Chapter Eighteen

 

 

Kaiden

The following morning, I awoke to a cold, empty bed. I groaned, feeling the sting in my ass as I rolled over to check the time. It was a solid reminder of what yesterday had entailed. Multiple times throughout the night, I’d woken to Emerson, nuzzled up against me, arms secured around my waist, and hot breath ghosting my bare skin. It was like living a dream. Waking up to find him gone was almost a horror, and I panicked briefly, thinking the whole experience hadn’t been real.

It was after eight, and with more clarity returning, I realized, he was already at work. It was Tuesday. I shuffled out of his bed and knowing better than to leave it unmade, fixed the covers neatly over the surface.

I shuffled into the bathroom and took a long shower, letting the memories of the previous day surround me as I examined everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours from a distance.

“Wow.”

Surreal was the only way to describe it. There were a few visible reminders marking my flesh, too. Bite marks, fingernail scratches, and two distinct hickies near my collarbone. I smiled as I traced them with soapy fingers.

Once I’d dressed and made a coffee, I planted myself at the kitchen table and pulled out my phone. There were two messages from Emerson and one unexpected message from Bradley. I groaned, knowing Bradley’s couldn’t possibly be good. We hadn’t had any communication since I’d left town, and seeing his text didn’t sit well. I pulled up Emerson’s texts first.

Emerson: Hated leaving you this morning. My mind is spinning.

“No shit, mine too.”

His second text simply read, See you at practice.

A warmth spread through my chest and inched over my skin. Knowing Emerson and I were on the same page helped the uncertainties fade. Everything would be okay. It had to be okay. Nothing bad would happen if we were careful.

Spitefully, I left Bradley’s message for later, because I didn’t want anything to erase the elation that had soaked into my once chaotic world. I had a lot of hours to kill before basketball practice and a few things to do, including a trip to the clinic. I also decided to message Cooper since he’d told me he would help me job hunt. He was on the search as well, and we hoped to find something together for the summer if possible.

 

* * *

 

“You seem perkier,” Cooper said over his shoulder where he strolled ahead of me in Port Raven’s only mall. “You’ve been miserable for weeks.”

I glanced at the storefronts as we passed them, wondering how best to answer his question. He’d made his own assumption weeks ago that Emerson and I were fighting. I’d never corrected him, seeing as I certainly didn’t want to explain that I was having mixed feelings about starting something with my brother.

I shrugged and came to a halt outside a fitness store whose focus seemed to be on selling supplements and vitamins. “Emerson and I talked. So, things are better.” Might as well go with it. “How about here?”

Cooper backtracked, and we both stared at the goings on in the store. “Sure. I wonder if we need to have some knowledge of all those things, though. I don’t know shit about protein powders or whatnot. I don’t even like working out. I just stick to sports and hope it keeps me in shape.” He patted his abs with a laugh.

“Me either.” I sighed and took his arm, steering him away instead. “None of these places interest me. I feel like I’ll go stir crazy in five minutes working anywhere here. Customer service is well and fine for most people, but I need to be on the move.”

“I get that. I feel the same. That’s why I love working on the slopes in the winter.”

We’d been around town to a few different stores, handing out resumes and seeing who was hiring. I hadn’t told Emerson I was actively looking for more work because I wanted to surprise him with my initiative. I figured he’d be proud if he saw I wasn't a total fuck up. His determination for me to return to school always sat in the forefront of my mind. If I was even slightly good at classroom work, I might consider it. As far as that went, I’d probably fail. Besides, I had no clue what I’d take. Maybe it was all nothing more than an excuse.

“Let’s hit the food court and get lunch,” Cooper said. “I’ll pull up the employment center’s board on my phone again and see if there is anything new posted. I haven’t checked since last week.”

We wandered toward the food court, shoulders bumping as we went. In the couple of months I’d been in Port Raven, we’d become good friends. We had a lot in common, and despite him being a few years younger, we got along well.

Midday on a Tuesday meant the crowd at the mall was scarce. We grabbed burgers and fries and settled at a table at the edge of the dining area. Cooper stuffed a few fries in his mouth as he fiddled with his phone, bringing up the employment center’s website.

