CHAPTER 31
KEVIN

“So, you’re going to try counseling? After everything that woman put you through?” Owen asked.

“Like Brooke said, I owe it to my kids to give this a shot,” I said.

“I still can’t believe you ran into Sarah on the island,” he said.

“Me neither. It still feels like I was watching a really shitty movie.”

“And what Brooke did for your kids? Come on. You’ve got to see what I see.”

“I’m not following.”

“The woman’s in love with you, Kevin.”

“Brooke isn’t in love with me,” I said.

“She put into motion the plan that saved your daughter at great personal risk. After knowing you had kids for a week. After breaking her heart in college,” he said.

“Exactly. I treated her like shit before. And if she was in love with me, why would she tell me to go back to Sarah?”

“Because she cares about your kids more than she cares about her own feelings. That says a lot about her, man. I don’t think it’s a healthy thing for you to try and reconcile with Sarah. She’s only going through this because she found out about Sydney’s kidnapping. If she’d never run into you on that blasted island, you think she’d be knocking on your door now?” he asked.

“That’s the point, Owen. Circumstances change people. And if she was going through postpartum depression and struggling that badly, I owe it to her to hear her out.”

“You owe that woman nothing. I saw what she did to you. How broken and lost you were when you called me that morning and told me what happened.”

“And I appreciate your concern. Owen, you’re my children’s godfather. I want you on my side with this. But if you're not, it’s not going to change the decision I’ve made. We’ve set up an appointment to meet with the therapist she’s supposedly been seeing for a couple of years and we’re going to see where it takes us.”

“At least get an unbiased therapist in there. You know, someone who hasn’t sympathized with that woman for months on end.”

“I’ll take it into consideration,” I said.

“Which is code for ‘no thanks.’ Just keep it in the back of your mind.”

“I will. I promise.”

Owen walked out of my office and I looked over at the clock. I had our first therapy session in an hour. I finished signing some papers and sent them down to Finance, then I packed up my things and headed downstairs. Owen’s words were flying around in my head, distracting me from the task at hand. Was it possible Brooke was in love with me? It didn’t seem like she was. She’d been distant and unwilling to come by the house unless the kids were involved somehow.

But he had a point.

No woman whose heart I had broken would do what she had done for Sydney if love wasn’t somewhere in the picture.

I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Even with the distance growing between us and her unwillingness to come over more often, I found her in everything. In the wine I drank alone at night and in the eyes of my children when they asked where she was. I found Brooke in the back of my mind when I closed my eyes and saw her face when I dreamed. She had permeated my existence, and even as I drove to the therapy session she was the only thing on my mind.

She was good with the kids. She saved Sydney. She brought a light back into my life I hadn’t had since—well? Since we’d first gotten together. Sarah’s pregnancy had been an accident. A wonderful one that gave me the two most precious beings in the world, but an accident nonetheless. I sat in front of the office of the therapist and sighed as Owen’s words bombarded my mind.

She’s in love with you.

I can’t believe you can’t see it.

And I couldn’t deny that I had some of the same feelings.

I stepped out of my car and tried to shake her from my mind. I told Sarah I would try my best in these therapy sessions, and I was a man of my word. But I was going to bring up my reservations.

I wasn’t going to hold back.

“Mr. Spencer, I’m so glad you could join us. I’m Doctor Valesky.”

“Nice to meet you, doctor,” I said, as I shook his hand. “Where would you like me?”

“Right here’s fine,” Sarah said.

I looked over at her and saw her patting the couch close to her.

Very close to her.

I decided to sit on the opposite end of the couch, much to her dismay. I could see her therapist shoot her a look and I suddenly regretted not taking Owen up on his advice. There needed to be an objective third-party here. Someone who didn’t know either of us.

I made a mental note to start making calls this week.

“So, you are here to see if there’s a possibility of reconciliation,” the doctor said.

“I would like that, yes,” Sarah said.

“Let’s just talk and see what happens,” I said.

“You seem hesitant,” the doctor said. “Care to elaborate?”

“I’m worried Sarah won’t ever be comfortable with the idea of being a full-time mother. She never wanted children in the first place and, based on my prior interactions with her, I have my doubts.”

“Well, Sarah did suffer from postpartum depression in a serious way. It took me months to get her back on track, but she is doing well now.”

“Which is fine. And I’m sorry you battled that, Sarah,” I said as I looked over at her. “But I made you a promise when we got married. I promised you I would be there with you through anything. And instead of talking with me about what was going on with you, you abandoned me and your children and left without a trace.”

“I’m sorry, Kevin,” she said. “But I want to make things right.”

“Postpartum depression can account for your actions after your pregnancy, but not before. You never wanted the twins. I had to beg you to go through with the pregnancy. You told me you never wanted to be a mother,” I said.

“Maybe we should slow down,” the doctor said. “Give Sarah some time to breathe.”

“With all due respect, doctor, she’s had three and a half years to breathe. I’m the one who’s been cultivating a company and raising twins by myself,” I said.

“That’s not fair. I’ve had my struggles in life,” Sarah said. “Struggles you can’t even imagine.”

“My concern is that this reconciliation is a knee-jerk reaction to the abduction of my daughter.”

“Our daughter,” she said.

“And that once the shock of all of this wears off and she realizes how hard raising two four-year-olds is, she’ll disappear on us again and I’ll have to pick up the pieces. And this time, the kids will know who she is and feel the pain of her loss where they didn’t before. I won’t let them go through that.”

I could hear Sarah sniffling, but it didn’t hurt me like I thought it would. What I found, instead, was my incessant comparison of her to Brooke. She wasn’t as strong as Brooke, as honest as Brooke, as beautiful as Brooke, or as open to hearing my side of the story as Brooke would have been.

Then, the reality of the situation hit me like a ton of bricks.

I didn’t want to try to reconcile with Sarah.

I was in love with Brooke.

Holy shit. I was in love with Brooke.

“Mr. Spencer?” the doctor asked. “Is something wrong?”

“I can’t do this,” I said.

“What?” Sarah asked.

I heard the tone of her voice change and it even caught the doctor’s attention.

“Sarah, deep breaths. Like we talked about.”

“You told me you wanted to reconcile,” Sarah said.

“No, I told you we could talk about it. But Sarah, I don’t trust you. And I’m not sure if I ever will. I think we could take the time and reconcile as people. Maybe get you some time with the kids. But us? We’ll never be together.”

“I want us to be a family,” Sarah said, as tears rolled down her cheeks. “You and me and the kids. Like it should’ve been.”

“Then you should have talked to me instead of running, Sarah. You should have talked to your husband. The man who threw down everything when he found out you were pregnant.”

“That isn’t fair. I was depressed. Spiraling.”

“And you got help. And I’m thankful for that. But that doesn’t mean I can trust you, and it doesn’t mean I could ever love you.”

“You don’t mean that,” she said, breathlessly.

“Sarah, let’s take a step back for a second,” the doctor said.

“You seem stable, and that’s a good thing,” I said, as I reached out for her hand. “And maybe with some more therapy, we could carefully ease you into the lives of the kids in some way. But we’ll never be a family. Not the kind you’re looking for.”

I watched her slump into the couch as she wiped at her eyes.

“Thank you for having me and giving me a platform to speak my piece,” I said.

Sarah refused to look at me, and I couldn't blame her. But I also wasn’t going to lead her on. I had to talk with Brooke. I had to tell her how I felt. I had to try and reconcile things with the woman I did trust. The woman I did love. The woman I cherished.

I only hoped she would pick up the phone for me.

And that she would understand.

If I was lucky, she would feel the same way.