CHAPTER 18
BROOKE

I groaned as I woke up, my back aching and my eyes sore. It was still dark outside as I sat up on the couch and I could feel something warm underneath my legs. It had been a long night of talking to the police and having them case the beach. They tore the house apart looking for anything to help them with their investigation.

Then they left us alone to wait for an update.

I pried my legs away from Kevin and stood up. My arm was asleep and my head was pounding. Tears began pouring down my cheeks again. It felt like I was falling apart. The pain in my chest wouldn’t let up and I felt myself growing sick. I rushed to the bathroom and opened up the top of the toilet, emptying the contents of my stomach into the opening.

The guilt was immeasurable.

And it wouldn’t stop.

“Come here. I’ve got you. That’s it.”

I tried batting Kevin away, but it was no use. I didn’t deserve to be touched by him. To be doted on by him. I’d lost his child. Left her to fend for herself and she had been taken in my care. I was supposed to protect her. To cherish her and love her and make sure she was okay during these damn business meetings. And I had let my guard down and she was gone.

Taken, without a trace.

I stood up from the toilet and rinsed my mouth out with water. Kevin was still holding my hair back, rubbing my side and trying to calm the shaking in my limbs. I couldn’t focus. My eyes literally couldn’t see. Tears dripped into the sink as I sloshed water around in my mouth. It had been a long night of waiting by the phone. Waiting for Kevin’s cell phone to ring. Waiting for the house phone to ring.

Waiting for some sort of information the police could give us.

The entire island was searching for her. Searching because I had faltered in my responsibilities. I heaved again into the sink as my body jerked, and Kevin slid his arm around my waist to hold me up.

“I’ve got you. It’s okay.”

“Stop,” I said breathlessly.

“Let it out,” he said.

“No.”

“Drink some more water.”

“I said, no!”

I managed to turn around and shove Kevin away from me. His eyes were desolate and his face was haggard. His shirt was wrinkled and his tie was loosened, and part of his shirt was untucked. His pants were sagging down his body as he leaned against the wall, his head falling back into the hard surface.

“You shouldn't be touching the woman who lost your child.”

“You aren’t responsible for this.”

“The hell I’m not,” I said.

“This isn’t your fault.”

“Of course it’s my fault, Kevin! Sydney was my responsibility!”

I leaned against the sink and closed my eyes as Kevin raked his hand through his hair.

“Did anyone call last night while we were asleep?” I asked.

“No. Nothing.”

“What the fuck are the police doing?” I asked.

“I’m about to call in my own private security team to do this,” he said.

“Is Sydney home yet?”

The two of us turned at the sound of Daniel’s voice. He was rubbing his eyes and carrying Sydney’s stuffed animal. Kevin scooped his son up into his arms and held him tightly, and I watched as the small boy clung to his father. I knew he had no understanding of what was happening, but it was clear he was missing his sister and confused about the situation.

“Let’s get you some breakfast,” Kevin said.

“Can Sydney eat, too?”

My lip quivered as Kevin carried the boy out of the bathroom. I turned back towards the mirror and took stock of my disgusting face. Sunken cheeks and bags under my eyes. Dark circles rimming the redness of my face. My lips were cracked and there were permanent red streaks on my skin from where I’d been crying all night.

I was about to splash some water on my face before I heard a thud at the door.

“What was that?” Kevin asked.

“The front door,” I said.

I heard Kevin sprinting down the hallway as I came out of the bathroom. He yanked the door open and looked around, but I was staring at his feet. There was a small package at the door. Wrapped in brown paper and tied with a red ribbon.

Kevin was running down the driveway looking for whoever had knocked as I picked it up in my hands.

I untied the bow and slowly pulled back the paper. It was as if time was moving in slow motion. I could hear Kevin talking in the background, but his words were indiscernible. My hands were trembling as I opened the box, taking in the tissue paper that filled it up.

And in the middle of the tissue paper was a little white bow.

The bow Sydney had insisted on wearing to the beach.

The box fell from my hands and I stumbled backwards. A note came tumbling out as I fell on my ass. I heard something crash to the floor as I raked my hand through my hair, then I heard the indiscernible wails of a man in pain.

A man who was slowly dying inside.

I saw Kevin falling to his knees, his face twisted in pain. I saw the note flutter to the ground. I reached for it, my hands shaking violently, as Kevin began to sob.

Sobbing, with his head in his hands.

Like a lost little boy in search of his mother.

My eyes cleared up as I read the note. One simple sentence that had destroyed Kevin’s world. ‘100 million dollars for the pretty little girl in the tie-dye swimsuit.’

Sydney’s tie-dye swimsuit.

I wrapped my arms around Kevin and pulled him into my chest. I could hear police sirens in the distance as he fell into my body. Soaking my chest with his tears as his trembling form collapsed into mine.

Seeking shelter, and warmth, and a place to rest from the living hell his life had become.

I buried my face in his hair and kissed his head over and over again. It was the only thing I could think to do. Police officers were walking up the steps and moving around us, picking up the letter and the bow and the box. I heard one of the officers talking to Daniel. Trying to entertain him as we knelt on the porch.

A few of them were at the edge of the property, combing through the brush that separated his property from the rest of the city.

I felt small hands come down around my neck and I reached my arm out. I pulled a confused and crying Daniel into my body as Kevin wrapped his arm around his son. I sniffled and regained my composure, digging deep to be strong for these two I held cradled in my arms. Both struggling with what was going on, and no longer able to be strong for me.

So I had to be strong for them.

I could hear the police officers battering us with questions, and trying to console us. I stood with Kevin and Daniel in my arms and held them close to me, rocking side to side. I placed kisses on their cheeks and whispered that it would be all right. And somehow, taking a deep breath, Kevin found the strength to talk to the police.

Something about a man named Gianni and a supposed threat made over lunch.

I wasn’t paying attention. I was too busy trying to settle Daniel back down for a rest. He was tired after eating and crying, and the commotion around him was freaking him out. Kevin was talking to the police and they were reassuring him they were doing everything in their power, but I couldn’t stick around.

The guilt was eating me alive, and I couldn't breathe.

The police dispersed and Kevin went to sit at the table. He was staring out over the ocean, in an empty trance as Daniel slept upstairs. I backtracked into my room and opened my laptop, trying to find anything I could to distract myself. I pounded out page after page, losing myself in my dreams and my memories and the scenes I could still conjure.

And as I pounded out another quarter of the book, tears silently dripped down my cheeks and fell to their death on my keyboard.