CHAPTER 5
Apparently, feeling helpless was his thing.
As the flames consumed all the dead grass covering the hill, he racked his brain for ways to help.
Anything was better than doing nothing.
Harper’s arms were wrapped around her waist as if hugging herself. It was a mannerism he’d seen her do often, and it spoke volumes.
I’m holding myself together.
He didn’t know her full story, but he’d heard enough to know that, for Harper, survival was a victory in and of itself.
Movement caught his eye, and he turned his gaze ahead and saw Cyler approaching. Nodding, he waited for his brother-in-law to get close enough to talk over the sound of the water hoses and fire crackling.
“Good work, guys.” Cyler slapped Sterling on the shoulder and gave a nod to Harper. “I disked the firebreak, and the marshal thinks the fire will burn south rather than north—which is good news and bad news. Good news, because it will keep the hell away from my ranch. Bad news, because it can go unhindered for miles. They are calling in the helicopters, and Yakima County Fire Department is laying out a firebreak farther down in the canyon. Hopefully, it will be enough.”
Sterling nodded, meeting Cyler’s direct gaze. “Seems like that’s all they can do.”
“Yup. Unfortunately, this is one of the hazards of living out here. A few years ago, the Hanford fire burned about one hundred thousand acres. It was massive. We haven’t had a fire in this part for a while, which only means there’s more than enough fuel for a hot one.”
“I’ll stay out here, just in case the wind comes up or if the fire changes its mind about the direction.” Sterling watched the flames lick the sagebrush.
“I’m already planning on it. You can—”
“Cyler, go home to Laken so she doesn’t have a heart attack. She was already white as a sheet when you left. Later, you can come back out and take a shift, okay?” Sterling placed a hand on his brother-in-law’s shoulder.
Cyler frowned, but his gaze darted behind Sterling toward the house.
“Go,” Sterling encouraged.
“I’ll be back”—Cyler checked his phone—“around midnight. That way, you can get a break. But first, I’ll bring water and a few other things.”
“I’ll just follow you in and pick it up so you can stay with Laken,” Harper chimed in. “She’s not used to this like we are, Cyler.” Harper headed back to the quad, swinging her long leg over the back.
Those legs.
It seemed like every time he saw her she was wrapping them around something.
A saddle.
A quad.
It was too easy to imagine them wrapped around him.
Damn, he needed to stop that line of thought before the fire wasn’t the only thing burning.
“Sterling, you cool with that?” Cyler asked, and Sterling nodded, not sure if he was agreeing to something new or just what they had said earlier.
And not really caring.
At least he was outside, doing something, contributing something.
“See you in a few.” Cyler took the quad Sterling had used, and soon he and Harper were headed toward the ranch house.
Sterling walked toward the fence line farthest away from the flames and leaned against it, taking some of the weight off his leg.
He hadn’t taken any more pain medication, and he was starting to regret that act of stupidity.
Or valor.
It was a toss-up.
Damn, he was going to pay for this tomorrow. His leg was going to kill.
The darkness was illuminated by the orange glow. Ash swirled in the air, and Sterling lifted his shirt to wipe the sweat and grime from his face. The fire was a little too warm, even from such a distance, and he pushed off from the fence line and walked down the row. Sparks flew and landed on nearby brush, igniting new fires.
It was one huge nightmare for the firefighters. They ran line after line of hose, sending the water into the air, but it was plain to see it wasn’t enough. The sound of a diesel engine approached, and Sterling watched as a semitruck pulled up with a huge backhoe on the trailer. Probably to create another firebreak.
They were doing everything they could, and just as Sterling leaned against another fence post, he felt a cool breeze.
He inhaled deeply then froze.
Wind. The grass beside him stirred. Well, the evening was about to get more interesting.
The firefighters took the backhoe off the trailer and started it up. The implement began to take a small path up the hill and lowered its blade like a snow plow. Soon it was clearing a road behind it, churning up the dirt and making a break.
The sound of a quad approaching distracted Sterling from watching the heavy machinery, and he glanced behind him to see Harper approach. She killed the motor, and he averted his eyes away before he could watch her swing her leg over.
If he didn’t get his reactions under control, he was going to do something stupid.
He heard the crunch of dry grass under Harper’s boots as she approached, and he turned.
“Hey, you. Thirsty?” She tossed a bottle of water to him, and Sterling reached out and caught it, placing his other hand on the post to make sure he didn’t lose his balance.
Damn leg.
The bottle was icy cold, making him thirsty just thinking about it. He unscrewed the cap and downed the whole bottle.
“I’ll take that as a yes. Cyler said you ate, but I always feel weird if I eat, and the people around me don’t, so...” She set down a cooler beside them and slid the top open. “...sandwich?”
Sterling shook his head, grinning at her hopeful expression. “What? You don’t want me to be creepy and just stare at you while you feed your face?” He took the sandwich, and Harper glared.
“Who says you have to stare to be creepy,” she shot back.
“Aw, you get hangry, don’t you?” Sterling teased.
