“I met Alexandra when I was seven…” I begin. I squeeze my fists so tight I swear to God I am cutting off my blood circulation. “I met her dad for the first time when I was eight….”

I was a scrawny kid. Hard to believe now, but I was super weak. My parents were poor as all get out. We barely made enough to survive, but I had two of the most loving parents a kid could ask for. My dad was a chef and my mom was a housekeeper. They loved me with everything they had. I was lucky in that regard. Very, very lucky.

School, on the other hand, was a nightmare. I was short, scrawny and my clothes constantly hung off my body. I tried hard to stay in the background, so no one notice me, but people always did. I’d been bullied since Kindergarten. It sucked. It made me hate myself. Even at that age. Then I entered second grade and in my class was a brown, curly haired spitfire named Alexandra Ray. She went by Alex though. Everyone respected her. She took no shit. She was like a seventeen year in a seven-year old’s body. One day I was on the playground doing the monkey bars or whatever, and some kid grabbed my pants and yanked me off the bars. I fell on my face, but quickly scrambled up so I could pull up my pants. They started taunting me as blood dripped down my chin, their usual, and then one of them punched me in the gut and shoved me back down to the ground. I was scrawny and weak, so it hurt so bad at the time. I was a pussy. I admit it. I wanted to cry. I was seven, cut me some slack.

Then out of nowhere this tall girl comes over with her hands on her hips. I could see her from where I was lying on the ground.

“Hey assholes! Pick on someone your own size.” She grabbed my collar and yanked me to my feet, pulling me next to her. “Rex here looks like he’s skipped a few meals, quit being typical bullies. It’s boring.”

One kid went to yank me from her, but she grabbed his wrist with such force that he looked at her bug eyed, and she let go. She smiled sweetly at him and whispered, “Don’t touch him again, k? If I have to deal with you again I won’t be nice.”

She winked at them and pulled me along. When we got to the other end of the playground she whipped around to face me. “You good?”

I nodded, still stunned.

“You’re a pansy dude. You need to toughen up.”

She rolled her eyes and walked off. She had no sympathy for me. To this day I have no idea why she helped me. We didn’t talk again for a while. She went on with her bold life and I went on with my quiet one. The bullies left me alone after that. She was my hero. Literally. My seven-year-old self-idolized the girl.

It was about a month later when we talked again. I was on a bench by the bathroom, twiddling my thumbs, because my pants were way too long to play on a playground with. I looked around and in the very back of the field I saw Alex picking flowers. She looked super upset. She looked like she was in pain. I didn’t fully understand, but I didn’t like seeing her anything but happy. She was hidden and no one else seemed to see her, but I did.

I got off the bench and pulled up my pants. I held them up as I headed to the very end of the field, behind the bathroom, where she was seated.

“Are you okay?” I asked as she threw a flower to the floor and crushed it with her palm. She shot up.

“What the hell? You scared me. Jerk!” Then she sat back down and resumed crushing flowers.

“Uh,” I was nervous as all hell, but she looked so upset. “Why are you crushing flowers?”
She looked up at me with big eyes. She was trying to act tough still, but it wasn’t working the same way it usually did. I found myself less afraid of her in that moment. I sat down next to her and handed her a big flower. She shot me a small smile and ripped it to shreds before smashing it with her fists. I raised my eyebrows but said nothing. We just sat there until the school bell rang. She smashed flowers and I watched her. When the bell rang the second time she stood up abruptly and grabbed my collar, yanking me up with her. She started to storm off towards the classroom, but then she turned around to me.

“Why do none of your clothes fit you?”

Her eyes ran down my body until she found what she needed to make her point. My dragging tan cargo pants. She sounded angry, but I knew she wasn’t.

“We can’t afford nice clothes right now. I don’t really care, but kids are mean.”             

She nodded. “So, you’re not just a weirdo?”

I laughed. “Asks the girl smashing flowers.”

She smirked at me. “See ya around Rex Carter.”

She let go of my collar and we both went to class that day. We said nothing to each other. Not at lunch or at the end of the day, but the next day at recess when I went to sit at my usual spot on the bench Alex stormed over to me.

“You comin’?”

“Where?” I glanced up at her.

She rolled her eyes at me like I was supposed to know what the hell she was thinking when she hadn’t so much as said a word to me in twenty-four hours. “Flower smashing.”

I shot her an amused look but followed her to the back of the fields. Lord knows why.

She started smashing flowers, but with more force this time. I stared at her, confused. Even at seven years old she seemed so angry at the world. I didn’t understand.

“So, tell me about yourself Rex Carter? Why are you so nerdy that you are out here smashing flowers with me?”             

I frowned. “I’d want to be out here with you even if I wasn’t nerdy.”             

She glanced up, lips parted in shock, but quickly looked back down. “So, you admit to being nerdy,” she whispered.

“It depends on who you ask.”

She smiled. “True. So, tell me about yourself.”

I told her what I could. I mean, what could I really say at seven? My life was normal. Judging by her facial expressions as I spoke I knew…

Her’s wasn’t.

When I finished talking she got up and walked away with saying so much as a word. I was so confused.

The next day she came over to my bench at recess and acted like I should know to go flower smashing with her. I was annoyed, but still followed her.

