Chapter Fourteen

 

Kaiden

There was something about a woman’s body that appealed to me. Their soft skin, excessive curves, and pillowy breasts ticked all my boxes. The higher resonance of their voice and the way they found everything funny, tittering and giggling away were all part of the things I usually enjoyed.

Men, on the other hand, always won out if I was given a choice. Maybe it was because I’d hidden that part of myself for so long, putting on a face and protecting myself from small-town bigots. Whatever the case, a hard body and especially a firm hand made me weak in the knees. The feeling of stubble under my fingers and against my face when we kissed was miles more tantalizing than the tenderness that came from being with a woman.

I’d dated both and fucked both, but something was always missing no matter which gender I was with. No one I’d dated in the past was able to ignite that savage need burning inside me. The one which yearned for someone else’s controlling hand. In the bedroom, I craved being told what to do, giving up authority, and allowing my partner to call all the shots.

Never had I experienced anything close. I’d sought dominant men, but somehow never felt fully comfortable letting go and giving them the power. No one gave me that goddamn soul-rendering feeling like Emerson. When he pinned me with that fire in his eyes, I’d fall to my knees and do anything he said.

And that fucking scared me like nothing ever had.

Except, lately, curiosity was beginning to outweigh that fear.

I ordered another five shots to share with Zoey as I kept half an eye on my obviously pissed off brother. He’d started drinking, and so far as he’d claimed, he didn’t do that anymore. Not since the boat party.

He was doing his best to remain engaged with Jagger, but the stiffness of his shoulders and firm set of his jaw told its own story. More than once, the blazing heat of his stare sizzled up my neck.

The bar buzzed with energy, and alcohol swam deliciously through my veins, cushioning my actions and decisions so they didn’t overwhelm me. I’d lost track of Cooper, but a quick scan showed he was having his own fun in a corner with that other girl who’d danced with us—whatever her name was.

When our new shots arrived, I slipped the bartender cash, including a small tip. Zoey slinked her arm around my waist and edged closer, lining her body up with mine before licking up my neck to my ear. In another place and another time, I might have enjoyed it, but she was not my focus. Besides, her shift in position blocked my view of Jagger and Emerson. I encouraged her back, shrinking away from her touch much to her annoyance. It earned me a scowl, but I was buying her drinks, so she knew enough to keep her mouth shut.

“Here.” I shoved a shot into her hand and clinked my glass to hers, not taking my eyes off Emerson as I drained it. I snagged a second from the bar’s edge and sucked back more crimson deliciousness. I’d lost count how many I’d consumed. Zoey had chosen our drinks earlier in the evening. I didn’t remember what it was called, but I didn’t care. It was sweet and numbing, plus, it went down easily.

Zoey giggled when I shoved a second in her hand and took the last one from the bar. “I’m guessing you’re trying to get me drunk.” She threw back the shot and licked her lips suggestively, working hard to drag my attention away from my brother’s table.

I wasn’t in the mind frame to entertain her wild assumptions. She was only a diversion. I had zero interest in developing anything with her and was solely focused on bringing out that possessive rage I saw more and more in Emerson. If I got him worked up enough, would he crack?

And if he did, could I let him go through with it? Could I cross that line with my brother? Is that what I truly wanted?

Not without enough liquid encouragement. I belched, wondering if I needed more.

Emerson’s gaze mapped the room again, eventually landing on me. When our eyes locked, I tugged Zoey closer and focused on her face. She batted her crystal blue eyes up at me, soaking up all my attention. The room shifted and wavered as liquid red warmth seeped through my veins and shielded my brain from logic and reasoning.

Operation “piss off Emerson” continued.

I leaned in and teasingly nipped at Zoey’s lips, hoping Emerson was still watching. She didn’t hesitate and melted against me, taking the kiss I was holding at bay. She’d be some upset later when I left her at the door.

Because her back was to Emerson, I smoothed a hand down her spine and over her ass, squeezing and grinding against her. With a cloud of alcohol dampening my brain and my focus completely on triggering Emerson, I didn’t notice when Jagger left their table until he was beside me. He nudged an elbow into my side, driving Zoey and me apart and inserted himself between us, leaning close to whisper in my ear.

“Sorry to intrude on the fun. Not sure what’s up your brother’s ass, but he’s ready to go. Are you and Cooper staying?”

I dashed a look at their table. Emerson was purposefully avoiding my gaze, but the fumes of his anger practically formed smoke all around him. Oh, how I wanted to chuckle. It was exactly the reaction I’d hoped for.

Cooper hung near Jagger, his girl no longer beside him. I wondered if Jagger had found him first and told him they were going. At least he didn’t seem bothered by Jagger’s announcement of departure.

“Nah, I’m done,” I stated, nodding farewell to Zoey and not feeling an ounce of remorse.

Zoey flinched and opened her mouth to object, but I cut her off.

“Sorry, sweetheart, my ride is leaving. Gotta split.”

