We arrived at Tobias’s house. It looked the exact same as Anatoli’s. Like the. Exact. Same. It was weird for me. It was the same house with a totally different vibe. I went to ask Tobias why the house was the same, but something in his eye told me to stay silent. So, I did.

I stood awkwardly in the entryway as Tobias put away some guns, something Anatoli never let me see. When Tobias started to make himself some dinner I slowly walked to the pantry to grab some sort of dinner of my own. Tobias grabbed my wrist swiftly.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“Um eating,” I stuttered. Tobias’s whole vibe had changed from the car.

“Did I say you could?”

I tripped backwards. “Sorry Tobias. I’m used to Anatoli’s.”

I skidded backwards. My gut was telling me to get as far away from him as possible. He still approached me and wrapped his hands around my throat. It didn’t feel the same as when Anatoli did it. I mean Anatoli almost forced me into unconsciousness, but it still felt different. I could almost feel the lines Anatoli wouldn’t cross as he increased the pressure on my throat. With Tobias, on the other hand, I could feel the very real threat there.

I stilled. Like I was playing dead. I instinctively knew fighting would only egg him on even though it was my natural instinct. I quickly learned it was the right thing to do, because his dark eyes drilled into me, daring me to fight him. When I didn’t he threw me back.

“Things are different here. This is my place. My rules. My things.”

“Oh God. Yes sir.” I did a fake salute.

“Go to your room Alex.”

“Go to my room? Are you joking me? Is my humor only funny when it’s at Pytor’s expense? I'm not twelve Tobias. I'm not going to go to my fucking room hungry like a child who misbehaved. I'm hungry. I…” I stopped talking immediately as a knife whirled past with my face with insane accuracy. I stood there stunned.

“I won’t kill you on Pytor’s commands and out of respect for my brother, but I will hurt you no holds barred so don’t make me repeat myself. Go to your room. Upstairs, third door on your right.”

He didn’t need to tell me twice. I ran down the hallway, looking for the stairs. My room at Anatoli’s was downstairs so I had no idea where the stairs were. I kept running. This house was huge, and with no idea where to go I found myself at a place I knew I wasn’t supposed to be. The back door. I stared at it. I didn’t see him set an alarm. Holy fuck.

I looked around the house, my heart pounding in my chest. Thump. Thump. Thump. I didn’t see anyone. Thump. Thump. Thump. I still heard the sound of pans banging in the kitchen, even through the roaring in my ears. I slowly opened the door and took a step outside. I did my best to shut the door as quietly as possible. The second the door was shut, I ran. I ran as hard and fast as my legs would let me. I got to the side gate and threw it open. I looked behind me to check for Tobias and ran face first into him.              

“Shit,” I whispered as I looked into his menacing eyes.

“You didn’t think I would hear you.”

I widen my stance to try and stop my body from shaking. Tobias was scary as fuck alone. I missed his silence and the less intense attitude he had when Anatoli was around.             

“I had to try. I don’t want to be here.”

Something flashed in eyes, and he grabbed my wrists roughly before I could speak. He started pulling me towards the house. I made a half assed attempt to try and jerk free, but I knew better than to fight that hard. Not after what he just caught me doing. He pulled me inside and threw me to the floor.

“I warned you Alex.”

“I’ve gotten lots of those.”

“Well you should have listened.”

Tobias used his foot to push me further into the hardwood floor.

“Strip whore.”

“Fuck you Tobias!”

“I said strip. We own you.”

“You don’t fucking own me. No one does.”

“Don’t make me repeat myself… again.”

I tried to push myself up to sitting but froze the instant I saw Tobias pull a rope out of his back pocket. Not this again. Fuck, anything but this.

“No please. No.” I frantically scooted back. Desperate.

“Everyone has their breaking points Alex. Yours is just unique.”

I scooted back so far and so fast I would up on the carpet of the living room floor. Tobias caught up quickly and hovered over me. In an instant his fist was in my face. I was momentarily disoriented. While I was trying to get a grip on the pain in my head my hands were being grabbed and tied to the ends of the table. When the dizziness wore off, I freaked. I pulled at the ropes and kicked. I did everything I could and when all else failed I glared at Tobias.

“I hope you feel powerful tying an underage girl to a table. Disarming her by socking her in the face! I didn’t sign on for this.”

“First, you didn’t ask what the conditions were. You only gave your stipulations and before you argue, I’m not a stranger. You said no to being tied down by a stranger. I'm not breaking any of your silly conditions. Lastly, this isn’t a power trip. Pytor needs you slightly more compliant and trustworthy. He asked me to break you in a bit. I’m the only one, other than Pytor himself, with the balls enough to do it. I have no qualms about hurting a sixteen-year-old girl. This isn’t personal.”

