CHAPTER 13
Sterling could feel the tension radiating from Harper as they drove away from her home. The horse needed some time to relax after racing, so they’d headed to Harper’s place first, easing Spartan from the trailer. The horse barely gave a backward glance as Harper left the barn. Then they took a moment to disconnect the trailer, and all the while, Sterling could feel the tension crackling in the air around Harper.
She was questioning herself.
He didn’t blame her; he was questioning himself too.
Could he do this?
Not hurt her?
What was it that Laken had said? Communicate. Be up-front.
He could do that.
But damn, it was going to be hard to lay himself all out there.
Harper bit her lip as she drove down the gravel driveway and toward the main road.
“Okay, cowboy, where to?” she asked, regarding him.
Sterling shook his head. “Yeah, not a cowboy.”
“Fine, well, what rank were you?” she asked, curious.
“Captain,” he answered, the word creating a swirl of memories, many good, some painful, all of them nostalgic in a way that made him miss the Marine Corps so damn much.
“So, Captain,” she corrected, a grin teasing her full lips.
The sound of his rank on her lips was erotic as hell, and immediately sent fire through his blood. It was an involuntary reaction that had him quickly finding a way to control it.
“Retired, remember?” he answered, thankful for the out that would alleviate the pressing problem.
“You’re impossible. Fine. Dude, where to?” She rolled her eyes.
“That I can work with,” Sterling teased, thankful to have navigated the sudden minefield. “Let’s get something to eat, and then you can show me around Ellensburg.”
“Yay. I always wanted to be a tour guide.”
“Hey, you love it here, and it’s always better to hear about it from someone who loves whatever they’re describing,” Sterling replied.
“You’re right.” Harper sighed.
“Say that again?” Sterling goaded.
“I’m right,” Harper corrected, giving him a taunting glare.
“Sure, sure. Where do you recommend eating?” Sterling asked, scanning the terrain. His eyes cataloged the rough landscape, studying for exit routes and possible areas to take cover.
“Do you realize you’re always on alert?”
Harper’s voice startled him, and he glanced at her, slightly confused.
“You know, hyperaware of your surroundings, like Jason-Bourne-type stuff,” Harper commented, her gaze flickering to him for a moment before darting back to the road.
Sterling’s posture froze then he relaxed slowly. “It’s a habit, and yeah, I do it constantly. It doesn’t really have an off button.”
“It’s in your blood. I get that.” Harper glanced at him.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to step away from that part of myself,” Sterling replied, feeling the weight of his decision to leave the marines heavy on his shoulders.
“Why would you want to?” Harper asked, her tone curious. Her green eyes were piercing in their intensity as she studied him before flickering her gaze back to the road.
Sterling folded his hands, feeling the truth of his words before he even spoke them. “Because it’s not necessary. That’s not my life anymore.”
“So, that negates the fact that it’s a part of who you once were?” Harper challenged. Her green eyes flashed.
“No.” Sterling shook his head once decisively. “But I think the goal is to move forward, and not always be stuck in what I was....”
“I can understand that.” Harper seemed to realize the truth of his words. “But at the same time, don’t let your training be sidelined just because you don’t need it right now. It’s valuable, a part of you. And that’s a good thing.”
Sterling replayed her words, letting the validity of their truth sink deep. It was soothing—welcome. “Thank you.”
She shrugged her shoulders, as if trying to downplay the charged atmosphere they were creating. But Sterling wasn’t about to let the moment fade.
“What about you? What do you find is the hardest thing to move on from? If you don’t mind me asking.”
Harper blew out a deep breath. “There’s a lot.” She met his gaze then focused on the road, pinching her brows as if deep in thought. “I think for me it’s more of what my reactions are versus what I’m holding on to. You know? Like...feeling in control. It’s a response because I felt so out of control. Or feeling safe, because I never felt safe...things like that.”
