I didn’t think much of Dana’s ordeal until I got a call on my cell phone from her. Dana and I weren’t exactly talking buddies, so I was a little surprised to hear from her.

        “Talk,” I said, annoyed she was calling versus texting.

Instantly I could tell Dana had been crying. Her voice was scratchy and hoarse. When she said my name, it sounded more like a plea than a greeting. Instantly my mind went to Gunner. I snapped. If hurt, her I swore to God I was going to kick his ass. Dana looked one heartbreak away from joining a convent. It wasn’t even compassion fueling my rage, it was just the idea that anyone could hurt Dana at all. She is literally the sweetest. Plus, after all Sam went through to protect her, if someone hurt her I’d probably kill them. I practically growled just thinking about it. Dana cut off my spiraling thoughts.

“He’s gone. Gunner’s gone! He’s in trouble. I’m…. Logan can’t know or the police. They’ll kill him. They came… Tanner was… I …” Her voice was jumbled, and she stumbled over her words. All I heard was “he’s gone” and “Tanner”. Gunner was in trouble, and somehow the guy who raped her was involved. What the hell had she gotten herself involved in? I swore to God I was gonna kick Gunner’s ass for letting her get tied up in this a-fucking-gain.

I didn’t even hesitate. I told her I was coming. I knew she’d tried to kill herself before, and I wouldn’t let her try again under my watch. Of course, I couldn’t let her know I cared so I told her Sam cared and would be upset if anything happened to her. I needed to be sure she was protected against her own mind, without implicating myself.

The second we were off the phone I called a number I never called. Logan.

“This is Logan Prescott speaking,” he answered. I snorted, so professional. “Alexa?” he asked in shock, after glancing at the caller ID.

“Yeah it’s me.”

“Uh, what’s up?”

I could tell he was totally thrown off. I mean I literally had never called him personally. It felt sort of shitty to lie to him about his little sister, but I couldn’t break my promise to Dana until I knew what she was tied up in. I knew firsthand the damage loving someone could do.

“Can I borrow your jet Logan? Pretty please.”

“My jet?”

“Yeah sorry it’s…”

I heard the phone being pulled out of Logan’s hand, there was fighting and then Sam’s voice came on the speaker. “Logan’s gone. What’s wrong with Dana?”

“Nothing.” Yeah, huge lie.

“Bull fucking shit. You never call Logan, and you need to borrow his jet. Why? You miss Mike all of the sudden!”

She was so bitchy when she was pissed. I l couldn’t help but laugh.

“Maybe I do.”

“Then call him or find a new fuck buddy. In the meantime, tell me what the hell is going on with Dana.”

  “Sam…”

“No!” she snapped. Yep, Sam was in protective mommy mode. “Don’t Sam me! You tell me or there’s no way in hell you are borrowing the jet.”

“It’s Logan’s, not yours.”

There was a very telling silence on the other end of the line. I knew just as well as she did Logan would not let me borrow it if Sam said no.

“Fucking shit!” I yelled. “Fine. I’m coming over. I’ll tell you in person. Get it ready. We need to leave ASAP.”

“Texting the pilot now.”

Then we both hung up. I got my butt in gear and bolted over to the Prescott’s. The second I got over there I banged on the door. Logan answered, looking totally confused and flustered. I pushed past him.

“Where’s…”

“Sam’s in the car waiting for you,” he interrupted. Then he crossed his arms over his chest. “What is Sam getting involved in? She can’t handle much more, despite the fact that she thinks she’s superwoman.”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t want her involved.”

With that I gave him my best sympathetic nod and ran off. Sam was waiting in the car tapping her foot anxiously. I ran in and slammed the door behind me.

“Drive,” I commanded the driver.

“Please Mark,” Sam mumbled. She was always excessively polite to Logan’s staff. Especially after the security guards were killed. Then she turned to me. “So…”

I sighed. Dana was gonna pissed. I’ve seen that girl worked up before. She can really be a stick of dynamite when she wanted to be.

“She called me, which she never does. She said Gunner’s gone. He’s in trouble. She said something about Tanner Sam.”

“Tanner?” Sam’s whole body stiffened. “Mark!” she said abruptly. “I need to be on that jet yesterday. Okay? It’s for Dana.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“It’s Sam,” she mumbled. As we drove her leg bounced around rapidly.

“Sam? Are you sure you are up for this? I mean, I got it.”

She glared at me. “This is my friend. Of course, I’m up for it!”

The look on her face told me not to ask her again, so I didn’t. I’d say the same thing in her position.

