Chapter Nine

 

 

Emerson

Waking up to an empty house with no clue where Kaiden had disappeared to annoyed me. He knew I wanted to focus on helping him find work, and he knew my time was limited since I returned to teaching the following week.

I’d sent him three texts since I’d woken up—the first texts I’d sent in years. Finally, I’d given up on getting a response and left him a note telling him I’d gone to the grocery store. Perhaps I didn’t have an updated phone number, and that was why I was being ignored.

When I arrived home, and Kaiden still wasn’t around, frustration boiled under my skin. I envisioned him out in Port Raven, looking for trouble like he always did. He hadn’t been there twenty-four hours, and I felt certain he was already slipping from under my thumb.

It was after one before Kaiden ventured through the front door with his snowboard in hand and a huge smile on his face. It amplified my irritation finding out he’d been gone half the day boarding when he should have been taking responsibility.

He shucked his boots and ski gear at the front door and passed me a wide grin. His cheeks were rosy from the cold, and his hair was a mess from being pressed inside a hat for so long.

“Those hills you guys have are amazing,” he said as he studied the front hall closet, looking for space to hang his gear.

“I’m glad you were out having fun all morning. I thought we had stuff to take care of first.” I rose from my spot on the couch and crossed my arms, glaring and prepared to confront his excuses.

He rolled his eyes as he passed me and went straight to the kitchen. “Relax. I have news. I just need water first.”

I gritted my teeth so I wouldn’t snap and followed after him. “Unless your news is that you were out job hunting all morning, then I don’t give a shit. Kai, you are not fucking around here. I brought you here to pull your shit together, not so you could mess up again. Not so you could go out gallivanting all morning, shucking responsibility.”

After he’d filled a glass with water, he turned and leaned against the counter with a cocky grin as I rambled. He took nothing seriously, and it was infuriating.

“Are you finished?” he asked.

I huffed and barely contained a snarl. “Kaiden, this isn’t a joke.”

He chuckled and drained his glass. “Well, it’s fucking hilarious to me. Watching you lose your shit because you think I’m ruining my life.”

“You are ruining your life. Do you want me to make a list?”

“Well,” he said with too much smugness, “I just happened to get hired at Slippery Slopes this morning. You are looking at one of their elementary level boarding instructors. So, eat your fucking words, Emery. I’m not a fuck-up, thank you very much.”

I flinched and cocked my head to the side as he continued to stand there with a shit-eating grin.

“You… You got a job?”

“All by myself. You didn’t even have to hold my hand.”

“No shit.”

It was the last thing I’d expected to hear. I’d been preparing all morning to lecture him on responsibility and being a grown-up, and Kaiden had gone out and found himself a job.

“I admit, I didn’t go there looking for one,” he continued. “I went to wrap my head around you and how you uprooted my life. But, I met this guy, and he watched me in action and told me they were itching for an instructor. I met with his boss and bam. Done deal. I start this weekend.”

“Wow, I… I don’t know what to say.” I shook my head, reality barely sinking in.

“How about, sorry, Kaiden, you aren’t a fuck-up after all, I was wrong.”

He flipped to the sink and placed his glass down. Before he swiveled fully around to walk away, he pivoted and turned back to wash it. Amazing. A few stern words and no-nonsense looks and Kaiden was growing more aware of his actions.

“I never said you were a fuck-up.”

“Oh yeah,” Kaiden dropped the clean glass in the drain and pinned me with a serious glare. “Why did you bring me here then?”

I sighed. “So you could get your life together, and so I could help you out. Living in South Belle was not good for you any longer. It was a toxic environment. You have it in you to be so much better, Kai.”

He approached, leaving a foot of space between us and narrowed his eyes. “Is that truly why?”

I swallowed a hard lump and held his gaze. It was exactly why, but he seemed to be searching deeper into territory that was closed off. The risk I’d taken the day before exposed me more than I liked, and Kaiden saw right through it. Too many questions plagued my mind after our exchange, and I’d worked extra hard to shed any evidence of how I truly felt.

If only.

“Of course, it is,” I finally said. “Stop thinking I have some ulterior motive.”

“Good.” He stepped away and ran fingers through his messy hair. “I have to run employment information back to the guy this afternoon, but I’m starving and need to eat first. Did you shop?”

“Yeah. I can make us a couple sandwiches.”