Sterling nodded; that made sense. He had seen different aspects of that play out in her personality, in the way she dealt with situations. It made sense after what she had endured. “I’d think that’s only natural.”
“Yeah...but that doesn’t make it right, or easy. I think the thing to remember is that it’s all a process, you know? One step at a time.”
Sterling gave a dry chuckle. “Boy, that phrase has never meant so much to me as it has in the past few months. Damn, one step is sometimes so freaking hard.” He thought back to his first days after surgery. The small things that he’d taken for granted for so long had become huge, monumental issues in his life. He realized just how far he had come.
But he also saw just how much farther he had to climb.
“Right?” Harper answered back, grinning.
The comradery was soothing. It was so freeing to talk to someone who wasn’t just trying to understand the pain or the process, but was walking through it. He appreciated her all the more for it.
But it also kept him on his guard. Because they were both slaying their dragons, and neither one was whole yet.
“You’re pensive all of a sudden,” Harper commented.
Sterling gave her a sidelong glance. “Can’t I be reflective and deep?” he harassed, earning an eye roll from Harper.
“Yeah, but it would be the first time.”
“Damn, that hurt.” Sterling winced then returned her grin. “So you never answered me. Where are we going to eat?”
“So, those were your deep and reflective thoughts?” Harper joked, her green eyes flickering to him.
“You’ll never know.”
Harper shook her head and giggled. “Let’s go have pizza. We can stop in to Brooklyn’s. As long as the delivery guys aren’t all out, they are superfast.”
“Delivery guys?” Sterling questioned.
“It’s a small place in a small town. If everyone’s out making deliveries, the poor kid at the counter, or the owner, has to take the orders and make the pizza. It takes longer, but it’s worth the wait,” Harper finished, turning down University Way.
“Really, I’m not picky. You had me at pizza,” Sterling answered. “I missed it so much when I was out on deployment. You can ask Laken. I’d come home on leave, and I swear all I did was eat everything I’d missed. Pizza being the top of the list. You can’t make that in an MRE.”
“Ew.” Harper’s nostrils flared. “A friend of mine ordered a few of those for a camping trip when we were in high school. Never again.”
“They aren’t so bad once you get used to them. Some are...better than others.”
“I’ll take your word for that.” Harper pulled into a horseshoe-shaped brick strip mall and parked in front of a Coca-Cola sign that read Brooklyn’s Pizza.
As she put the truck in park, Sterling unbuckled his seatbelt and carefully stepped out onto the asphalt. His leg was stiff, but thankfully not hurting. He figured he had a few hours before the pain medication wore off. He flexed his toes before starting toward the glass entrance. The Central Washington University campus was directly across from the restaurant, its redbrick buildings complementing the same redbrick of the strip mall, almost making them appear like they belonged with the rest of the campus.
He tried to make it to the door before Harper, but she was quicker and held it open for him.
His lips quirked in a grin, and he grabbed the door too. “After you.”
Harper gave him a wry grin but walked inside, the scent of parmesan, bread, and basil floating in the air. Sterling’s stomach rumbled in appreciation.
“So, what’s your favorite?” Harper asked as they walked toward the counter to order.
“I’m not picky. And I’m not just saying that. Aside from anchovies, I’m honestly happy with whatever. Do we order individual pizzas or one big pie?”
Harper studied the menu above then turned to Sterling. “That depends. Do you want to eat here, or do you want your tour right away?”
Sterling felt a grin tug at his lips. “What will take longer?”
Harper narrowed her gaze for a moment before glancing away as if uncertain. “Eating here and then driving around.”
“Then I pick Plan B,” Sterling replied, watching as her gaze met his. Again, she was studying him, as if trying to read his intentions.
Be honest. Be up front. Laken’s words echoed again.
Not yet...but today. Today he’d at least start that conversation; only heaven knew where it would lead.
“All right.” Harper nodded slowly.
“So, you want to share, or are you the kind of girl who doesn’t share well? You know, these are important things I need to find out.” Sterling cast her a wary glance.