I didn’t wait for a response and followed Jagger across the bar to collect my brother. My numerous drinks made everything brighter, and it took a concentrated effort to maneuver in a straight line. The music was a steady pulse in the background, and the warmth in my blood helped block out any inhibitions I might have had otherwise. It was time to get to the bottom of all this shit. Yeah, I was more than ready to go home.

I kicked Emerson’s foot when we got to the table, not flinching or backing down when his head snapped around, and he pinned me with a death glare. “Why are you so pissy?” I asked.

“I’m not.” He shoved past me on his escape to the door. It took all my effort to not look smug. Yup, I’d caused that. The jealous fuck was ready to kill me.

“See,” Jagger said throwing his arms up in defeat. “I don’t get it. Miserable dick.” Jagger stormed after him.

Cooper and I followed them through the crowd. Lost in my game plan, it took for Cooper to bump my shoulder twice to draw my attention. When I glanced over, he grinned, showing me a folded napkin with a phone number scrawled on the surface in neat printing under the name Claire.

“Nice!”

He beamed and passed a look over his shoulder, clearly looking for the girl he’d been making out with half the night. I didn’t have the heart to tell him she probably wouldn’t answer his calls or that it probably wasn’t her real number. Drunk girls always changed their minds when the alcohol left their systems. It’d happened to me more times than I could count back in South Bell.

Jagger drove, stating he’d barely had anything to drink thanks to Emerson’s whiny ass. He dropped my brother and me off first and took off with Cooper before we’d even made it to the front door, tires squealing. I felt kind of bad I’d ruined Jagger’s night as well. Oh well, a little collateral damage was necessary.

Emerson wasn’t speaking. He keyed us inside and went directly to the kitchen. Taking my time, I rolled around ideas of how I wanted to proceed. He was already upset. All I needed to do was push him a little, and I had no doubt he’d spit all his indignation in my face. I wanted that fire. I wanted that rage. That possessiveness. The sense of jealousy and ownership eating at his core. More than anything, I wanted to call him out on it. I wouldn’t back down this time, either. I wouldn’t get mad and shove him away. I didn’t want him to think, I wanted him to act. I’d encourage him forward, push him over the line and see what happened.

In the kitchen, I found Emerson rooting through the fridge.

“What the fuck is your problem tonight?” I snapped.

His knuckles turned white where he clung to the fridge door. He didn’t respond immediately, so I watched the rise and fall of his breathing until he grabbed a water bottle and closed it again.

“Nothing. I’m fine. Sorry I wrecked your night.”

What the…

His voice was controlled. A forced calm. He cracked the water bottle but wouldn’t look at me as he downed a generous gulp.

“Yeah, you wrecked my night. Do you know how long it’s been since I had a good time?”

Come on, asshole, take the fucking bait.

Nothing. He drank the rest of his water and tossed it in the garbage. When he moved past me, still not meeting my eyes, I knew the calm he displayed was only surface deep. Underneath, he was seething, boiling, and ready to explode. He wouldn’t look at me because he knew I’d see it.

Just before he could leave the kitchen, I added, “I was so fucking close to getting my dick sucked by a hot breasty blonde. God, I could almost feel her lips on me.”

There was a pause in his step before he continued walking as he mumbled, “She was a fucking slut. She wanted free drinks, not your dick.”

I flew after him, hot on his heels, itching for a reaction. Something, anything. Why was he putting his guard up?

“You’re just jealous,” I taunted. “Baby brother was gonna get laid, and you weren’t.”

He spun around so suddenly I almost ran into him. Black fire burned from his eyes. “What’s your problem? Why are you pushing my buttons?”

This was more like it. I needed the confrontation. I needed to get under his skin.

“Why are you acting like a jealous dick?”

“Fuck you, Kaiden. You’re drunk and obviously blind. Don’t make unfounded accusations.”

“Oh, all right, sure. Fine, I’m out.”

With my heart hammering, I stumbled through the living room and headed to the front door, fingers crossed Emerson would jump in and stop me. I leaned against the wall for balance as I fiddled with my shoes, not wanting to put them on for real, but buying time.

“Where the fuck are you going?”

“Back to the bar. I don’t need your shit. I can do what I want.” A glance at Emerson showed me he was vibrating. But he held his ground. Fuck, he needed more? Think! I dug deeper. “I heard some guys talking about a party somewhere. Hot chicks, free booze, something about—”

That did it. Emerson flew across the room lightning fast. He snagged my shirt and all but threw me against the back of the door. I wasn’t sure if it was the force of his assault or the enthralling sensation of having him suddenly on me that stole my breath.

“Why are you doing this?” His voice was barely a whisper as he searched my face, his fingers digging and wrapping around the front of my shirt. It still wasn’t there. He wasn’t asserting himself, using that tone he knew would get what he wanted. He had more control tonight than ever before.

“Why do you care?”

His fists tightened along with his jaw. The inner battle he fought displayed clearly behind his eyes, but he simply wouldn’t allow it to surface. “I do care, dammit. You know I do.”

“Then stop me, Emerson.”

