CHAPTER 3
Sterling stepped out from the shower, the steam filling the room in billowy clouds as he dried himself off. As he slid the soft towel down his leg, he studied the scars. Red, shiny, and twisted, they curled around his calf muscle, giving it a strange shape. The pain wasn’t as severe as it had been, but it ached—and never stopped. Always pain, always hurting, always on the edge of his mind and never fully able to be ignored. Unless he took the meds, which he almost never did since he’d been discharged from the hospital.
Damn it all to hell.
He didn’t know what was worse. The fear of getting addicted, or the constant pain that drove him crazy.
He shifted his weight slightly and walked with as little limp as he could manage till he reached the mirror. Sliding a hand down the condensation, he studied his reflection.
How can you look the same, yet feel like a different person?
Just then his calf muscle seized up, and he groaned, leaning his weight against the sink as he lifted his bad leg and stretched it.
To hell with it.
As the muscle relaxed, he opened the mirror cabinet and pulled out his prescription. After removing two pills, he swallowed them before he could reconsider his choice.
Wincing with each step from the cramp’s lingering pain, he strode to his adjoining room and dressed. Today, he had things to do, mountains to climb.
Even if they were just the figurative kind.
They felt massive. And he used to think life deployed was hard.
Ha.
He still had several weeks before the doctor would clear him to find work, so he’d done his best to help Cyler and Laken out on the ranch.
Which would be comical if it wasn’t so damn depressing.
It’s amazing how much you can’t do when your leg won’t work right.
But Cyler had never mentioned it, never brought attention to what Sterling couldn’t do, rather kept him focused on what he could accomplish.
In that, Cyler reminded him of Laken.
“You ready?” Laken tapped on the door.
“Almost.” He rolled his eyes.
“Just because you’re gimpy doesn’t mean you can take three years to put your pants on.”
“Okay, Mom.”
He heard Laken’s giggle.
Soon he was walking to the door, his sister giving him a strange expression. “What?”
Laken shook her head. “You’re not limping.”
Sterling paused then tested his weight on both feet. No pain.
No. Freaking. Pain.
“Huh, I guess those meds really do work.”
Laken frowned. “You’re just now taking them? What have you been doing this whole time?” she asked, blinking in confusion.
“Avoiding them like Satan himself,” Sterling answered, striding to the door and savoring the feeling of walking like a man again.
“Why? No wonder you’ve been a bear. That had to be unbearable—”
“Pun intended?” Sterling interrupted as she followed him out the door.
“No, happy coincidence. Still...”
“Laken”—Sterling paused and turned toward his little sister, studying her green eyes—“you have no idea how many guys come home injured and get addicted to those damn pills. I don’t want to be one of them. I’m already a statistic just being injured. I don’t want to be another kind too.”
Laken nodded. “Good. I don’t want that for you either. Do...do you want me to take them away so that you have to ask me to get your dose?”
Sterling considered her offer. “It’s not a bad idea, but I think I’m good for now. Just watch me, question me. Okay?”
Laken nodded once. “You’ve got it. I’m proud of you.” She reached out and grasped his forearm. “You’re going to be stronger from all this, you know that, right?”
Sterling gave her a half smile. “I sure hope so.”
After a pat to her hand, he turned and walked to the door, finding his way toward the barn.
Margaret nickered as he went in, the sunlight streaming across the dusty boarded floor.
“Hey, old girl,” Sterling greeted, going straight to the back of the barn. He found a few tools and carried them out into the sunlight. After tossing them into the back of the old Ford F-150, he used his good foot to get into the cab. The twenty-year-old diesel engine roared to life, and Sterling put the truck into gear, thankful yet again that the old thing wasn’t a manual transmission. He pulled forward and followed the dirt road that went parallel with the west pasture of the ranch. Cyler had mentioned that several of the cows were getting close to delivering, so each day Sterling went out to do the rounds, checking for new calves and making sure no complications had occurred overnight. As ranch cattle, the cows were wilder than dairy cows and required less attention. Sure enough, as he crested a small hill, he noted two little calves nestled in the dry grass beside their mothers.