His voice was so cool, so detached it sent chills down my spine.

“Good to know,” I said bitterly, feeling my gaze on him darken.

Tobias leaned down to touch me, but decided against it, his hands hovering right over my skin. The threat had its desired effect. He was a genius at torture. He didn’t even have to lay a hand on me. He looked me up and down and then spoke slowly.

“I have an idea… I think I’m going to leave you here for the night.”             

“No!” I shrieked. “No, no you can do anything. Not that. Please. I’ll behave. Please.”

Tobias stared at me, letting a little of his mask slip to show his shock.

“Wow, seeing you begging…” he trailed off. “You must have been through some shit. This will not be pleasant for you, my apologizes. Enjoy your flashbacks.”

I fucking hated him!

With that he walked off and I was left in a full-on panic. I could have handled anything physical he did to me, it was just a matter of disconnecting, but having to sit with the memories, the flashbacks of what I ran away from was real torture. I screamed so long I lost my voice. I huddled in as much of a ball as I could with my hands chained up and stewed in the memories. Of the torture I went through at my dad's and all I had lost. I couldn’t hurt or distract myself to take the emotional pain away like I usually did. I just had to sit with it. By the time Tobias came for me in the morning I was a shell. He looked down at me for a few seconds. I was huddled in a ball on the floor. His expression said nothing as he undid the locks on my hands. He didn’t say a word. When he was done I didn’t move from the floor. I felt paralyzed. I stared straight ahead, relishing in the state of blissful numbness I’d finally reached.

“Alex, you have a gig today. Anatoli is going to meet us there and we are going to run over last minute details with you before you start.”

He waited for me to respond, but I was emotionally dead. I had reached my max. So many things I hadn’t thought about in so long. It was all too much.

“Alex!” Tobias snapped. He groaned and crouched in front of me and spoke softer. “You need to come with me Alex. Pytor’s all business. Don’t make me report to him you aren’t cooperating again. You won’t like his next idea.”

The old me would have yelled ‘I didn’t like this one’, but I just slowly pushed myself up to seated and stood in front of him, blank faced. He took one look at me and whispered ‘fuck’. He cocked his head, indicating for me to follow, which I did. He led me his car. I got in the back seat and stared out the window as he drove down the endless streets that all looked the same. No promise. No hope. Just there. Existing. What was Rex doing? Mia? Was my mom happy in heaven? All these thoughts swirled around until the car stopped suddenly. I let my eyes find the window. again. We must have been at the whore house. It was bright, looked inconspicuous, but I could tell there were a lot of rooms. It looked like an old, small hotel. I got out of the car without a word and waited for Tobias.

“Try to look alive,” he grumbled when he saw me.

I just nodded. It was all I could muster. The up and down motion reminded me of the bruise on my face from being punched. I looked like a real winner, real fuckable.

We entered the house and Anatoli met us in the entryway. He greeted Tobias with a brief nod then turned to me.  The air in the room changed dramatically.              

“What the fuck did you do to her T?” Anatoli said through gritted teeth. Then he turned to me. “Alex?”’

I turned my gaze up to meet his and gave him the small brief nod he’d given Tobias. Anatoli looked thoroughly confused. He looked back at Tobias, then at me, then dragged his gaze back to Tobias. “You drug her?”

“Fuck no. I can handle a small girl without drugging them Anatoli.”

“Well I fucking hope so, but that doesn’t explain why her face is bruised and she’s a fucking walking dead person?”             

“She was punched, once, to cooperate and I have no idea why she looks dead.”

“You punched a little girl?” Anatoli asked with total disgust in his voice.

“Oh, don’t act like we haven’t done worse things брат.”

Anatoli scowled and walked over to me.

“You have to be able to perform Alex. What’s wrong? What happened to you? You were supposed to fight to be better than this, remember?”

“They’re gone. Doesn’t matter.”

“What? Who’s gone? What doesn’t matter? What the… hell?” Anatoli looked over at Tobias.

“Look Anatoli, I tied her up for the night. I didn’t touch her. When I woke up she was like this.”

Tobias waved his hand up and down, gesturing to my body. Anatoli ran a hand over his face.

“Shit. Alex, follow me. Tobias, just keep look out.”

Tobias shot him a funny look and Anatoli snarled at him.

“Don’t you think you’ve done enough damage T? Just make sure I don’t get my fucking ass kicked for bringing her back to the land of the living. Okay?”

His tone was sharp. Tobias didn’t argue.

“You got it brother.”

Tobias was confusing as shit. He did mean things, but his overall vibe wasn’t mean. It was just nonexistent. Empty. He didn’t seem to have a desire to hurt people, he just did.