I let him scroll as I ate, reflecting on the burgers Emerson and I had shared when we’d gone to the cabin and skiing. I couldn’t wait to do that again with him. Only next time, things would be different.

I hid a smile as I observed the people strolling past our table and window shopping at the nearby stores. There were a number of women with baby strollers and far too many elderly. School was still in so the vast majority of shoppers wouldn’t be around until much later in the day.

“Oh shit, check this out. This might be fun, and it will get us through the season.”

Cooper swiveled his phone and pointed to an entry on the job board. It read: Sports Camp Counselor (June-September). I tapped the headline to expand the entry to read more.

“It says it’s ten-hour days, Monday through Friday, working with children ages six to twelve years of age. Requires knowledge of various sports. The ability to instruct young children in non-competitive games. Ability to implement fun programming for small groups of children. Creative, enthusiastic, and energetic people should apply.”

“Dude, we so need to do this. This is the equivalent of running classes on the slopes. Can you imagine being paid to coordinate and play sports with kids all day? Running around, having fun, maybe some arts and crafts or singing or something, but it sounds way better than all these stupid customer service jobs here.” He waved a hand, indicating to the lines of stores we’d been perusing all morning.

“I say we do it. Says here we need to email our resumes. They will be hiring in the next few weeks and running a counselor training course before the kids are out of school.”

Cooper held up his fist, and I knocked it with a wide grin. Finally, something that was more up my alley. In the weeks I’d been helping Emerson coach, coupled with the job on the hills, I’d learned that working with kids in that capacity was a lot of fun.

 That afternoon, we headed over to Cooper’s and emailed our resumes to the address provided. Then, we junked out on video games until I needed to leave for practice. The day had worked to keep my mind distracted, but with thoughts of seeing Emerson again soon, a foray of butterflies erupted and swarmed my insides.

“We should go out this weekend. Hit the bars.”

Cooper had been extremely accepting of my sexuality and had more than once invited me to go on the hunt with him for some action, ensuring I knew he was cool to hit a gay bar if that was what I wanted.

A month back, I’d had no problem considering his offers to go prowling for hookups. However, with Emerson and my relationship in a tailspin the past three weeks, I’d been refusing his offers while I worked through the confusion in my head. He’d sensed my elevated mood that morning and was likely hoping it would make me more complacent to the idea.

“I’ll have to get back to you. Not sure what’s up this weekend. Maybe.”

“Think of the possible rewards of a drunken night out.”

Even examining them briefly did nothing for my libido. My whole focus was on Emerson. Once again, Cooper’s offer made me realize just how difficult it could be hiding from everyone. I got the feeling Emerson wouldn’t be pleased if I faked my way through a night out with Cooper, so I didn’t want to commit just yet.

The high school was close enough I walked, enjoying the crisp spring air and the cool breeze on my cheeks. I arrived ten minutes before the bell, so I sat on a bench outside the front doors and pulled out my phone to poke around while I waited.

Finally deciding to open the text from Bradley, I tapped the screen and braced myself.

Bradley: Can we talk?

I took a deep breath through my nose and let it out slowly. Memories of all that had happened when Emerson and I had left South Bell returned. The confrontation with Reverend Pierce, Emma, and my sudden revelation of my sexuality, which had inevitably outed Bradley as well. I hadn’t spared much thought to what might have transpired because of it, but sitting alone, waiting for the eruption of the end of school, I realized, things probably had gone badly for him. Not only had he been outed, but his father was one of the most homophobic assholes I knew.

Reluctantly, I tapped out a quick message and hit send.

Me: What’s up?

I never hated Bradley. The mess of hiding and dealing with his overbearing sister were too much. Never mind the requirements placed on me to attend services I wanted no part of. Our relationship wouldn’t have lasted under good circumstances. Bradley was too much like me. He craved a firmer hand, and because of it, I’d slipped into a position I didn’t like when we were together. Being the one in control was foreign and uncomfortable.

His text came within minutes.

Bradley: Can I call you?