With barely a shrug of acknowledgment, Kaiden disappeared down the hall, stepping over the extra boxes of his belongings that had been left in the hallway the previous night. I wasn’t obsessed with cleanliness, but I wasn’t a slob either, and I could already foresee Kaiden and I having an issue in that department.

With my first order of business regarding Kaiden miraculously completed, I returned to the kitchen to prepare some lunch. A few ground rules needed to be established if he was sharing my home, otherwise, it looked as though I’d have time to organize my next semester before returning to the classroom Monday.

With two plates piled high with triple-decker clubhouse sandwiches, I called to Kaiden to join me for lunch. We ate in silence, avoiding eye contact and both suffocating in the thick air that seemed to follow us around.

When we both finished and Kaiden wiped crumbs from his mouth with the swipe of his hand, I cleared my throat and halted him before he could jump up and take off.

“I’m really impressed you got a job on the slopes. I think you’ll do well with that. It’s something you enjoy.”

His ass, which had just lifted from his chair, replanted, and he shifted, lifting his gaze tentatively.

“Yeah, well, who knows how I’ll do teaching a bunch of kids. I’m not like you so it could all go to shit.”

“I don’t believe that. You are teaching something you love. It will show. Just, maybe watch your language. Remember they are kids and you are a role model for them.”

He remained silent. “It’s not a ton of hours, and the job will be gone in the spring. Am I supposed to be paying you rent or something?”

“No.”

I’d spent our long drive thinking about what to do once we arrived. “I don’t want your money. Save it and hopefully come spring you’ll find something else in town. Once you get settled, and your income is steady, we can try to find you somewhere to live. All I ask is for you to respect my home.”

He narrowed his eyes, so I continued, “Which means, clean up after yourself. Don’t leave dishes in the sink or shit all over the living room. Take the garbage out if it’s full, do your laundry and don’t let it pile up. I’m not your maid. I don’t mind cooking, but don’t expect a three-course meal every day. You know how to cook. I taught you. I’m not Mom, and I won’t put up with you slacking. I’m not offering you a free ride. Understand?”

He chuckled and shook his head as he pushed back from the table. “Yeah, I get it. Once a hard-ass, always a hard-ass. You haven’t changed a bit, Em.”

I punched his arm playfully as he grabbed my dishes and went to the sink. He dodged me but still caught the edge of my swing as he laughed. “You’re a little shit, what do you expect? I have to be perfectly blunt with you, or you’ll fuck off and do your own thing.”

“Anyone ever tell you, you’re bossy?”

“Jagger. All the time. He says I’m a control freak. Drove him crazy in college.”

“I pity the man who settles down with you.”

Instantly, my well of comebacks dried up, and I stared at the back of Kaiden’s head as he ran the water, cleaning our dishes. My brain told me to say something because my silence was a glaring beacon showing off my deepest, darkest secrets, but the more I dug, the further away words stumbled.

The truth was, no man had ever fit the bill. I’d dated a few, but they were all missing a quality I couldn’t put my finger on. I’d blame their age. I’d blame stupid quirks like their laugh was too shrill or their sense of humor too dry. I’d blame incompatibility in the bedroom—which was never far from the truth. But the real reason stood in front of me with his back turned. When faced with Kaiden for the first time in four years, things couldn’t have been clearer. There was a reason I hadn’t settled down yet.

Kaiden tensed when I remained mute, and for a fraction of a second, his rhythmic washing of the plates stopped. It was less than a breath, but I caught it. A weight pressed down on us both, and then Kaiden flew through the rest of the dishes, dried his hands on his jeans, and made excuses before disappearing down the hall to his bedroom.

 All I’d needed to do was laugh or agree or call him a dick, but no, I’d choked on a lump of shameful thoughts and made everything uncomfortable once again. There was something seriously wrong with me if I was fantasizing about Kaiden in that way. My fucking brother. Four years had done nothing to quell the ache. If anything, my pull toward him was stronger than ever. Perhaps bringing him here was a mistake.

A few minutes later, Kaiden came down the hall with papers in his hand which he was studying a little too intently. By the look of it, he was using them to keep his focus elsewhere and avoid meeting my gaze.

“I’m gonna run out and get these to my new boss.”

“Yeah. Cool.” I wet my lips and swallowed the tightness growing in my throat. “Could you take those bags down to your room first?”

