Chapter Thirteen

 

Emerson

Jagger balanced his ass on the edge of a desk, watching as I put away the day’s lesson and cleaned up my desk.

“So, how’s he doing? You’ve been tense since you’ve come back, and it’s been a couple weeks. I see it. Are things good between you two?”

“It’s been all right. I’m not sure the past has been put to rest.” And it was entirely my fault.

“Past?”  The quirk in his lip said it all. Ever-determined to know all my secrets, Jagger chipped away whenever he could, convinced I’d eventually cave.

I shrugged, dismissing his not-so-subtle inquiry as I fit a few folders inside my messenger bag to bring home later that evening.

“It’s too easy to set each other off. I feel I have to be constantly on alert with him. I’m… I’m not sure he trusts me.”

It was more than that, but I couldn’t begin to explain better. It had more to do with the windows into Kaiden’s soul that kept opening wide, providing me glimpses into a world I didn’t think I knew how to process. I saw it more and more lately, and I didn’t know if I was going crazy and seeing things, or if Kaiden was trying to tell me something.

Jagger breathed deep through his nose and adjusted himself, crossing his arms over his chest. “We’re cool, right?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Then why don’t you tell me what happened between you two? Is it so awful you can’t share with your best friend?”

“Yes.” I flopped into my chair and scrubbed a hand over my face.

“Em, seriously.”

“Believe me. You don’t want to know.”

“Fine. Is it repairable? You brought him here and forced him to live with you. Was that a mistake? Are you two gonna have it out and kill each other?”

I shook my head absently. I wasn’t worried we were going to come to blows like that, I was more concerned about the lines in the sand marking right from wrong and ensuring I stayed on my side.

 “Look, I think you need to chill out and give him a chance to find himself. You’re a bit of a control freak and can be bossy as all hell. If he’s bucking, it’s probably because you’re being too harsh. His whole life has just been turned upside down. If he got himself a job and still has it after a few weeks of being here, he must be doing okay, right?”

Yeah, he was doing far better than I’d hoped. “I’m proud of him.”

“Good! See.” Jagger nodded with confirmation before going on. “How about this weekend we hit a bar or something. Go for a few drinks. Bring Kaiden along. Tell him to invite a friend or something. He needs to know you aren’t against him having a good time, too. If you’ve been the typical strict asshole I know you can be, he probably isn’t sure he’s allowed to breathe or have fun.”

“You know I don’t do the bar thing.”

“You come to watch me play darts sometimes. Don’t give me that shit.”

“I don’t drink, Jag, you know that. Watching you play is one thing, but a night of drinking when I don’t drink is another.”

Jagger kicked my desk to draw my focus. “And why is that exactly? Why the whole sobriety thing? You’re not an old man. Twenty-seven is prime. Is there a reason?”

“I’ve told you. Drinking was the root cause of all that shit that tore Kaiden and me apart.”

“Riiight. The incident that shall not be named.”

“Can we not.”

“Fine. But, you two seemed to have moved past it. You’re talking again. It won’t kill you to indulge in one or two beers.”

I shook my head. “No. I’m on thin ice with him, Jag. I’m not risking it.” That was all I needed, alcohol flowing through my veins and hindering my ability to think rationally. It was hard enough resisting him sober. Give me a drink or two, and I knew those walls would crumble.

“Play DD then. Good grief. Let’s just have a night out together. He needs it. You need it. Maybe it will help you both relax. That’s what you want, isn’t it? Break the tension and move forward?”

“Yeah. Okay. I’ll see if he’s interested in going out Saturday.”

“He’d love to go, but he doesn’t appreciate being talked about behind his back.”

My head shot up, and Jagger swung around, pitching himself off the desk just as Kaiden sauntered into my classroom, pinning me with a look of contempt.

“And this must be the brother.” Jagger offered a hand to shake, but Kaiden ignored it, scanning Jagger up and down.

“And this must be the non-boyfriend.”

Jagger dashed a look of confusion over his shoulder. All I could do was laugh. “Jagger, my brother, Kaiden. Kaiden, the non-boyfriend, Jagger. Shake his hand and be nice.”

Accepting Jagger’s proffered hand, Kaiden watched me from the corner of his eye. “Why are you talking about me?”

“Jagger was just asking how you were doing. Relax.”

“And we were planning a night out,” Jagger added. “As you overheard. Thought we’d hit the bar Saturday night. Interested? Bring a friend. It will be fun.”