I tilted my head back and peered at the cloudy blue sky. Where the fuck would this land us? What did he want? I wouldn’t know unless I took the call. If his life had become hell, I would feel like shit and probably be apologizing until the end of time. Choosing when to announce your sexuality is a personal decision. I took it all away from him. The son of the local minister. It was the cruelest thing I could probably have done, and it was out of spite toward his sister and father, not him.

I told him we could talk, then sat and waited for my phone to ring. When the call came through, I braced myself for a possible attack and answered.

“Hey.”

“Where the hell are you?” Bradley’s usual soft voice was strained and full of emotion.

“In Port Raven with Emerson. Things went to shit, and he needed to get me out.” I hesitated, then knew I needed to ask. “Where are you?”

A barely audible whine came through the line before he answered, his volume dropping even more. “Around.”

“What’s that mean? Are you home?”

His burst of laughter was abrupt and humorless. “Are you serious? Have you met my father?”

“Bradley, I’m sorry…”

“After a solid two-hour lecture with him tearing every string of truth from me, and then listening to him spew random bible passages, he tossed me out on my ass. The only reason I have any clothes or toiletries at all is because Emma managed to sneak them to me.”

But Emma wouldn’t have been saved from Reverend Pierce’s fury either. She was pregnant. Unwed and pregnant. Knowing her father, he’d have saved energy to exploit her as well. I didn’t have the balls to ask.

“Where are you staying?” I asked again.

“How could you do this to me? We didn’t hate each other, Kaiden. We didn’t end badly. I was understanding. It was my sister who was the freak.”

“And she was trying to pin a pregnancy on me.”

“No, she wasn’t,” he snapped. “She would have explained it to my father, but he jumped to conclusions before Emma had the chance. You didn’t need to do that.”

Guilt tasted bitter on my tongue. I knew I’d acted out of malice. At the time, I was mad at Emerson, mad at Emma, mad at Mom, heck, I was mad at everyone. I was in a bad place back then, and Bradley suffered because of a choice I’d made. A poor choice. One last scream for attention which Emerson heard loud and clear.

“I’m really sorry.” What more could I say?

“Yeah, sorry isn’t fixing my life. I just thought you should know, your epic little revelation has landed me homeless. I’ve been hopping houses, staying with friends for the past few months, but my welcome is wearing out. So, fuck you, Kaiden, because soon I’ll be on my own all because you were a selfish dick. I hope you’re happy.”

The sound of the line going dead came a beat before the bell rang. The sudden pouring of teenagers onto the street was nothing more than droning noise in the background. Bradley’s words stung and echoed back at me over and over again. He was on the street, and it was my fault.

I did my best to shove our conversation into the back of my mind to examine later. Emerson would be waiting for me, and I didn’t want to be late. The elation I’d felt all day over seeing Emerson again faded. My life had turned around while Bradley’s had gone straight into the gutter.

I wended my way through the congested halls toward the gym and let myself in. It was empty still, so I waited on the bottom bench of the bleachers for people to show up. Emerson had cleared it with the higher-ups for me to help coach. It required me wearing a sticker name tag on my shirt whenever I was on premise. It didn’t, however, provide me access to the storage room so I couldn’t get the balls out for warm up.

As time ticked by, a few girls emerged from the changerooms, calling a greeting to me before clumping up and chatting while they did their pre-practice stretches. Lost in thought, I startled when another girl plopped down beside me. She wasn’t on the team, but I recognized her as one who frequently came to watch practices.

Her knee bounced as she twiddled her fingers in her lap, peering at the unlit scoreboard high up on the opposite wall.

“Are you good friends with him?”

I studied the side of her face. She didn’t look at me, but her gaze darted numerous times to the gym doors, before snapping back to the wall across from us.

“Umm… who?”

“Mr. Cartwright. Emerson,” she said with a beaming smile. “You help him coach. I see you leave with him afterward in his truck. You must be friends.”

“Brothers, yeah.”

“Oh, that’s cool. I don’t have a lot of friends really, but Mr. Cartwright is super nice to me. I love being in his class.”