“Alex,” Anatoli called softly from the doorway.

I followed him in without saying a word. He led me in a small room. It wasn’t a bedroom. It was an empty room with wood floors and a small wooden bench inside.

“Sit,” Anatoli commanded. I sat on the bench. Anatoli paced in front of me. “Where are you? What happened?”

I shrugged. I was in this weird frozen state of pain. I couldn’t get out of it. I was trapped. Anatoli tried everything. He asked about me, about Rex, what happened at Tobias’s, he even tried throwing me to the ground at one point to get me to fight back, but nothing broke through. He let out a growling sound when absolutely nothing worked. When I was just as frozen. Just as dead on the outside, as I was on the inside.

“Stay here. Not that you’d go anywhere anyway,” Anatoli spat at me.

His tone was laced not just laced with annoyance, there was also a hint of fear there. I stayed seated on the bench, staring at my spot on the floor. Anatoli was back in the room a second later. I heard something clang but didn’t look up.

Why? Why? Why? Why bother?

“Don’t make me hate myself маленький.”

Then I heard a sound I’d know anywhere.

Handcuffs.

My gaze snapped up.

“No please,” I whispered. “Not again. Please Anatoli.”

He sighed. “So, you speak again.”

Tears pooled in my eyes. “Anatoli no.”

Anatoli crouched in front of me.

“What happened Alex? Tell me. You need to come back. You have a client and I can’t give them… this person. Plus,” his tone dropped. “I don’t like seeing you like this. Come back.”

I looked up at him. “You guys are all so fucked up.”

He let out a deep breath, his shoulders relaxing into his large frame.

“Well thank Fuck.” Anatoli stood up and extended his arm out to me. I took it and he pulled me to my feet. “You alright?”             

“Does it matter? I can talk again though. That’s what matters. Thanks for that. Pytor would have commanded some other sick shit to get me talking.”

“Look Alex, Tobias isn’t a bad guy. He’s just a soldier through and through. He follows all orders given, nothing held back. He takes it all very seriously. He had a fucked-up childhood.”

Anatoli gave me a pointed look. Shit, I knew all about fucked up childhoods.

“You’re not a soldier through and through?”

“No, I am. I just have limits. Tobias doesn’t. He doesn’t enjoy it, but it’s ingrained in him to do what he’s told.”

There was more to Tobias’s story. I could tell by his tone, but I didn’t want to dive into it. The guy treated me like shit. I couldn’t bear to sympathize with him. Kindness would get me nowhere.

“Yeah well, all I know is he didn’t let me eat and he called me a whore so…”             

“I like how you conveniently left out the handcuffing part.”

So, he already knew what was wrong.  Anatoli looked suddenly uncomfortable. So uncomfortable he actually started fidgeting.

“So, you have client…” he didn’t make eye contact with me. “Sorry Alex, but we need to get going.”

“Yeah, yeah of course. Right.”

I walked out of the room like I’d been gutted. I didn’t have any fight left in me and that was the worst part. I was resigned to my fate. The person I had to fuck was some young business mogul who liked it rough, so I did what he told me to. At one point he started choking me, seriously these men and choking. It was too much. I had to make the guy stop and he eventually did... when I pointed to the door and reminded him Tobias and Anatoli were still wandering around there, checking on the other girls. Finally, the session ended, and the guy left. That one seemed like it took an eternity. I used the shower and turned it up to scalding hot, letting the boiling water cleanse my corrupted skin. I dressed and headed out to the main area. Pytor was waiting for me.             

“Alex,” he extended his arms and looked at me like I was a prize he won. I stared at him deadpan. I wasn’t into his sick, twisted false persona. “Our client was impressed. Even left a hefty tip.”

He stuffed a wad of cash in my hand. I held it tight and stuffed it in my pocket without saying so much as a word.

“You earned it.”

He looked me up and down, seemingly just realizing my mood change. “You’re different.”             

For a brief moment the fire in me flared, but it died fast. “This is news to you? Stick Tobias on me and then you’re shocked when I’m mellow.”

He smirked. “That boy is good. I probably don’t even want to fucking know what he did to you. I’m not happy about your face, but I’ll give him a one off since you are not fighting me. Stay like this a bit longer, and you can have your own place. I told you, I don’t intend to imprison you.”

You already have.

Ice filled my bones and my heart rate spiked.

“You’re not sending me to Tobias’s, again are you?”

I knew I looked pale and mortified but I couldn’t help it. Pytor smirked.

 “No, you are attending to me and my wife tonight.”

… And just when I thought the little piece of me that was left had been fully extinguished, I was reminded how far that was from the truth.

Someone always brought her to life, so they could squash her again. 

This was it.

This time.