Harper rolled her eyes and opened the plastic around her own sandwich. “It’s a real thing.”
“Apparently,” Sterling replied before taking a bite.
“Ass,” she replied, but it was muffled around her huge bite of sandwich.
“Classy,” he said after he swallowed.
Harper saluted him with her middle finger.
Sterling chuckled, shaking his head as she made a big show of taking another huge bite.
“Backing off. What big teeth you have,” he flirted.
Wait. What the hell.
He turned back to the fire. No, he wasn’t. Was he?
He squinted back to Harper, who was fishing around in the cooler for something else, and then he turned back to the fire.
He couldn’t flirt with Harper; she was a pain the ass, demanding as hell, and...
Fun.
And probably even more broken than he.
Yup, sounds like a great life choice. Ruin your life and someone else’s heart in the process.
He shook his head and took another bite, trying to distract himself.
“What I wouldn’t give for some ice cream.” Harper sighed, and Sterling turned to her.
“Pretty sure it would melt in this heat.”
“Ice cream melts regardless. Not a deal breaker. It just means you have to eat it faster.” She arched a brow, as if proving her point.
“Observant.”
“Coffee is my favorite. What’s yours?”
“Flavor?” Sterling asked.
“No, color. Yes, flavor.” Her purple-tipped hair appeared dark against the light blond that reflected the orange glow.
“Coffee.” Sterling’s lips curled into a half grin. “Or vanilla.”
“You would pick vanilla,” she teased.
“What’s wrong with vanilla?” He turned to face her.
“Boring,” Harper singsonged.
Sterling shook his head. “Vanilla is like a blank canvas. You can put it with dark chocolate or caramel. You can put strawberries with it, or make it into apple pie a la mode. Vanilla isn’t boring. Vanilla is versatile.”
She blinked. “That was beautiful.”
Sterling tilted his head. “Say what?”
“Nothing. I think I might like vanilla too.” She lowered her gaze, a small grin on her full lips.
“I knew you’d see it my way,” he teased, a sense of fulfillment flooding him when he earned a cheeky grin in response.
“And there’s the ass I know.” She winked and lifted a bottle of water as if toasting him.
“So why did you come back out?” Sterling asked as he finished his sandwich.
Harper shrugged. “Honestly, it sucks being alone, and I kinda wanted to watch the fire. Laken called Jas and Kessed for me so they know what’s up.”
“Jasper pretty protective?” Sterling asked, though he was certain he knew the answer.
“Yeah. To say the least. But it’s actually not as annoying as you’d think. It’s...nice. I like it.” She shrugged, but her tone wasn’t as blasé. “It makes me feel safe, you know? That’s not a bad thing.”
“No, no it’s not,” Sterling replied, nodding once and studying Harper. Her shoulders rolled in slightly as if she were curling into herself. Her whole body conveyed a message that she usually opposed with that snarky mouth of hers.
It was a reality that Sterling echoed all too easily. Stay on guard, protect yourself, and don’t let them see your weakness.
And sometimes that meant that you hid it from yourself as well.
Part of him wondered if she even realized the mixed signals she expressed.
Probably not.
And truth of it was, he probably did the same thing.
He turned away, not wanting her to read his expression.
A dull ache throbbed in his leg, stealing his attention.
“You’re quiet,” Harper commented.
Lying about the pain was always easier than facing it.
“Just watching the fire.” The words tasted bitter on his tongue, and he opened his mouth to be a little more honest, but she spoke first.
“It is pretty epic.”
Sterling watched the flames crest the hill.
“Scary as hell but beautiful at the same time. It’s kinda like life.”
Sterling met her gaze, curious as to how she would continue.
“Really though, sometimes the scary shit is that way because it’s the most powerful, and not in the least in control.” Harper wouldn’t make eye contact but tucked her wrapper into the cooler and then turned her gaze to the fire.
Sterling studied her. “And that’s good?”
She lifted a shoulder. “Sometimes yes, sometimes no.”
He readjusted his weight to try to alleviate the pain then gave up when it didn’t help and lowered himself to sit on the dirt. Well, he wanted to be more honest, and honesty usually meant admitting when you were weak.
Or wrong.
“Good idea.” Harper took a seat beside him, her presence taking away some of the sting of acknowledging his weakness. In that moment, he was simply thankful.
Sterling turned his gaze to the fire, studying the way the flames grew and faded then grew again, trying to ignore how his body was fully aware that Harper was less than a foot away from him. It was a constant push and pull with her, much like the flames. It would grow, then fade, and then hit him with a fresh wave just when he thought he had it under control.
She leaned back against the post beside him, her shoulder brushing his, and he swore he could hear her sharp intake of breath.
Smoke tinged the air, yet he could still smell her exotic scent.
Heat swirled around him, yet it wasn’t from the flames.
“Why does life always find ways to make us give up control?” Harper asked, her tone making it sound as if she wasn’t looking for an answer, just voicing the question.
Sterling wondered the same thing.
Because right then, it was like he had no control either.
Of his life.
His leg.