After putting the truck into park, he left the engine on and moved toward the barbed-wire fence. Since the bull was in the east pasture, Sterling could walk into this area safely and check on the gender of the calves. His leg protested, but only slightly, as he ducked through the fence and strode, focusing on the fact that he still felt no real pain, toward the bedded-down calves. The momma cows lowed softly but didn’t startle as he approached slowly. Carefully, he walked in a wide circle, the baby calves ducking down, then their curiosity getting the best of them as they stood to get a better look at Sterling.
He retraced his steps to arc around to get a view of their backsides.
Heifers.
Cyler would be pleased. It was always better to have females born when you were building up your herd.
Or so Cyler had said.
As Sterling headed back toward the fence, a lowing caught his attention. It wasn’t the low-toned “moo” that he had grown used to hearing. It was a strained sound, almost shrill. He walked along the barbed wire toward the sound. As he passed several Russian olive trees, he spied a cow bedded down in a small clearing between the trees. She kept arching her neck toward her belly, lowing and stretching out a moment later. As he stepped closer, he noted the telltale bloody tissue behind her that said she was in labor.
But Cyler had said that cows gave birth standing.
This cow was lying down.
Concern caused him to furrow his brow as he slowly stepped away and pulled out his phone.
Cyler answered on the second ring.
“What’s up, Sterling?”
Sterling quickly gave the rundown. “Is that something that we need to be concerned about?”
Cyler paused. “Call Jasper. Do you have his number? It sounds like she’s struggling, and the calf might be breach.”
Sterling shook his head then answered. “I don’t have it.”
“I’ll send you the contact. Call him right away, okay? If the calf is breach, I could lose the cow if we don’t help her.”
“Got it.” Sterling ended the call then waited a few seconds before the text came through with Jasper’s phone number.
He tapped the blue numbers and paused as it rang. He refused to think about anything other than business.
It wasn’t personal.
And he actually liked Jasper; he was good guy.
But that didn’t make it easier to deal with rejection.
“Matthews Vet Clinic.”
Sterling smiled at the familiar tone. “Hey, Kess. Your boy toy there? I need help with a cow.” He paused.
“Sterling? Hey, you! Cyler have you doing his dirty work?” she asked, her sassy streak going strong.
It had always been of his favorite quirks of Kessed’s personality.
“Pretty much.”
“Well, keeps you out of trouble. I’ll get Jasper. He just came in. Wait up.”
The hold music played for a few seconds before it abruptly cut off.
“Hey, Sterling. What’s up?”
Sterling took a breath. “I’m out doing rounds for Cyler, and I saw a cow lying down. It looks like she’s in labor, and she’s making this weird mooing sound, if that makes any sense.” He was pretty sure mooing sound wasn’t exactly a technical term, but the hell with it. He wasn’t a rancher. He was a soldier.
Or had been.
“Is she bleeding behind her?” Jasper asked, his tone direct yet kind.
“Yeah.” Sterling rubbed the back of his neck as the cow let out another shrill moo.
“I heard that one. Yeah...it sounds like she’s struggling. Which pasture are you in?”
“East.”
“Okay, I’ll be out there in about fifteen minutes. See you.”
“Thanks.” Sterling ended the call.
Fifteen minutes wasn’t technically long, but each minute stretched on as he listened to the cow struggle, feeling helpless to do anything to assist the poor animal.
Soon a cloud of dust rose in the distance, and Sterling watched as a truck with Matthews Veterinary on the side pulled up beside his pickup.
Sterling groaned as a pair of sexy legs appeared from the opening door, drawing his eye up to the vivacious grin of Kessed soon-to-be-Matthews.
Jasper walked around the pickup, holding his hand out to her. She gripped it, casting him an expression that could only be interpreted as deep love as they walked hand in hand to the back of the pickup.
Well, this was about to be all kinds of awkward.
It seemed as if he’d traded one pain for another.
His leg wasn’t hurting. But he had a feeling those painkillers wouldn’t work on the ache in his heart.
He forced a smile as the happy couple walked toward him. Kessed’s brown eyes apparently saw right through him by the way she narrowed her gaze slightly. But to her credit, she didn’t say anything.
And if Jasper held a grudge against him for making a play for Kessed’s heart, he never mentioned it.
At least not yet.
Just as Sterling was about to say hello, the cow let out another, shriller moo.