Kaiden’s smile turned mischievous. “Cool. I’ll ask Cooper. See if he’s busy.”

I groaned less than quietly. “Kaiden.”

“What? He’s old enough to drink, and he’s a friend. Problem?”

I bit back a retort, not wanting to cause an argument. The last thing I needed was to spend a night out with a former student. It didn’t sit right.

“Fine. Whatever. Are you ready? Did you sign in at the office like I told you?”

Kaiden slapped the guest name sticker on his chest where he’d written his first name in barely legible printing. “Yup.”

 “Good. We need to get down to the gym before we’re late.”

“You two have fun. Call me so we can work out details.” Jagger brushed past Kaiden and made his way to the door.

“Later,” I called as he left.

Alone, Kaiden moved around the desks in the classroom, surveying the space with a smirk. “So, this is the classroom, huh?”

“This is it.”

He hopped up on a desk and sat, swinging his feet and nodding in approval. “I don’t miss this at all.”

“It’s different being on this side of the room. Trust me.”

Kaiden was dressed for practice in a loose pair of black sports pants and a burnt-orange hoodie with a logo I didn’t recognize across the front in white. I hoped I wasn’t being too ambitious inviting him to help me out. The idea was to hopefully spark some interest in a potential career. Kaiden was athletic and would do well coaching. Did he have the discipline to endure school? Probably not yet, but it wasn’t an impossible goal. I was hopeful.

“Let’s head down to the gym. I’ll show you around, and we can talk about the plan for today.”

Observing Kaiden as he went through drills with his group was eye-opening. For the first time since our reunion, I saw his maturity shine through. The girls tested him right away, more concerned with the cute guy I’d brought in to help out than with practice. Kaiden didn’t flinch and quickly roped them back in line, pushed them hard through drills, and encouraged them even when things went south or didn’t pan out how he’d hoped.

He was supportive, enthusiastic, and level-headed. More than once, I caught his beaming smile across the gym, aimed in my direction, pride and satisfaction written all over his face. That was exactly what I wanted to see. His happiness bloomed my own.

“Hey, Em,” he called at one point, his voice carrying easily across the gymnasium. “How about a little competition?”

“It’s Mr. Cartwright while we’re here, Kaiden.”

I couldn’t see the eye roll from where I stood, but I sensed its presence. He threw his arms up in a what the fuck gesture. “What about me? I’m just Kaiden?”

The girls surrounding him snickered and watched the back and forth. “Exactly. You get your teaching certificate, and I’ll grant you the privilege of a proper title.”

“Is he really your brother, Mr. Cartwright?” Molly, a girl who’d proven in twenty minutes to be one of the stronger girls on the team, asked.

“Nah, found him on the street. Thought he needed something productive to do with his time.” She and a few others laughed. “What do you girls think about a little head to head?”

The six girls I was instructing broke out in chatter and excited agreeance.

“All right, you’re on,” I called to Kaiden. “Ten more minutes, then we’ll group up and start.”

I got a thumbs-up before his group of girls huddled around him. Too many sneaking looks passed in our direction for him not to be planning ahead. It brought a smile to my face. The friendly competition was an excellent idea.

I ran my group through a few more passing drills and lined them up one more time for free throws before calling everyone together. Just as the two groups merged, I noticed a small audience gathering at the gym doors. It wasn’t unusual for students to stick around the school after hours. If they wanted to watch practice, it was fine by me.

One student, in particular, caught my eye. It was Alexa. Unlike the four other kids grouped up and watching, her attention was focused on the school banners decorating the wall on the far side of the gym. I followed her gaze to the wall and back, wondering, not for the first time, what that girl’s story was. It was a rare occurrence to see her truly focused on anything other than drawing. She paced along the bleachers for a time, and eventually found a seat near the top on my end of the gym. Only once did she meet my gaze, a soft smile crossed her lips before she studied the lines marking the gym floor.

I didn’t have long to speculate her behavior when Kaiden smacked me on the shoulder, snapping me out of my query and pulling me toward the group. He was already going over rules and setting the game up without me, his eagerness shining through.

The game was the furthest thing from serious. When I purposefully lost track of the score, I earned myself a few groans, one from Kaiden himself. The girls played hard, and once we’d finished off the last half-hour of practice, I sent them packing.