Her cheeks flushed, and I caught a flash of eyes but only long enough to determine their color. Blue. Then, she fidgeted and moved her body away, looking once again around the gym.

“I like drawing pictures. I’ve made him a few. Do you know if he likes them? Does he talk about them? Does he show them to you? I want to make him more.”

Her admiration for Emerson was apparent, and I chuckled. He’d teased me because the senior girls on the basketball team had taken a fancy to me, but it seemed he had his own admirer.

“I haven’t seen them. He’s a good teacher, though, huh?”

At that moment, the man of the hour walked through the gymnasium doors with his messenger bag hung over his arm. His hair was out of sorts like he’d spent the day running his fingers through it, but his eyes lit up when he saw me.

My nerves fluttered to life, and my heart skipped seeing him again. I cracked a smile and followed his advance with my gaze until he stood over me. He only had eyes for me, and it was surreal.

“Hi, Mr. Cartwright.” The girl I’d been talking with slid to the edge of the bench and beamed a smile up at him.

His gaze flashed to her for a moment, his smile faltering as he nodded. “Hi, Alexa. Come to watch practice?”

She nodded and dropped her gaze to her lap where she picked at something that wasn’t there. Emerson grinned in my direction and winked as he dropped his bag beside me. “Watch this, I’m gonna change fast.”

I nodded and stood. “If you unlock the equipment room, I can start some drills.”

He tossed me his keys as he backed away, only turning when he was in jeopardy of tripping over his feet. Damn, it was going to be hard to keep in check. He didn’t hide the smoldering heat in his core well at all. I saw it and felt its presence like it was a physical entity.

Practice went smooth. With our three-week tension eliminated, there were a lot more laughs and friendly competition. The girls on the team noticed the changed vibe as well, and they played harder, putting in more effort than before. Their first game was that Friday, and they were raring to go.

“All right, hit the showers and we’ll see you on Thursday. Bring your game faces because we will be working hard for that first win. Practice will be tough.”

The team dispersed as Emerson and I collected the stray balls and returned them to the rack in the equipment room. As I wandered back into the gymnasium, I spotted the same girl lingering along the far wall. She’d been there through the whole practice but hadn’t remained in one place, constantly pacing, seemingly in her own world. However, her attention drifted to Emerson plenty enough I smirked.

“I think you have an admirer,” I said, knocking Emerson’s shoulder and nodding to the girl he’d called Alexa.

“Yeah, I’m starting to get that feeling.” He chuckled as we wandered back to where his messenger and gym bag were waiting on the bench. “Wanna grab something for dinner? I don’t feel much like cooking.”

“Sure. I have news, by the way. Hopefully good news, but I won’t know for a week or so. Fingers crossed.”

“What’s that?”

We left the gym and wandered through the isolated hallways to a side door that exited by the staff parking lot. Only as Emerson held the door for me did I notice a discrete body, slinking down the hallway behind us.

“You’re being followed,” I whispered.

Emerson tossed a look over his shoulder and sighed. “Come on. Get in the truck. She’s a little quirky. I think I need to call a parent-teacher meeting. I get the sense there is something they aren’t telling us.”

“Like what?”

Emerson shook his head, ending that line of conversation. Probably some confidentiality thing I couldn’t know about. “Tell me your news,” he said instead.

“Cooper and I applied for jobs today. Seasonal, but it would take us until the end of summer and leave us available to pick back up on the hills come winter if we get it.”

His brows shot up as he tossed his bags in the cab before climbing in the truck. “Do tell.”

“It’s a camp counselor position. For a local sports camp. The focus is on teaching kids how to play all kinds of sports, organizing friendly games, and just having fun all summer. It’s a day camp, so the hours are seven to five, Monday through Friday.”

It wasn’t until I explained it all that I realized it might sound like a silly job to someone like Emerson who had a degree and was a high school teacher. It certainly wasn’t career material, but it was the first thing we’d come across that satisfied something inside me and didn’t sound like the work would be the equivalent to a root canal.

“I think that sounds right up your alley.”

“Thanks. You don’t think it’s stupid?”

