Back in The Saddle (Aerosmith)
May
Adam stood in front of his mirror reluctantly combing his thick, dark hair. “I seriously cannot fucking believe I let you talk me into this, Lil. It’s only been ten months and you’re trying to marry me off again already. Do I cramp your style that fucking much?”
She giggled at his sulky face. “Oh shut up, you misery. And stop swearing. She sounded really nice. And no I’m not trying to marry you off. I’m trying to get you laid.”
He snorted in derision. “I don’t fucking want to get laid. And if I did I could find someone by myself. I cannot fucking believe you set me up on a fucking dating site! What were you thinking?”
She shrugged. “It’s the way things are done these days. It was a very reputable website. And this woman sounded just your type. And stop swearing.” She really hoped the photo that had been sent was a true representation and not one that was taken twenty years ago.
“She could be an axe murderer or…or a man!”
Lily burst into hysterical laughter.
He folded his arms across his chest, clearly not amused.
She held her stomach and made a squeaking noise as she laughed. “A… a man! Oh shit…I need a pee.” She scurried out and headed for the bathroom.
He was overreacting, but then again, she couldn’t really blame him. It was a little unfair of her to do this to him without his knowledge, never mind expecting him to go through with it. All that said, he had agreed, albeit reluctantly. Perhaps he was ready to get back in the saddle, so to speak. She was only in the country every few months, and so she had to do something. She knew she could never have him herself, but she wanted to see him happy. Maybe if she had some control over who he was happy with…
She returned to the bedroom where Adam sat on the bed. He was leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. He was wearing black trousers and a black shirt, open at the neck. His grey jacket gave a smart image but the lack of tie added a casual edge.
“Right you. Get on. She’ll be outside the Dragon at eight. I’ll call you at half past and if it’s a no go… Well, you know the drill.” She had even booked the Chinese restaurant for them to dine at. In her own opinion she was a bloody good friend. It was a shame that Adam didn’t agree at that present moment.
♥♥♥
Adam reluctantly walked toward the Chinese restaurant cursing Lily under his breath. There was a woman waiting outside. As he approached her, he saw her face scrunch.
Oh great. That’s a bloody good start.
“Are you Adam?” she asked as he got closer.
“Yes…I am. Milly?”
She smiled and held out her hand. “That’s me.” She snorted. “I couldn’t see what you looked like until you were in front of me. I usually wear specs but I didn’t put them on tonight…you know…I wanted to make a good impression.” She snorted again.
He was a little befuddled. “Why? Is that because bespectacled people are all bad?” he said dryly.
Milly snorted again and smacked his arm. “Oh…hilarious! I can see you’re going to keep me entertained.”
He forced a smile. She was quite pretty really. But there was no spark. And that snort… Well, that was akin to nails down a chalkboard. He held the door open for her. God, if you’re listening, please let Lily ring on time.
They were shown to the waiting area. The restaurant was busy and their table wasn’t ready yet.
“So, Adam, what do you do?”
Lily had told her exactly what he did for a living on the profile that she had created. Had Milly even bothered to read the damn thing?
He cleared his throat. “I teach English in high school.”
Another snort. “Oh yes! Of course you do! Silly me.” Good grief she could give Peppa Pig a run for her money. “I hate kids, personally. Horrible little swines, they are.”
He felt like he was in hell. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the time. Great. Another twenty minutes to endure until Lily was due to ring.
“Well, I’ll just go to the little girl’s room,” Milly informed him. “I need to make room for the nice bottle of wine I’m sure you’ll be buying us.” And yes, there it was…the snort…again.
He nodded frantically. “Well, I’m driving actually, but…yes…yes, that’s fine…take your time.” He smiled. Once she was gone, he grabbed his phone out and dialled Lily. She answered breezily after one ring.
He growled at her down the phone. “I’m going to fucking kill you.”
“Well, I hope this is Adam because if not I’ll be reporting whoever you are to the police.” She sniggered.
“She’s gone to the toilet, so get me the fuck out of here…now. I can’t spend another second in the company of this kid-hating-porcine-impersonating woman!”
“Yikes…that good, eh?”
“She snorts, Lil. She snorts a lot.” He could hear Lily laughing at the other end of the phone. It only served to make him more cross.
“Oh dear, that doesn’t sound good, Adders.”
He glanced up and saw Milly making her way back to the table, he had to think on his feet. “Oh no, what a shame. Of course I’ll be right there.” He feigned disappointment.
Lily sniggered. “Is she back?”
Glancing briefly up at his date he said, “Yes, yes that’s right. Isn’t it terrible?”
Lily continued to laugh. “Has she snorted at you again yet?”
He bit his lip to stifle the laugh trying to erupt. “No, no not yet. We’ve only just arrived. Don’t worry about it.”
Lily was clearly enjoying his discomfort. “So back to mine for a takeaway then, eh?” She would pay later.
Pulling his eyes into a frown in a bid to appear serious he replied, “Oh yes, that would be a good idea. Yes, you’d better give them a call about that.”