I didn’t fight or struggle. Instead, I held his fierce gaze and hoped my heart didn’t go through the wall of my chest. This was fucking it. I needed to know. If I couldn’t push him over the edge, then I’d face him like a man.

His forehead creased, and vulnerability snuck in where his rage once was. His eyes flitted all over my face as he licked his lips and worked through his confusion.

“Kaiden…”

“Do it. Tell me not to go. You know you can stop me. You know I’ll listen.” Then I snapped and screamed right in his face. “Do it goddammit.”

“You’re drunk.”

“Yeah, so what. I know, Emerson. I see it all. Stop me. Tell me to stay. Make me. Do it, goddammit.”

“You’re playing with fire, Kaiden.”

“I’m not blind, Emery. I see you. Four years ago, you broke. You crossed that line. What’s it gonna take to push you over the edge now, huh? What do I have to do?” I’d resorted to practically begging, but I didn’t care.

Realization dawned across his face. His fingers unhooked from my shirt, and his arms fell to his sides. He backed up a single step, the grooves in his forehead increasing as he shook his head back and forth. I didn’t want him to flee, I wanted him to break and take what I knew he wanted. How much clearer did I need to be?

Without thought, I snagged his shirt and pulled him back until our bodies collided. Rooting him in place, I studied his face and begged with my eyes.

He tensed, not fighting but not accepting the connection either. “I made the biggest mistake of my life four years ago. I almost lost you.” His voice bordered on breaking. “What the hell are you doing? If you’re trying to trap me, it won’t work, Kaiden.”

“It’s not a trap.”

Carefully, tentatively, I un-balled my hands from his shirt and flattened my palms against his chest. His breathing came unevenly as I slid them lower and took hold of his hips. I pulled him snug against me, snuck fingers beneath his T-shirt and flitted them over his skin.

“You’re drunk,” he stammered, but he could hardly resist and leaned in even more.

His breath ghosted my lips. We were closer than we’d ever been, and I shivered with nerves and need. Drunk or not, I knew what I was doing. Even without his controlling side surfacing, my blood flowed thick and was concentrating in my dick.

“Who cares. Maybe I needed the courage. This scares the fuck out of me, but… I know that look in your eyes, Em. You want me.”

“Kaiden.” There was a hint of warning in his tone, but I didn’t stop.

“You want this.”

I pressed my hips forward, grinding the evidence of my arousal against him. Only then did I discover he was in an equal state of enthusiasm. Fuck that was weird and strangely erotic. I thrusted forward again before he took my hips and pushed me back against the door.

“Stop.”

“Own it, Emerson. I saw what you wanted four years ago. I saw it at the house back in South Bell before we left and numerous times since.”

“It’s… It’s not right.” His gaze dropped to the floor, but his hands never left my sides. “I can’t…”

“Em…” He peered up, his eyes swimming with uncertainty. “Don’t fight it. I’m not mad. Don’t think. Just… do.”

Again, with less force, I encouraged him closer. One step, then another, until he was in my space once again. I lifted my chin, pulled him closer until his lips were right there, close enough I could feel their heat and smell the lingering pint of ale he’d consumed earlier.

Just when I was certain he’d cave, he squeezed his eyes shut and dropped his forehead against mine. “No,” he breathed. “Not when you’re drunk. Not when there is any chance you’ll regret this.”

“Emerson, I won’t.”

“No.” His determination grew. He shook his head and lifted off me so he could look me in the eyes. Cupping my chin in both his hands, he studied my face. “I’ve spent years fighting this. Years, Kaiden. I crossed a line with you once, and I swore I’d never do it again. Too many times I’ve debated right from wrong and fought with everything I feel, and I have no fucking answers. It’s wrong and—”

“I don’t care.”

“Shut up and listen.” His thumbs stroked my cheeks, and I soaked up his touch, yearning for more. “It’s wrong,” he stated again. “But it feels so right it scares me. I’ve wanted this… you… for four years or more, Kaiden. But I won’t put you in a position where you’ll regret your actions. If we cross lines and then you sober up in the morning and regret it, I’ll hate myself. Already, I won’t blame you if you walk out tomorrow.”

“I won’t change my mind.”

Emerson was beyond listening. The lust and desire flowing through him were so thick I could taste it. The air was charged with electricity. He leaned in once more and brushed his lips to mine sending a violent shudder down my spine and right into my dick.

“Fuck, Kaiden,” he breathed.

“Kiss me. Please.”

His determination won out. “If you want this, then you come get it when you don’t have alcohol flowing through your veins and controlling your dick. I guarantee, I no longer have the willpower to stop it.”

Emerson pushed away from me and straightened himself in a not so subtle fashion. Our gazes locked, he backed away slowly before turning around and heading for the hallway to the bedrooms. Before he disappeared down the hall, he glanced back and pinned me with a hard look and all the control in the world.

“Do not leave this house.”

When his bedroom door clicked, I let out a breath and swiped a hand through my hair. My dick hurt it was so hard. I’d never been so fucking ready and turned on in my life, and he walked away. I wasn’t that drunk, was I? Even if I was, I knew I wouldn’t change my mind.