“No, not at all. Working and bringing in an income isn’t stupid, Kaiden. Not working, drinking, and accumulating a police record while living at home at twenty-three is. I’m proud of you. This is a great opportunity, and I think you’ll enjoy it.”

“Me too.” The bubbling pride I’d felt earlier returned as Emerson drove us to get Chinese takeout. For once, I didn’t feel so directionless.

When we got home, we took turns showering before settling on the couch to eat.

“You know how much I hate eating in the living room,” Emerson scoffed as we filled our plates from the buffet of choices we’d laid out on the coffee table.

“You secretly love it.”

“Don’t mess up my furniture.”

“Yes, sir.”

He smacked my arm and reached for the remote. We settled on reruns of MythBusters as we scarfed down our meals. It was casual and ridiculously natural to fall onto the couch after a busy day and watch mindless TV with Emerson. It reminded me of our teenage years and all the times we’d fought over the remote and what to watch. Even then, we’d been best friends. Having that back—and then some—settled something inside me that had been in a state of chaos for years.

“Remember Fear Factor?” I asked after swallowing a mouthful of chicken fried rice.

Emerson made a fake gagging motion. “Not while we eat. That show was disgusting.”

“Only when they had to eat stuff.” When Emerson shuddered, I laughed. “You know, like cow testicles or crunchy, wiggling cockroaches or maybe fermented black eggs. Those were awesome.”

Emerson punched my shoulder and laughed as he slid his plate onto the table. “And meal ruined.”

“You always had a weak stomach for stuff like that.”

“And you always chose the worst programming to watch while we ate.”

Emerson might have been opposed to eating in his living room but growing up it was our favorite thing to do if Mom went out and left us on our own. We’d make our meal and plant ourselves on the couch in front of the TV.

Once my plate was empty, I left it on the coffee table and lay down, kicking my feet onto Emerson’s lap. He smiled endearingly and returned his focus to the program.

After a few minutes, he mindlessly rubbed my leg in a way that arose tingles throughout my body. His touch meant so much more now than it ever had in the past. We’d been close growing up, and physical contact wasn’t exactly unusual, but it had always been simply a mindless exchange or gesture of brotherhood. Suddenly, I was hyper-aware of Emerson and the jolt of electricity that skittered over my skin at the gentle caress over my inner calf.

I had no mind for TV and found myself watching him and wondering just how weird it would be to pull him down and kiss him. All day, I’d thought about his kiss, how he tasted, and just how badly I wanted to explore it again.

Maybe we’d known each other all our lives, but not like this we hadn’t. I wanted to explore our new connection, feel him freely, and satiate that ever-growing need that had been bubbling inside me all day. Fuck, I wanted him badly.

Emerson caught me staring and smirked, squeezing my leg knowingly. “What’s up, Kai?”

“Why are we just watching TV?”

His smile grew. “You don’t want to watch TV?”

“I could think of other things we could do behind closed doors.”

“Mmm,” he hummed.

When he didn’t move, I snagged his arm and pulled him down on top of me like I wanted. Crushed together, his face inches away from my own, I reveled in the heat of his body and fire in his gaze.

“Fuck me, Emerson. I want to feel you again. I can’t stop thinking about it.”

I kissed him, hard and with determination. Emerson met my lust and hunger fiercely, delving his tongue into my mouth and worshiping me. But he pulled away too soon.

“Did you go to the clinic today as I told you?”

“Yeah, first thing this morning before Cooper and I went out.”

“Good boy.”

I cringed at being called a boy, but the argument vanished when Emerson ground his stiffening length against me.

“What about you?” I asked. “Did you go?”

“Yup. I ran out on my lunch hour. God, I can’t wait to feel you bare and fill your ass with my cum.”

“You want to claim me, don’t you?”

“In every possible way.”

He dropped his head and rejoined our mouths. TV didn’t matter. The outside world didn’t matter. Opinions and laws didn’t matter. All that mattered was us. The rest of the night was determined from that kiss onward, and by the time we fell into Emerson’s bed sometime after midnight, there wasn’t a single surface in the condo where we hadn’t fucked.