Kaiden’s eyes drifted from the papers to the pile of his belongings gathered at the mouth of the hallway.

“When I get back,” he mumbled, making his way to the door.

“Now, Kaiden.”

My tone stopped him dead in his tracks. Curiosity kept me focused on his reaction. I caught the subtle glance when he looked up along with the sizzle of heat burning his brown eyes. The connection broke just as fast. His gaze flashed away as he took in a series of much more labored breaths followed by a pronounced swallow.

“Yeah. Sure.” There was a prominent rasp in his tone.

He dropped the papers on the coffee table and made two trips to his room with his belongings. Without another word, he grabbed his jacket and boots and flew out the door with the forms he needed to produce for his new job.

Interesting. Something dark and forbidden brewed inside me as I watched him go.

I needed to back off and stop using that tone no matter how intrigued I was by his response. It was alluring but dangerous. Too dangerous. Especially if we were going to be living together. Especially knowing what had happened before.

“And maybe because he is your fucking brother, goddammit!”

 

* * *

 

The weekend, thankfully, went by without incident. Kaiden started his new job and spent the rest of his days boarding with his new co-worker friend. The ongoing tension between us calmed enough we managed to get through meals without awkward silences. I knew it was all on me. Kaiden didn’t trust me, and my efforts to prove myself failed at every turn.

Monday morning, my alarm went off too early. It was back to the grind. New semester. New students. I crawled my way into the kitchen and set the coffee pot to brew before making my way to the bathroom to shower.

The house was quiet, and knowing Kaiden, I didn’t expect him to be up for hours. I set the water a shade warmer than normal since it was a cold morning, and I spent extra long under the gentle flow as I washed and scrubbed myself awake.

As I soaped up, it took a concentrated effort to avoid overstimulating myself. My wandering hand, like a compass’ swing to north, continued to find my dick. Blood pooled south, and I grew harder with each passing minute. Pinching my eyes closed, relieving the pressure with a few slow strokes, I tried hard to focus my thoughts away from the poisoned apple. My brother. I would not jerk off to his image. Absolutely not. I couldn’t sink that low. I wouldn’t be that person.

It was hopeless.

When his face and mostly naked form relentlessly returned to the front of my vision, I slammed my palm against the tiled wall in frustration. Flicking the water to cold, I allowed the shocking dive in temperature to steal my breath and flag my erection. It was time to get out.

I toweled dry before wrapping it around my waist and studying myself in the mirror. A week’s worth of growth covered my face. It had the makings of a perfect beard. All it needed was to be groomed. For half a minute, I considered keeping it and sporting the rugged mountain man look, but in the end, I found my clippers and set to work cleaning up. Something about my job pulled me in the clean-cut direction.

When I was decently shaved, I returned to my room to dress. Chinos had become staple in my wardrobe two years ago. They lined my closet in various shades of browns and dark blues. Choosing a pair in a tan color, I then searched up a decent button up to match and hung a tie around my neck. I gathered my wet towel and wandered back to the bathroom, not even flinching at the closed-over door and walked right in on Kaiden who was taking a piss.

To be fair, I hadn’t shared my home with anyone before a few days ago, and my early-morning, coffee-deprived brain didn’t think twice about anyone being in my bathroom at that hour. My routine was fixed, and I hadn’t considered the possibility of it changing on a Monday morning before I returned to class. So, I stalled as my brain caught up.

“What the fuck?” Kaiden’s once bleary eyes went wide as he shoved himself back into his boxers.

I turned my head—a few seconds too late—and stammered apologies as I backed out of the room and closed the door. Hundreds of times growing up, Kaiden and I had shared a bathroom as we got ready for school. It was nothing to shove each other aside and take a morning piss while the other was primping in the mirror. Our house in South Bell had one bathroom, and we were guys. It wasn’t like we showered in front of one another, but taking a leak was no different than using a public urinal.

For the first time in my life, I felt like I’d walked in on something private. There was a new wall between us that had never existed in the past and with it were new boundaries. Things that were once normal weren’t any longer.

The toilet flushed, the sink ran, then Kaiden opened the door. I expected him to glare or snap something I rightfully deserved right into my face, but he didn’t. Instead, he ducked his head and fled to his room. A flush coated his neck and burned hot in his cheeks.

Embarrassment? Humiliation? Both?

I needed to get back to my regular routine and shake off all the shit from the past week.