CHAPTER 20
Harper’s wheels spun and kicked up gravel as she pulled out of the drive and headed toward Sterling’s home. A million emotions all fought for dominance in her mind and body as she remembered Laken’s phone call.
She had been out with Spartan, crying her stupid eyes out, and for good reason apparently, because Sterling was a rotten-bastard-pain-in-the-ass who she was either going to murder or nurse back to health.
She wasn’t quite sure which one she’d act on.
Currently, it was a toss-up.
She was about to turn onto the main drive when headlights flashed over the hill. She waited, and as the truck’s blinker lit up, she cursed.
Jasper and Kessed.
Of course they’d be coming home right now from their emergency call.
Not able to even formulate words, she pulled out before they could stop beside her truck in the drive and ask why she was leaving at such an odd hour.
Sure enough, as she crested the hill away from the house, her phone buzzed.
Blowing out a frustrated breath, she answered it on speaker. “I don’t have time or energy to explain. Have Kess call Laken.”
She figured that was the safest bet; that way she didn’t say something she wasn’t supposed to, not that she cared currently...but it was just easier.
And right now, she wanted easy.
Because the next fifteen minutes were going to be hell.
Scratch that, the foreseeable future.
Thanks, Sterling.
“Okay...” Jasper’s tone reminded her she was still on the phone.
“Gotta go.” She ended the call and focused on the road.
Alone with her thoughts, she attempted to digest all the information Laken had given her, but mostly, she just had to accept the fact that Sterling was addicted to his medication.
The same medication she was currently missing.
Laken hadn’t said it outright, but all the dots connected, and betrayal stung deep. Chest tight, she struggled to take a deep breath, to right herself in the chaos, but found that her center was gone.
When she’d come home from the hospital, it had been Jasper that kept her strong.
And somehow, today, it had shifted to Sterling.
A tear slid down her cheek. Now who was left?
Alone.
Again.
Instinctively, she wrapped her free arm around her middle, breathing in, breathing out.
Lies.
What hurt even worse were the lies.
She could look past the addiction; she could even look past the fact that he’d stolen the medication.
He’d led her to believe he knew what he was doing, that he wouldn’t intentionally break her heart.
But he’d done a stellar job of smashing it to pieces.
Why had he promised when he’d known, he’d known he couldn’t keep it?
Damn him to hell.
I’ll never lie to you.
She was right. It was exactly what a dirty, rotten, filthy liar would say.
Angry, hurt, and frustrated, she twisted her hands and her steering wheel leather squeaked in protest.
When she pulled into the ranch house drive, she took in a shuddering breath. The house was dark except one window that had a faint glow.
Sterling’s.
Harper bounded out of the truck and stomped to where Laken had said the hide-a-key was located and angrily unlocked the door, damn near snapping the key off in the lock. She made her steps loud, hoping the sound hurt his head like hell as she strode down the hall, half wishing Cyler had a baseball bat somewhere close.
You think you’re hurting now....
Tears of frustration flowed in succession down her cheek as she approached the bedroom where she had let her heart go, where she had given herself body and soul to that man...only to return less than a day later to find out what a piece of shit he was.
The door was cracked open, and she shoved it wide, crossing her arms, ready to give him a piece of her mind, since he’d decided to steal a piece of her soul.
All the air rushed out of her as she glanced around the room. Blankets were strewn, bottles tipped over, and water pooled on the floor below. Clothes were in small heaps, and the bed was nearly vibrating. The contrast to earlier was enough to pull her up short. Blinking, she walked toward the shaking bed, inch by inch growing closer to seeing his face.
His normally clear eyes were watery and bloodshot, his jaw rigid as his body shook violently. His gaze slid over to hers.
“S-s-sor-r-r-y,” he bit out, his teeth chattering between each letter.
Her brow furrowed as she studied the man before her—broken, weak, and shaking. She tenderly traced his jawline, cupping his cheek, and measured the feverish temperature of his skin. Wordlessly, she removed her hand and grabbed the blankets from the floor and covered him.
Next, she went to the bathroom and grabbed some towels to mop up the spilled water. Sterling’s teeth chattered, and his body fought the dependence he was trying to overcome.
And Harper saw herself—what she was, what she’d fought, and what she’d overcome.
Maybe she wasn’t as broken as she thought.
Maybe she’d healed up a long time ago...and maybe she just wasn’t strong enough to realize it.
Till now.
“H-h-h—” Sterling started, and Harper slowly walked over, keeping a careful distance.
Just because he was hurting didn’t mean he was forgiven.
And just because he was sorry didn’t mean jack shit.
He could be sorry for his actions, or he could be sorry he got caught.
She was tempted to assume the former, but she was reserving judgment.
Arching her brows, she waited.
“Ca-n, you t-t-t-ex-t La-k-k-k-ken?”
Nodding once, she picked up his phone from the side of the bed and unlocked the screen, remembering the code from earlier. She opened the message app and was about to ask what to say when she noticed the earlier text.
Checking in.
She read Laken’s response.
Called Harper. She may or may not show up. Hold on till we get there, okay? You’re stronger than what your body feels right now. Remember that.
Her fingers hovered above the screen as she typed.
This is Harper, I’m checking in for Sterling. He’s pretty much exactly like you described.
The bubble popped up, and Harper waited.
Thank you for coming, Harper.
Harper gave a mirthless snort.