The fire outside.
The fire that somehow was starting inside.
“I’m not sure,” he answered anyway, the question too close to his own thoughts to remain unspoken. “But it sure seems that way, doesn’t it?”
He felt her take a deep breath. “Yeah. Yet, I don’t know if I could actually trust myself if I was actually in control, you know?”
Sterling met her gaze. “I used to think I’d be good at it.”
“Now?” she asked, her gaze piercing through him.
“Now, I’m just as screwed up as the next guy.” He blew out a deep breath.
“Nah, you’re not,” Harper answered with conviction, causing him to frown slightly.
“You sound pretty sure about that.”
She twisted her lips, drawing his attention to their perfect shape. “I am.”
“How?” Sterling turned back to the flames, his body tense as he waited for her answer, knowing it would carry more weight than someone else’s opinion.
“Because you don’t give up. When it hurts, you push through. You don’t let pain own or define you, even if you think it does. But your biggest problem is that you’re impatient.”
Sterling met her gaze with a narrowed one. “Impatient?”
“Yeah, really impatient.”
“And how do you know that?” he asked, his lips pulling into a grin.
“Because I’m the same way.” Harper lowered her gaze and took a breath. “It’s easier to see things in others than yourself, but the strange part is that when you recognize things, deep down, you know that the same problem, same issue, same fear is in you.” She slowly lifted her gaze to meet his then flickered it away to the bright flames.
Sterling paused before asking the question. “And what do you see in yourself?”
Harper blew out a breath. “Fear. And I absolutely hate it.”
Sterling waited for her to meet his gaze, but she stared steadfastly at the flames.
He reached out and touched her chin, directing her gaze back to his. “Harper, you terrify me,” Sterling replied, grinning when her lips bent into a surprised smile.
“What?”
Sterling should have released her chin, he knew it, but couldn’t bring himself to let go, to pull away from the beautiful smile that lit up her face. “Seriously.”
“Why?” Harper’s expression opened further, the tension and fear from earlier melting completely away.
He could have said a thousand things about her strength, her determination, her penchant for yelling at him...but instead he took a deep breath and leaned forward, slowly at first, watching her expression.
Her gaze went wide, then her eyes fluttered shut as he closed the distance, his fingers tilting her chin ever so slightly as he met her lips. The sound of the fire crackling punctuated the moment, and Sterling instinctively leaned into the kiss, savoring the smooth texture of her lips. He fought against himself, wanting more, wanting to run away, thinking this was either stupidity of epic proportions...
Or his saving grace.
And he was stuck in purgatory waiting for the verdict as he leaned back and met her gaze.
Confusion, desire, and indecision all flickered across her green eyes as she bit her lower lip.
His fingers slipped from her chin, and he held his breath, watching...waiting...
Letting her lead.
With the slightest lift of her chin, she leaned forward, her lips parting just enough to capture his lower lip, setting his body on fire, yet her kiss wasn’t deep, wasn’t pressing, and he didn’t force it.
Rather, he locked down his instinct to move closer, to feel her body against his, and waited as she ended the kiss.
Because Harper had tilted her head so slightly, a length of hair slipped from her shoulder and framed her face, the firelight illuminating the complexity of her expression as she opened her mouth to speak, then closed it. A smile crept across her face while her gaze flickered downward. Tucking her wayward tresses behind her ear, she glanced up. “So, you don’t seem too afraid of me.”
Sterling released the breath he was holding and grinned, her comment breaking any ice that had frozen over the moment while he waited for her response. “I said I was afraid of you, not that I wasn’t brave, or stupid enough to overcome it.”
She broke into a giggle at his words, her smile softening her features in a way that set his blood on fire.
And he caught a glimpse of the girl that she once had been.
Before whatever tried to break her had happened.
More than anything, he wanted to bring that back.
“Don’t be a girl.” Harper smacked his shoulder, breaking through his thoughts.
“Huh?”
“Yeah, you. Stop analyzing this. We’re cool. You kissed me. I kissed you back. We can be adults about it, right?”
Sterling nodded, immediately on alert. Her words didn’t ring true.
Leaning forward, he tested his theory. “And there it is.”
Harper frowned. “What?”
“Fear. What if I like kissing you? What if I wasn’t overanalyzing it, was simply enjoying the fact that you’re here with me. Would that be so bad to actually put a personal investment in the whole kissing thing? For it to mean something? Rather than nothing?”
Harper blinked then lowered her gaze. “I need to go.” Quickly, she hopped up and ran to the quad.
Sterling lifted himself and stood, gripping the fence post as his leg screamed in pain at the sudden movement. Even if he wanted to chase her, he wouldn’t get more than a few steps.
She flickered a quick peek at him then started the engine. Soon a cloud of dust trailed behind her as she headed toward the ranch house.
“That went well.” Sterling lowered himself to the ground once more, wincing in pain as he stretched out his leg.
But her actions had spoken louder than her words.
Harper Matthews was a runner.
And if there was one thing Sterling knew how to do, it was chase.
Bum leg or not.