“Why did you just walk away yesterday?” I said as we sat down.

She shrugged.

“I’m not gonna play this flower game with you if you keep walking away.”

She stood up. “Then don’t play!”

I rolled my eyes. “Sit down Alex Ray.”

She scrunched her face in frustration but sat. We smashed flowers in silence until the next school bell rang.

For five years this went on. We became friends. Alex ate lunch with me, we played together at recess. We did virtually everything together. We never went to each other’s houses, and she never spoke about herself. I just accepted her. She was who she was, and I liked her company. I discovered she was just as much of an outcast as me, just in a different way. We just worked.

When I turned twelve I invited her over to my house to hang out. She seemed hesitant. Really hesitant, but I insisted, and she reluctantly agreed. I was the only person who could really get Alexandra Ray to do something she didn’t want to do. Who knows why, but I knew how to get through to her.

Two weeks later we met outside the school and took the bus to my house. Alex said nothing the whole time. Not one word and I let her deal with whatever was making her so nervous. When the bus stopped at my house she randomly punched the seat in front of her. I turned to her with a curious look on my face.

“My parents are nice Alex. There’s nothing to be nervous about.”

She nodded quietly, relaxed her fists and followed me off the bus. Before either of us could say anything to each other my sister, Mia, came running out of the house at full speed and pretty much pounced on Alex.

“I’m Mia Carter,” my sister said, extending her hand. Alex crossed her arms over her chest and stared at her hand defiantly. I was embarrassed. This was my sister. What if she didn’t get Alex the same way I did? What if she thought she was a jerk? That’s not what happened though. My sister gave Alex an understanding look and smiled. Alex crossed her arms over her stomach like she was retreating into herself. I stared back and forth between the two of them. What did Mia get that I didn’t? I looked over at Mia. She gave me a soft smile and squeezed my shoulder before turning to go in the house.

“Well, come on guys,” my older sister called out to us, with her jet-black hair swinging behind her. “If you want the food before I eat it all you better get inside.”

I scoffed. Mia eating all the food was a joke. Mia had the appetite of a bird and we all made fun of her for it. Mia had a love for candy though, so that made up the majority of her caloric intake. The girl had no appetite for real food but give her a bag of skittles and she had a hollow stomach. Yeah, health wasn’t her first priority at fourteen.

Alex stared at me blankly, making no move to go inside, so, I grabbed her arm and pulled her into the house. I was starting to fill out. I had gotten into football and no one made fun of me anymore, even behind my back. It had nothing to do with Alex this time. I was just growing into myself finally.

On the table was a plate of sliced fruit and vegetables, a bag of beef jerky and a plate of cookies. My dad had gotten a job at an insurance company, so we had money again. It was nice to not have to worry so much and I loved seeing the relief on my parent’s faces. Mia even seemed happier. It wasn’t about the material things we got, we all just felt more secure.

Mia had a plate with strawberries, bell peppers and a cookie on it. Let’s be real, she may have had a bite of the strawberries, but it was all for show. She’d eat half a cookie and be done. My dad was at work and my mom stood smiling at us from across the counter. I expected her to run up and hug Alex, per her usual when new people came to the house, but she simply threw Mia a look and stayed put.

“Hello Alex. I’m Ms. Carter, Rex’s mom, but you can call me Lia.”

“Hi,” Alex mumbled.

Alex seemed horribly uncomfortable and I felt awful. I’d never seen her so withdrawn. I couldn’t understand why she was so uncomfortable around my family. They were so nice. I went across the counter to hug my mom. My mom wrapped me in a hug, but it didn’t last long. I looked at her strangely, but she had her eyes on Alex who was fidgeting horribly. I nodded at my mom and took Alex upstairs.

“Nice to meet you Alex!” Mia called from downstairs.

“Same,” Alex mumbled, but more to herself than Mia.

We got to my room and shut the door.

“Why are you so uncomfortable around my family?” I asked, rounding on her. “They are nice.”

She shrugged. “They are people.”

I frowned. “I’m people.”

She just shrugged again. “I shouldn’t talk to you either, but I do. I'm just stuck with it.”

“Seriously, what is your problem Alex?”

Just then my mom came to the door. I rolled my eyes at Alex and turned to face my mom. My mom smiled at us and extended the plate of food.

“I just thought I’d bring this up in case you two get hungry.”

She gave us another smile and left. Mom was being oddly distant. I frowned and set the random plate of food on my dresser before turning around.

Alex stood there with her hands by her sides looking absolutely traumatized.

“I… I can’t do this.”

Before I could do anything, Alex was out the door sprinting down the stairs.

“Alex!” I called, running after her. “Alex! What the heck?”

I was getting ready to run out the front door after her, when a hand wrapped around my upper arm.

“Rex,” Mia said gently. “Let her go. You’ll see her tomorrow.”

I jerked my arm from her. “What the heck Mia? I'm supposed to let her run off like a crazy person. She’s insane! You guys are so nice. What’s her problem?”

Mia lips turned up into a sad smile. “You’re young. You’ll know her reasons when she’s ready.”

I grunted and stomped up the stairs. How could anyone not like my family? It was the first time I was truly angry at Alex.