“Over there?” Jasper nodded his chin toward the trees.
“Yup.” Sterling said, tucking his hands into his jean pockets.
“Sounds painful.” Kessed scrunched up her nose, frowning.
“Let’s take care of that.” Jasper lifted the barbed wire for her, and she stepped through, with Jasper following behind her. Soon they were nearing the cow.
“Cyler would have put a squeeze in the pasture with these pregnant cows. Do you know where it is?” Jasper’s inquiring gaze cut to Sterling.
“Squeeze?”
“Don’t worry, Sterling, I had no idea what it was a month ago.” Kessed came to his rescue.
“It’s to keep the cow from killing me when I examine her. These free-range animals are dangerous to work with. A squeeze is a metal cage of sorts that allows me to keep the cow upright and restrained all at once. It doesn’t hurt her at all, it just protects whoever is working on her,” Jasper explained.
Sterling cursed Cyler inwardly for not informing him about the tool, but he had seen something blue and metal toward the opening of the pasture gate, thankfully not too far away.
“Follow me.”
Jasper set a few items down and followed after Sterling as they passed through the copse of Russian olive trees. Sterling gestured to the metal structure. “This what you’re looking for?”
“Yup.” Jasper nodded once. “Kess, we’re going to need to chase her in. Sterling, I need you to help me round her up, and honey, you put the squeeze on when she gets in the chute.”
“Aye, aye.” Kessed gave a playful salute, earning an amused grin from Jasper.
Sterling shook his head. Some people changed as they grew older. Kessed simply grew into herself; it was part of the allure and charm.
He forced his thoughts into line and followed Jasper as they approached the cow.
“She’s going to be a stubborn bitch, but if we don’t rush her too much, it shouldn’t be too hard. Keep her to the fence line. That way we can duck through if she gets too cranky and charges us.”
“Wait.” Sterling paused, watching Jasper. “Cows will charge? I thought it was only bulls.”
Jasper shook his head, a sober expression in his eyes. “Bulls will impale you, but cows will break every bone in your body if you don’t get out of their way. Did you know that the most deaths by an animal are done by cows?”
Sterling narrowed his eyes. “Sure.”
“No, seriously. They’re pretty laid back, but you don’t want to see a momma cow in a pissy fit.” Jasper held up a hand.
“Point taken.”
“So, let’s stay to the fence line, and we’ll get this girl taken care of.”
Sterling followed Jasper’s lead as he encouraged the cow to stand. All the while Sterling watched warily in case the bovine decided to be a pain in the ass and turn on them. Slowly, the momma rose and groaned.
Jasper gestured to him, and they cautiously walked behind the cow. She reluctantly trotted then walked toward the squeeze.
Kessed waited, watching them carefully as the cow approached. As the animal neared the opening, she darted left, and Kessed waved a hand to startle her straight. The cow went too far right, and Jasper jogged ahead, yelling “Ha!” just loud enough to be surprising, and the cow jerked straight, entering the squeeze.
Kessed pulled the lever, tightening the bars around the cow and holding her in place. The poor animal let out a low moan but lowered her head as if the whole ordeal had her exhausted.
“That’s better. I’ll be right back, I’m going to grab my gear.” Jasper jogged back to the copse to retrieve his things.
“Cyler’s going to make you a rancher yet,” Kessed teased.
Sterling gave her a wry expression. “Sure he is.”
Her laughter echoed in the pasture. “I take it this is not your idea of fun?”
“No.” Sterling shook his head but smiled. “I’d rather be doing a lot of things other than watch a cow be violated when Jasper gets back with that long latex glove.”
Kessed burst into a fit of giggles. “Yeah, that’s not usually the highlight of the day for Jasper either.”
Sterling regarded her. Everything about her expression was open, secure, loved. It looked good on her, belonging to someone.
He only wished it was him.
But it wasn’t. And it sucked that he was realizing that Jasper was better for her.
“You doing okay, really?” Kessed asked, her amused expression shifting to one of concern.
Concern was better than pity. Damn, he hated pity.
“Yeah. Dealing,” he answered honestly but kept it short. He didn’t exactly like to elaborate on all the reasons his life sucked at the moment.
“Harper going easy on you?” Kessed asked, a slight twinkle to her eye.