It really didn’t take us long to get to Missouri. Dana had texted us everything we needed to know and left all the doors open. I bolted into her hotel room with Sam close behind me. I went to give Dana a hug, knowing I sucked at them. The second Dana saw Sam she exploded.

“SAM! I told you not to tell her. Gunner will die. I TOLD YOU!”

Then Sam, being in the bitchy mood she was in, went over to Dana and slapped her square across the face. A surprised smile slipped across my lips, and I let an unintentional laugh. I quickly looked up, still smirking, to make sure no one saw me. The second I did my body went cold. I found myself face to face with a pair of crystal clear blue eyes. Eyes I knew all too well. They were cold and angry. I felt all the blood drain from my body. This could not be happening. This could not be happening. I wanted to close my eyes and shut out the world, but I couldn’t. My eyes were glued to his in shock. What was he doing here? I mean how the hell…? I heard Sam and Dana calling my name, but I couldn’t respond. The past back and slapped me square across the face. I couldn’t handle it this time. I couldn’t.

I couldn’t even respond to the people calling my name, until it came from Rex. Then I was forced to face reality.

“Alex,” he said curtly. Alex? Alex? Was I even still Alex anymore. Who even was she?

“Rex,” I responded breathlessly. Nothing in my body would work right.

“What the hell…” I heard Sam faintly whisper.

“Wow shock. Your friends don’t know about me.”

There was no mistaking the bitterness in his voice. I felt my shoulders fall further. I felt myself slip further into my shell. I then spoke the God’s honest truth. The truth I had been desperately avoiding.

“They don’t know about my past at all. It’s not personal.”

“How’s is it not personal Alex?”

Both of us stared at one another; anger, shock and pain gluing our eyes to each other, before Rex pulled away with a scowl.

“We need to get moving!” he snapped.

I forgot why I was there. All I knew was the solid minute of shocked silence that ensued after Rex and I’s encounter. Everyone started to move, but I couldn’t. Tears welled up in my eyes. Fuck, I was going to cry. In front of everyone. No! I worked so hard to avoid this. No. No. No. No one here had seen me cry. Sam came over and pushed me out the door. I was really fucking grateful for that or I would have started crying. Her shove snapped me out of it.

Rex led us over to his car. The whole time I was mesmerized by him, like he was a mirage, a phantom. At this point I had no clue what happened to Mia or his mom. I knew he’d be made at me for leaving him, but Rex was completely different. Hardened. He had put on quite a bit of muscle and was no longer young and youthful. He was a man, one with muscle and testosterone. He took charge and, yes, it made him more attractive, but I couldn’t help the slight singe in my heart knowing he was no longer the kind, young man I once knew. Rex had always had a heart of gold. He was sensitive and gentle. I didn’t understand this Rex. I was angry at him for changing and confused on how to handle this situation with him. I wanted him to disappear, so I could go back to living in oblivion like before. What was he doing here? Did he know Dana? No way. I wanted to demand answers, but I could barely get enough oxygen, let alone start a heavy conversation.

When we got to Rex’s car both Sam and Dana hesitated. We did need to get out of there, but they had no clue who Rex was. I was still wondering what the fuck he was doing here. Of course, they didn’t trust him and want to jump in a car with him. I could see Rex was annoyed. His jaw was tight, and his fists were clenched, a telltale sign Rex was losing patience. Gunner had people holding him, who were now probably after us, and they were definitely killers. After a long beat Rex gave me a pointed stare, telling me to get my friends in the fucking car.

“We can get in,” I mumble. “We can trust him.”

God, I hated myself. Everyone looked at me like I grew another head, but they listened and got in. Sam and Dana discussed something quietly, presumably me and Rex. Then Dana climbed into the very backseat with me. I could tell she wanted to comfort me but didn’t know how. That only irritated me further. I didn’t want to be “comforted”, but regardless of what I wanted, she should have just done what she wanted to do. It was annoying to me that she just sat there awkwardly side staring at me.

Once we got to Rex’s place I was finally able to see the Rex I knew. He was gentle with Dana, and seemingly knew how to handle the state of panic and shock she was in. He handled her fear with ease and confidence. I felt that familiar broken, vulnerable feeling being around Rex. That was until Dana told me her story. When I found out Gunner protected Dana a little spark of hope developed inside of me. He protected her. He actually cared about her. I wanted to fucking kiss him and thank him. I don’t remember what I said, but it was something along those lines, earning looks of shock from everyone in the room. Especially Rex. I didn’t care. My confidence was coming back. My wall. I needed Rex to know he didn’t affect me anymore. That our friendship was over, and his anger didn’t bother me. In reality the only reason I was so desperate for him to know his anger didn’t bother was because it bothered me more than I’d cared to admit.