Kaiden had shed his hoodie at one point and mopped at his sweaty face with the bottom of his shirt. It earned him too many lingering stares from the girls filtering into the changerooms, and I swatted his surprisingly formed abs to catch his attention.

“Hide your body, dumbass. You’re drawing the wrong kind of attention.”

I said it in fun, but he whipped his shirt down and glanced around in a slight panic. “My God,” he hissed, “they’re like little velociraptors. I swear they were stalking me and waiting for their moment to take me down.”

When he shuddered, I laughed. Without thinking, I wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled him to my chest. “I’ll protect you from the big bad teenage girls.”

We laughed, and I was glad when he didn’t pull away immediately. I led him from the gym and back to my classroom to grab my messenger bag and lock up for the night.

 

* * *

 

“Popular vote wins. I choose a straight bar,” Jagger said, nudging me with a wide grin. Of course, he would. Being the only out gay man in the group, I knew where this was heading.

“Straight bar,” Cooper added, running his fingers through his blond locks and drawing Kaiden’s attention. Again. Maybe Cooper was straight, but Kaiden was definitely gawking and fully infatuated.

I resisted the urge to smack him across the head and remind him that pining after straight guys was never wise, but I didn’t.

“Gay bar,” I said when all eyes turned to me. “Obviously. But I get the feeling I’m going to be outvoted here.”

I kicked Kaiden, encouraging him to cast his vote next. Apparently, since coming to Port Raven, he’d been more open about his sexuality. Probably the safer environment and not having the risk of small-town rejection breathing down his neck. I hadn’t yet told Jagger he was bi—it wasn’t my place—so I held hope Kaiden might make it a stalemate.

“Why does the DD get a vote anyway?” Kaiden asked, smirking and tossing a thumb in my direction.

“Because I’m the only one who has to endure all of this while sober. In fact, I should count for two votes or all votes.”

“Not a chance,” Jagger piped in. “Kaiden, your turn. Go.”

Kaiden shifted his gaze from me to Cooper to Jagger as he puckered his lips and thought. “Hmm… I think I’m gonna go with the majority and say we hit a straight bar.”

Cooper’s brows winged up, and I wondered how much Kaiden had shared with him. Jagger seemed more confused that Kaiden had needed to think about his decision at all.

“Three to one. Sorry Em, but you’re DD anyhow, so it wasn’t like you were gonna pick-up tonight anyway. I say we hit Raven’s Wood.” Jagger looked to the other two for approval.

Kaiden shrugged, unfamiliar with the town so unable to agree or disagree with Jagger’s decision.

Cooper, however, bumped knuckles with Jagger. “Excellent choice, Mr. Hyatt.”

“Okay, woah, woah, woah. Before we leave, we need to stop the Mr. Hyatt, Mr. Cartwright bullshit. I can’t pretend you aren’t a former student so long as you keep that up, kid.”

“And you, Mr. Don’t-call-me-Mr.-Hyatt, need to drop the kid and treat me like everyone else,” Cooper quipped.

I smirked at Jagger. “He has a point.”

“Fine, can we go?”

 We all got our shoes on and piled into Jagger’s car since my truck’s cab wouldn’t have fit all of us comfortably.

We’d spent the evening hanging out at my place and shooting the shit with tunes and a few pre-bar warm-up drinks—or rather, they had while I’d played bartender. Kaiden was quiet and watchful most of the evening. He spared a few unusual looks at Jagger which I couldn’t read, but otherwise, he seemed less confrontational than he’d been the past week or two and significantly more relaxed. Perhaps a little more thoughtful than I’d seen him, too. I hoped Jagger was right and that a night out together would help. Skiing and encouraging him to join me with coaching had already done wonders for our relationship. I needed us to keep progressing forward. In time, things from the past would hopefully bury themselves.

Cooper and Kaiden had developed a good friendship. Cooper was a good looking kid with his blond curls and toned body from all the sports he took part in. He’d mentioned more than once over the course of the evening that Kaiden needed to shift to skateboarding once the snow melted and join him at the skate parks. For the first time in his life, Kaiden seemed to be considering the idea. Skateboarding, although the equivalent to snowboarding in many ways, had never appealed to him. He was a winter baby through and through and sulked all summer, hating the heat.

Once we drove through town to Raven’s Wood, we all made our way into the bustling bar and found a vacant table in a darker corner. The music was loud enough to vibrate in my chest, and the crowd was thick, so we needed to maneuver around small groupings to get to the bar.