“Ask Jasper.” Harper gave a wicked grin.
“That’s a no. You do not share. Okay, I want my own pizza.” Sterling chuckled then rubbed his hands together as he walked forward to order.
He picked The Kitchen Sink pizza and motioned to Harper.
“First, we need to start with the jalapeño bread. And then, I’ll have the chicken bacon ranch.” She started to open her purse, but Sterling was quicker and handed over his card. When Harper noticed, she met his gaze, a question in her expression.
“Date night.” He shrugged and signed his name on the receipt.
He could feel Harper’s gaze on his back as he handed over the scrap of paper and stepped out of the way for the next customers. He scanned the room for an empty table and picked one in the corner, giving them the semblance of privacy. When he pulled out her chair, he finally met her gaze.
Amusement, awareness, and curiosity all flashed across her expression before she lowered her gaze and took a seat.
“So, date night?” Harper regarded him once he took a seat across from her.
Sterling shrugged a shoulder and rested his arms on the wood table. “I figured ambush tactics were in my favor. You can’t run if you’re already here.”
“One flaw.” Harper smirked.
“Oh?” Sterling grinned in response.
“Yeah, I drove. Totally could leave your ass here if I wanted to,” she threatened teasingly.
“I guess it’s a good thing you’re not ditching me, then.”
“Yet,” Harper challenged.
“Hey, I’ll take what I can get. Call me overconfident but I’ll take my chances.”
Harper rolled her eyes and leaned back.
“So, do you have any more races coming up?” Sterling directed the conversation back to where Harper was most comfortable: horses. He thought back to her race earlier that day. It was easy to see that she lived for each race. The world around her had utterly faded away, and she was focused intently on the circuit. Her purple and blond hair blew from under her Stetson hat, adding a fiercely colorful layer to her ferocious determination.
Sterling had never seen anything as magnificent as Harper racing.
And even as she spoke about upcoming races, he could see that barrel racing was in her blood.
Not long into their conversation, the jalapeño bites arrived.
“You ever tried these?”
“Not these specifically. But I’m a fan of anything spicy. We used to have hot sauce we’d put in our MREs to give them a little bit of a kick.” In truth, they just used the spicy sauce to cover up the bland flavors that seemed to run together day after day.
“These are amazing. Not too hot, but just enough to make them utterly addictive.” Harper picked up a puffy round piece of dough and tugged on the trail of cheese it left behind. Several green jalapeños dotted the top of the bread piece, and she took a bite, her eyes closing in appreciation.
Sterling couldn’t tear his gaze away. Harper moaned softly then popped the rest of the bite in her mouth, the sight both amusing and sensual as she did a little happy dance in her chair.
“That good, huh?” Sterling asked, watching as she took another one.
“Yes. That good. Even better than your grilled cheese.” She arched a rebellious brow.
“We’ll see about that,” Sterling challenged, picking up one. His focus stayed on Harper, watching as she enjoyed another bite, this time licking a trail of cheese from her finger.
The simple act was sexy as hell, and his body reacted instantly.
As his jeans became tighter, he scooted his chair farther in, not needing to give the family across the way a show.
“You try,” Harper encouraged.
Sterling took a bite, the hot flavor invading his senses and washing over him. It wasn’t overly spicy, and mixed with the cheese and the soft dough, it was the perfect combination.
“Okay, so yeah, this wins. But in my defense, if I had added jalapeños to my grilled cheese, it would have kicked ass,” Sterling said after he swallowed.
Harper opened her mouth to comment, but the pizza arrived, and she apparently thought better of whatever she was going to say.
After they finished their pizza, Sterling helped Harper package up the leftovers, and he stood from the table.
“You ready?” Harper asked as she lifted the pizza box containing their remaining pizza.
“When you are.”
Harper started for the door, and soon they were pulling out from the parking lot. “So, a tour.” Harper glanced at him as she turned onto University Way.