Sam asked Rex about his investment in this. Why he was helping us. It was a good question. I was wondering the same freaking thing. What the hell was he doing here? I felt my gaze boring into him and I could tell he didn’t like it. He didn’t like it when I paid any attention to him. He wanted me as far away from him as possible. I understood why. Guilt ate at me for abandoning him twice, and this last time was worse. This last time we’d had sex. We were intimate, and I left him. I understood his hatred, I just couldn’t accept it.

“I owe Gunner my life. Ten times over,” he said in response to Sam’s question.

“But why?” I jumped in. I needed to know.

“Why would I tell you that?”

Rex’s eyes were narrow slits when he turned to me, so I used the only excuse I had for needing to know.

“Because my friends are trusting you!”

“Friends? Well that’d be a first for you. You’d know all about trust. About friendship. Wouldn’t you Alex? I’m sorry Alexa.”

I didn’t hear the rest of what he said. The sting of how deeply I betrayed the one man I ever truly loved rang in my ear. I wondered about Mia. About Blaze. People I knew I didn’t have a right to know about. I began to wish I’d never met them. It’d be easier than knowing they wanted nothing to do with me.

Rex had Dana tell her story so many times I swear to God I thought even Dana might punch him. I sure wanted to, but I didn’t because I was not so sure my reasons were strictly Dana related. After Dana finished telling her story for the last time, Sam and Rex went in the hallway to make plans. Of course, it was unspoken that I wasn’t invited into that discussion. Dana went to take a nap and I went into the other room to contemplate how the hell we were going to save Gunner from people he couldn’t even defeat. It felt like a hopeless task. Gunner was as close to invincible as humans can get.

I was lost in these thoughts when I heard the sound of soft crying coming from the other room. What the hell?

“Help… save me please… help…” it sounded like moaning, but I could make out the words.

Dana!

I sprinted out of the room I was in and slid on my knees to kneel by the couch where Dana was sleeping.

“Dana? Dana!” I yelled trying to snap her out of her nightmare. I’d never forgotten the nightmare I had at Rex’s back in the day and I’ve seen Sam’s. Nightmares are something I don’t fuck with. My next step was dumping ice water over her head.

Lucky for her, she snapped up. Her eyes went wide for a second before finding me. We talked briefly about Tanner, her rapist. I didn’t have to be a genius to know that is what her nightmare was about. At the end of the conversation I said something like “the fucker”.  Of course, that’s what Rex heard when he walked in the room.

“Who's the fucker?” He cocked an eyebrow.

 “Why are you in here Rex?”

I rolled my eyes but didn’t give him too much grief. He had something to talk to us about and I was frankly surprised he was including me in the details. When I asked him about that he said he thought I was “fucking selfish bitch, not a killer.”

Fair enough, but it still hurt coming from him. Once again Sam helped me cover my pain. She made a sarcastic comment that took the attention away from me. If she hadn’t everyone would have seen all the oxygen leave my body and the momentary pain I let show.

The news Rex had to tell us was not good news. Some gang named Occidere (“kill” in Latin) took Gunner. It was fucking bad, and Dana was falling apart at the seams. We were all trying to hold it together for her. Dana had always struggled with her mental health in a big way, not that almost all of us hadn’t, but she had a long history of issues and it worried all of us. The last thing any of us wanted, including Gunner, was for her to relapse and start self-harming again, out of guilt, pain and fear.

Once again Sam asked Rex about his involvement in this, his loyalty. It was not like Sam to get in neck deep with someone in something as big as this without knowing everything about their intentions. She still didn’t know Rex’s and she wouldn’t like or trust him until she knew. The fact was even I didn’t know why Rex was here. Why was he helping? Rex tried to turn the tables with the only leverage he had. Me.

“What about Alex…. Alexa. Why’s she here?” he snapped at Sam.

Sam narrowed her gaze. I saw the fierce protector coming out in her. She did not like people questioning her friends.

“She’s a great friend. Loyal. We are in trouble. So, she’s here. That’s the way she is.”

  With that, I wished I could have sunk into the ground and disappeared. I wasn’t a good friend. I wasn’t loyal. Not even close. For all people for her to tell that to, Rex was the one I had hurt the most. I stared at me feet and willed my body to disappear. I hated this. I hated Sam and Dana seeing me like this. They didn’t know Alex, but they were starting to, and I did not like that.

The next words out of Rex’s mouth changed everything. Made everything clearer in the darkest of ways.

Why was Rex involved in this? He answered it in one sentence that broke through the whole Alexa façade in an instant.

“Gunner saved my mom and retrieved my sister’s dead body, so she could be buried properly. At great risk to himself. I’d die for him.”