the house as he tried to catch his breath.
I was coming down the stairs with a very tired Emery as he stumbled in through the back sliding door.
“Please. Don’t take my daughter from me,” he said.
“Should’ve thought about that before you unloaded on me,” I said, tears streaming down my face.
“Syd. Please. Don’t go. I can protect you.”
“You can’t even protect me from yourself,” I said as I buckled Emery in. “You said it yourself: The Road Rebels don’t need the DEA around. And if they followed me, they’ll follow me right out of town.”
“Please don’t go,” he said.
I felt his hand come down to me and I looked up into his green eyes. They were dark. Stormy. Aching with regret as they shone with unshed tears. My heart ached for him as my arm throbbed. I wanted to stay. I wanted to believe he could take care of us. But he was right. My decision to run from the only family I’d ever known resulted in everything I was battling now.
And the least I could do was protect them now. Especially when they didn’t realize they needed protecting.
“I’ll call you when we’re safe,” I said as I opened the garage door.
“Syd. Syd! No. Please don’t do this. Come on. You’ve got my daughter!”
He was banging on the window as Emery yawned in her seat. I had to get out of here before he said anything else. Before he said something to her.
Before he said something, he would regret for the rest of his life.
“Sydney! Please!”
I peeled out of the garage as Emery fell back asleep. I watched Hawk run after us in my rearview mirror. Tears streamed down my face as the light sounds of Emery’s snores wafted into my ear from the back seat of my van.
She looked just like her father, even when she slept.