“If you don’t mind,” Sterling answered, his tone daring.
“Why do I feel like you’re issuing some sort of challenge? Do you really think that putting up with you is that difficult?” she asked.
“No more difficult than dealing with you,” he teased back.
Harper bit her lip to keep from grinning too widely. “I’m a ray of sunshine.”
“I’m going to refrain from comment.”
“Probably wise.”
“I wasn’t born yesterday.”
“Nope, you were born a lot of yesterdays ago,” Harper jibed.
“Was that an insult? Are you calling me old?” Sterling narrowed his gaze. “Just because I walk like I’m eighty—”
“You don’t walk like you’re eighty,” Harper interrupted then added softly, almost to herself, “Believe me.”
“Want to explain that?” Sterling asked.
“Nope.” She didn’t elaborate.
“Fine. But I’m not old. I’m twenty-eight.”
“Old man.” Harper gave him a sidelong glance.
“Whatever.”
“Bet you can’t guess how old I am,” Harper dared. “Oh, and up here, we’re going to pass by the place we have the Ellensburg Rodeo each year.”
“I’ll keep my eyes open. And I feel like we need to make a wager here.”
“Regarding?” Harper asked too innocently.
“If I can guess your age.” He played it cool even as his mind spun with different wagers, different ways to win.
“Deal. If you guess right, I’ll—” Her gaze flickered to the road and back.
“An IOU. Collectable whenever the winner wants,” Sterling interrupted.
“Deal.” Harper nodded then held out her hand.
“I get twenty questions to figure it out.” Sterling shook her hand.
“Ten, and they can’t use numbers,” Harper corrected and then nodded to the Ellensburg rodeo arena.
“Cool, do you race there too?” Sterling asked as they slowed down to survey the arenas.
“Yeah, but mostly it’s bull riding and such. Not my thing.”
“Funny, but I’d think it was totally up your alley.” Sterling regarded Harper.
“I like to watch it, but it’s not the same as watching barrel racing. I like horses more than cows,” she answered.
“I think I like cows more than horses,” Sterling replied. “I’ll take a steak any day over having to ride a horse.”
“That’s not exactly what I mean, but fine.” She gave a chuckle. “So, what are your questions? You have a few minutes till we get to the Yakima Canyon.”
“Is that our next stop?”
“Yup.” Harper swung the truck around and headed back on the road.
“Favorite song?” he asked.
“Johnny Cash, ‘I Walk the Line.’”
Sterling frowned. That didn’t exactly give anything away.
“One down. Nine to go,” Harper replied in a tone that implied she was assured of her winning the bet.
“What was your first phone?” Sterling asked, a smile creeping across his face at his insightful question.
“Damn. That’s a good question.” Harper gave him a wary glance. “LG Cosmos.”
Sterling nodded. “What did you use to talk with your friends online?”
Harper frowned again. “I just texted.”
“Facebook account?”
“Yes.”
“Twitter?”
“No.”
“Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian.”
“Neither?” Harper gave him an annoyed expression.
“What I mean is, who was more of a hit when you were in high school?”
“Oh, Paris.”
“And you already talked about Jason Bourne. Okay, how about this one. What did you have for your first drink on your twenty-first birthday?” Sterling asked, watching as her lips twitched slightly.
“Nothing.”
Sterling gave her a sidelong glance, watching as her pink lips twitched in amusement. “How many selfies do you take a month?”
Harper grimaced. “Maybe one...usually with Spartan. So, it’s not really a selfie.”
“Sure, sure.”
“Pain in the ass.”
“Yup. What kind of dress did you wear to prom?”
Harper glanced to him, her lips twisting. “A red one.”
“Nope, not good enough. Was it strappy, or sparkly....”
“Why do I feel like this is a trap?”
“Because I have a little sister. And I’m comparing all your answers to her....” He gave a wicked grin.
“Damn, I forgot about that,” Harper grumbled.
“So, dress?” Sterling encouraged.