What the hell is that about? “No, she’s a pain in the ass, but I kinda need that right now, but if you tell her, I’ll rat on you to Jasper about the time you fell ass first into the mud puddle after stalking your business prof.”
Kessed’s gaze narrowed. “You wouldn’t.”
“I would.”
“You would what?” Jasper asked, making long strides toward the squeeze.
“He threatened to be a jerk, his natural state of being, so I’m not too concerned.” Kessed smiled.
“Really? Here I thought he was going to tell me the story about Doctor Samerson.”
Sterling turned to Jasper, shock lancing through him. That was probably the worst dirt he had on Kessed, so he was surprised that Kessed had disclosed that particular story.
“No secrets.” She winked.
“Damn it all, here I thought I had something to hold over your head.” Sterling rubbed the back of his neck, narrowing his eyes at her.
“I was going to let you think you did, you know, just to be kind.”
“And here I thought being in love would soften you up, make you less of a pain in the ass,” Sterling spoke jokingly, the action of teasing her about loving Jasper oddly not hurting much, for once.
Jasper started to chuckle.
Kessed shot him an irritated glare that melted into a grin.
Maybe things worked out for the best. As odd as it was, it kind of helped seeing them together, working and interacting. Made the focus less on rejection, and more on the fact that for them, it just worked.
And if he were being honest, it never really had for him and Kessed.
She’d tried.
He’d ignored.
And when he’d finally pulled his head from his ass, it had been too late.
Maybe that was what fate had intended.
And maybe fate knew what he or she was doing.
Maybe.
Jasper set down his case and opened it; he pulled out a long latex glove.
Kessed bent down and set out several tubes and then stood and helped Jasper shrug out of his long-sleeve flannel shirt.
The latex glove snapped into place, and Jasper approached the cow impatiently waiting in the squeeze. Another shrill moo came from her as he slowly inserted his hand into her backside.
Sterling glanced away.
“I feel only one, but it’s head is stuck. I gotta move it around,” Jasper muttered.
“Need anything?” Kessed asked.
Sterling glanced to her, watching as she kept her attention on Jasper and the cow.
“Not yet, hold up.”
Sterling winced as Jasper reached his other hand inside the cow, his brows furrowing as an expression of deep concentration flickered across his face. As if seeing with his fingers, his eyes remained on the distant horizon, then he leaned back, pulling two stick-like legs with him.
“Do you think it’s alive, or are we too late?” Kessed asked, walking around the back of the squeeze toward Jasper.
“We’ll find out,” Jasper replied in a strained tone as he reached into the backside again.
“He’s making sure the head’s in the right place.” Kessed filled Sterling in.
“Got it,” Sterling replied, not needing any more details.
“Here we go,” Jasper replied, the cow interrupting him with a loud moo as if bearing down.
A lanky calf slid out halfway, dangling in a manner that made Sterling question if the poor animal was alive. Jasper took a step back, and the cow finished delivering the calf. A moment later, Jasper picked up a piece of dry grass and tickled the calf’s nose with it, earning a sneeze.
“He made it!” Kessed clapped, her expression one of joy.
Sterling grinned in response, thankful as well that the little one had gotten a shot at life.
“Actually, it’s a she.” Jasper grinned at Kessed.
Sterling watched as Jasper collected his things and stood back from the squeeze. “Let’s back up so momma can do her job and take care of her baby. Kess, can you loosen the squeeze?”
“You bet.” Kessed pulled the lever, and the bars loosened. It only took a moment for the cow to realize it was free, and she exited the squeeze and went to her waiting calf. Sniffing the little baby cautiously, the momma started to lick it clean, her long pink tongue making gentle strokes across her fur.
“Well, let’s leave them to it.” Jasper walked away toward the pickup, and Kessed jogged to catch up, her hand wrapping around his waist even as his arm circled her shoulders.
Sterling shook his head. If snuggling up to a man that just had his gloved hand up the business end of a cow didn’t deter her, then that was a special kind of love.
Sterling watched as she continued on, his thoughts jumbled. He’d never loved that way. And he realized that his standards for love weren’t as high as they should be.
And they needed to be.
Damn it all, if this injury wasn’t making him re-evaluate everything in life.
Everything.