Milly’s expression showed concern.
“Right, I’m on it like a car bonnet, Adders. Indian or Chinese?” Lily asked
He didn’t really care what they would be eating. He just wanted to leave. “Oh, I think maybe the first option would be the more acceptable.”
Lily was still laughing. “Okay, see you in ten.”
“Yes, yes, ten is good. See you soon. Take care.”
He was about to hang up when Lily stopped him. “Oh and Adders?”
He held his hand up in apology to his date and responded to Lily. “Yes? Yes?”
After a brief pause Lily snorted long and loud down the line into his ear. He burst out laughing and covered his mouth, disguising his hysteria as a cough, and hung up.
Milly sidled over and patted his back. “Oh, Adam, are you okay? Should I get you a drink?”
He shook his head. Once he had composed himself, he sat up straight. “I’m so very sorry, but that was my…erm…sister. She’s…erm…broken down and I have to go help. She’s…erm…going to ring her insurance company, but I need to go and…well you know…help out.” He was a terrible liar. He knew that his story was full of holes, but thankfully Milly was clearly quite dense as she patted his knee.
“Oh no, that’s terrible. You should go. Family is clearly very important to you. We can do this another time.”
Guilt needled at him but it was brief.
They said their goodbyes and he took her number, feeling yet another twinge of guilt as he knew there was no way on earth he was likely to call her.
Ever.
He got into his car and drove over to Lily’s. He leaned on the doorframe suddenly feeling drained and pressed the doorbell.
Lily opened the door and burst out laughing at him.
He scowled. “Shut up, you cow.” He shoved past her in a major strop.
“Oh come on, Adders. It can’t have been that bad.”
“Oh yes, it fucking can. Honestly, Lil. She snorted after every sentence. I swear at one point I expected her to tell me she lived in a house made of sticks!”
Lily held her stomach as she laughed. “That’s so funny!”
He slumped onto the sofa. “Funny for you.” He sniggered, suddenly allowing himself to see the funny side. “Oh, Lil, don’t do that to me again, eh?”
She plopped down beside him and smacked his leg. “It won’t be like that every time though. Whether it’s from the website or anywhere else, eventually you’ll have to give someone a chance, you know.”
His humour faded and he turned towards her. “Lil, why are you so hell bent on matchmaking for me?” He caught her eyes in his gaze and something appeared to crackle in the air between them. She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again.
After what felt like an eternity she jumped up. “Ooh, I bought wine! You can sleep in the spare room if you like.” She called as she skipped off to the kitchen.
♥♥♥
After their takeaway had been delivered and they had eaten their fill, they sat in silence drinking red wine. They had already sunk two bottles and Lily had bought a third. Adam knew he would feel shocking in the morning. But he was a big boy…he’d cope.
Feeling emboldened by the imbibed alcohol, Adam decided to ask the million-dollar question. “So, Lil, have you ever actually been in love?”
A look of horror spread over her face and she seemed to be struggling for the words to reply. Her mouth opening and closing yet again, rather like a dying goldfish. Her brow scrunched and she fiddled with the hem of her lace top.
He sniggered. “What’s up? It’s not a trick question you know.” His words slurred slightly.
Finally she laughed out loud. It sounded forced. “Me? I don’t have time to be in love. I’m either travelling around the world reporting on shit going on abroad, or I’m looking after you. When do I get the time for love?”
He pouted at her insinuation that he needed looking after. “Nah, come on, there must have been someone. In all these years, there must have been someone? Bodie! That guy from Oz! You reeeeally liked him.” He nudged her with his shoulder.
Lily wouldn’t meet his eyes. “He was fit…and he was good in bed. But that’s kind of where it stopped. He wanted more but…”
“But what?”
“Oh for fuck’s sake, Adders, is it interrogate Lily day?” Anger radiated from her now. “Just drop it, okay?”
He formed an O with his mouth. “There was someone! I can tell by how cagey you’re being. Come on, Lil, I’m your best friend. Come on, you can tell me.”
Her chest was falling and rising at a rapid rate and her lips were pursed. “I. Said. Drop. It.” Her words were sharp and measured.
He grinned widely. “Oooh, I’ve hit a nerve…wait a minute.” He suddenly sat bolt upright. “Oh fuck…I…I think I’ve figured it out.” He felt the colour drain from his face.
A look of panic washed over her features. “You have?” She scraped the hair back from her face, clearly alarmed.
He leaned in close again and rested his forehead on hers. “I’m so sorry I never realised, Lil. And it’s okay…it really is okay. It explains such a lot.”
She closed her eyes and bit on her bottom lip. “Oh shit.”
He stroked her cheek as she held her breath. “I always wondered why you couldn’t be around us, and why no relationship you ever had was very long. It’s okay, Lil.”
“Is it?” she breathed.
“Of course it is. How could it not be?”
Her lip trembled. “I was just…scared to say…”
“I know, I understand, but you’re my best friend in the whole world. I couldn’t care less if you like girls, and I totally understand why you were in love with Eve.”