“Gah, okay. It was bright red with a halter neckline and mermaid fit. Not sparkly.”
“Damn, I bet you looked amazing.” Sterling whistled low, giving her a grin.
“I did, thank you very much.” Harper flicked her hair behind her shoulder and gave him a flirtatious grin.
Sterling chuckled then considered her dress, narrowing the gap by a few years. “Finally, are you a spring, fall, summer, or winter baby?”
“Fall.”
“You’re twenty-five,” Sterling answered then relaxed back in the truck’s seat, watching Harper’s expression freeze then thaw into an irritated grin.
“Damn.”
“I’m good, I know.” He stretched slightly, quite self-satisfied.
“No, I mean, damn, you’re so close.” She cast him a smug smile.
“No.” He sat forward and ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m wrong?”
“Yeah, I’m twenty-four. I’ll be twenty-five next month.” Her lips pinched as she tried to restrain her laughter.
“That is freakishly close. I think it still counts.” He crossed his arms over his chest.
“Nope. Not counting. You’re still off. I’m not twenty-five yet. No dice.”
“So freaking close.” Sterling sighed. “Can I at least get some credit for being as close as possible?”
“Credit given.”
“Thank you.” He nodded. “So...your birthday is next month?”
“Yup.” Harper nodded. “Check out over there.” She nodded ahead. “We’re going to start winding around the canyon. It’s gentle right now, but as we get farther along, the cliffs drop off, and it’s pretty spectacular.”
“Yeah, I think Laken said something about this. But every time she mentions it, she and Cyler do this secret smile thing and I, yeah, I leave the room.”
“I know, I get that. It’s like with my brother and—” Harper stopped her words and bit her lip, casting a worried glance to her passenger.
It is now or never, Sterling thought.
“Kessed and Jasper are just as bad, huh? That’s good. They better be. All I can say is that as awkward as it is for Cyler to be constantly checking out my little sister’s ass, I’d be doubly pissed if he didn’t love her like that. I’m glad that it’s the same way with Jasper and Kessed. She deserves that.”
Harper glanced from the road to him then back. “Is it hard for you still? Kessed and Jasper, I mean.”
Sterling shook his head. “At first, yes. It sucks being rejected. Who likes that? Plus, Kessed and I go way back. But I think...” He frowned slightly then continued. “...I think I was holding on to the idea of Kessed being something safe and familiar, rather than pursuing her because I loved her like that. Does that make sense? It makes me sound like the biggest ass ever, but hindsight is always twenty-twenty. But it was never meant to be, I see that now. She’s with who she belongs, and Jasper needs her too.” He smirked. “I get the feeling she’s the spice in his life, and he kinda needs that.”
Harper’s lips twitched. “Yeah, he’d be boring without her. And she’d be aimless without him. It just works.” She smiled broadly. “I’m glad you’re doing better with that. I know that Laken was worried about you.”
“Laken worries about everything,” Sterling replied.
“She loves you, like a sister. Trust me. As a little sister, it’s our job to worry about our overprotective and overbearing brothers.” She gave a little shake to her head. She froze for a moment then glanced to Sterling. “Did Jasper say something to you?”
“About?” he asked, trying to lure the answer out of her.
“Did he... He didn’t threaten you or...assume...” She didn’t finish, just kept glancing from him to the road.
“Is there a place we can pull over up here?” Sterling asked, growing slightly uneasy with how she was winding around the canyon cliffs and kept glancing back to him.
“Getting nervous?”
“Yes,” Sterling answered honestly. Plus, it would be much easier to have that conversation without her focus divided between him and the road.
It was as good a time as any to lay it all out there. Unknowingly, she’d given him the perfect opportunity.
And this was one chance he didn’t want to screw up.
It was a good thing he knew how to work well under pressure. Laying one’s heart on the line seemed even more dangerous than enemy fire.
And way more threatening.
He was proof that your body could heal.
Something told him it wasn’t as easy to heal a heart.