Yeah well, Kessed might be calling you because I peeled out of the driveway...
Harper waited.
Heard about that...I filled them in. No hiding things. We’re family. Jasper and Kessed know, and you should probably take your phone off silent...this is from Kessed who just texted me while I was texting you.
Harper grinned, unable to stop herself. Leave it to Kessed.
Forgot it was on silent. I’ll grab it and text them back. Jasper’s probably pissed as hell.
She glanced around the room for her phone.
Damn, she’d left it in the pickup.
Sterling’s phone buzzed, and she glanced down.
He’s not as angry as you’d think. More concerned about you, according to Kess.
Harper was pretty sure that after the concern wore off, Jasper would be pissed, but she’d deal with it later.
Or she’d encourage it.
Again with the toss-up.
I left my phone in the truck. I’ll run and grab it. I’ll keep you posted on my end till you get here.
Laken responded immediately.
Thank you.
She locked the screen and tossed it onto the mattress next to Sterling. The bed was still shaking along with his body, and she glanced at his face, reading his expression. Fear, frustration, and failure echoed in his eyes, and her heart pinched at the sight. She reached down and cupped his forehead, watching as his eyes slid closed at the contact.
Damn, he was so easy to love.
So damn hard to hate.
Even when she wanted to, even when she had such a good reason.
An angry tear slid down her cheek. As she lifted her hand, his gray eyes opened and met her own.
“I’m pissed as hell at you, but right now, I’m here.” She spoke softly, making no promises.
He nodded shakily. “Th-th-thank y-y-you.”
The words were soft, their depth echoed in his tortured gaze, and Harper took a step back, needing the distance. “I’m going to get my phone, I left it in the truck. I’ll be right back.”
At his nod, she walked out into the hall to the front door. As she stepped outside, the night was shifting into dawn while the stars faded to the east as the sky grew lighter. The gravel crunched under her feet on her way to the truck. Sure enough, her phone was on the passenger seat, displaying yet another missed text.
Rather than read through everything, she unlocked it and called Jasper.
“Harper, for shit sakes, and you get pissed at me for not answering my phone,” her brother said by way of greeting.
“Good morning to you, too,” Harper replied with sarcasm, but her body relaxed hearing his familiar tone.
“How is he?” Jasper asked with far less anger than she had expected, even given Laken’s assessment.
“Suffering.”
“Good,” Jasper replied.
“There’s the brother I know and love.” Harper sighed. “But really, he’s in a bad way. Even though I want to beat him with an old metal bat, I’m glad I’m here.”
Jasper sighed into the phone. “Yeah, Kessed’s been texting with Laken back and forth. I guess it happens pretty easily, the getting hooked.”
Harper glanced to the gravel. She hadn’t become addicted per se, but she also hadn’t been willing to let the meds go either. It would have been so easy for her and Sterling to switch places. The thought was sobering.
“Harper?”
“Yeah, sorry. I’m here.”
“Did...I mean, did you ever struggle when you got home from the hospital...?” Jasper asked the question she really didn’t want to answer right now.
“Yeah, I did.” She spat out the words quickly, closing her eyes as she waited for his response.
“Is that...” Jasper paused. “Is that why you never threw out that prescription? I mean, I kept tabs on it. Not going to lie about that. I know you never took the pills, but you never threw them out either....”
Harper kicked a rock, sending it sailing across the drive. “Yeah, it’s pretty much what you think it is.”
“Whoa,” Jasper answered, and Harper waited for the rest of the response. “I’m glad you stopped when you did, Harper.”
“Me too.” She glanced back to the ranch house. “I’m going to go. Sterling shouldn’t be alone right now.”
“I’m proud of you, sis.”
“Eh, you’re all right too, I guess.” Harper gave a small laugh. “Love you. See you later.”
“Later.”
She ended the call and headed to the house. When she walked back in to Sterling’s room, she noted that the shaking had subsided somewhat but hadn’t stopped completely. His phone buzzed from the bed, and she lifted it.
Be there in thirty minutes.
Laken was in Cle Elum, and Harper couldn’t decide if she was glad that she’d be relieved of watch duty, or if she wished she had longer.
“Sterling?”
His gaze focused on her, and his jaw clenched to keep his teeth from chattering.
“Laken’s about thirty minutes out.”
He nodded then took a deep breath through his nose. “Har-per,” he whispered softly, the effort in speaking obvious in the way his jaw clenched.
“Yeah?” She steeled herself, waiting for whatever came next.
“I took your leftover medication.” He spoke without stuttering, but as he finished, his teeth chattered violently.
She grimaced at the sound. “I know.”
He nodded once then spoke again. “I flushed them, but I was still wrong. I’m s-s-s-s—”
Harper leaned forward and pressed a finger against his lips. “Thank you.” It was all she could give.
While part of her was relieved that he hadn’t swallowed the medication, and honestly, it should have been obvious since he was clearly going through withdrawal symptoms, that didn’t negate the fact that he’d stolen them.
It might be something she could forgive.
It just wasn’t something she could forget.
And their relationship might not survive that.
What she needed to figure out was if she wanted to even try.
Half of her said yes. The other half said no.
And all of her was petrified.
Fear was calling the shots, and that was the least trustworthy emotion of all.
What she needed was time. And when Laken arrived, that was exactly what she’d get.
If that was what she needed, what she wanted...
Then why did it feel like her heart was breaking all over again?