The three of them ordered drinks, and I settled for a Diet Coke. It didn’t take long for Cooper and Kaiden to break off and join the patrons on the dance floor. A group of girls in their mid-twenties gravitated to their sides and joined them in some less than appropriate dancing.

Watching Kaiden grind against some slutty, big breasted woman simmered enough possessive energy alive, I needed to turn away before I reacted or said something incriminating.

“I’d say he’s happy,” Jagger mentioned, tipping his beer toward the dance floor and Kaiden. “He’s settling. Look, he’s getting his groove on, being a kid, and not doing anything we didn’t do while in college.”

“I never did that.”

“Well, not with a woman, but you most certainly dry fucked your way through enough men on a dance floor. Don’t think you can lie to me. I was there.”

I grunted and scanned the bar, wishing I hadn’t quit drinking or had developed better ways of coping with my objectionable feelings. Jagger kept talking, but I didn’t pay attention. I hadn’t expected to have to fight off such a jealous rage just going to the bar. It was exactly what had tipped me off four years ago. Yes, Leo was a dick who’d only wanted one thing. The fact that he’d sought out my nineteen-year-old brother bothered me on a sub-sonic level. But, it was more than protection that had forced my hand, it was a jealous rage that had surfaced. How dare anyone put their hands like that on Kaiden? My Kaiden. My brother. I’d laid claim to him that night, and those feelings obviously hadn’t changed.

Stirring the ice around my glass with my straw, I continued scanning. Somehow, my gaze found Kaiden again. He and the blonde bombshell he was schmoozing had moved off toward the bar. Kaiden had shots lined up, something fire engine red. They clinked glasses and tossed back two shots each before Kaiden’s eyes trailed the room and connected with mine.

I wasn’t sure what face I was making, but the heat of his gaze bore into me, challenging me. I could hear his unspoken words. Jealous? It was as though he was daring me to have a problem with what he was doing. I bit the inside of my cheek and scowled until Jagger’s foot clipped mine under the table.

“For fuck’s sake, let the guy have fun. You aren’t even listening to me. I get it, he’s your brother, and you want to protect him, but fuck, Em, you need to cool off, or you’ll push him away. He’s not a kid anymore.”

Kaiden turned back to the blonde and dragged his fingers across her cheek. That was enough. I couldn’t watch anymore. Flicking my gaze to Jagger, I tried to temper my bubbling annoyance. My nerves jittered and twitched. I sucked my Coke dry and tapped my fingers on the table.

“I just know how bad he was back home, and I don’t want to see him follow that road again,” I lied, needing something to say so Jagger wouldn’t read too deeply into my reactions.

“Flirting with a girl in the bar is normal. Remind him to wrap it up if you’re worried.”

“He’s not bringing her home.”

“And now you’re encouraging public indecencies? That is what will get him in trouble, Emerson. Hanging out on the street. Learning the ways to hide and sneak around. The cops will pick him up for sure. If you don’t allow him some freedom, you’ll lose him. Has working with teenagers taught you nothing?”

I wiped a hand over my face and waved at a nearby server.

“What do you need, sugar?” the waitress asked, shifting her tray to her hip and brushing her dark curls over her shoulder.

“Pint of Guinness.”

Jagger’s brows lifted as he nodded to his own empty bottle, not taking his eyes off me. The waitress disappeared to get our drinks and Jagger leaned forward.

“I’m guessing you’re stressed.”

“I worry about him. Is that wrong?”

Worry was not the right word. I wanted to throw myself around him and not let anyone near him. I wanted to wash away every touch that girl inflicted and replace it with my own. I wanted to take him home and break all moral and ethical rules known to mankind.

My heart hammered relentlessly, self-hatred poisoning my veins. If it wasn’t the ultimate sin, I might consider sharing my problems with Jagger and getting his advice, but I was alone in this. No one could know the curse that had been cast upon me years ago. Mine was a lonely world.

The waitress returned with our drinks, and I took a long swig of the dark ale. It was smooth and cold and four years overdue.

“So I take it we will be calling a cab?”

“One drink won’t hamper my ability to drive. We’re fine.”

But would one be enough to sit and watch Kaiden endlessly flirt with other people all night? His gaze found mine enough times, I began to wonder if he wasn’t purposefully trying to piss me off. But that would require him to know how I felt deep inside. Did he? How poorly had I hidden anything? Of course, he saw. Of course, he knew.